Christians- Teaching kids about sex

[phathui5]

I've been thinking lately that I need to teach my kids more than we have about sex, roles before and after marriage, appropriate and inappropriate toucing, etc. Some of the books at the library had material that dh and I weren't comfortable with.

We read The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made yesterday.

Can you recommend any books or resources? Or just what to say?

[AngelBee]

What do they know so far?

[Bluegoat]

I think an important part of this is teaching kids about the holiness of themselves, there body and their mind. And that they belong to God, but we have them in stewardship.

But you may have covered that territory already.

[genifer]

This is SO ironic! My twin girls are 10 and in school two weeks ago they dropped the bombshell that they were going to be having 'Sex and Relationship' education during this term. We were invited to preview the material they were using less then a week before they started the 'education'. I dont know what everyone else would think but I was shocked at the way they thought it was appropriate to teach 10yo about sex, their bodies and relationships. I mean I knew not to expect anything great from a UK public school but honestly this material was shocking. The videos they used were quite explicit and detailed as far as depicting the adult human body. They used cartoon characters but there was so much detail it was more then borderline pornographic. One scene, for example, was of a grown man, naked, chasing a naked woman thru a bedroom with a purple feather, the narrarator commenting 'Sex is FUN!'. Next scene, was of the same man and woman in the act of sex, missionary position, man does a little thrust. Next scene was the woman on top of the man, thrusting... I wanted to come on here and see what nonChristian parents thought of this but only got as far as this thread and here I am. The teacher also rolled her eyes and said 'There is a 20 second segment showing two women and the narrator says 'sometimes a man and a man or two women fall in love and want to live together'... She rolled her eyes when she said 'Sometimes we'll get a family who's religion doesnt recognise homosexuality, so I have to tell you that.'

Needless to say, uuummm, Ill teach my kids about puberty and how sex is intended to be between a husband and a wife. They didnt get my permission to sit in the class. I even wrote a letter to the Headmaster asking him to reconsider showing that material, but I knew as I wrote it they thought nothing was wrong with it.

SO... Im in need of some materials to aid in teaching about puberty. One of my dd's is very keen to learn as much as she can about periods. We discuss these things pretty openly anyway, but Im wondering if an age appropriate, non-pornographic visual aids might be helpful.

[xekomaya]

Originally Posted by genifer

This is SO ironic! My twin girls are 10 and in school two weeks ago they dropped the bombshell that they were going to be having 'Sex and Relationship' education during this term. We were invited to preview the material they were using less then a week before they started the 'education'. I dont know what everyone else would think but I was shocked at the way they thought it was appropriate to teach 10yo about sex, their bodies and relationships. I mean I knew not to expect anything great from a UK public school but honestly this material was shocking. The videos they used were quite explicit and detailed as far as depicting the adult human body. They used cartoon characters but there was so much detail it was more then borderline pornographic. One scene, for example, was of a grown man, naked, chasing a naked woman thru a bedroom with a purple feather, the narrarator commenting 'Sex is FUN!'. Next scene, was of the same man and woman in the act of sex, missionary position, man does a little thrust. Next scene was the woman on top of the man, thrusting... I wanted to come on here and see what nonChristian parents thought of this but only got as far as this thread and here I am. The teacher also rolled her eyes and said 'There is a 20 second segment showing two women and the narrator says 'sometimes a man and a man or two women fall in love and want to live together'... She rolled her eyes when she said 'Sometimes we'll get a family who's religion doesnt recognise homosexuality, so I have to tell you that.'
l.

I wasn't intending to post in this thread since I really have no idea - my lo is too young, but.. That is absolutely horrifying. They wanted to show a naked man to 10 year old girls? Completely disgusting


ETA: Actually, there are some really good books by (Can't think of the first name)____ Evert. It is a Catholic perspective - one book is called Theology of the body: His body and Her body. I haven't read the book, but have seen the couple speak and they're awesome. Thoroughly Christian perspective on what the body is for and why it's so beautiful to use it properly.

[annettemarie]

For me, there are two big things I want to pass on to my kids about sex:
1. It isn't dirty. It's not a punchline to a joke or something to snicker about. It's part of God's design, just like breathing and sleeping and eating.

2. It's not the be all and end all of who they are. I often feel like Christian resources make TOO much of a big deal about sex, especially with girls. It's like their whole sense of self-worth comes from whether or not they're a virgin. I want my kids' self-worth to come from being a child of God, not from whether or not they've "kept themselves pure." Personally, I believe if they have a strong sense of who they are in Christ and they understand what we believe about sexuality and the family and why, the rest (purity, modesty, respectfulness, what have you) will follow. I don't want to make such a huge deal about it that my kids, and especially my daughter, think that it's the Unforgivable Sin or something if they do have sex before marriage.

Beyond that, I want them to understand what our Christian beliefs are about sex, marriage, having children, etc are. As far as resources, I really think the best way to pass this on in through talking. We did read the book It's Not the Stork. I got the second book in the series--I forget what it's called-- and ended up returning it because it was just too outside what we believe. I've heard both Christian and secular resources recommend the American Girl book "The Care and Keeping of You" and I have that tucked away as well. But our best conversations have just been them talking and asking questions, and us listening and responding.

[phathui5]

We did read the book It's Not the Stork. I got the second book in the series--I forget what it's called-- and ended up returning it because it was just too outside what we believe

Dh vetoed It's Not the Stork. I don't remember exactly why (it was a while back).

[moonshoes]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

For me, there are two big things I want to pass on to my kids about sex:
1. It isn't dirty. It's not a punchline to a joke or something to snicker about. It's part of God's design, just like breathing and sleeping and eating.

2. It's not the be all and end all of who they are. I often feel like Christian resources make TOO much of a big deal about sex, especially with girls. It's like their whole sense of self-worth comes from whether or not they're a virgin. I want my kids' self-worth to come from being a child of God, not from whether or not they've "kept themselves pure." Personally, I believe if they have a strong sense of who they are in Christ and they understand what we believe about sexuality and the family and why, the rest (purity, modesty, respectfulness, what have you) will follow. I don't want to make such a huge deal about it that my kids, and especially my daughter, think that it's the Unforgivable Sin or something if they do have sex before marriage.

Beyond that, I want them to understand what our Christian beliefs are about sex, marriage, having children, etc are. As far as resources, I really think the best way to pass this on in through talking. We did read the book It's Not the Stork. I got the second book in the series--I forget what it's called-- and ended up returning it because it was just too outside what we believe. I've heard both Christian and secular resources recommend the American Girl book "The Care and Keeping of You" and I have that tucked away as well. But our best conversations have just been them talking and asking questions, and us listening and responding.

So beautifully said, and I completely agree. I highlighted the bit that I think hits the nail on the head. I wish everyone understood that.

My daughter (8) has asked questions since she was four. We used the book "Amazing You" and it was fairly good. I think it answered her questions and gave us a format for openness and honesty. DH and I answer all questions openly, our children know all of the proper names of their body parts, and DD knows about menstrution, sex, and most importantly, about the sacrament of marriage and the beauty of what God has gifted us. Just like any gift from God, we have to honor and respect our sexuality and not abuse it.

Personally, I also wouldn't have allowed my children in the class mentioned by another poster. But I don't agree that my 10 year old seeing a picture of a naked man is "disgusting" personally I think it is important that my children know what men and women look like fully grown, but I agree that it is not necessary to see it in a video format!

[farmkids42morrow]

We are Jehovah's Witnesses so we use our church's resources, but they would really apply to any Christian family. "Learn From the Great Teacher" (for younger children) and "Questions Young People Ask, Answers That Work" (for older children) have been great for teaching my children without making them feel embarrassed or like sex is a subject not to be brought up. Not sure how you would feel using another religion's books, but thought I'd offer up the idea anyway because I like the books so much.

[VisionaryMom]

I agree that talking is probably more effective than books, but I've found that to be true on a number of subjects. I often find books for illustrations so that if I have trouble explaining what something is, I can point out a picture instead.

I grew up fundamentalist, but as an adult, I'm a liberal Christian (attending a UU church). The primary message I want to pass on to my children is that sex is a wonderful part of life and not something shameful. I want to empower them to make responsible decisions for their bodies and also to discourage (esp. for DD) the idea that they cannot be "redeemed" from making a poor sexual decision.

I'm not a firm believer in no sex before marriage b/c I don't see the historical or cultural Biblical context for it, so that's not part of our message. (And I agree with Annette Marie that premarital sex becomes, in communities of faith like the one in which I grew up, the Unforgivable Sin, and I find that particularly unhealthy.) Obviously given my sexual identity I don't have conservative views about sex in general, but the Christian part of the message I have for my children is that we are to love and care for our bodies.

[Soul-O]

We do our best to instill in our DSs (at least the older two, who have begun asking questions about sex) that sex is a normal, healthy part of marriage and that it has the added blessing of creating children. With regard to sex outside of marriage and/or teen sex, we let them know that, while it is not in God's grand plan for them to have sex prior to marriage, it is something that happens and it is forgiveable. However, the most important aspect of sex education for us as Christian parents to boys is to make sure they understand that women are to be treated with respect and care as their sisters in Christ, not as potential sex partners. We have tried to focus on letting them know that sex, while wonderful and pleasurable, has consequences for both partners, and that it is an act that shouldn't be entered into lightly.

[DahliaRW]

I really like the series of books by Brenna and Stan Jones. The first in the series is designed for kiddos up to age 4, and then they have another for 4-8 and on. They focus on how God puts value into who they are and that sexuality is a gift from God, teach abstience, are designed to provoke discussion, and are very age appropriate (or at least the first two are).

http://www.amazon.com/Story-Me-Gods-...6286420&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Before-Was-Bor...d_bxgy_b_img_b
http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Big-Deal...d_bxgy_b_img_b

They also have a guide books for parents.

[Breastisbest2008]

Originally Posted by xekomaya

I wasn't intending to post in this thread since I really have no idea - my lo is too young, but.. That is absolutely horrifying. They wanted to show a naked man to 10 year old girls? Completely disgusting


ETA: Actually, there are some really good books by (Can't think of the first name)____ Evert. It is a Catholic perspective - one book is called Theology of the body: His body and Her body. I haven't read the book, but have seen the couple speak and they're awesome. Thoroughly Christian perspective on what the body is for and why it's so beautiful to use it properly.

Same here, mine are too young but is still scary to think about.

[gilamama]

i hope it is ok for a jewish mom to comment here. there are 2 things that upset me in this issue, the first being that this is something covered in schools. this is something so personal, maybe even the most personal, our relationship with our bodies and with our spouces. this should be tought to kids by their parents not by someone they;ll never see again after middle school. this is not an accademic subject. it upsets me abt the general state of things today. the other thing that upsets me is the position it puts mote conservative families in of having to teach kids abt sex early dso thhat they dont learn it from their friends.

[genifer]

gilamama, as a christian I cannot communicate just how much I agree with everything you said. It genuinely grieves me, I find it heartbreaking. I was speaking to the head teacher about it, bc I wrote him a letter excluding my children from the 'class' (posted a thread about it all in 'learning at school'). In the letter I think I made it clear how heartbroken I was over the state of things. As it turns out, its been five years since this particular head took over the school and the way the 'system' runs is that its not just the head's decision on these matters. Its taken to a vote by the school governors, its all kind of complicated and different from the USA school system, Im american, living in uk so Im learning as I go... It turns out that my letter was the ammunition needed for the head to take the issue back to the governors and make some changes he's wanted to make all along! He said to me that he felt once innocence on these subjects is lost its gone... you cant get that back for a child! Im not ok with... or I should say that I do grieve over the loss of innocence for other people's children, which is why I wrote him a letter pleading with him to change the 'sex ed curriculum', but I cant do much about what other parents do with their kids, thier convictions.... And as far as convictions there were atleast 30 children in the 'class' there were no more then 6 parents who came to view the material before they showed it to the kids... so not sure if its a conviction thing or an ignorance thing.. My kids otoh.... they are my responsibility before God and I take that responsibility so seriously that I could NOT allow them to watch that video or even go thru the class even for the part discussing puberty... bc that material was very questionable too. It was all muddied and meshed together.

I respect a parents right to parent their child in the way they deem appropriate or according to their own convictions, but you are right, or I should say I agree with you Gilamama, school is NOT a place where sex should be taught... and not in such a graphic way to very young impressionable minds. I too grieve the loss of innocence for children. You cant take it back. What is the harm in taking things slowly. We are ready to say that 'kids are gonna do it anyway' or 'they're going to hear about it anyway'... I dont see a need to reinforce the pressures a child will naturally have, to just say 'its natural to want to have sex' of coarse it is, but what about learning about self control, not just about prevention, Im talking about teaching people about the virtues of self control. If my children hear about it from school (which they have), I know enough to have an open enough relationship with them for them to come home and ask me for the truth on a subject like this...

Im ranting and I dont usually feel comfortable doing so on mdc. but Im going to hit submit anyway and see what flames come my way.

[DahliaRW]

ITA genifer.