At first, I think I would have been with everyone who said that DH did a big no no, but then the poster that said that it was probably too much shock to have made that decision on the spur of the moment, perhaps she is right. I think I would have been livid at my DH, but if I had been there, in his shoes, I may have made the same decision and been so p*ssed at myself for doing so.
I interviewed this one home babysitter, that had 8-10 kids in her care. I was working with another parent that referred her to me. I went there, and she gave me a tour, and there was a 6 mo old baby on a bed, like my grandma would have done. No pillows, nothing. She also had an in ground pool, kids afterschool in and out. I decided against it, and my coworker also mentioned she liked me, but didn't want to see me all morning and all day. So, I decided not to use her. I paid more money at the in home licensed military daycare. He was left in MY swing all day when I wasn't there, as he cried because I didn't know I shouldn't have been eating chili. I went ahead and took the swing because I knew she had other kids, he was not even 8 wks. So I found a better military home daycare betwen the two bases, where we lived and where we worked. I nursed him at lunch, and I always got him early on Fridays when we were released early. I used my boss's wife a couple times when my DC worker was on vacation. My friend said she would never use her because she left the preschoolers in the fixed up garage playing all day. I went there to nurse him at lunch too.
So, FF. My coworker comes back from her older child's dental appt, (where she knocked out her tooth at this DC lady's home in the tub), and finds policeman and ambulance. Another toddler got out of the door after an afterschool kid didn't lock it after coming in. The baby got out and drowned. It wasn't HER 2 yr old. So, I ask her if she was planning to take her kids back, and she says, "well, after it all cools down". The lady never did DC after that, PTL! I just stared at my coworker, like "you HAVE to be kidding". All of has already said we would have pulled the girls after the busted teeth incident. She could have hosed the kids down from the sand. Where were all the other kids while she was bathing one child? Maybe that was a fluke, but the pool was the biggest reason I decided against her.
Good childcare is hard to find. We found out things against our 2nd and last DC provider, like leaving DS in his poopy pants for hours until we arrived to pick him up. And, once we were there, she is off the clock. We figured this out when our two week notice was about over.
I would call the old DC provider and see if she would be willing to take her back. If you believe she is safe, you do get what you pay for, and she seemed to have it together. If you wanted more structured time for a 20 mo old, that may have been too much to expect from a home daycare. The only reason I say to take her back, is because I was also a licensed DC provider, and I saw the problems that were caused by children being jumped from provider to provider. You may need to compromise (about education expectations) so that your child has a stable environment. She will know her, and hopefully, she liked her. I kept one toddler that no one would keep because she whined all the time. This was probably from her unstable homelife and then jumping from DC to DC. I took care of her until I moved. She got so much better in my care, but I also only had her FT.
Good daycare is hard to find. Just as parents aren't perfect, "surrogate" parents are normal people too. There are some things that just need to be discussed, others that are no brainers.
I got fired (as a babysitter, not licensed daycare)once because my three children (2 were older) were playing with the woman's toddler in the toy room, one room down the hall to my right, and I was in the LR reading the Bible. It was a small apartment. I was in and out, but the husband came in when I just happened to be sitting down. He said I didn't know where the baby was. (I think I said, "Let me see where he is." when getting up to get him, not that I didn't KNOW.) I asked her if there were any other reasons, as I couldn't imagine there could be any since I babysat for them very little, and she said that was it. So, she confronted me, they couldn't afford the babysitting anyway, and we were still friends at church. I guess they wanted to check to see if I was reading all the time. And, I think expectations can be quite different from parent to parent. I know that she was paranoid to leave the baby in their playpen sleeping alone in the LR. So, I should have known about our differences, as I don't hover over my kids.
I would certainly move churches if I needed to to protect those children. Imagine how many church members may come to her and if there is never an investigation but a huge accident, what kind of questions you will get after that!
Well, I hope I added a little new info and insight. Kymberli