I'm surprised that no one has responded to your post. I'm sorry, I've been
busy this weekend or I would have gotten here sooner.
I began experiencing depression about a year after the birth of my second child. It went on for a year and got worse and worse, despite my pleas for help to my internist who ignored me and called me a hypochondriac. I had lots of physical symptoms like heart palpitations, racing heart, nausea, fatigue, etc the last few months because my depression begins manifesting in anxiety about my health.
I was finally admitted to the hospital for six days nearly a year after it all began and got help from a wonderful psychiatrist. I went on Lexapro for 8 months. Dh and I wanted another child so I talked to my shrink and decided to switch to Zoloft for a month to make sure it would work for me because if I was going to need to be medicated through a pregnancy, I wanted it to be a drug that wasn't so new and had some experience with pregnant moms. The Zoloft worked fine and I weaned off a month later.
I got pregnant right away, actually about the time I weaned off, and I have had a wonderful pregnancy. I haven't needed the meds at all and this pregnancy has been pretty protective for me. I have about seven weeks to go and I had originally thought I would go back on med the last month to prevent any sort of crash, but I now think, and my psychiatrist is with me, that I will wait and see how it goes after the baby arrives. Yes, my chances of it recurring is pretty high, but I just read an article (wish I could remember where) that said that although it is more common if you've had it once, it typically isn't as bad in subsequent pregnancies. I don't know if that is true, or if we simply know what to look for and are treated sooner. Either way, it was a risk I was willing to take. I have about three weeks of Zoloft at home so if I feel that I need it I can start it again without having to make an appointment with my shrink first.
When I was in the place in my recovery that you are now, I was just as scared as you are. It is still so fresh in your mind and it is hard to imagine a normal life again. You feel like you are always on the edge. I was resentful that I had to take a med to be "normal." As I got about 7 months into treatment I was able to see things a little more clearly and with less fear. I had been healthy for a while and that fear of slipping over the edge was gone. Six months is sort of a minimum time to be on the meds before stopping. Many people need 9 or 12 months to fully correct their brain chemistry. Unfortunately, how you are feeling isn't really a good indicator of whether the meds have "finished" their work. If I were you, I would stay on them for at least nine months before attempting to go off, expecially since you will still be dealing with the stresses of a baby. Then keep an eye on yourself and be honest in how you are feeling. There is no shame in going back on if it is too soon. It just means that the meds need a bit more time to work.
There are many of us here who have gone from PPD to have one or more children. Many have chosen to stay on meds through pregnancies, and many, many of us have breastfed. Give yourself time to heal emotionally from the trauma that PPD/depression can cause. It will be much easier in a few months when everything is further behind you.
Best of luck
