Poll: moms worried about sons using men's room -- your opinions

[mammal_mama]

My husband recently had an upsetting experience, which has sparked a long thread in parenting issues (titled Feeling so sorry for men today --rant), and I was wanting to get more men's opinions on this issue.

We'd taken our girls to our local waterpark, and dh needed to use the restroom. He had to use the one and only stall in the men's room, and while he was in there a boy came in and stood outside the (closed) door to the stall, waiting for dh to finish so he could go in.

His mother was naturally concerned about her son being in there so long, and kept calling in, and the boy kept anwering that he was okay. Dh understood the mother's concerns perfectly, as he has sometimes taken our older daughter out, and had to wait outside the door to the women's room on our dd.

When dh came out of the stall, the boy (who looked to be about 8) went right in. Then dh went out, and when the mom saw him she loudly yelled, "Honey are you OKAY? Has somebody been TOUCHING you?" -- to which dh was very glad that the child truthfully answered no (as in no, no one's been touching me).

This was so upsetting to my dh, he wanted to leave the park right away. It was just really scary to him to realize how much his wellbeing hinged on that child giving an honest answer to his mom. And of course I'm not saying most kids would lie about such a thing, but all I can say is it just made dh feel very shaken up and vulnerable.

Anyhow, it got me thinking that most men would probably prefer for a mom this anxious to just call out a warning, and go in to check on her son, rather than for her to stand outside, fretting, wondering if some man is in there molesting her son.

I know a woman barging in would be an encroachment on your privacy -- but so would a false accusation. So what do you guys think? Of course, the other option would be for the anxious mom to take her son, no matter his age, with her into the ladies' room. Which do you think would have been more embarrassing to you when you were a kid?

[MusicianDad]

I voted other because I'm not a mom.

I have taken DD into the mens room before when she was too young to go alone, because lets face it... a guy hanging out outside the womans room is going to get complaints and going into a womans room will get you arrested.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

I voted other because I'm not a mom.

But my whole purpose for posting the poll here was to get men's opinions as to what they would prefer, from the vantage point of being a man who sometimes needs to use the men's room.

I was thinking that if it was a choice between a mom barging in in order to SEE that her son was okay, or a mom behaving the way the mom I wrote about in my OP did, that most men would prefer the former over the latter. But it seems the majority would prefer that the mom trust her son's response, and stay outside. Or else take her son with her to the ladies' room.

I have taken DD into the mens room before when she was too young to go alone, because lets face it... a guy hanging out outside the womans room is going to get complaints and going into a womans room will get you arrested.

That's a great point! Looking at it from that angle, it does seem rather unfair that I'd be thinking the mom should just barge in if she's that worried.

Still, I actually wouldn't condemn a dad for wanting to stay close by the door in case his daughter needed help. All the women's toilets are all in enclosed stalls anyway. By the time I'm washing my hands, there's nothing I'd be embarrassed for any man to see.

I'd probably do a double-take at first if a man came rushing in, but if he said I'm checking on my little girl I'd think nothing of it.

I guess where it differs is that a woman rushing into a men's room is an annoying invasion of privacy -- but most men wouldn't feel physically-threatened by most women, at least I don't think they would. But women tend to see men as stronger and capable of harming them. With this in mind, I would likely feel startled by a guy rushing in, but once I understood the reason, I'd be cool.

[mysticmomma]

I take prepubecent boys with me to the ladies room if a family restroom or single stall bathroom is not available. Unless there was a man I trusted that could go to the mens room with them.

[mysticmomma]

And, I just realized this is in the dad's forum! Sorry. Saw from new posts page.

[MusicianDad]

In regards to women coming into the bathroom to check on their son, it might be a bit uncomfortable, but wouldn't really care all that much.

[papa de angel]

I voted - Take sons with them to women's room

If any child is young enough to need a parent (mother) to accompany them to the toilet, this should not be an issue.

As regards the case in hand, maybe the child could have waited outside until the stall was free, given the mother's anxiety? Yelling stuff like that, however understandable, is harassment and could result in a complaint against that mother, at least where I live. It must be very stressful to live in constant fear of a false accusation.

No way have I taken or would take my DD, now 4, into a mens' toilet, mostly due to the sorry state they are often in, and have not thus far had any major problems. After all I'm A PARENT taking his DD to the loo! She has to go into a dirty, at times unsavoury, mens' loo because I am a male?? Don't think so.

[daddyray]

My ex and I both take our opposite sex kids into family restrooms at reststops. My ex stands outside and waits for our boy. If he needs help, he'll call, I guess. I never had to take my girl to the bathroom when she was fairly little, so I don't know what I'd do.