Me or the dog

[Conifer]

Hi,
I am 21 weeks pg. I have a blended family: DH, DD (5), DS (9) and DSS (7). My husband had 2 large dogs before we got married and I have 1 beagle mix dog...so now we have 3. The house we live in is pretty small, but the neighborhood is nice and I feel pretty confident that we can comfortably fit our new addition in
I have other feelings about the dogs. I have never really been a dog person, but I love our little beagle. I'm okay with 1 of the large dogs (we'll call him M), but the other (we'll call him J) is driving me crazy. He is a very large dog and very clumsy. He is constantly walking in front of me and tripping me. The 3 dogs tear through the house at 6:30am knocking over side tables and waking up the kids. My little dog (H) is constantly wrestling (playing) with J. When my DH isn't there J barks and growls at anyone that comes near the house even the 5 year old neighbor girl that plays with DD. In order to have people in the house I have to let the dogs outside. This is tolerable right now, but we live in MI and this winter is going to be horrible with a new baby. The dogs really need to be walked daily to bring down their energy level. I love to walk M and H, but J pulls and growls at people walking by (he doesn't do this if DH walks him). Our living room is very small. With 3 dogs, we have no room to set a baby down. I also don't trust J near a baby...one mistake and the baby could lose a limb. He has accidentally bitten me before. I'm afraid that I will also trip over J with a baby in my arms. I'm seriously soooooo upset that I want to say it is me or the dog!!! I think that M and H will be wonderful, but J simply can't stay with us in this tiny house. I am feeling so horrible. I realize that this is why so many animals end up in animal shelters (btw all 3 dogs are rescues), but when my DH got the dogs he was a single father with 1 son...now that we are a family of 5...almost 6 things are so different. Even if we got training and help, 3 dogs take up our entire living room floor. I don't know what to do. I feel guilty and angry and fed up

[kcparker]

That's a tough situation, but I think that ultimately, people have to come before dogs. Here are the things I can think of that might help:
- DH trains the dogs to go lay down and stay put on a dog bed on command. It will take awhile, but it can be done. If he wants to keep J, the dog needs to be more mannerly and you have to feel that you can trust him.
- Kennel train them, and J has to be kenneled during times when he shouldn't be underfoot.
- Extract an ironclad promise that DH will walk the dogs daily, or hire a neighborhood kid to walk them.
- Find J a new home.

[Picturesque]

I am of the opinion that pets are family members, too. Your DH chose to make the dog a part of his house. You chose to combine households with his, dog included. If I'm reading your post correctly, nothing has changed other than your level of tolerance for the dog. I think it's only fair to find a way to make it work. Family members, including pets, are not disposable.

[Doberbrat]

How attached is dh (and the kids) to the dog? b/c I know if dh made that ultimatum to me, I'd wish him well.

I suggest more training & exercise for J.

[rhiandmoi]

Is a bigger house an option? I think in the end people should come before dogs, but he made a commitment to those dogs and you signed on knowing the dogs were in the picture. I think you should be honest about your concerns about the dogs, and see what solutions your DH comes up with.

[Pinoikoi]

I corral my cats in the bathroom at night. They get fresh water and access to their litter box there, and they are NOT running through my house at 6:30 in the morning. I let them out in the morning when I am ready to feed them and deal with them, not before. DP and I both feel that we have a whole lot more control with them than before.

[mamatolevi]

The dog does not recognize you as dominant over him. That's why he runs past you and trips you up. My dogs have been trained that they are not allowed in front of the humans unless on leash or given permission. (think about dog sledding, isn't it typically the alpha dog that is in front?) It was not easy training and it took quite a while. I had to REALLY be dominant over them (no, I didn't beat them!) and it takes constant vigilance and being aware of my body language to make sure they don't forget their place in the household. If he doesn't recognize the big tall human as outranking him, he certainly won't recognize the small humans with high pitched voices.

Another thing we do is to not allow the dogs the run of the house. They get a room that is theirs that is also accessible to the family (we're currently using the kitchen; in our old house we gated off part of the family room in the basement for them) so there is plenty of positive interaction with us. I know a lot of people would not agree with me on this; however for us it works and it gives the dogs a space that is their own safe place to just be. We use baby gates so the dogs can see and hear us at all times.

If you don't think that kind of intensive training is doable in your circumstances, (the kids need to be involved in the training, not just DH and/or you) talk to your local rescue group about getting him placed. This can work well if you can offer to keep the dog until placement or at least until the new baby comes. You have plenty of time to get him a new home that is a more appropriate environment for his personality before your new baby arrives.

This is not an easy decision to make, and I'm very sorry you're facing it, but your safety and that of your kids comes first.

[Conifer]

I wanted to make a quick comment. I do not think that dogs are disposable property. I have had several shelter dogs over my lifetime. I am just sick over this. Buying a new house isn't an option right now, the houses in our neighborhood are selling for half the price we owe on our house (lots of foreclosures...did I mention we live in MI). Part of my problem is that my DH expects me to take care of the 3 dogs. If I want them walked, I have to do it. He feels like we have a huge yard and they can just run around. I believe that when you make a commitment to have a dog, you take care of it which includes walking it. I am not going to be able to walk J in the winter with a baby If DH would walk the dog every morning, I think that there would be a huge improvement (less wrestling, less wondering, less over-excitability).

- things HAVE changed (not just my tolerance). Right now it's just annoying to have 3 dogs that run the house. We have a 5,7 and 9 year old. They may get knocked over and cry, but not seriously injured. Where am I going to put a baby (besides in my arms) that he will not get trampled or knocked over? Some of my angst may just be part of my pregnant hormones freaking out, but it is starting to get the best of me.

OK maybe that was a little longer than a quick comment

[cristeen]

You say he has "accidentally" bitten you before - what were the circumstances in that? In what way was it an accident? That raises a red flag for me - it's one thing if you were playing tug of war with a chew toy and got caught by a tooth (although I wouldn't classify that as a bit myself) - but another if there were biting involved in pretty much any other circumstance. Anger/fear biting tends to escalate. If that can't be dealt with, that is one of the few things that are a make-or-break situation. If he can't be taught not to bite, then living in a house with small children is not safe - but you would also need to be very clear when you rehome him that this is an issue because passing the problem on to the next person is beyond irresponsible.

I do agree with the pps though - you signed up for the whole package including the dog. And there are all sorts of things that need to be done to try to make it work before making that ultimatum. Giving them each a spot of their own (a bed, a crate, a room, the garage, etc.), curtailing the early morning runs through the house, establishing dominance, behavioral training so that he can be walked, twice daily walkings, etc. But the very first thing that needs to be addressed is the biting.

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by rhiandmoi

Is a bigger house an option? I think in the end people should come before dogs, but he made a commitment to those dogs and you signed on knowing the dogs were in the picture. I think you should be honest about your concerns about the dogs, and see what solutions your DH comes up with.

they should buy a bigger house? in this economy? to accommodate a dog that needs training? how about crate training the dogs (or trouble dog) for overnight? they should not be running through the house at 630 am. they should not be fighting with each other. yes, make your husband do some serious serious dog training. go for reward based training, which is the right thing for the animals and your situation. this way the dog can truly become a part of the family.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I am of the opinion that pets are family members, too. Your DH chose to make the dog a part of his house. You chose to combine households with his, dog included. If I'm reading your post correctly, nothing has changed other than your level of tolerance for the dog. I think it's only fair to find a way to make it work. Family members, including pets, are not disposable.

:

[MamaMonica]

Moved to Pets.

[lalemma]

Your problem dog doesn't sound like a bad guy, but like a previous poster said, it sounds like he has successfully been able to dominate the household. Also, I think you're right that the dog doesn't get nearly enough exercise. It's wonderful that they have a great outdoor space (I'm so jealous!) but dogs need walks. Especially a big, high-energy dog. Your dogs should be getting at least two brisk 30+ minute walks a day, and if they don't get them, there are likely to be some behavior issues. (Sort of like schools that expect a little kid to sit still for several hours when they didn't get enough running-around time during recess: it's just not likely to go the way they want, you know?)

I know it can be really hard to enjoy walking a big, strong dog who pulls on a leash. Could you guys swing either a session or two with a dog trainer - to learn some techniques so he doesn't pull on the leash and is easier to walk - or maybe some Cesar Millan books or DVDs from the library? His work might be really helpful to you, but it does require a pretty constant commitment to maintain a firm attitude toward your dogs. On the other hand, maybe if you could show one of his DVDs to your husband, he might start to come around to the idea that dogs, especially big dogs, need to be walked every single day.

Good luck! It must be tough to be in a fairly small space with so many kidlets and doggies- I hope you can figure something out that works for everyone, human and canine.

[kblackstone444]

I suspect J needs more training and exercise, and the original poster probably needs a bigger home. I consider my dogs part of my family. If my son was acting up, I would do everything in my power to fix the problem, I wouldn't get rid of my son, know what I mean? And I would NOT reccomend rehoming J unless absolutely neccesary, unless the original poster wants to alienate her stepson- "I had two dogs, but then Dad got married and my Stepmom made me get rid of one of the dogs, but she got to keep hers." Not a good situation at all. (And I don't know if this is a possibility in this situation, but if it does come to rehoming, perhaps the stepson's Mother can take the dog, so that the child doesn't completely lose his pet?)

[SunshineJ]

Part of the problem does sound like an alpha issue. Have you tried pinning the dog on his back? (Not in a hurtful or violent way of course!!) Both times I was pregnant our wonderful dog changed on us some and tried to become very dominant of me and stopped listening, and each time that's all it took for the pecking order to be re-established. Your DH NEEDS to get on board and actively involved in finding a solution to this and you should not be expected to handle this alone.

[Conifer]

"And I would NOT reccomend rehoming J unless absolutely necessary, unless the original poster wants to alienate her stepson"

Actually my stepson and other kids are a bit nervous around J as he has bitten and knocked them over. He also makes it difficult for them to have friends over. They are all very attached to M and H.

J is a very sweet dog...just dopey. To reply to the poster about the biting: If I walk by while J and H are wrestling, sometimes I surprise him and he'll snap as if I were another dog trying to play. It's not a hard bite...more like the dogs playing, but it has given me a bruise. He also bit my 5 year olds fingers while trying to steal food from her (he got 3 of her fingers along with the pizza). He has never shown aggression towards any of us...I think he is just missing a few brain cells (seriously, I'm not making fun of him). J was rescued from an animal shelter and suffered from horrible neglect. He was extremely malnourished and I think has some deficits as a result. He had never been on a leash until he was rescued. He has a good life now, it's just a ton of work for me.

I agree that the dog is not something we just get rid of....maybe it's my DH that I need to have a firm conversation with Maybe instead of saying "it's me or the dog" I will say "this dog needs more than we are giving him right now. We need to change this! He needs to be walked every day...let's figure out how to make this happen." I don't think any amount of training is going to help until he gets more exercise every day. I have a hard time believing that we will actually rehome the dog...I would end up feeling so bad and worrying about J....but SOMETHING needs to happen. I am really listening to all of the suggestions. Some of them are very helpful I really am looking for a way NOT to remove the dog from the house. I am going to call a trainer today and see what they think we should do.

Just a little background: J is actually crate trained, but if you put him in there while you are home, he just howls...which is worse than tripping over him! My DH used to crate him for 8 hours a day while he worked, now that we are married (I work from home) none of the dogs are left alone unless we are out running errands, going to the park etc. Then we gate them in the dining We took down the crate a few weeks ago because it was in our room where the baby crib needs to go. His crate is almost the same size as a crib! We have no place else in the house that the crate could go except the basement and the dog is deathly afraid of stairs. Oh and J is 3 year old purebred Whimerhiner.

[betsyj]

Have you tried pinning the dog on his back?

Please do not do this-this is old, outdated, disproved, and downright dangerous advice.

If this dog has bitten (and you can talk about the reasons behind the bites but that is what they are) then alpha rolling is even more dangerous-your face will be right by his mouth. Dogs know where their mouths are and know what they are doing with them.

You do need to do more with this dog but honestly-a dog who has bitten me because I walked by? A dog who steals food directly out of my five year olds hand?

While I agree that dogs are not disposable I also think we need to put the safety of the family first.

I would skip Cesar and instead look for a good trainer who will teach you proven and humane ways to work and train your dog. I would also look into a head halter like the Gentle Leader or Halti. It will make walks much easier and also allow you to control the dog's head. I would immediately institute NILIF and remove all furniture privileges as well.

http://www.dogguide.net/nilif.php

http://www.buygentleleader.com/View....er/description

http://www.lcsupply.com/Product/Coll...gn=google-shop

[Conifer]

Quote:
Have you tried pinning the dog on his back?

Please do not do this-this is old, outdated, disproved, and downright dangerous advice.

I couldn't pin this dog on his back, even if I wanted to. He is about 90lbs of pure muscle...I swear, not an inch of fat on him. He would just stand there and lean into me. Just trying to make the dog sit or lay by force is impossible for me.

I would also look into a head halter like the Gentle Leader or Halti. It will make walks much easier and also allow you to control the dog's head.

I use one of those pincher collars on him right now, but he still pulls with enough force to leave red cuts and bruises on my wrist. I am going to buy one of those gentle leaders today and see how it works It's been worrying me that the dog pulls so hard even with the pincher collar. I'm afraid that we are going to cause damage to his throat so the gentle leader might be a great option for us. When the dog is walked he becomes amazingly easier to control once at home. It stops barking and growling at people, stops wrestling. I really think that finding a good way to walk him regularly would be a huge leap in the right direction. Also, if I could take more control over his walk, maybe he will be more responsive to me.

The "no dogs on the furniture" law is in effect and has been since my DH got the dogs. It's been in place since the beginning so none of the dogs even bother protesting. At least I don't have to fight the dogs for the couch

[Piglet68]

To me this is not so much about the dog, but about a breakdown in communication between you and your partner. He apparently doesn't really see how much distress this is causing you. If he did he would do something about it - morning exercise, confinement at night, training, etc.

I suggest you find a time to sit down with him and tell him your concerns about the dog and ask if the two of you could work out some sort of solution to the problem (do not, at this point, even suggest the dog might have to go). Ask him to come up with suggestions, discuss them and who would be responsible for implementing them.

If he's a decent guy and can really get what you are saying, he will help out. If for some reason he doesn't want any part of it, then I personally would take on the responsibility myself because getting rid of the dog would only be a completely last option and like it or not he is part of your family now so *someone* has to step up and take responsibility and unfortunately it may have to be you. In that case I'd contact a good local trainer, have them come and do an evaluation of the dog in your home and suggest classes or training that you can do to correct this. I'd also do what others suggested - confined until you are up and about (either a crate or a closed off area in the house), and I'd probably put the dog on a tie-down while I'm doing my thing.

Tie-downs would also be very useful for when the baby comes and you need to set him/her down on the floor.

[HappyMommy2]

In addition to training and exercise, you could use gates to block off one room sometimes or always. That way the baby can have his safe zone for floor time in the living room.

I agree that a stepmom getting rid of the dog and having a new baby at the same time is not a recipe for family harmony.

Two of your kids are old enough to help tire out the dog. A tired dog is a happy and sleepy dog. They can take some ownership and responsibility of making the dog fit in with the family and throw the ball 100 times a day or whatever. Also - having kids do the required "training maintenance" of 10-15 minutes each day will reinforce that the dog is not the leader of your pack.

Once the dog has initial training, "training maintenance" makes them so happy. Just keep reinforcing the sit/stay/come commands, every single day, and he will stay trained. Especially if you have treats. Our trainer cut the healthy lean treats into like 4-6 teeny-tiny pieces ... but the dog doesn't care, he is just stoked to be getting attention and a treat!

Good luck mama!