How do you react when LO wont nap

[happy_momma]

Lately my son has been getting out of bed during his naps. He gets up, pees, washes hand,looks out the window, reads books, plays in his room or roams the rest of the house if I have fallen asleep with DD. Usually I get mad and yell or make him feel guilty bc I am so mad that he disobeys me and gets out of bed. He IS allowed to get up and pee but he purposely takes 25 mins to do it all very slowly. After I get mad I feel really bad BUt I dont want to "give in" and let hm think that its ok to turn circles in his bed, play under the covers, kick the wall etc etc etc. I want him to know that nap time means he really should be napping. And trust me, he NEEDS to nap. He has really been suffering without one. How do you keep yourself in check but still get the point across that you mean business?

[nathansmum]

It can be a difficult transition. FWIW, my just turned 4yr old gave up her day nap for good about 6mths ago and before that she had about a year transition of napping some days and some days not (that's not to say she didn't *need* it on the days she didn't nap). But it was something she just had to grow out of. My son also had a long transition as well. I tried fighting it with my ds but realised all it was doing was making me angry and he was just hanging out in his room awake and alone for 2hrs which just seemed kind of sad. With dd I just let her do what she wanted which worked out so much nicer and gentler and happier. Some days she'd fall asleep late in the day (on the floor playing in the lounge or the couch) and I'd just leave her for 30mins or so. It did mean that she had later bedtimes on those nights, but we just chose to roll with it. It's all balanced out now though that she is 4.

Sorry, doesn't really help your situation, but just thought i'd share the journey I took with my 2.

[bendingbirch]

I find many four-year-olds no longer nap, but that doesn't mean you cannot continue this time every day as "quiet time" for him....Have you thought about working with his quiet time and having some things out for him that he could do whilst on his bed or whatnot? Do you have a routine leading up to naptime/quiet time, like going to the bathroom, washing hands, etc to help set the stage for quiet time?

[peaceful_mama]

I'd set a routine where you go pee before "quiet time" starts so that is not an issue.

I'm on my second child in the nap transition, and yes, those days where they totally don't take one, they "need" it, but I find it is much more peaceful in the long run to go with an earlier bedtime on those days. (when the alternative, at least here, is battling with a child who never does fall asleep and then they are crabby and you're dealing with that.)

DS went through a long transition and finally after a couple months of afternoon preschool, had transitioned fairly well to a *really early* bedtime and no nap. (at 3.5 approximately)

DD is currently not quite 2.5 and has days where she naps early, late, and not at all. I do try to keep late naps short and most naps 2 hours max. (though the other day after our week's vacation and messed up schedule, she napped 3 hours and it didn't mess up night sleep too bad. During that time, I napped while DH helped her get to sleep, he fell asleep, I woke up, and rather than wake him to ask when she went to sleep, I just let everybody sleep. ) much more peaceful actually in the long run because even though she stayed up a little later (maybe 90 minutes?) we were more rested and happy with it.


I think a "transition period" where they don't nap some days is totally normal. I even think my 4.5 year old would 'get it' if I told him we had to go inside earlier on "no-nap" days. (he hasn't napped save for the occasional car trip for probably 18 months)

[crowcaw]

My dds are 4 in sept and haven't napped for the last few months. They do an hour quiet time in their rooms, where they come out to use the bathroom if they need to, but for the most part they hang out in their rooms and one occassionally still falls asleep. We're just getting out of the transition where they still needed naps but weren't able to fall asleep at naptime so they'd be hyper and grumpy in the afternoons. I think they're finally getting over that and getting the sleep they need at night now and seem to be more even throughout the day. We did move to an earlier bed time with no nap but they were overtired and not sleeping well; it took time for them to adjust.

[RiverTam]

Originally Posted by happy_momma

Lately my son has been getting out of bed during his naps. He gets up, pees, washes hand,looks out the window, reads books, plays in his room or roams the rest of the house if I have fallen asleep with DD. Usually I get mad and yell or make him feel guilty bc I am so mad that he disobeys me and gets out of bed. He IS allowed to get up and pee but he purposely takes 25 mins to do it all very slowly. After I get mad I feel really bad BUt I dont want to "give in" and let hm think that its ok to turn circles in his bed, play under the covers, kick the wall etc etc etc. I want him to know that nap time means he really should be napping. And trust me, he NEEDS to nap. He has really been suffering without one. How do you keep yourself in check but still get the point across that you mean business?

I don't make them nap. I can't. I tell my kids that "quiet time" means "quiet time," but they don't have to nap. They have to be in their room, upstairs, but the don't have to sleep.

If there is no nap, I move bedtime up by a 1/2 hour.

The assistant teacher at my Montessori school gets my 4 year old to nap, by having him lay down and rubbing his back until he falls asleep.

[One_Girl]

When my dd was three she transitioned out of needing a nap and it was very frustrating. I had to get out of the house and have a change of scenery in order to handle it gracefully. I found that without a nap she would go to bed about two hours earlier and fall asleep without a problem and then wake up without a problem. It was a big adjustment for me and I had to do a lot of anger control techniques because I was so used to napping then and staying up later at night to. When I controlled my anger and got her to bed earlier I found that she did not really need the naps because she had plenty of sleep and wasn't feeding off of my anger.

[phathui5]

There is not much you can do to make him sleep if he can't fall asleep. What I would do if the lack of sleep makes him grumpy is make bedtime earlier.

I would keep nap time as quiet time though and let him know that he can look at books on his bed, but he can't make noise or play while the baby is napping.

[SeekingJoy]

How does he fall asleep at night? Try establishing the same pre-sleep routine at naptime.

Is it possible you are letting your need for a nap create anger in you toward your DS? If you aren't TV-free, can he watch a movie while you nap on the couch?

[Conifer]

LOL I'm just jealous...my dd hasn't taken a nap since she was 2 (she will turn 5 next week)

It was really bothersome at first. She would just not fall asleep during naptime....no matter what I did and then she would be super crabby in the afternoon. We eventually moved bedtime to 7:00pm which worked REALLY well for us. I also did a bit of a quiet time in the afternoon. I borrowed books on tape from the library for her to listen to if I needed a break. When I stopped being frustrated about the nap issue, everything seemed to just go smoother. I think that the stress I was feeling, and the attempts to make her nap were making my dd more tired. Once I just realized the "napping days" were over, I was able to come up with other solutions that worked for us.

I'm sorry if this is not the answer you were looking for. Just giving you our situation It took quite a bit for me to get over the fact that dd was just not going to nap...and she stopped very early.

[alegna]

Dd only had a reliable nap from 18 months to 2.5yrs. I never made it an issue. If she got up, she got up and the nap was over

-Angela

[Norasmomma]

My Dd has been an inconsistent napper since she was about 16 months. I got sick of fighting it. She now will nap if we go for a ride in the car. She even will say she's tired, but she's one of those kids who just doesn't like to lay down and nap.

I've gotten over getting annoyed it's just my life now.

[The4OfUs]

Another mom whose kids both stopped napping shortly after 2 years old. Meant for some hairy evenings for a while, but you really can't "make" a kid sleep if they don't want to, or can't for whatever reason...even if they "need" it. We just had earlier dinner (sometimes without daddy), and bedtime way earlier (like., 6:30pm because they would wake at 6am no matter when they were put to bed).

I woudl enforce a quiet time, but would stop trying to force him to sleep. I feel your pain, I really do when they are sooooo cranky at the end of the day - but the reality is that getting mad at your kid because they won't nap isn't going to make him nap, and is going to increase tension between you. :

[*Erin*]

sounds like he's outgrown napping. that's a rough transition. my dd was done with them entirely at 2.5. i see you have a baby, too-you really need that downtime that his naptime was giving you to rest yourself, right? i think some enforced quiet time is a good idea. maybe talk to him about how you see he doesn't feel like napping, but that you need him to have quiet time-set up some favorite books or a video?

as far as the end of the day crankiness-we call the hrs between 6-8 "happy hr", because ds (17 months) AND 6 yr old dd both get cranky by then. i think all kids do! i know I do myself

have you tried an earlier bedtime? my dd did really great with a 7-730 bedtime around that age.

[Hesperia]

I love the quiet time

Alright, I'm no mama - but a nanny. So, I apply to day time stuff

I look after 3 children, one I rock to sleep. I get the olders (3 and 3 1/2) to pee and then cuddle on the couch with books and a tivo show. After I get the baby to sleep (15-45 mins of rocking) I ask the boys to head to the bedroom for quiet time. I read two stories and cuddle. I ask them to please stay in the bedroom so the baby can sleep and I frantically clean the house One almost always naps, the other almost never. But, I think it is equally important for us all.

I do tell them honestly, that I need a break also. That I am feeling tired and need some alone time. I think it is important they understand we ALL need this space.

You cannot make anyone nap, but you can provide an environment (and the understanding of why) conducive to sleep/rest.

[mamamille]

very poorly! LOL I so believe in naps- and I also want my dd to be able to handle the afternoon gracefully (ha, ha, ha!) however we plan to spend it. Going to sleep without nursing- we are 89% weaned- has been a terrible journey. I am at the point where 75% I leave the room before I get mad and just want to punish, punish, punish. She doesn't take a nap, and goes to sleep in the pm in her own time... the other 25%? it isn't pretty... I'm working on it! I do have to say that when I don't expect her to behave then I don't get nearly bent out of shape... She does do quiet time very well, and so she reads on her bed for an hour in lieu of a nap. And she does go to bed earlier and gets in her 12 hours... I just hate knowing that we can't do anything fun in the afternoon cause she is too tired to handle it...

[eunytuny]

I get so frustrated when ds is not in sleep mode when I am ready for him to be in sleep mode. I refuse to fight about it. If I am nursing him to sleep and an hour later he is still using me as a jungle gym, I an I am at my wits end, I just get up and say... ok, you are not ready to nap. Let's color. He'll still go to sleep at his normal time, but I feel it will all equal out in the end and he'll be fine.