I am 1/2 white and 1/2 Native American, my child's father (boyfriend) is 1/2 Black and 1/2 Cuban. Our baby is very light, has light brownish hair and blue eyes. I am of the opinion that our daughter needs to be aware of all of her heritage, that she isn't just Black but a mixture of several ethnicities. My boyfriend is adamant that she is Black and that he will raise her as "black". I find it hurtful that he doesn't even acknowledge my heritage in her. I am adopted and have never know my bio parents and I have tried to expose myself to various aspects of the Native American culture. I want to expose her to some of those things and I want her to take pride in her heritage. My adoptive parents are white yet they have always allowed me to be myself. My boyfriend had a different upbringing and seems to be ashamed of his Cuban heritage and had a hard time as a "mixed" child (he was raised in another country and he was quite a bit lighter than his family members). He has even told me not to put sunscreen on her b/c he wants her to darken up. I have tried to approach the subject with him that race doesn't have to be such a big thing. That our daughter will be who she is but that it is our job to expose her to various experiences. He seems to have a real dislike for white people, even though I'm 1/2 white and he fears my "white" influence on her. That I'm raising her too white. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to have a civil discussion with him about this? I don't want our daughter to grow up hating how she looks. I know one his issues is that she isn't darker. She is several shades lighter than me and quite a few shades lighter than him and I can imagine that we get some questioning looks when we're all out together. I just don't want our daughter to grow up hating herself or hating a particular race...basically I don't want her to grow up like her father. Any thoughts?
post #1 of 5
6/18/09 at 10:55pm