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Single Mothers by Choice! - Page 21

post #401 of 515
I am getting so excited as my first DI attempt draws nearer. I have been in contact with several other SMC ladies who used this donor, through the donor sibling registry. It is very neat to compare notes with them and hear about their children. One lady was 38 and conceived on first try. Another was 39 and conceived on second try. I don't think there's any doubt about the fellow's fertility!

Update:

I'm watching the FedEx progress and the swim team is overnighting in Vancouver tonight, on schedule to arrive here tomorrow afternoon. CBFM still reading low, so I won't miss O. Hurray!

- K
post #402 of 515
OK, just completed my first ever attempt at self-insemination. Very exciting, and a little stressful, but I know it'll get easier. Now I know all the things I need to have lined up, like 37 degree water to thaw, paper towel, music, phone, timer, etc...

I have to try again in 24 hours, then wait a week and get a preg test at the lab. Phew..

- K
post #403 of 515

<3

Saying hello! I've read all the posts on this thread and am really enjoying the journey! What bold, brave mamas and papas you all are or will be!

I will be TTC, by known donor and home insemination, as soon as I have a steady stream of income on which to depend. I live very simply, but am knee-deep in student loans. Between those and my rent each moth, I have to have a good plan that also allows me to stay at home with my future DC.

I'm halfway there - I live in a collective with nine friends, which is an amazing built-in support network. That's nine babysitters! They're all so great and really excited about my decision to be a SMC in our radical (eco-feminist, anti-capitalist, activist) community. I have a short list of sperm-havin' friends that I respect, admire and trust to approach about being a donor soon.

As far as the $$ issue, I have faith in the universe. I'm a nanny now, but my contract is ending and I hope to have a small business plan together in a couple of weeks. I already run a DIY radical publishing house, which could make money if I wanted it to, but it hasn't been a priority until now.

Bottom line: TTC in 6 months - 2 years, depending on money.

Anyhow, I'm super excited. I'd love to hear about some experiences with known donors, if anyone has any. I'm really looking forward to having a friend be my known donor and am wondering if this has worked out for anyone else?

post #404 of 515
Hi guys!

I'm new here to the forum as a whole but I wanted to find an SMC board and so here I am. I haven't read everything but I did read habitat's post simply cause I saw the word nanny. I'm a nanny too! I'm hoping to make Janurary my last month though. I, too, am working towards self employment and gaining an income that will allow me to stay home more with my little one. I've done it before and now I'm just hoping to get it going again. I currently bake gluten-free/dairy-free/vegan foods, have taught dance for years, am working on a postpartum doula cert and I like to sew so something in there should work out in a few years. Hopefully much much sooner.

I am currently expecting my first in February from a donor IUI done in June. I tried because I was due to go into surgery this month. I've been having cyst and ovary issues on top of Endometriosis symptoms for a long while now. I started noticing them once I got worst last year and again this year. After hearing my Dr. say "We'll try to leave as much as we can" in January I hopped on the chance to get trying and so here I am now nearly 15wks.

I wasn't expecting it to work so I've got a bit of work to catch up on as far as actual work goes but if I decide to stay in the job that I have, its still pretty stable. I just see myself and my tot doing our own thing on our own time like exclusive breastfeeding, homeschooling, all kinds of things. I know things can definitely change once baby is here but I like to think about it all as possible.

I hope you ladies are doing well and I'd love to know who is in what stage now.
post #405 of 515
Neophyte here—hello, everyone!

I was wondering whether anyone has become or contemplated becoming a SMC by way of adoption? I've been thinking it over and researching it for the past year or so, and domestic adoption seems to be the best route for me. It's not without its drawbacks, though, mainly the bias against queer people and single parents (of which I am / would be both); the expense is also a hurdle. If anyone is willing to share experiences about adopting as a single parent, or considering adoption but ultimately choosing another path to parenthood, I would be very grateful.
post #406 of 515
Hi there. I'm typing on my phone so forgive me for errors but I considered adoption also.
In fact it was my primary choice before I decided to try an IUI. I looked internationally and locally and domestic was better for me as well. The cost is not low and so that made me consider a foster/adopt situation. Now I didn't just consider ut cause it was lower cost, my mom used to foster kids and so its a situation I felt I could handle. But it was a good perk to it, I guess you can say. Domestically, if you can find an agency willing to help you who will be honest from the start about your chances of being picked, then all the better. I obviously haven't been through it but that was always a fear of mine.
Another option I looked into was embryo adoption/donation but that's if you want to actually give birth.
I'm totally rambling, off topic and everything. No clue if any of that was helpful but I mainly wanted to say that I did consider adoption. In fact its still on my list for later.
I need to sleep now!
post #407 of 515
Quote:
Originally Posted by esg View Post
Hi guys!

I'm new here to the forum as a whole but I wanted to find an SMC board and so here I am. I haven't read everything but I did read habitat's post simply cause I saw the word nanny. I'm a nanny too! I'm hoping to make Janurary my last month though. I, too, am working towards self employment and gaining an income that will allow me to stay home more with my little one. I've done it before and now I'm just hoping to get it going again. I currently bake gluten-free/dairy-free/vegan foods, have taught dance for years, am working on a postpartum doula cert and I like to sew so something in there should work out in a few years. Hopefully much much sooner.

I am currently expecting my first in February from a donor IUI done in June. I tried because I was due to go into surgery this month. I've been having cyst and ovary issues on top of Endometriosis symptoms for a long while now. I started noticing them once I got worst last year and again this year. After hearing my Dr. say "We'll try to leave as much as we can" in January I hopped on the chance to get trying and so here I am now nearly 15wks.

I wasn't expecting it to work so I've got a bit of work to catch up on as far as actual work goes but if I decide to stay in the job that I have, its still pretty stable. I just see myself and my tot doing our own thing on our own time like exclusive breastfeeding, homeschooling, all kinds of things. I know things can definitely change once baby is here but I like to think about it all as possible.

I hope you ladies are doing well and I'd love to know who is in what stage now.
Welcome esg! We have a lot more than nannying in common! I'm a GF vegan, love to sew, danced competitively for 14 years (I still use my body/movement in my art) and am strongly considering offering my services as a doula before TTC. I think it would be an awesome way to get more familiar and knowledgable about birth/babies. Right now I'm nannying part-time for a 3 week-old, and I am smitten! Which doula certification are you working on? Are you enjoying it? I might just have to dart on over to the birth professionals forum to hang out now.


I keep talking to my housemates about TTC and I feel so lucky to have so much real support! I really hope the small business thing works out so that I can get a move on.


post #408 of 515
Quote:
Originally Posted by habitat View Post
Welcome esg! We have a lot more than nannying in common! I'm a GF vegan, love to sew, danced competitively for 14 years (I still use my body/movement in my art) and am strongly considering offering my services as a doula before TTC. I think it would be an awesome way to get more familiar and knowledgable about birth/babies. Right now I'm nannying part-time for a 3 week-old, and I am smitten! Which doula certification are you working on? Are you enjoying it? I might just have to dart on over to the birth professionals forum to hang out now.


I keep talking to my housemates about TTC and I feel so lucky to have so much real support! I really hope the small business thing works out so that I can get a move on.


Wow!! We do have so much in common! That is too awesome. I looked at your sig and saw 'unschool' too so yeah we have a lot in common!

Doula work is wonderful. I was really into late last year and had too much going on healthwise to go back yet but it really does prep you for birth and babies. I love it. I'm with DONA though I am considering a cross certification since there are so many good cert places out there. I'm hoping to work through birth, antenatal, and eventually lactation. I'm just doing the postpartum bit now. Definitely go for it! I may have to find the birth pro forum. I had no idea there was one!

You're nannying a little baby! How sweet! Mine is two years now and she keeps me going. Also good prep on both ends. I'm jealous you get to cuddle a baby every day though!

I love your housing situation. So much support goes a long way especially when it comes to working. I think it will work out just because you have people in your corner. Very important and very helpful when you jump into it. I couldn't have done it alone, I know that much!
post #409 of 515
Hi, ladies! Just wondering how we're all doing.
I'm ok, not up to much. Hope you're all well!
post #410 of 515
Hey everybody!
I haven't been on in a while, but I got a random email update as sometimes happens w/this board and felt compelled to post
Hello to you new ladies! It's so fantastic to see more gals finding our thread and the support of other mamas in similar circumstances.
I kinda put on hold my plan to become an SMC thru donor sperm and then got led to look into adoption by the soul of my boy child so that's kinda where I'm at w/it all. I have a sense he's from South/Central America, but I'm not sure yet whether that means I adopt him from there or here, like maybe that his heritage, but he's in the states...? We shall see...
I thought it was funny too you gals that are nannys... I was for many years and just recently started watching my friend's littlest, 16 months old and such a doll!
And I too am GF and dairy free and have been exploring more baked goods, which is fun and exciting for other GF'ers around me!
Happy Friday!!
Cheers,
Chelsie
post #411 of 515
Hi Chelsie, nice to meet you!
Its too cool that you have the same things in common!
I always like to find like minds.

So you're heading towards adoption now? Wow. That's an option I'm planning to get into eventually as well. I like that you have something of a lead on him too. I can't wait to hear how it all comes together and you finally have your little one home!

How you and everyone else is having a great weekend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by prescottchels View Post
Hey everybody!
I haven't been on in a while, but I got a random email update as sometimes happens w/this board and felt compelled to post
Hello to you new ladies! It's so fantastic to see more gals finding our thread and the support of other mamas in similar circumstances.
I kinda put on hold my plan to become an SMC thru donor sperm and then got led to look into adoption by the soul of my boy child so that's kinda where I'm at w/it all. I have a sense he's from South/Central America, but I'm not sure yet whether that means I adopt him from there or here, like maybe that his heritage, but he's in the states...? We shall see...
I thought it was funny too you gals that are nannys... I was for many years and just recently started watching my friend's littlest, 16 months old and such a doll!
And I too am GF and dairy free and have been exploring more baked goods, which is fun and exciting for other GF'ers around me!
Happy Friday!!
Cheers,
Chelsie
post #412 of 515

Glad to have found this site. I am a SMBC with a 16 month old adopted son. It is the best thing I ever did. I am an older mom. Still in my 40s....barely!!!

It has been, and I know will continue to be, a wonderful ride. I would like to adopt again but right now, in this economy, I think it's just one. I adopted domestically. I am still on the list for China, got in right before the rules changed. But at this rate I'll be 65 by the time I meet my daughter. I also have a lot of worries about having one adopted child with an open adoption and a good relationship with his birth mom and another child who will never know her birth mother.  Love this thread!

post #413 of 515
Quote:
Originally Posted by akingme View Post

Glad to have found this site. I am a SMBC with a 16 month old adopted son. It is the best thing I ever did. I am an older mom. Still in my 40s....barely!!!

It has been, and I know will continue to be, a wonderful ride. I would like to adopt again but right now, in this economy, I think it's just one. I adopted domestically. I am still on the list for China, got in right before the rules changed. But at this rate I'll be 65 by the time I meet my daughter. I also have a lot of worries about having one adopted child with an open adoption and a good relationship with his birth mom and another child who will never know her birth mother.  Love this thread!


Hi. Welcome to the thread!

I know of a woman who waited to adopt from China. Took her 4 years I think.
The two adoptions will definitely be different but very much worth it.
How long have you been working towards your newest adoption?

How is everyone else doing?
I hope everyone is doing well. I'd love to hear some updates
I'm just about full term now and not a bit ready for this, oddly enough!
The idea of giving birth though I'll be here at home and comfy is starting to freak me out.
I am looking forward to it just turning into a bit of a chicken along the way.
Have a great week!
post #414 of 515

Hi there.. I am a single mom by choice... in a round about way.

 

As I neared 40, single without kids, I moved back near my family so I could start a little family on my own (with some support). Before going the AI route, I thought I'd wait til I got more settled. I was in a very short relationship that I was ending when I found out that I was pregnant.

 

He doesn't want to be involved, so for emotional reasons, I cut ties to just rely on myself since I was going to do this at some point anyway. I'm going to send him voluntary termination of parental rights so it'll just be me and the baby.

 

There are days when I think I'll be fine, no problem... and others where I wonder how I'm going to do it!

 

Hoping this forum will be good for us! :)

 

post #415 of 515

So glad I found this thread :) I'm a young(ish) SMBC. I have two amazing daughters, ages 7 and 5, who've been AP'd from the start and grown and are always growing into amazing young people. I'm the luckiest mama in the world to have given life to my best friends! I'm at a happy medium in life, I'm a WAHM and love my job, but I get to be with my kids 99% of the time! My girls have been unschooled their entire lives, we do pretty much everything together. We love travel, arts and crafts, cooking, our pets, seeing and doing and moving and learning.

 

My ODD is my active, sporty girl, and can usually be found with a soccer ball or a softball or a basketball, or with the reins in her hands, or in a swimsuit. I don't think she's ever in a state where she's not covered in mud, pool water, or barn dust. Usually two of them at once! She goes and goes and goes. If she's not playing sports, she's playing games of any kind.

 

My YDD is my delightfully wacky little artistic one, puts the hyper in hyperactive, and is into sports, but not to the zeal her sister is. She's unpredictable, queen of the non sequitur, and she thinks... off center! Her brain is just a bizarre, technicolor pixieland, I think. She comes up with stuff that both impresses me and completely confuses me. She's always keeping me on my toes by doing and saying the completely unexpected. She's my girly-girl and sticks close to me, does everything I do and is much more into the crafting and cooking and home stuff that I am. She's outdoorsy and a little nature nurturer, but especially loves her dog and all horses.

 

Look forward to meeting all the single mamas, but especially SMBC! Glad I'm among my kind, at least :)


Edited by Delicate - 2/10/11 at 4:00pm
post #416 of 515

Hello ladies! I saw the updates and have been intending to catch up.

 

Kindred, hi! How are you? It's funny how we all kind of end up here in a roundabout way.

How is your sweet baby doing? You didn't mention how far along you are. Are you due soon?

Hope you're doing well!

 

Delicate, its so cool to get a glimpse of your family. Your girls sound great! There is so much in your writing that I'm hoping to do with my son mainly working at home and being able to unschool him which is what my mother did to myself and my sisters. I'm working towards that right now and hopefully I wont have to go back to work later.

 

So glad you ladies have joined the board and hopefully you'll update soon!

 

AFM, I had my son three weeks ago and he's a doll. I love him so much and even though I'm still trying to wrap my head around it and even just the little things like getting out of the house on time, its great. I have my mom and sisters here so I guess I'm not the single single mom but its nice to finally be the mama.

 

How's everyone else?. Hope you're well!

post #417 of 515

I am so hoping to join you ladies on your journey soon.  I am a single mama to a nearly 4 year old boy and although I am not a SMBC with him, his "donor" is not involved with him at all.  I am sooooooooooooooooooo ready to add another babe to our family.  I am in a great neighborhood that I recently moved into and have a fabulous job that I am pretty sure would allow me to bring my little one with me to work for the first few weeks or months.  I am almost positive that I would have a sibling spot at the daycare/preschool that DS currently attends and I LOVE it there.  I also work an incredible schedule of only 4 hours a day.  I am turning 37 in two weeks and am just feeling like now is the time to jump on it, and I can't WAIT! 

 

I am currently reading Taking Charge Of Your Fertility, and I am charting my BBT and watching cervical mucus.  This is my first month of charting and it is so interesting.  I am all over the place with my temps, so I am not quite sure if I am doing it right, but I am trying like mad.  I am really hoping next month or the month after is when I will inseminate for the first attempt.  Yippee!

post #418 of 515

CONGRATS, ESGjoy.gif

I'm so happy for you and so glad that your baby is healthy and that you're both happy. Lovely, lovely, lovely! Please keep popping in to tell us what you're up to! 

 

Pumpkin Pie, I love Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's changed my life! So much more confident that I'll know what to do when TTC comes around. 

 

I haven't posted here in a while, though I've been following the thread and keeping tabs. Haha. I'm still planning on starting TTC in September, and I can't wait. My donor and I have an amazing thing going. We're drawing up a contract and talking everything through. We're both so excited and I am so impressed by the support I've gotten from everyone in my life. My mother and grandmother are even surprising me!

 

Delicate, thanks for chiming in as someone with experience! It sounds like you've built a lovely life for yourself and your daughters. smile.gif If you don't mind my asking, did you have a known donor, or an anonymous donor? 

 

Love to All The SMBC! stillheart.gif

 

 

 

post #419 of 515

Yes, Congrats ESG!  So sorry I forgot to put that in my last post!  I am so envious of you snuggling your newborn!!!

 

Habitat, I am definitely LOVING Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I have noticed CM for the past year or so, but haven't charted anything.  My cycles can be quite long (35+days), so I am totally unsure of when I am ovulating.  I bought some cheapie ovulation predictor tests on Amazon, and am peeing on sticks every day to see if I can figure it out with them too, but no O yet.  Not that I am trying this month, but my donor has said he is willing to help me whenever I want to start trying.  I can't wait!  I need to wait until at least May to start, but it is so hard to wait.  I don't want to have a newborn, or be hugely preggo at Christmas time because of my job.  I really need to be able to give them as many hours as I can.  I need the $$$ too that the overtime will bring in. 

 

Habitat, That is so exciting that you are going to use a known donor too!  I have read many negative things, but a lot of positive stories as well.  Hoping it all works out for both of us!  I would love to see your contract too, if you don't mind sharing.  I need to start drawing ours up.  Are you using a lawyer to draw it up, or are you doing it on your own?  Do you have to get it notarized?  I haven't really done as much research on contracts as I really should have done at this point. 

 

 

post #420 of 515

Pumpkin Pie, I'm using this (pdf file) known donor contract, which I found through choicemoms.org. I'm making a few changes, but for the most part I like it for its legibility and parallels to my situation. I haven't decided whether I'm going to talk to a lawyer about it. There is no procedure for recognizing known donor contracts under the law, so I'm not really sure how much it matters. If you get a judge that rules against you, it doesn't matter whether a lawyer read it or whether it was recognized. To my understanding, it carries no technical weight - It's just a document that you can take to court to help you in the case that you have to (god forbid) fight for sole-parenthood to your child. I am going to have a lawyer as a witness to our signing the document. I happen to know a lawyer who said that she would sign as a witness, but you could also just have mutual friends sign.

 

My donor and I are very close friends. He knows that he is giving me a gift, and that once he gives me the gift, the results are mine. The child will be mine, 100%. We've been talking about this for a little under a year, so we're well-versed in each other's expectations. I am thankful to him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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