Need some good book advice on discipline

[Ummy]

Hello all,

I have 2 toddlers and they don't listen...it is as if i am speaking to the walls sometime. I wanted to see if anyone can recommend some good books on how to effectively discipline children and how to make kids listen to you. Time outs don't work..even taking away toys in my house doesn't work..it's like a cycle..it's a constant battle that i am trying to fight and I need some good help.

I heard some good things about the book Unconditional Parenting and How to Talk so that your children will listen...can anyone else recommend some other good effective books?

Thanks and I really appreciate it.

[mom2grrls]

How old are your children?

[delly]

I have the same problem with my 3 yr old DD. She isn't listening to any direction I give her and it's driving us nuts! Plus it's embarrassing - for example, I'm trying to teach her to say please and thank you and REQUEST things instead of demand - she prefers to yell "I want x" or "give me x now" instead of "please may I have" or even just "can I have" would be enough right now, and I'm constantly reminding her and trying to get her to say it more politely, but she just stares at me, and then eventually mumbles please, but nothing else, and then when I try to get her to ASK instead of demand, she either clams up, or sullenly mumbles it under her breath. I say embarrassing, because she's doing it to my friends as well, and one's mentioned it to me a couple times. Sigh.
And heaven forbid I should ask DD to pick up something, or put a toy away, or come to dinner, or come put her shoes on now so we can leave the house to get somewhere on time, or even get dressed when I want her to - it's always "not now!" or "I'm playing now" or just silence while she pretends not to hear me and wanders the other direction. Drives me NUTS! I don't have time to sit around waiting for her to decide she's ready - and frankly, she needs to learn that other people's needs and desires mean something too! And physically picking her up precipitates tantrums, of course, while I do whatever needs to be done, and hasn't resulted in any better listening. I've tried to tell her that I expect her to at least say "yes mommy" when I'm talking to her, but she just gives me the sullen stare and refuses to say anything. As she's gotten older, I've tried to respect her rhythm and wishes within reason, like giving her heads up on finishing something and then we're doing what I say we need to do, but it's gotten way out of hand somehow, and now she just does what she wants and doesn't bother listening to what comes next.
It's weird, because I would have sworn her older brother wasn't like this. I mean, he was a little self centered, like any kid would be, but he responded at least!

[mamaUK]

'Kid Co-operation how to stop yelling,nagging and pleading and get kids to cooperate' by Elizabeth Pantley. This book totally turned things around with my 4 year old who would simply not do as she was asked/not listen etc etc. Its got pratical/easy adivice that ACTUALLY WORKS! you should be able to get a used copy of amazon for a couple of dollors.

[megviolet]

I haven't read a ton of books beginning to end, but i have taken a ton of books from the library and leafed through them and read the ones i liked the most Libraries are the best.

I've included links to give you a better idea what each book is like


My favorite is "becoming the parent you want to be" and i highly recommend it to everyone with a toddler
http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/hp.html

Alfie Kohn 'uncondtional parenting' is really neat, it takes more time to read it but it has some great concepts that were new to me.
http://www.alfiekohn.org/up/index.html

faber/mazlish books, good and a quick read but i didn't find them to apply much to a toddler. I will re-read them when DD is older for sure.
http://www.fabermazlish.com/miva/mer...ategory_Code=5

Dr Sears discipline book is a good basic.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

Hope that helps