What is your GD tone of voice like?

[Paeta16]

I really struggle with keeping my voice/tone in check. I often sound angrier than I am and I tend toward raising my voice since I grew up in a yelling household. I think my DD is used to me...and I often apologize to her if I raise my voice. I don't have a quiet voice to begin with either. What has really made me notice this, is my nephew. I think I scare him a little. Even though my actions are GD, I think my tone of voice is not.

How do you speak to your kids when disciplining?

Thanks!

[holothuroidea]

My baby is only 10 months old, but I'd say she's transitioning to the toddler phase now (although I'd say she does less "toddling" and more RUNNING). She's trouble and gets into everything!

Anyway, I've found my "serious voice." It's not louder, but it's much deeper than my usual voice. I also grew up with a lot of yelling/verbal abuse, and the use of a raised tone of voice puts me in attack mode. I married a very quiet man, and we like to keep our house fairly quiet.

The only time I really raise my voice is if she does something dangerous (e.g. pulling a book off of a tall table), I say, "NOT SAFE!" It's more of an alarmed tone than an angry one. Her reaction to this so far has been to stop what she's doing and run towards me, so it's working.

[Oliver'sMom]

I have a very sensitive boy that has always been highly aware of tone and facial expressions, so when disciplining, I use the same tone as if I'm saying "could you hand me that towel?"

This is not easy for me, but I've found I get FAR better results this way.

When immediate safety is involved...say he's running out into a parking lot full of cars and I can't grab him in time, I yell "STOP!" This has only happened maybe twice and he immediately stopped and melted into tears. I often wonder how children who are used to their parents yelling at them respond in a situation like this. I wonder if they'd even respond at all.

[Paeta16]

Originally Posted by Oliver'sMom

When immediate safety is involved...say he's running out into a parking lot full of cars and I can't grab him in time, I yell "STOP!" This has only happened maybe twice and he immediately stopped and melted into tears. I often wonder how children who are used to their parents yelling at them respond in a situation like this. I wonder if they'd even respond at all.

See I think parents who yell regularly just yell louder/angrier and MORE and it does NOTHING after awhile IMO. I've noticed a couple of times if I've been in a "loud voice" mode for a couple of days that DD does not listen to me when I really need her to, so I think you are 100% correct. I've found playful parenting helps me keep myself in check but I need to work harder when I get overly frustrated you know?

[Thisbirdwillfly]

I found that by keeping my facial expression serious, not mean but serious, my voice followed. My son and I had so much fun together and we laughed a lot. Keeping my expression and face serious gave him two clues that what we were speaking about was a non-negotiable, of which there were very few but there were some.

Perhaps think about as if you needed to find the right tone to speak with an employer or employee about something serious. You wouldn't raise your voice at work, but you're voice would be different.

[DevaMajka]

My GD tone of voice is serious/firm (if it's a situation that warrants that), or really close to a normal conversation voice. I think the look on my face conveys just as much as, or even more than, my tone of voice.
When he's going crazy and getting really loud, my voice is quiet and soothing- I'm not sure how I manage that!

Sometimes there's some frustration added in there, but that's not my GD voice. lol. I should add that even when I do sound frustrated and on the brink of yelling, ds is largly unaffected by it (I had to work really hard to stop yelling, so he's kinda used to me doing it , even though now I very rarely yell). He still "listens" to me, but it doesn't hurt his feelings or anything.
However, when DP adds even a hint of frustration in his voice, ds breaks down, and is HUGELY affected by it. DP has only "yelled" (more accurately, spoke with a lot of frustration in his voice) once or twice, so ds isn't used to it at all!

[oceanbaby]

I have to work very hard at not yelling, so my "GD voice" is calm but firm. My non GD voice is yelling.

[waldorfknitmama]

So I just started the "whisper" approach. When My LO is acting up I tell him to "stop/don't do that/gentle/queit" ect. in his ear whispering. I say "come here, I have to tell you something" and when he comes to me I whisper in his ear, and it totally works. Like in order for him to hear me (becasue I'm literally whispering) he needs to quiet himself and listen. And so far, it's really working.

[GradysMom]

my tone of voice can be pretty awful sometimes... when I'm really together I'm am able to talk through stuff... sometimes a slight raise in intensity...

However, be it tired, or pregant, lately it has been dotted with yelling and lecturing both of which I do try to control...

[RoseRedHoofbeats]

My voice is loud when I need people to stop RIGHT NOW, but I try not to get into shrill, earsplitting territory. I have a clock-stopping roar left over from training horses that is used for stuff that is reserved for "LISTEN TO ME BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF" situations. When I'm talking to a kid about it, I try to keep my voice very low and talk a little slower than usual. Eye contact is crucial, and I usually try to touch their shoulder or hand.

So many of the kids I know and have babysat/worked with are so terrified of an adult being mad at them that they can't focus on anything else, including what I'm saying about why I want them to stop.

~Rose

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Mine is like I'm giving information.

[DesertFlower]

I use a calm and firm tone of voice. One that says "I'm serious, I know what I'm doing, I will follow through, but I am calm, rational, and I love you".

I'd be a liar if I said I never raise my voice, or become exasperated. I'm just a human