'cyclical PPD'?

[Devaya]

I've been wondering on and off if I have PPD since a few months after my baby's birth - he's now 20 months, so I'm no longer in the 'year after birth' period. I'm wondering how to tell whether it's just hormonal stuff or whether I really have a problem. It seems like I am fine, even euphoric at times, in the first couple of weeks after my period (which only returned at 15 mo PP), then from then on I feel increasingly irritable, out of control, angry, desperate, trapped, wishing I wasn't a mother, and so on. I feel like I can't cope with the simplest things, although I DO just carry on, I feel increasingly anxious, rush around like a mad thing, and get an almost panicky feeling. This goes on for about three weeks.

When it passes - which it does suddenly, and for no apparent reason, not necessarily when my period arrives - it seems like it was another person who felt that way, and its very confusing. My periods are still irregular and I'm having very long cycles (over 40 days) which I think is not helping. I spoke to a friend today who has recently been diagnosed with PPD and it made me wonder...I just did the feeling checklist from the sticky list on this forum, and came up with a 47 score, and I did have some of the 'highlighted in red' stuff. BUT ...I don't feel like that all the time. When I'm not feeling like that, I think I'm fine. Before my period returned, I would have a similar cyclical thing with the bad moods and feeling out of control. I don't have a feeling of depression as such, but am often 'weepy', and when I'm at my worst I have often longed to take something medical to relieve how I feel. I'd really appreciate any input.

[mom0810]

PPD can start any time in the first year AND BEYOND. Just because you are out of the first year, does not mean you don't have PPD.

Also, sometimes depression is cyclical. Sometimes, you will feel fine, and then other times awful.

Could you be bipolar? It kind of sounds like that to me.

[maryjane]

I once had a psychiatrist tell me that in some women, PMS can take on a severe form that most closely mimics bipolar disorder. There is a name for it, but I can't remember right now, sorry. One of the indicators is *extreme* irritability vs. the more typified sadness / mopey-ness. It sounds like you might benefit from discussing your symptoms with a professional.

[Devaya]

Thank you for the responses. I have in fact wondered if it's a bipolar tendency as the swings are so extreme, uncontrollable and sudden. A friend of mine recently went on Antidepressants bc she had such severe PMS-related depression... I guess I have to make that doc appt Ive been putting off. Only prob is, there are only male doctors at my practice, and I would feel so much more comfortable talking to a woman.

[SunShineSally]

Originally Posted by mom0810

PPD can start any time in the first year AND BEYOND. Just because you are out of the first year, does not mean you don't have PPD.

Also, sometimes depression is cyclical. Sometimes, you will feel fine, and then other times awful.

Could you be bipolar? It kind of sounds like that to me.

Bi Polar is what I would think also but you should talk to your Doctor maybe he /she could refer you to a therapist if they cannot help.

[Brinestone]

It could be PMDD. A three-week period sounds unusual, but it does sound like it could be related to your menstrual cycle. If not, then bipolar disorder sounds more likely than depression. I agree with what's been said about seeing a professional. Could you go to a different practice if you don't feel comfortable talking to a male doctor?

[Litcrit]

Pmdd

[Litcrit]

Pmdd

Sounds like this may be the case. I'm pretty sure that's what's wrong with me too, so you've got company!

Sometimes PMDD starts only after a woman gives birth, and often follows PPD.

I was personally relieved to find it while researching, as it means you can predict your mood and know it's only transient - as opposed to PPD, which I had and which was much worse. It IS treatable too.

[Autumn Breeze]

I would agree with possible PMDD, or bipolar. I am bipolar (we figured out it wasn't PMDD, thought my cycles of mood come VERY close to matching my menstrual cycles...and I do not get along with hormonal birth control.

However, your best option is probably skip the OB, and head straight to a psychiatrist, since you are past that one year point. The OB would probably refer you to a psych anyway.

[otxena]

Definitely seek help. Definitely. Your baby needs you to have a healthy mind (been/am there). Good luck.

[Devaya]

Thank you everyone. I am having a look at that PMDD site, though I'm not sure if it's that b/c sometimes the 'bad side' of the cycle ends before my period actually comes, so it may not be strictly tied to my menstrual cycle. Also, before my period came back I was having a similar thing. So the bipolar may be more likely...yikes. I guess I've just been putting off seeing someone because I feel fine for a couple of weeks, so then it all seems like a bad dream,and because I'm scared of telling a professional some of the thoughts I have, in case they take my child away. The UK is super, super 'child-protection' aware (which is good of course), but it makes me worry. I will have to go to a GP first in order to be referred to a psychiatrist, that's the way it works here.