Single Mothers by Choice! - Page 2

[Newbian Mama]

Originally Posted by MittensKittens

I know there are a few of you here. I know there used to be a thread. Shall we have another go at having a thread?

I would love to participate in this thread. I'm going to subscribe! I am in the process of becoming an SMC and plan to TTC my first child in January 2010. I am either going to use donor sperm from Pacific Reproductive Services or Rainbow Flag Health Services. I'd love to get to know other SMCs and SMCs-to-be.

[BunnySlippers]

SMC *woot*

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by Newbian Mama

I would love to participate in this thread. I'm going to subscribe! I am in the process of becoming an SMC and plan to TTC my first child in January 2010. I am either going to use donor sperm from Pacific Reproductive Services or Rainbow Flag Health Services. I'd love to get to know other SMCs and SMCs-to-be.

Welcome and congrats on your decision to try and get pregnant! How did you arrive at the decision to use donor sperm from those sources?

shibababy - that sounds like me. I wasn't married but was in a serious relationship for a while, and he asked me to marry him. I already new that relationships were not really for me at that time, so we broke up. I felt extremely trapped the whole time. OTOH, I have always known I wanted children and probably on my own.

[eccomama]

Originally Posted by Seasons

Good gravy. Just for kicks, I read up on China. Here's who's disqualified from adopting - among many, many others:

-single men
-single women
-gay couples
-married couples under age 30, or over age 50
-a married couple with <$80,000 assets
-a married couple with <$100,000 annual income (excluding "welfare, pensions, unemployment insurance, Government subsidies and the like")
-a married couple, one of whom is blind (even if just one eye)
-a married couple, one of whom has taken Prozac for two years
-a married couple, one of whom is fat ("Body Mass Index (BMI) of 40 or more")
-a married couple with five children already

http://adoption.state.gov/country/china.html#who1 Because apparently adoption by one of us degnerates is worse than life in an orphanage, or infanticide.

even if i wanted to adopt a second child, i disqualify on prozac and single parent. so ridiculous.

[Newbian Mama]

Originally Posted by MittensKittens

Welcome and congrats on your decision to try and get pregnant! How did you arrive at the decision to use donor sperm from those sources? snip

Thank you for the warm greetings. I have it narrowed down to those two because I wanted a place that was local so I could drive to pick up the sperm. I've used PRS in the past and although I was not successful at getting pregnant, everyone was very nice. PRS also has a good selection of willing-to-be-known donors.

I just discovered Rainbow Flag Health Services and it appeals to me because the mothers find out who the donor is when the child is only 3 months old. It is a bit like an open adoption situation where the child will be raised from the beginning knowing both parents and both sides of the family. Also, there's the chance of getting to know 1/2 siblings through the donor. Although RFHS has a smaller donor pool, they are now my first choice because of this policy.

[JenAsayKwa]

Hi All!

I'm an SMC by donor insemination. My little guy just turned 1. I had no idea how hard it would be to take care of a baby by myself. I work full time and most days I am extremely short on sleep. But it has all been worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

So, glad to see other SMCs here!

[EmmyJane]

I too am a single mom by choice. I used an anonymous sperm donor to conceive my daughter. She's now 3 years old. I am very fortunate to have the support of my parents. Being a single parent has its own set of hurdles but it is worth it. My biggest challenge at the moment is my work schedule being noncompatible with childcare. But hoping to change that within the next few years.

Emmy

[lovebug]

I just want to lurk.. is that ok this is all so interesting to me... sorry i will shut up now

[Newbian Mama]

JenAsayKwa and EmmyJane I appreciate your saying being an SMC can be difficult at times. I need to hear all sides of this beautiful story. I think one of the keys to being (or becoming, in my case) an SMC is to know that we are not doing it totally alone. There are siblings, parents, friends, sitters, etc, to share in caring for and loving the child. I've heard a lot of parents say mothering is the toughest job they've ever loved.

Originally Posted by lovebug

I just want to lurk.. is that ok this is all so interesting to me... sorry i will shut up now

I lurked on MDC for years before I joined! I still quietly hang out on various boards so I think it's perfectly okay to lurk

[MittensKittens]

Welcome, Emmy! My daughter will be three next month! How do you like the three year old stage?

Newbian, the policy of disclosing donors is great - that is why I chose a known donor.

Does anyone have a list of countries that will do single parent adoptions?

[jaye88]

Just wanted to throw my $0.02 in here -- I seriously considered having a baby alone when my first marriage ended. I was in my late thirties and have always wanted children. Ended up deciding that I just couldn't do it -- lived in an expensive city, didn't make a lot of money, far from family, couldn't imagine having a baby and then giving her/him to a stranger for huge portions of time while I worked to support us, etc. Met XH #2 a few months later, and am now blessed with the most amazing and wonderful daughter in the universe, but am going through divorce #2, now with parenting issues, and wishing I had done it alone (of course, then dd wouldn't be the exact terrific and wonderful kiddo she is). I still don't know how I would have gotten through the baby years, but I wish now that I didn't have to share her with her _____ father! If you think you want to SMC, and you can find a way to make it work, go for it! I can't imagine that you'd regret it later.

[EmmyJane]

Originally Posted by MittensKittens

Welcome, Emmy! My daughter will be three next month! How do you like the three year old stage?

Thank you for the Welcome. I thought 2 was hard but it was a piece of cake compared to 3. LOL But I love her dearly and wouldn't trade her for the world.

[lanamommyphd07]

What a nice surprise to see this thread! I sometimes cruise the single parenting thread, but even as a SMC, nothing ever related to life as a single parent! Everything revolves around "single parent but I'm mad about it" it seems.
I made my daughter with anon sperm, but the donor contacted us through the DSR, and kiddo (2 y.o.) has 10 sibs so far. Kid #2 will be put in the oven later this year, but I have to use a different donor as my first is sold out and isn't interested in doing a private donation--and honestly I can't afford the time or money to get him out of retirement through the lab...
Great idea, this thread, OP!!!!
Would love to have some kindred hearts in the "real" ups and downs of single parenthood. There are some times I wished there were 'rental husbands/wives' for times that I just needed one more hand for a minute (like when the weeds got so tall in the back that I got a ticket right after dd was born) (or when dd was wee and would not make a 45 minute car ride without nursies, so every outing became a huge deal) But of course we made it through...would love for us to all swap stories about conquering these types of challenges.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by lanamommyphd07

What a nice surprise to see this thread! I sometimes cruise the single parenting thread, but even as a SMC, nothing ever related to life as a single parent! Everything revolves around "single parent but I'm mad about it" it seems.
I made my daughter with anon sperm, but the donor contacted us through the DSR, and kiddo (2 y.o.) has 10 sibs so far. Kid #2 will be put in the oven later this year, but I have to use a different donor as my first is sold out and isn't interested in doing a private donation--and honestly I can't afford the time or money to get him out of retirement through the lab...
Great idea, this thread, OP!!!!
Would love to have some kindred hearts in the "real" ups and downs of single parenthood. There are some times I wished there were 'rental husbands/wives' for times that I just needed one more hand for a minute (like when the weeds got so tall in the back that I got a ticket right after dd was born) (or when dd was wee and would not make a 45 minute car ride without nursies, so every outing became a huge deal) But of course we made it through...would love for us to all swap stories about conquering these types of challenges.

Same here, I come to the single parents board to lurk, but most of the threads have nothing to do with my family, because we have no custody issues, no ex, no child support. What do you think the biggest challenge of being an SMC is?

For me, it is not so much about being an SMC as an attachment parent right now. I recently got laid off from my work at home job, and while I received some job offers, I do not want to work out of the home while my kids are so small. Finding a new work at home job has proven to be, well... hard work.

[lanamommyphd07]

Mittens, I think the very biggest challenge is the occasional security freak-out...I mean, if I lost my job, got sick, died, etc...My friends who are coupled don't really worry about these things--there's always someone else, dig? But if I had to come up with the biggest challenge or difference I've seen, it's that one. Or that occasional thought like "wow I'd love to write another book" but knowing how much time it takes and how little I have, sometimes I wish for a rent-a-mom or something...It would be nice to have someone around when the whim hits me as opposed to arranging child care..
But if that's all I have to complain about I'm doing pretty well, I think. I'm also an AP and have noticed serious differences between my single parenting and my friends' joint parenting, finding myself far more child-centered than others I know.

[EmmyJane]

lanamommyphd07, What is it like connecting with your donor? I'm sorry he doesn't want to help you have another child. Are there others who are looking for extra vials? Maybe you could share costs to reactivate him. I have had no luck on the DSR. I did find half siblings, 4 so far but most of us were looking for extra vials. I think the searching for extra vials is what motivated us into posting. No real relationship so far. But all the children are still very young. I was fortunate that the clinic called me and told me there was one vial available to rebuy. So at the moment I'm in the middle of an IVF cycle.

[Newbian Mama]

Originally Posted by MittensKittens

...
Does anyone have a list of countries that will do single parent adoptions?

Searching around the Internet I found this list:

http://www.adoptive-parenting.com/si...-adoption.html

HTH

[MittensKittens]

EmmyJane, good luck with your cycle! :

Thanks so much, Newbian! It seems that some of the rules have changed in the meantime, though I will be doing further research. I would love to adopt from Korea one day, as I used to live there and speak the language and know the culture. I don't think that this is a possibility for singles though!

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by lanamommyphd07

Mittens, I think the very biggest challenge is the occasional security freak-out...I mean, if I lost my job, got sick, died, etc...My friends who are coupled don't really worry about these things--there's always someone else, dig? But if I had to come up with the biggest challenge or difference I've seen, it's that one. Or that occasional thought like "wow I'd love to write another book" but knowing how much time it takes and how little I have, sometimes I wish for a rent-a-mom or something...It would be nice to have someone around when the whim hits me as opposed to arranging child care..
But if that's all I have to complain about I'm doing pretty well, I think. I'm also an AP and have noticed serious differences between my single parenting and my friends' joint parenting, finding myself far more child-centered than others I know.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Do you know where your kids will go if you die? My mom and aunt are both happy to care for my children. This would mean an international move for them and a change in language though.

Moms of older kids - do you work outside of the home? Do any of you homeschool? I would love to homeschool, BUT I am unsure whether it is financially feasible as a solo parent.

[lanamommyphd07]

Originally Posted by MittensKittens

Yeah, I know what you mean. Do you know where your kids will go if you die? My mom and aunt are both happy to care for my children. This would mean an international move for them and a change in language though.

Moms of older kids - do you work outside of the home? Do any of you homeschool? I would love to homeschool, BUT I am unsure whether it is financially feasible as a solo parent.

oh sure, the will is taken care of and my family is wonderful--I just have those morbid thoughts of blowing a blood vessel or heart attacks or those kind of things that leave a person dead fast and having my poor kid alone with my carcass with nobody around right away....
The bank will get the donor out of retirement for 6 grand, then the quarantine, then all the waiting and whatnot. one other mom wants to do another, but even then neither of us wants to do the waiting game or shell out 3 grand, even.
Initially, when the donor contacted me I had to freak out for a few days--I mean "what are your intentions, are you some kind of midlife crisis who wants all the babies" but he was just making himself known for pictures and questions...has a lot of contact with the teens in the sibling group...but then I had to change my "story" for dd just a bit and modify the baby book with all the donor info a bit as well...
One thing that really makes me p.o.ed is when moms of donor kids encourage talk of "biological father" and asking the donor to have some kind of relationship/parenting role with the kid. Won't be that case for us, and the ones who do give all of us SMCs a bad name. DD has asked before about a "daddy" and I simply explained "oh! you don't have one of those! How many grandpas do you have?" (3)