Tempted to spank? Cut this out as a reminder - you'll stop yourself

[BlueStateMama]

Yes, I read gossip mags (to my defense, they get handed on to my mom, then my SIL, then her mom, etc - it's our trashy read little co-op)

Usually, it's celeb fluff, nothing upsetting. This week, however, "In Touch" had frame by frame photos of Kate Gosslin snapping and grabbing her 6 (?) year old DD by the arm and spanking her. You see the look of anger on mom's face, the spanking, and the tears and horrible look on the little girl's face after. I swear I'm going to cut this out and use it as a reminder. I am firmly against spanking, only "broke" and whacked my DS when he was 3 on the bottom once (and felt so badly and that I betrayed everything I think about parenting) - that never happened again.

But I do have my moments of anger, and occasional yelling (I'm working hard on that - I hate, hate myself for raising my voice in anger) but I think that just looking at those photos and focusing on the little girl's face will bring me back to my senses FAST.

The photos are all over the internet. Mom defended her "right" to punish her child. To me, it was one of the most upsetting reminders of why hitting your children is wrong. Her sad, scared, teary face speaks a thousand words.

PS - Please, let's keep any UA comments about Kate out of this, I think the photos could serve as a good visual for parent who do struggle with their tempers and I think that if people could use this upsetting event'/coverage to effectuate positive change in themselves, it could help parents and their children.

[4inMyHeart3inArms]

Thats so sad, I had liked her family because I thought she the one of the two that DIDNT hit her children. I knew a girl once who after a spanking debate (where she defended spanking) came back to the message board a few months later after seeing the look of fear on her daughters face and realized it was wrong. She them embraced GD and stopped spanking. Which is why I dont shut up about the subject because all I have to do is reach one person even if it isn't a lurker and I will effect many many people (all those people's children, all the people that mother shares her testiment with, all her childrens childrens, and all the people who interact with those non spanked people, etc) ya know, butterfly effect

[swd12422]

Don't need/want to see it. But I'm so glad you posted this, b/c as I read it I was thinking about how I *should* be cleaning the bathroom/living room/whatever instead of surfing.

Your post reminded me that just reading this forum has GREATLY reinforced how important it is for me to not lose my temper when DS is just being a toddler and that I never want to spank him. I've lost it a few times and yelled at him, and the look on his face was heartbreaking. I can't imagine what it would look like if I smacked him, and I never want to see it. He's just started pinching and hitting a little. He smacked me in the face yesterday b/c he didn't want his diaper changed. If I hadn't found this forum MONTHS ago, and read repeatedly about moms who stay calm and hold their LOs' hands and say quietly, "No hitting," I would likely have smacked him back in a totally reflexive response. Instead, I have a sense of calm imprinted on my brain for those moments I just knew would be coming, and I'm so grateful.

So I'll remember your post (and this forum) and the true benefit I'm getting from it the next time I feel guilty for reading instead of cleaning while DS is napping!

ETA: 4inMyHeart3inArms - You posted as I was typing, but you hit the nail on the head for me!

[4inMyHeart3inArms]

the poll on it on one sight had 45 perfecnt vote its right and only 15% vote its not... the rest voted it is sometimes right. our society is seriously screwed up.

[Ruthla]

I'm concerned about this poor child's privacy. Is it really fair to the 6yo to have an embarrasing photo of her posted in such a prominent place?

Yes, I know these photos are already all over the internet, but does that make it right for you to continue using/posting them?

[BlueStateMama]

does that make it right for you to continue using/posting them?

For *me*? Personally? I'd say if I'm discussing them to illustrate the distress that spanking causes a child - then I have no problem "using" them - considering that this family is (a) on a popular TV program, (b) in every gossip mag and (c) spread all over the internet. The parents have chosen the harsh glare of the popular media, so when they mistreat the kids, it should be noticed, and commented upon, not just swept under the rug as "discipline."

The majority of focus is on them as a family and recently, the mom/dad cheating-scandal-conflict. If I can bring the focus, on ONE message board, back to "hey, look at the CHILDREN", and more pointedly, "look at the face of a child who is HIT" - I'm OK with that. The poor kid is a media pawn in the hand of her parents, so I have no problem illuminating the impact when she's hit by one of the media-focused parents.

Plus if this can help one mom here who is struggling, coinsidering these pics are already world-wide, then great, I've helped another mama see the face of hitting. It already impacted me, and I was hoping it could help others to stop and think twice when angry.