Ds buying junk food for himself behind my back.

[daylily]

How on earth can I stop him?

My ds is 11 (will be 12 in May.) He's gotten a bit heavy since he turned 9--I know it's normal for boys to pack on some extra weight before hitting puberty, but I'm concerned for him because he's starting to feel self-conscious about his weight. (Reluctant to take swimming class at school, worried about how to change into his bathing suit and not get picked on, etc.)

Over the past few months, I've been finding mountain dew cans in the recycling bin and crumpled Doritoes bags or Pringles containers in his room. There's a little deli around the corner from us and he's been walking there and buying this junk. There is no junk food or soda in our house. We eat desserts as a special treat only. I don't want ds drinking Mountain Dew or eating the other junk he buys, but I don't see how I can stop him other than to take away his allowance and put him on house arrest--which, of course, I don't want to do. I want him to *choose* not to spend his money on junk.

We've talked about how soda will rot his teeth but that arguement doesn't carry much weight with him--he's always been fairly sloppy about oral hygeine and yet has never had a cavity. I know he'd like to lose weight and over his Christmas vacation he was going out for long bike rides in order to get himself in shape, but then he'd stop at the store on the way home and get himself some chips! I've encouraged him to save his allowance for other things he wants, such as CDs, but he has not been receptive to that idea--he feels his allowance is too small and that it would take him too long to save up for something really cool.

Furthermore, when he's at school, he trades away the healthy lunch I give him for the junk his friends eat! I feel like I have absolutely no control over what he eats anymore.

I did check out Dr. Sears' book Lean Kids from the library and I'm hoping to find some advice there. Has anyone else dealt with this problem?

[Dar]

I don't think you can stop him. I'd put this one firmly in the "let it go" category... like you said, you really can't stop him, so you might as well bring the topic into the open so everyone's being honest about it. At least that way you can say things like, "We're having your favorite stir fry for supper, so you may want to save any snacks you buy for later."

If he seriously wants to lose weight (although if he hasn't hit puberty yet the goal would generally be to sort of not gain weight until he grow into the weight he has) and he brings it up and seems receptive to help, you can give him some info and offe help, but I wouldn't police him about it. Rain (11) is on the Atkins Diet now, which wouldn't have been my choice, and she's come to me a couple of times and asked if she can eat a certain thing that's not allowed on the diet, and I refuse to go there... I tell her it's up to her, she knows the diet as well as I do, although sometimes I suggest ways she could have a similar thing that is allowed.

The whole diet thing makes me really nervous, to be frank. I had eating disorders as a teen-young woman, and I've never been overweight. Rain was 5'2" and 125 pounds, with long arms and legs and a lot of belly. I was figuring she'd grow another few inches and things would be fine, she wanted to lose 20 pounds so she could dance better (ballet). We did some online research and came up with losing 12 pounds, and the Atkins diet is something a lot of people she knows are on, and I was happy because the calories aren't restricted. She's lost about 5 pounds in 3 weeks and seems healthy (she also cut out sugar and caffiene entirely, that's part of the atkins deal). So it seems to be working out okay...

Sorry for stealing your thread...

Dar

[bubbles]

That is a tough one. I just wanted to share that I did the same thing as a young teenager. We ate a pretty healthy diet at home and there were many mainstream (ie junk) foods that we did not eat. I felt like I was really missing out on something. I would go to the store to buy things and would also trade my lunches at school. The only difference is that I was underweight at that time so I had no concerns about it. I just felt restricted and wanted to have all of that yummy stuff. Eventually I realized that it did not make me feel very good. When I got into high school sports I became much more conscious of my diet on my own. I know this doesn't answer your question but I thought it might help to hear a similar story.

[daylily]

Maybe the best way is to get him to realize that eating junk makes you feel sick and eating healthfully makes you feel good. He can't possibly feel very good after eating all those Doritos.

[calgal007]

Can you begin an exercise program with him? Just taking long walks together counts.

There is a water flavored with the essence of fruit, it has no sugar, that is sold at Whole Foods and other stores; can't recall the name. Anyway, it's a good soda substitute.

Garden of Eatin' makes terrific organic chips.

I told my ds, who is the same age as yours, about the MSG in things like Doritos and Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers, and how it is a flavor enhancer that ultimately gives you a headache. Then I said, "Isn't that sneaky and rude of a food company? To cheat you like that?"

I stock the fridge with organic chocolate yoghurt which is my compromise on sweets. We always have pretzels, fruit (like that's ever going to be his #1 choice!!! in my dreams!!!) and frozen organic burritoes.

Also, no corner market around here, which helps. I'd go with the intellectual arguement about how big junk food manufacturers don't use organic stuff, they lie by producing "natural" varieties of snacks, and use ingredients that are cheap in order to make a profit. Instill rightous indignition about it; at this age it might work.

I'm giving my son the "stick it to the man" and don't buy into the advertising message. He seems to respond, and will make that argument to his peers if they "dis" his lunch choices. Then they go home and tell their parents about big food manufacturers. Oh what fun I have!!!!

[polka hop]

*

[lilyka]

I was alot like your son at his age. I would say lighten up about it. He just wants to be like aother kids and if all he is going to do is drink pop and eat chips then no big. I went totally crazy on this stuff, gained a ton of weight and now at nearly 30 am just coming back into balance. What would have helped most is if I could avoided the feeling that these things were special and that people were holding out on me and that everyone else got to have them but me.

Talk to him. See what good comprimises would be since weight is an issue. My dd is overweight (has always been chubby) and is really starting to notice. I got the LEAN kids book and really like his apporaoch. We have really be stressing exersize and gettng fit and strong. She is in Tae Kwon Do (which is an excellent fitness program IMO) which is really inspring her to get firt because she isn't that good at it but is determined to break boards, and win a sparring match. And she is very proud that she can do real push ups rather than girly pushups or the lame excuse for push ups most of the kids do. So maybe let the junk stuff ride but make up for it with exercize and stuff. Be sure you keep encouraging nutritious foods at home and everything should balance out.

Also if he is complaining about his weight I don't think it is a bad idea to address it. Have him set some goals. Show him how many calories he is consuming, talk to him about what is needed to make a person go and give them energy (calories are fine so long as the come from a source that gives you the energy to burn them), figure out how many push ups or sit ups or minutes of running it takes to burn off one bottle of Mt. Dew. (iot will just put it into perspective.

And hey, you can tell him about me. I gave up pop for my News years reselution and have lost 12 pound without otherwise batting an eye. it says a lot.

[doulamomvicki]

I am having to same problen with my dd and she is a juvenile diabetic! I am actually taking her to a nutrionist this week. I have no advice (no useful advice at least) just !

[daylily]

You know, he's not at all involved in meal preparation at our house. He often makes his own breakfast and lunch, and I've taught him basic cooking skills, but he has never helped cook dinner. I should see if he's interested, but he probably won't be.

back to you, doulamomvicki. I hope you find a solution!