My best friend died in August of 1998, so it's been 11 years. However, I still feel a little cheated of the opportunity to formally grieve for her. I found some hair of hers and am thinking I can do some ritual with it. I was hoping for ideas.
She committed suicide after a long struggle with childhood abuse and resulting mental illness. In the months preceeding her death, she apparently fought with many of her friends. We met in boarding school, so we lived in different states, and while we had mutual friends, none lived near either of us. So when she died, I was not talking to her (it wasn't meant to be forever, though) and her parents did not inform me of her death (I have mixed feelings about this, I mostly understand that her mother was devestated, but honestly I feel some resentment as well). Months later, a mutual friend heard about it through the grapevine, and she broke the news to me (with care). So I missed whatever arrangements were done, and have always felt like it was a little hole in my life.
A few days ago I was going through a box of letters and such, and found an envelope she had sent me, full of her hair. It wasn't just a lock, but maybe all of her hair after shaving it (she did that a couple of times) or maybe it was just a drastic haircut she gave herself. Either way, I wonder if this is the last piece of her body left (she was cremated). So you can see that finding this is kind of eerie in a way.
So it was nice to type this out. I was thinking of either burning it in our firepit or releasing it into the wind somewhere. I don't know what else to do ritual-wise though. Her birthday, what would be her 33rd, is coming up next week, so that seems like an auspicious day. My parents will be here visiting me, and my mother also had a relationship with my friend, so perhaps that will make for a better ceremony. In some ways I'm thinking I'd rather release the hair, the rest of her is already burnt up.
Another idea is to put the hair into my compost, and then when I put it onto the ground it will be like this part of her is still here.
I dunno, just trying to sort this out.
She committed suicide after a long struggle with childhood abuse and resulting mental illness. In the months preceeding her death, she apparently fought with many of her friends. We met in boarding school, so we lived in different states, and while we had mutual friends, none lived near either of us. So when she died, I was not talking to her (it wasn't meant to be forever, though) and her parents did not inform me of her death (I have mixed feelings about this, I mostly understand that her mother was devestated, but honestly I feel some resentment as well). Months later, a mutual friend heard about it through the grapevine, and she broke the news to me (with care). So I missed whatever arrangements were done, and have always felt like it was a little hole in my life.
A few days ago I was going through a box of letters and such, and found an envelope she had sent me, full of her hair. It wasn't just a lock, but maybe all of her hair after shaving it (she did that a couple of times) or maybe it was just a drastic haircut she gave herself. Either way, I wonder if this is the last piece of her body left (she was cremated). So you can see that finding this is kind of eerie in a way.
So it was nice to type this out. I was thinking of either burning it in our firepit or releasing it into the wind somewhere. I don't know what else to do ritual-wise though. Her birthday, what would be her 33rd, is coming up next week, so that seems like an auspicious day. My parents will be here visiting me, and my mother also had a relationship with my friend, so perhaps that will make for a better ceremony. In some ways I'm thinking I'd rather release the hair, the rest of her is already burnt up.
Another idea is to put the hair into my compost, and then when I put it onto the ground it will be like this part of her is still here.
I dunno, just trying to sort this out.
I'm sorry for your loss.
