7 yr old frustration/anger

[CJ's mommy]

(x-posted in childhood years)

My DS is 7. He is easily frustrated/angered. When he is frustrated he hits, kicks,bites. I need to help him deal with this. We might need to see a therapist.

Today was his last baseball game of the season. He gets really frustrated when he gets out. He throws his helmet, gloves, kicks the equipment on the ground.

My Dh helps to coach, so he tries to head off the tantrum, but today his didn't work. DS comes over to me and is kicking then sits on my lap and is biting me and trying to hit me. I try to tell him that it is ok to get out and that even great ball players only get on base some of the time. Maybe I should have commiserated with him.

The hiting and biting continues so off to the car we go. I have to lead him by the arm all the while he is kicking, hiting and biting. We get to the car and I talk to him. I ask him if he can calm down, if he is sad to be missing the last part of his last game. He is finally able to calm down. We go back and they had put one of the other players at 3rd base instead of him. He was told to go to the outfield more tantrum. (DH make the line up so he told him go to outfield and maybe you can play 3rd base next inning). Finally he goes to the outfield and is able to finish the game.

I'm not sure is baseball is his thing so he can decide about playing next year.

I'm not sure if it is a "spoiled" thing or if he really has a hard time with his emotions.

How should I have handled this? I can I help him next time as I am sure this behavior will come up for some other reason.

[ewe+lamb]

WOW this must be so hard for you all. I'm wondering, as you suggested, if baseball isn't his thing. Maybe a non-team sport for a while would do him some good, or something that your dh isn't coaching just to see if there is the same reaction at all. I presume that he knows that biting and kicking you is not acceptable - have you told him that? I would maybe see if I could go over - very gently, what is socially acceptable or not, set up a game or something so that you can get an idea of what his vision of what 'socially acceptable' is, it maybe different from yours. Big hugs.

[churndash]

Every kid who has ever played baseball gets upset when they get out. I have to tell you though - in our Little League, a kid who threw his equipment would be suspended from the rest of the game and would be kicked off the team if that kind of behavior continued.

If my 7 year old was hitting, biting, and kicking me, I would not be commiserating with him or trying to reassure him - I would be telling him

"STOP hitting and biting me RIGHT NOW." And honestly, I would have nothing more to say to him until he quit assaulting me.

[selectionsbysc]

I logged on today with all kinds of frustrations myself. I have a seven year old ds who has a temper problem as well. He knows he's mad and will have a tantrum and be yelling "I'm so mad!" and then he'll throw things. When he gets destructive, I know it's gone too far. My DH uses anger in his response to him which means the whole thing escalates even further. When I'm dealing with the situation I try to hold my ds gently or hug him and whisper in his ear. Sometimes he will try to hurt me and sometimes he really does hurt me but by holding him and talking to him I can calm him down pretty quickly. Then when things are calm, we talk about it. I tell him to protect his heart because he gets upset so easily about little things. My next goal is to work with my dh on his response because it's not OK and making things worse. Right now, I feel very sad and tired--always full of love for my kids--but having a hard time being a wife and parent.

[amis2girls]

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[CJ's mommy]

Thanks for the input.

He does know what is socially acceptable, but when he gets so mad he is not able to control himself. Maybe working with him more one on one may help.

I don't know why the coach never suspended him. Maybe that would have helped him control himself. I never thought of telling him he couldn't play ( i was try to help him not get so frustrated). He probably won't be playing next year.

Selectionsbysc: I also find that if we get worked up it takes him longer to calm down. I try to be calm and soothing for him, but sometimes his behavior makes me really mad/angry also( i guess I need to work on that also).

Lots to work on.

Erin