DD is 21 months old, and for a few months now, I've noticed that she's been getting more "difficult". She has a very VERY strong personality, very willful. My first child is 12, and he was always laid back from the time he was a baby. The most he'd ever do was whine. Never any tantrums. DD on the other hand throws tantrums daily. She's a very smart little girl, and it's become obvious that she's figured out that if she's "cute", she can get away with things. If she doesn't get her way, I've watched her throw herself on the floor, kicking, screaming so much so that people have actually thought she was seriously hurt. Now, she has begun telling us "no" all the time. We're trying to teach her to pick up her toys, and pick up her food if she throws it on the floor (which she does when she's bored or angry). She refuses and fights us, screaming and throwing a fit.
I'm growing more and more frustrated because I'm trying so hard to learn gentle discipline. I feel like we screwed up with our oldest (though he's just fine!) and I've just grown so accustomed to raising my voice that I'm doing it all the time with DD now. Also, I'm ashamed to admit that there have been a handful of times when I've lost control and swatted her on her bottom or the back of her thigh when she does things like kick me when I'm trying to change her diaper. I feel so horrible afterwards. We spanked my son a few times as he was growing up, mostly by my husband, and I'm horrified to say that some of these times, my husband was much tougher than necessary with him. This is just the way we were raised, so we followed suit. We learned several years ago, and moreso recently since DD was born, that the spankings and raising our voices did nothing but teach DS how to be afraid of us.
So, what my main concern is, how do we deal with DD's behavior now, before she gets older and it gets worse? I can tell by her personality and the way she is now that if we don't nip it in the bud now, she will become even more difficult. I don't want to spank, and I don't want to raise my voice. I need specific tactics for times in which she tells us no and physically fights us if we try to make her clean up her toys, etc. I've been reading Adventures in Gentle Discipline for tactics in dealing with tantrums, but there is nothing in regards to the "no" business.
I'm growing more and more frustrated because I'm trying so hard to learn gentle discipline. I feel like we screwed up with our oldest (though he's just fine!) and I've just grown so accustomed to raising my voice that I'm doing it all the time with DD now. Also, I'm ashamed to admit that there have been a handful of times when I've lost control and swatted her on her bottom or the back of her thigh when she does things like kick me when I'm trying to change her diaper. I feel so horrible afterwards. We spanked my son a few times as he was growing up, mostly by my husband, and I'm horrified to say that some of these times, my husband was much tougher than necessary with him. This is just the way we were raised, so we followed suit. We learned several years ago, and moreso recently since DD was born, that the spankings and raising our voices did nothing but teach DS how to be afraid of us.
So, what my main concern is, how do we deal with DD's behavior now, before she gets older and it gets worse? I can tell by her personality and the way she is now that if we don't nip it in the bud now, she will become even more difficult. I don't want to spank, and I don't want to raise my voice. I need specific tactics for times in which she tells us no and physically fights us if we try to make her clean up her toys, etc. I've been reading Adventures in Gentle Discipline for tactics in dealing with tantrums, but there is nothing in regards to the "no" business.
My DD says 'no' to EVERYTHING and has started the flailing tantrums too.
