How to deal with post-publication regret...

[EVC]

So my book is in the final stages of publication and I'm really glad for that because to be honest, I am actually quite sick of the whole thing

But I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about every single word, every single letter. And when I think about all of these words and phrases that I have written over the last year, the one thought that haunts me, is that I could have written that BETTER. I used the wrong here, I used awkward phrasing there, I didn't really express this probably, I should have taken that part out, I should have added another part, and on and on and on.

I submitted my final edits this morning and it *should* be going to the printer this week. And I'm not excited about it. I just feel regret about things that I would have and should have done DIFFERENTLY. And I just can't stop thinking about that.

Has anyone else felt this kind of regret? Where no matter how many times you have edited and re-worked the manuscript, you just keep obsessing over things that you want to change, but no longer can? How do you deal with that, stop nitpicking, and focus on the positive?

[marsupial*mama]

There must be sections that you love and re-read and just rock on because you can't believe YOU produced that genius turn of phrase or successfully relayed a particular quirk or foible that the whole world will relate to.

CONGRATULATIONS on getting this far. I'm enormously envious! You have finished many edits of a book that is going to be PUBLISHED! WooHoo! You are brilliance incarnate!

Seriously, I understand there will always be aspects of a published work we think we could have executed better but readers won't be as savvy or familiar with the content as you are. I dream of being where you are some time near future and I imagine I'll feel the same sense of woulda, coulda, shoulda. But at the same time, looking at your half-full glass, this is an extraordinary achievement and you are entitled to gloat, just a little bit.

[EVC]

Thanks for the vote of confidence

I guess part of the reason I feel so neurotic is that there are several similar books on the market and I keep going onto Amazon (where I'm already listed--woo hoo!) and reading THEIR reviews. Some of them are pretty harsh and, in my opinion, overly nitpicky. But that makes me look at my own manuscript with a critical eye and I imagine all the possible points of criticism and then I start freaking out about how I could have done things better. Of course, logically, I realize that you will never please EVERYONE. I just think of that first bad review though and start obsessing over detail. I know I just need to relax, but I've never published anything before, so this is all totally new to me. I haven't developed a thick skin, or any basic confidence. I need to just shut it out of my mind, but I'm finding that very hard right now. Everytime I look at it, I just see places that I feel are wrong or poorly written

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Yep. I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. I thought I would die of embarrassment when I finally saw my stuff in print because, like you said, it could have been BETTER. But, then I realized it is what it is and, in a sense, it's not mine anymore. Does that make sense? I think that's why so many writers that I know don't actually read reviews or anything once their work has "left the building."

Liz Strout, who just won the Pulitzer, still feels this way. She recently was visiting with some mutual friends here and we all agreed that it's just like that. And, I thought as she said it, if LIZ STROUT-PULITZER PRIZE WINNER feels that way, then, heck, I guess I'm in good company.

Congratulations on your book. I hope that you'll be so smothered with positive feedback, you'll quit worrying about how it could have been . . .
And, remember, you can voice that stuff here but never let "them" see you sweat.

[EVC]

I'm glad I'm not the only one then

I think I just need to stay off Amazon. Block it from my server or something. The manuscript is at the printer now and the advance copies should be ready by month's end. I just find this very stressful.

[MommyHawk]

I think the best thing to do is to start a new book. I am in the last editing stages of my novel and I feel the obsessing/regret starting to kick in for me. I dream about it, can't stop thinking about it...so I started a new book. TOTALLY helped me stop obsessing about the first one!

Congratulations on getting your book published! Maybe you can post your tips to writing a winning query letter ...

[EVC]

Originally Posted by MommyHawk

I think the best thing to do is to start a new book. I am in the last editing stages of my novel and I feel the obsessing/regret starting to kick in for me. I dream about it, can't stop thinking about it...so I started a new book. TOTALLY helped me stop obsessing about the first one!

Congratulations on getting your book published! Maybe you can post your tips to writing a winning query letter ...

Well, I'm not really a writer. I think that's why I'm so stressed about it, and why I haven't figured out ways to deal with this sort of thing. It was just an opportunity that sort of fell into my lap, and I decided to go for it. It was actually a lot of fun to do, although I don't have current plans to start another project like this. That really contributes to the stress, you know? I feel like this was my *one* shot and I fear the failure of it.

[MommyHawk]

I'm not sure how you can feel like a failure...you are GETTING PUBLISHED!!! That right there IMHO is a SUCCESS! You managed something we all are striving for. No book is EVER finished. NO BOOK. Every writer feels this endless need to keep editing and fixing...only you have to put it away eventually and move onto something else.

If you're not a writer, whatever you are, go do that...and enjoy the fact that you accomplished something that few ever do.

What's your book about? Fiction? Nonfiction? If you got published so easily, maybe you ARE a writer and don't even know it yet...maybe try something that doesn't easily fall into your lap and take a stab at it.

[MommyHawk]

can we get a link to your book?

[EVC]

can we get a link to your book?

Well, it's a little embarrassing, but I can PM you the amazon link if you want (I just don't want to post such specific identifying information publicly).

What's your book about? Fiction? Nonfiction?

Non-fiction, reference. It is basically a foreign language phrasebook, but one that is meant to deal with the subject of language and culture in a humorous and edgy way. So there are some outright ridiculous phrases, offbeat vocabulary, then long, rambling texts where I muse about various subjects like music, food, sports, and sex. Humor can be a tricky thing. Not everyone gets it and, when they don't, it tends to come off as stupid at best and (possibly) offensive at worse, yk?

I am actually a grad student in real life, so I do write quite a bit. But academic stuff. Boring research-y stuff. And stuff with a VERY limited audience.

This kind of thing is a HUGE departure from my style and comfort zone.

[HappyMommy2]

Since it is non-fiction, maybe you can keep your edits and update it in a couple years (and make some more money) as a "new and updated for 2011!!!" version.

Congrats!

[EVC]

Since it is non-fiction, maybe you can keep your edits and update it in a couple years (and make some more money) as a "new and updated for 2011!!!" version.

Well, if the publisher ever wants to do that, I'd be willing I think it is really their decision, though, and unfortunately the subject matter may not be mainstream enough that sales will ever really warrant an updated version. But who knows, right?

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

pm me the link tooooooo!!!! sounds very interesting to me!!

[Gale Force]

I'm with you 100%. I'm not going to try to make you feel better (though this is a big accomplishment). It's absolutely one of the worst feelings to let it go and put it out there. I've published in peer review journals and have a non-fiction book almost in print and I have a very difficult time letting it go. I could not read the final proof because I know I would have found 700 things to change and yet I can't do a rewrite.

[EVC]

Originally Posted by Gale Force

I'm with you 100%. I'm not going to try to make you feel better (though this is a big accomplishment). It's absolutely one of the worst feelings to let it go and put it out there. I've published in peer review journals and have a non-fiction book almost in print and I have a very difficult time letting it go. I could not read the final proof because I know I would have found 700 things to change and yet I can't do a rewrite.

That's just it. And at this point what is done, is done.

I got the final proof about two weeks ago and did look it over. I found A LOT of typos and errors. Everytime I look at it, I find mistakes (and that's aside from the parts that I feel could just have been generally better written). Every time I looked at it (up until the DAY before it got sent to the printer) I was making changes. I doubt once it has been released that I'll be able to bring myself to look at it again. Aaargh.