Single Mothers by Choice! - Page 19

[Satori]

Originally Posted by KCMommy

Hi Terran, I am in the same boat as you. I have a commercial daycare and there are going to be a lot of eyebrows raised when I become pregnant, because I have been single for a year and a half. I will have to find a way to announce the fact that I used donor sperm, because I would much prefer them to know that rather than speculate that the director of their children's daycare is out having unprotected one night stands. lol!

Its work, why would they even know you've been dating? For all they know you have been happily dating for a year and there was an oops! I wouldn't even say anything until you start showing and let them be rude enough to start asking questions.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by Newbian Mama

I think IUI at a medical office has higher success rate than IUI at home which has a higher success rate than ICI at home. If you lurk on the Queer Parenting board you'll see lots of people who got pregnant using at home ICI and lots who got pregnant with IUI. Anecdotally, it seems most people start with ICI and then progress to IUI if necessary.

KCMommy, Mittens Kittens, Satori, everyone else.... how are you all?

I'm fine, things have been going well around here compared to the hell we've had for a long time. Got both kids bdays coming up, 4 & 10, I can't believe I've been doing the SMC thing for almost 10 years! Its not been an easy journey but I still can't imagine doing this with a husband. Baby bug is nipping again but no way no how! Its hard enough with 2, 3 I don't even want to think about. I know its the new baby snuggles I'm missing, sooo not worth it just to have new baby snuggles. (both my kids have significant medical/mental health special needs and I wouldn't hold my breath of a 3rd being *normal*. I love my kids but knowing the risks for a 3rd one for my own sanity I need to wait several years at least before even thinking about it)

[Newbian Mama]

Originally Posted by prescottchels

This is my new favorite song
My boss sent me this link last night and it cracked me up so I thought I'd share
http://www.lala.com/#search/folk%20u...nock%20me%20up

Sounds like she needs a KD

Originally Posted by Satori

I'm fine, things have been going well around here compared to the hell we've had for a long time. Got both kids bdays coming up, 4 & 10, I can't believe I've been doing the SMC thing for almost 10 years! Its not been an easy journey but I still can't imagine doing this with a husband. Baby bug is nipping again but no way no how! Its hard enough with 2, 3 I don't even want to think about. I know its the new baby snuggles I'm missing, sooo not worth it just to have new baby snuggles. (both my kids have significant medical/mental health special needs and I wouldn't hold my breath of a 3rd being *normal*. I love my kids but knowing the risks for a 3rd one for my own sanity I need to wait several years at least before even thinking about it)

Happy upcoming birthday to your babies (well they're not babies anymore!). You've been an SMC for a whole decade; you should celebrate yourself!

[Labbemama]

I have come to a decision that I'm going to ask the court to terminate stbx's parental rights. Right now I have sole custody with no contact from him. He just lost his job and that means bye bye child support and insurance. He'll never get a decent job again because they put him on the child abuser registry. (not caring enough to handle other people's kids, but we're still entertaining the idea of him having contact with the one's he abused?) I don't get it, but anyhow, I'm committed to doing this on my own.

I'm feeling pretty tired and I need to find a job though I have some physical obstacles he put on me.

Anyhow, just wanted to check in.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by Labbemama

I have come to a decision that I'm going to ask the court to terminate stbx's parental rights. Right now I have sole custody with no contact from him. He just lost his job and that means bye bye child support and insurance. He'll never get a decent job again because they put him on the child abuser registry. (not caring enough to handle other people's kids, but we're still entertaining the idea of him having contact with the one's he abused?) I don't get it, but anyhow, I'm committed to doing this on my own.

I'm feeling pretty tired and I need to find a job though I have some physical obstacles he put on me.

Anyhow, just wanted to check in.

Good luck, you will have a battle on your hands since he's been providing child support and health ins. It makes him an active responsible father in the eyes of the law even if he's abusive. They look at the fact he is providing for the child even if he doesn't see the child. You'll also need to show you can or could have supported your child 100% without need of public assistance or the child support.

[Labbemama]

He paid two months out of eight and that was only because they put in an income withholding order and threatening to arrest him before he actually made a payment and he took his sweet time too. They are putting in another order for his unemployment but they are trying to find him to serve him. They called me today trying to see if I knew where he was. All I know is he isn't here!

He was court ordered to keep the insurance too.

He was court ordered to pay the GAL and he's been dodging the GAL since he was appointed in January. The GAL won't even get the kids records or speak to the kids or children's division until he gets paid. My goal is to get a job and pay this guy even though I'm not the one ordered too and protect my kids interests.

My ex threatened to kill my oldest and has physically and emotionally abused all of us, why he isn't in jail is beyond me.

It was bad enough that the judge let me move the kids out of state with no parenting time for him and a restraining order forbidding any type of contact.

I can't work yet because he disabled me. I'm working on PT though and will hopefully get an occupational therapist on board soon because he crushed and bent back two of my fingers at the wrist and damaged my back and shoulder really bad. I am pretty tough though so I didn't realize how bad my back and shoulder are from all the shakings. I'm most worried about getting my hand back though. I even asked if they can teach me to use the other hand. I'm pretty desperate to make some money because it seems like it's all about money with the court.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by Labbemama

He paid two months out of eight and that was only because they put in an income withholding order because he was so far behind. They are putting in another order for his unemployment but they are trying to find him to serve him. They called me today trying to see if I knew where he was.

He was court ordered to keep the insurance too.

He was court ordered to pay the GAL and he's been dodging the GAL since he was appointed in January.

It was bad enough that the judge let me move the kids out of state with no parenting time for him and a restraining order forbidding any type of contact.

I can't work yet because he disabled me. I'm working on PT though and will hopefully get an occupational therapist on board soon because he crushed and bent back two of my fingers at the wrist and damaged my back and shoulder really bad. I am pretty tough though so I didn't realize how bad my back and shoulder are from all the shakings. I'm most worried about getting my hand back though.

You may still be in for a fight, we have a mama here who's husband killed their infant child and is now in prison and she still can't get a TPR and I'm pretty sure she's got the no contact thing going too Sometimes TPR is easy like it was for me but in your case I have a feeling that unless you have a new husband waiting to step in and adopt you might have a huge battle on your hands. One I would not attempt without a lawyer, I really good one. You might have better luck enrolling in safe at home and doing an identity change but that would require you to walk away from everything and every one..

I'm sorry about what you had to go through though

[Newbian Mama]

Labbemama - I'm so sorry you're going through this You're strong, you've made it through so much already. I hope you are able to get counseling for you and your dear children.

[Labbemama]

Newbian Mama, A lack of counseling is not an issue but thanks for your concern.
What I really need is security.
I have more counselors than anyone really needs in my life. LOL.

Satori-already working on the identity thing for me. My main concern is he has come after our daughter recently via the internet. I could probably get them terminated on her since she is his main target other than me and she is near 17 and wants it so and it's all documented if anyone would take the time to look.

A new husband is not an option as I'm not rushing into anything cuz boy is it hard to get divorced as you probably all well know.

Legal aid won't take my case so there's not a chance of a lawyer. And it's not anything to do with the merits of the case just that they have several thousand others.

I'm out of the original state too so that makes it harder to get with the court with jurisdiction on my divorce.

[Newbian Mama]

Hey ladies! How is everyone doing? Our thread has been quiet for awhile.

AFM, I am officially in the two week wait. I inseminated Monday night and again Tuesday morning. I'm not terribly anxious about POAS though because I think my timing may have been off. Only time will tell though.

[lilith38]

Hi everyone!

I finished doing all the blood work and tests required by my fertility clinic. My doctor told me that my FSH was 8 (which he feels is high) and I only have 4 follicles. I say "only" because that is how the Dr. worded it. Basically he made it sound as if I need to get a move on cause production is grinding to a halt at the ol' egg factory.

I felt so depressed when I walked out of his office! I mean realistically I knew that I was running out of time but I didn't think it was quite so dire.

On the other hand, my friend just had a baby and throughout her entire pregnancy she was made to feel as if she should be heading for the geriatric ward not the maternity ward. She's only 36!

So I guess I'm wondering how much of this is legitimate and how much of it is some kind of bias against older mothers.

Newbian Mama I feel for you in your two week wait! Best wishes!

[prescottchels]

Ohhhhh NewbianMama Lots of and to you!!!

Lillith38, I would take everything the RE says w/a grain of salt... there is a lot of bias out there toward anyone basically over 35 and even younger. My cousin had a baby naturally & easily conceived at 33 and the docs gave her dire warnings about future kids and getting on it sooner rather than later before the first one was even out! In the Yahoo group there have been gals trying w/like 2 follicles if I recall correctly so I wouldn't worry toooo much... Keep your spirits up-everything else will only hinder the process!

I guess I'm taking a TTC break... I hate it when your Soul has other plans for you than you do. bah.

[Newbian Mama]

lilith38 - Please don't let the doctor get you down. It seems that some doctors only go by age instead of your family history. Nothing happens exactly at age 32, 35, 27, or whatever.

prescottchels - I'm so sorry to hear you're taking a break. I always thought it would be cool if we were pg at the same time What can you do though? There's no point in TTC if it's not your time yet. I do love reading your blog though so write more (selfish of me, huh?)

Thank you both for the TTC good vibes. I'm just so happy to be done with it for this cycle! Trying to catch that egg is hard work!

[Bad Mama Jama]

i am so excited for you Newbian Mama!!! to you!

[Newbian Mama]

Aww, thank you, Bad Mama Jama

[Labbemama]

Yeah, I think I'm in for a fight on just about every front of this divorce, but I'm ready for it.

I've done a lot of proactive things this week.

It turns out he never went to the divorcing parents class, he can't be found by child support enforcement, and he's not paid or talked to the guardian ad litem. So I'm hoping I can get divorced by publication.

There have been violations of the RO by him and by my biodad and as soon as I can I'm going to leave our current address. It's not well maintained and ex knows where I'm at and the police won't do anything.

The court has sent me the 2nd to last RO twice now. LOL. It's like everything that can go wrong has.

A cop even backed into my truck last week at therapy. Minimal injuries to us. But we are all sore and I'm having back spasms and in no shape to be moving. Still gonna do it. Trying to muster the strength to pack.

Never a police officer when you NEEd one, but now they are bumping into me and keepin' me stuck here. I'm so frustrated, but my truck will be ready next week. :-) I'm just thankful, it's sprains and muscular stuff and not life threatening or cuts. The back windshield broke and dd could have been cut to bits.

Applied to go back to school for fall and am working on getting oldest into Job Corps and independent living so she can be happy and out of this mess. She'll be 17 soon and no one can really say anything about it as that's the age of majority down here.

[MommytoB]

I would love to have another child and have had such severe baby fever ever since I been 30 and I'm almost 33 so like in 17 days I will be 33 . I want to do home insemination to get myself pregnant with a sperm donor from a sperm bank only do it at home.

But I have risks of having a child with special needs because I lost my first baby at 20 wks 5 days due to brain damage that was Severe and she had inherited a chromsome deletion I have hence why it caused that brain damage so my deletion with me is mild than others and I had a normal chromsome child with my son father .

So I crave to end up having a child but what would happen if I ended up with a special need child that makes it and is mild as me because even I cost my mom alot of Money .

But then I know I have had a normal chromsome child with my deletion which is a 50/50 chance .

I even had a miscarriage after the loss of the first one. So I been pregnant 3 times with only one healthy child who I have been raising on my own.

[Newbian Mama]

lillith38 - How are you doing? Are you going to begin TTC since your bloodwork is all done?

Labbemama - A family member of mine went to Job Corps and said it was great. It's sort of like college with more discipline. I hope your daughter goes there and blossoms

I don't know if anyone suggested to you, but you may find more camaraderie on the general Single Parents board. I sympathize for your situation but unfortunately I don't have any advice. I think the other board will be much more knowledgeable about divorce and such things. Of course you can stay here too. I just wanted to suggest that as an option.

MommytoB - Congratulations on your upcoming birthday!! I've never heard of chromosome deletion but since you've had a normal (for lack of a better word) son, are your chances still 50/50? Would you consider using donor eggs?

AFM - I'm still in the 2ww, of course. FF says I should test on Wed. 05/12 but I won't test until the following Monday. I have three cheapie HPTs but I'm not the least bit tempted to test. Yay me

[MommytoB]

I feel they wll always be 50/50 because the first one inherited , not sure of the 2nd one, but the third was the other side of 50. I would prefer a bio-child that's a part of my genetics . Plus , donor eggs would be a too expensive route .

I have a chromsome deletion of chromsome short arm of #18 . So since I am able to have one with normal chromsomes I do wonder if my chance of concieving another child with a deletion like mine would be less likely but it's more likely not to be as severe as the first one .

Maybe I should check with a genticist about it because when I was pg with my son my ob said the brain thing was a fluke when I told him about the first pregnancy .

[mambera]

Originally Posted by MommytoB

I feel they wll always be 50/50 because the first one inherited , not sure of the 2nd one, but the third was the other side of 50. I would prefer a bio-child that's a part of my genetics . Plus , donor eggs would be a too expensive route .

I have a chromsome deletion of chromsome short arm of #18 . So since I am able to have one with normal chromsomes I do wonder if my chance of concieving another child with a deletion like mine would be less likely but it's more likely not to be as severe as the first one .

Maybe I should check with a genticist about it because when I was pg with my son my ob said the brain thing was a fluke when I told him about the first pregnancy .

Sounds like you are pretty sure you have a known deletion on one of your chromosomes. Since chromosomes come in pairs and your other one is normal, you will always have a 50/50 shot of passing the deleted one to any future children (regardless of how many kids with which chromosomes you have had already).

I can't tell just from what you've said whether the problem with your first baby was related to your deletion or not. If your OB thinks it was a 'fluke' then they might have been unrelated problems.

If you are not opposed to terminating a pregnancy because of this deletion, you could do CVS (chorionic villus sampling) early in the pregnancy to find out which chromosome the baby has.

If you are not willing to terminate a pregnancy for this problem, another option would be to do IVF with PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis). They would test all the embryos and only implant the ones without the deletion. This would be rather pricey and medically burdensome though.