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need some suggestions about local HS mom

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
okay, so i have no idea if this is against the UA or not.

i belong to all the local homeschooling yahoo groups i can (except for the christian one). there is a mom on all these groups too who has a 6 yo DS (like mine) and she regularly freaks out on this lists about her DS. the actual association we belong to has lots of really seasoned unschoolers and lifelong HS-er who's kids are now in college. she started posting there about needing to find a curriculum so he wouldn't "fall behind." she was worried about the regs and getting in trouble. everyone was really great about reassuring her and making suggestions for encouraging learning without a curri. she also got great tips about the regs, etc. then she started posting to other groups about how her son is behind and the school won't help her (she went for testing to her district and told her he's behind in reading, writing and math and they *think* he might have ADHD, but they don't know for sure unless he's in school... they told her to put him in school if she wants to help him), and her friends and family are pushing her to put him in school.

so, here's the part that i am having and issue with. when she doesn't hear the answers she wants (don't know what she does want, but she keeps saying she is looking for help for her DS and she's so frustrated because no one will help her), she switches to another group. so she joined my activity group for kids her DS' age and now she's posting there. i am not sure what to say or how to deal with her, since she seems in a perpetual state of freaking out. (since i met her in feb)

how would you deal with someone like this? it seems people have all given her good advice and lots of support. people have gone over her paperwork with her and told her how to deal with the district. but she is still saying she is getting no help. she almost never brings her DS to any activities... (my advice was to spend as much time around HS families as possible this summer and just listen as much as possible to how other families "do it.")
post #2 of 10
I would just moderate the postings and request that things be kept on topic for the groups purpose... activities.
post #3 of 10
As annoying as it may be to you, I would just wait it out. If this is her pattern, she will probably post a bunch of times to her new group and then move on when she gets "no help". Unfortunately it sounds like she just has some inner conflict regarding her choices or maybe doesn't know what she wants. In the meantime, if she approaches you directly in person maybe smiling and saying "you must find that really frustrating" will help. Good luck!
post #4 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by umami_mommy View Post
okay, so i have no idea if this is against the UA or not.

i belong to all the local homeschooling yahoo groups i can (except for the christian one). there is a mom on all these groups too who has a 6 yo DS (like mine) and she regularly freaks out on this lists about her DS. the actual association we belong to has lots of really seasoned unschoolers and lifelong HS-er who's kids are now in college. she started posting there about needing to find a curriculum so he wouldn't "fall behind." she was worried about the regs and getting in trouble. everyone was really great about reassuring her and making suggestions for encouraging learning without a curri. she also got great tips about the regs, etc. then she started posting to other groups about how her son is behind and the school won't help her (she went for testing to her district and told her he's behind in reading, writing and math and they *think* he might have ADHD, but they don't know for sure unless he's in school... they told her to put him in school if she wants to help him), and her friends and family are pushing her to put him in school.

so, here's the part that i am having and issue with. when she doesn't hear the answers she wants (don't know what she does want, but she keeps saying she is looking for help for her DS and she's so frustrated because no one will help her), she switches to another group. so she joined my activity group for kids her DS' age and now she's posting there. i am not sure what to say or how to deal with her, since she seems in a perpetual state of freaking out. (since i met her in feb)

how would you deal with someone like this? it seems people have all given her good advice and lots of support. people have gone over her paperwork with her and told her how to deal with the district. but she is still saying she is getting no help. she almost never brings her DS to any activities... (my advice was to spend as much time around HS families as possible this summer and just listen as much as possible to how other families "do it.")
If you feel you need to say something, I think I might say something along the lines of what you've said here:
"As far as I can see, people have given you quite a bit of help, if it isn't filling your needs, maybe you need to be a bit more specific about what kind of help you're hoping to find."

But personally, I think I'd ignore her -- it would bother me if someone got all that help (including going through her paperwork with her!) and was so ungrateful as to complain about "not getting any help".

ZM
post #5 of 10
Maybe reach out to her, and invite her DS to come play with yours. Then, when she's over, let her bring up the problems she's having- or just socialize and have fun if she doesn't want to ask any questions.

I'm guessing she has some deeper issues- my guess is that she's getting a LOT of outside pressure to put him into school and needs constant counter-pressure to find the strength to keep him home. She doesn't sound particularly confident in her ability to teach her son, or in his ability to learn what he needs to learn without "being taught."

She just might do better putting him in school, and he just might do better in a school environment than being home and constantly feeling like he's "behind." If that's what she chooses to do before the next school year begins, I see no reason to try and stop her.
post #6 of 10
Thread Starter 
yeah, i have invited her to come and have a playdate with us a few times. she's never accepted.

i wonder if there is something else going on with her. but i have to admit, it's wonderful and a joy to homeschool a kid who is a sponge, seeks out learning and is enthusiastic about everything... my DS is NOT and hers isn't either. i could care less about what others think, but if i was thin-skinned, it might really upset me.
post #7 of 10
I had a thought when reading your original post.

Perhaps her complaining and not "hearing" the advice stems from her not being in the right place to receive it. Everyone is moving along their homeschool journey from different starting places and at different speeds. What seems completely obvious to you and to other people may not be obvious to her. Freaking out may be her modus operandi to dealing with problems.

I say don't worry about it because clearly it is an issue of hers that she needs to work out. It has nothing to do with you except that it is annoying. The gracious thing to do is smile and be helpful.
post #8 of 10
Yep, I agree with Pumpkin seeds. She's not ready yet. She has no idea what questions she's really asking. She's not getting the answers to her real questions because she can't quite formulate those questions yet. She'll keep looking and maybe she'll find them. She's looking though, so that's good. She may need to read something that will help her figure out exactly what she's trying to figure out...if that makes sense. She may be homeschooling because she feels inside of her that it's right, but she's not in the right mindset to really understand her own reasons for feeling this way. Especially if she's new to the idea. She sounds conflicted and confused.

I wouldn't do anything other than be nice and give advice when asked. I'd be slightly irritated, but there's nothing you can do. I suppose we've all been there with our HS/US journey...unless we just are especially enlightened and resourceful.

When I first started HSing...my first question was "What curriculum should I use?" I also pissed a bunch of people off here at MDC because I just wasn't in the place to understand. I knew I wanted to homeschool, but I didn't understand everything around it. It takes awhile. We're going on 3 years and are still learning.
post #9 of 10
Thread Starter 
yeah, i agree. i emailed her to say i was concerned when she never replied to anyone and was she okay and she responded that she was really distracted with her youngest... who has failure to thrive. not to make any assumptions, but when a 12 month old is hospitalized for FTT, CPS is usually involved. so, i'm guessing it's not the district she is worried about, but CPS instead.

i think she is so freaked out by FTT and CPS (i would be too) that she isn't really able to conceptualize what HS is all about.

i hope she finds the help she needs, a lot of help has been offered to her, but she doesn't feel any of it is what she needs right now. i suggested she was the one who could use help... i told her that if she told the HS group we belong to what was happening... people would reach out and help. (the DD of one of our members just was diagnosed with lymphoma and the help was just poured out to this family) but she hasn't emailed the group for help.
the ball is in her court now.
post #10 of 10
I didn't read any of the responses, so forgive me if this has been said already, but I'd ignore her. I don't see where this has anything to do with you and if she is tripping on nothing, there's not much you can do.

I'm not really that mature personally, I'm kind of passive aggressive, I'd probably jokingly point out to her what a spaz she is, but that's probably really not nice or smart.

It might work, though.

Good luck.
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