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Why do people WANT me to use CIO??? - Page 2

post #21 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuamami View Post
I actually know a lot of parents who CIO, and I don't think this is quite fair. I'm sure some of them feel like that, but a lot of others are genuinely afraid that their children will never learn to go to sleep if they don't. And rightfully so! Almost ever mainstream parenting magazine or book promotes this theory! Or, they're afraid that their children are going to be brain-damaged or develop ADD or something if they don't get enough sleep.
I agree. There might be a secondary recognition 'gee, doing this b/c the dr. told me to has benefits for me too' but I think overall that parents have lost their power to parent.

I can think of several friends/relatives who used CIO. A couple of them were very outspoken about how they used it for selfish reasons...but the banter was a certain level of crass that made you wonder if it was all bravado.

Then I know a couple friends who used CIO w/ their first and didn't get the confidence to tell of their family, friends and doctors until the second child.

The amount of misinformation out there is staggering. And I'm learning that most people are raised to believe that you get information handed to you by an authority figure. Heaven forbid you go to google.com or the library and figure it out. Doctors know best!
post #22 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
The amount of misinformation out there is staggering. And I'm learning that most people are raised to believe that you get information handed to you by an authority figure. Heaven forbid you go to google.com or the library and figure it out. Doctors know best!
Many people I know believe that all information on the net is unreliable. They don't differentiate at all between solid sites and random blogs, yk? I mentioned something once about a forum I was reading, and got a lot of "oh, that's just the internet - doctors don't really think like that". It was a forum for medical professionals, and everyone on there was a doctor!
post #23 of 45
It's also tough even if you ARE trying to educate yourself before hand about baby sleep and how to handle it. It seems that the books that most people read during pregnancy advocate some form of CIO. If you don't know which book is best and assume they're all pretty much the same, AND you're getting feedback from other people/doctors/your own parents that is confirming what you're reading, how are you supposed to know? You almost just have to be lucky enough to have a friend steer you in the right direction, or pick up the right book, OR have confidence in your gut reaction that CIO sounds wrong... and most new parents do not.

I just think it's wrong to villianize parents for this. Maybe they actively chose to CIO with their eyes wide open and having read all the research, but I would wager this not the case with most people. I am not excusing parenting with no thought behind what you're doing at all, but as I've said, just because you try to educate yourself doesn't mean you're going to unearth all of the information you need.
post #24 of 45
We have never cried it out, but want to tell you that my daughter is 18 months old & has just started falling asleep in her crib without crying! I think it just happens at the right time. Our routine is pretty blah, we read her books until she starts rubbing her face & yawning & then we set her in her crib with her blankey & she just rolls around for a few minutes until she falls asleep, then we leave the room. We used to hold her until she was sound asleep, but then she would thrash around on us & fuss. She then had a sense of relief when we would lie her in her crib.

Just FYI- we don't co-sleep because at a certain time our daughter just would cry & cry if she was in bed with us. Our daughter does have her own room & crib & she sleeps through the night every night for the past 3 weeks.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing. At 10 months my daughter was waking quite a bit & definitely not falling asleep on her own. I rocked her or nursed her to sleep every night at that age! Now she doesn't want that!
post #25 of 45
OP - I don't think you are creating a monster. I think you are being a wondeful parent to your baby! My son has always been parented to sleep and has never been left to CIO. He is now 22 months old and a wonderfully happy, affectionate, independant child. He usually sleeps through the night now. It still can take an hour to get him to sleep but, it is a very wonderful hour that we do not mind at all. Some nights, it just takes a few minutes. He's so independant during the day that it is nice to cuddle with him at night to get him to sleep. It all ends up going by so fast, I say don't worry about what others say and just enjoy the nice time with your baby. It sounds like you have fun putting your LO to bed so just keep going with your instincts.
post #26 of 45
(I assume everyone realized I was being snarky!)
post #27 of 45
Well in the case of your brother, if he's never taken care of a baby himself, I'd say he just doesn't know any better and is tossing around something he's heard in general conversation.

In the case of other moms, I think a lot of the idea behind CIO is that your baby is purposely crying to get her way and that by giving her attention you are giving in to her tantrum.

That might make sense if the baby were a seven or eight year old kid and was screaming to get you to buy her a toy, instead of seeking comfort because she doesn't have any other way to communicate with you!

***I am NOT advocating CIO, I am trying to explain the logic people use for doing it.
post #28 of 45
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all of the responses.

My brother does not have children, but his roommate has a 6mo. He told me she does do CIO & she schedule feeds which is another topic, but something I also dont get.

Anyway she is very 'mainstream' I guess you could say. I'm sure my brother sees her putting the baby in his crib & she is done with him (the baby) until the next feeding. He is probably thinking how easy that way seems (for the mother) compared to my spending 40min+ to get my LO to sleep without even considering which is healthier/less traumatic for the babe.

Thanks again. I feel better about my decision to parent this way. I guess sometimes its good to know you are not the only 'crazy one' out there.
post #29 of 45
when people recommend CIO/ sleep training i tell them i am training him how to take care of me when i am 100 yrs old. i want to eat when i am hungry, i don't want to be ignored when i ask for something, and i don't want to be made to live on someone else's schedule.
post #30 of 45
Here's how I see it:

When you're in the bedroom soothing your LO to sleep, your brother is putting himself in your shoes and thinking, "I could never do that." It's only a hop, skip, and a jump to, "Why do YOU do that?"

In an attempt to solve the problem as if he were in your situation he thinks he's found a solution to your problem...even though for you it's not a problem.

Even if you tell him repeatedly you like to soothe your LO to sleep, it's difficult for him to imagine himself enjoying it, so he can't quite grasp it.

@1littlebit I LOVE your answer!! LOL (we take care of my grandmother and great-grandmother and they definitely don't like being on anyone's schedule but their own!!!)
post #31 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuamami View Post
I wonder if your brother has kids?

If not, I would imagine he just hasn't ever really thought about it that much?

If so, maybe he wants to rationalize and normalize the methods he used in his family?
Exactly. I might have said the same thing 10 years ago, I mean, I wasn't going to let me kids control me I was so clueless.
post #32 of 45
Ahhh, the good ol' "you can fix everything by CIO, don't you know?" theory.

CIO is not the answer. It never is. You are doing everything right, so a simple, "Thanks, but this is actually working really well for us".

I have a girlfriend who pushes CIO on me everytime sleep comes up. It's frustrating
post #33 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snuzzmom View Post
Yeah, I'm sure every parent who does CIO does it for exactly those reasons. Probably not at all because they're exhausted, have to get to work, and have it coming at them from all angles (including their peditricians in many cases) that CIO is the way to go.

I think people tell you to do it because if the goal is to get the baby to sleep, it DOES work with some children. I am NOT ADVOCATING, I am telling you that people CIO for a reason and that is the reason. They probably haven't read one single thing about the cost of CIO sleep, or any of the dangers-- they're looking for one end result: Is the baby asleep now? Then it "worked."

I don't think most people who CIO see it as being wrong and are trying to convert you to The Dark Side. They see you spending a lot of time getting your baby to sleep, they know what worked for them (or what they've heard from friends), and they're honestly trying to help, misguided as it is.

You're under no obligation to follow their advice. Use the opportunity to gently educate, and then move on.
My doctor said the crying "won't hurt her" and that it will get harder to get her to sleep as she gets older. He told me she would have sleeping issues if I continued to parent her to sleep at night. I mean, this guy is a professional with about 50 years of schooling (although most of the education was not in CHILD PSYCHOLOGY.) So, my point is, that people tend to listen to their doctors. My questioning of and mistrust of doctors is, I think, not the norm. I do research, lots of it... but even if you research, so many mainstream sources advocate CIO.
post #34 of 45
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
when people recommend CIO/ sleep training i tell them i am training him how to take care of me when i am 100 yrs old. i want to eat when i am hungry, i don't want to be ignored when i ask for something, and i don't want to be made to live on someone else's schedule.
I love it!! Great point!
post #35 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by vegemamato View Post
I tend to say something like "would YOU like to cry yourself to sleep?"
that's what i like to say but people just don't want to agree.
what i've noticed, among people with babies the same age as mine, is that NO MATTER WHAT method you use (CIO, not CIO, AP), it isn't going to change their innate personalities. they're either going to be good sleepers or they're not. doesn't matter what you do, so i figure i might as well give my little man everything he needs instead of leaving him to cry alone. sometimes, i post on Facebook things like Teresa "'s glad that Beau slept from 8:30 til 5:30 last night and is proud to say that we have NEVER used CIO in his 8.5 months! " you never know what someone might learn.
post #36 of 45
Dude! Don't doubt yourself! You sound like a wonderful, caring, nurturing mother who's there for her child at all hours of the day and night, as a mother should be. While it may be "easier" to stick a baby in a crib and leave it to cry, it's NOT RIGHT. It's not compassionate, it's not caring, and it's certainly not loving!

Ignore the people who tell you to take short-cuts or ignore your instincts or do something that doesn't feel comfortable or kind to your child. At the end of the day, do you want to be the best mama you can be, or someone who leaves her kid to cry alone so she can entertain her brother? It seems like that's a no-brainer to you, so tell your brother to shush up. :P
post #37 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by chipper26 View Post
My doctor said the crying "won't hurt her" and that it will get harder to get her to sleep as she gets older. He told me she would have sleeping issues if I continued to parent her to sleep at night.
I so don't get where this comes from. I've been very lucky. DD was a terrible sleeper as an infant, but she'd outgrown that by...15 months? Maybe 18? Both my boys are wonderful sleepers, and parenting them to sleep was the only thing I ever considered. I don't think they all sleep well just because of bedsharing, singing, cuddling, etc. - but it certainly hasn't had any negative effect.
post #38 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by teale View Post
Ahhh, the good ol' "you can fix everything by CIO, don't you know?" theory.

CIO is not the answer. It never is. You are doing everything right, so a simple, "Thanks, but this is actually working really well for us".

I have a girlfriend who pushes CIO on me everytime sleep comes up. It's frustrating
I hear ya.

I had a baby who needed to be actively parented to sleep - nursed, rocked, someone with him for HOURS - until he was 2 years old. And then his sleep patterns changed, and BAM, he now falls asleep at the drop of a hat. He literally fell asleep last night on my stepmom's floor (she told him to stop playing on her sofa so he sat on the ground, but that is another rant for another time...)

Was it a PITA? YES! Would I have preferred a situation where I could deposit my baby in a room and he'd put himself to sleep? Absolutely. Especially when I had friends or family visiting, knowing that bedtime would take two hours was especially gruelling.

However, I know my kid, and I know myself, and I know that this expectation is about as reasonable as a 2 year old rationally deciding to not wack another child for taking his favorite toy... The problem was NOT with my kid, but entirely with my expectations.

What gets me is that in the US, we have completely problematized normal infant and toddler sleep. There are very good neurological and evolutionary reasons for kids to have the sleep patterns they have - light sleep for a looooong time, needing to be near a caregiver, waking every few hours to eat, etc.. Some kids can be easily "trained" out of this instinctive and ingrained behavior (and some don't have the same needs and actually prefer to settle by themselves), but many cannot, at least without other impacts that frankly are not worth the pain for anyone involved.

And I tend to say this to pretty much every single person who suggests CIO to me.

'cuz an infant or toddler don't know we ain't on the savannah with wild hyenas about to eat 'em - and back in the day, it was the ones who screamed the loudest who got picked up...
post #39 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I so don't get where this comes from. I've been very lucky. DD was a terrible sleeper as an infant, but she'd outgrown that by...15 months? Maybe 18? Both my boys are wonderful sleepers, and parenting them to sleep was the only thing I ever considered. I don't think they all sleep well just because of bedsharing, singing, cuddling, etc. - but it certainly hasn't had any negative effect.
Yeah, but most people aren't willing to wait that long. I've seen significant improvement in my dd who is 11 months old, but there really was no where to go but up. By conventional standards, she's still not a good sleeper. I'm hoping for 4-5 hour stretches by the times she's 15-18 months.

I think a lot of parents miss out on a lot of special moments/feelings when they don't co-sleep.
post #40 of 45
I don't have much to add. Except it is a cultural thing. I was part of an english-speaking moms and tots group (mostly brits and americans), and ALL of them did CIO. I held my toungue, but without me saying a word they were still angry with me, as if me not doing CIO was some affront to them. ?? I was also part of a Danish moms and babys group, and no one there did CIO. The conversation never really came up, because they had not ever considered it.
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