I'm not exactly sure *what* I'm experiencing, whether it's PPD or not. I just feel overwhelmed and a bit *down* that things haven't gone as planned... The labor and birth really shook my confidence in myself and my body (b/c it was so incredibly painful, and b/c of the shoulder dystocia and all the tearing) and breastfeeding has been SO awful so far. So all these things that I really believe/d in, natural childbirth, breastfeeding, I feel betrayed by in a weird kind of way. I wanted to "wear" my baby, but I haven't, hardly at all, b/c he's so big, I'm so weak and tired, and now my poor boobs are so sore (from thrush, now, it's just one thing after another) that I can't stand to have the pressure of the sling or carrier pressed against them. So he's becoming a stroller baby, not what I envisioned.
My poor son gets the *worst* gas pains, several times a day, in which he just screams and farts. Which would be funny if he weren't in so much pain. I don't know what's causing it... I have a very strong let-down and too much milk, but then I've been pumping and bottle-feeding so I doubt that's the only thing, unless the bottle causes the same problems as an overactive letdown. I'm hoping it's not dietary, because I would have a very difficult time giving up dairy or whatever, although I'm trying to do without dairy for the next two weeks to see if that helps. Anyway, him being unhappy and in pain during those times, is not helping my mental state any, you know?