WWYD 6yo not doing as instructed???

[Nu_Mommy_2003]

I have to repeat myself several time and then I have to literally get in his face and repeat my instructs (I remain calm doing this).

This is starting to frustrate me because the girls follow his examples and I explain the he is not being a good example .

Example: In the morning I leave three clothing sets to choose what he wants to wear today. He comes out with a completely different set then the options. Fine, but he chooses wrong season clothes that he went in storage to get. Then he whines "I don't want to get dress". Again, I state go get dress because we need to go (dd doctor appointment). He continues to state I can't hear you. This continues until I get in his face and state my instruction again. Note: I lay out clothes for him because if he does not have the clothes laid out he will whine "I don't have any clothes"

Another example: He is playing kick ball in the yard. I state please move to the open area for playing ball. He does not move. I state for the safety of all please move over here. I repeat this and then I have to physically move him to the area. In which he states I didn't hear you.

Note: He had his hearing check and he hears fine, DS has selective hearing (got it honestly from me ).

How would I correct this before all the children decide to follow this method?

[sg784]

:

[mom2grrls]

So he's listening, just choosing to do something else lol. Honestly at 6 I would not be picking out his clothes. My 5 y/o pretty much picks his outfit daily unless I need him to be dressed up. So what if he wears out of season clothes, he's the one that will get hot or cold and can readjust if necessary. Sometimes when we give them choices of their own they're more willing to comply with parents I would continue as you are make your statement and if he doesn't follow through the first time you know he heard it get up to move him away or toward what he should be.

[mamazee]

I agree with labeling this correctly - he is listening, he's just refusing to do what you want. Then you can work on that problem rather than one that doesn't exist.

I would say in that particular example, he's looking for more autonomy. If you give him more, he might become more cooperative. He's digging his heels in because he feels controlled. So I would stop choosing his clothing. Tell him to choose some summery clothes and get going, and let him pick them out. If he chooses clothing that won't work, just pack up better clothing and have them on hand for when he gets hot.

If there's a safety problem, then tell him the only safe place to kick the ball is X. If he doesn't move to X take the ball away and say it isn't safe to play with there. "Oh, this isn't safe. Why don't you play *** instead." Don't get upset or get into power struggles or discussions, just make things safe. If an issue isn't about safety, try to give him as much autonomy as possible.

[Nu_Mommy_2003]

I give clothing options because if I don't then he comes to me and say "I don't have any clothes" the little stinker.

So I should give more choices. Personally I think he has to many choices and that is the problem, should not a kid his age only have 3 choices; right way, wrong way, and the compromise.

DS is the oldest and he is the example for the rest of the kids. I will re-label this because you are absolutely right it is not a listening problem, it is a not doing what you are told and/or making the wrong choices.

[LilyGrace]

I would take action. Seriously. "Joe, we're leaving the house at 9am. That's half an hour, I'm setting the timer. You need to be ready." At 9am, you take the child who is still in his pajamas, lead him and the rest out and lock the door behind you. You gave the parameters, he choose how to work inside of them. If he chooses not to get dressed he chooses to go in his pajamas. It's that simple.

For the kickball, take the ball, move it to where he can play as you tell him that this area is safe, that one was not. If he chooses to move back, the ball is removed due to safety issues.


I would not repeat myself over and over. Once, maybe twice to be sure he heard, but not more than that. Actions speak louder than words.

[BohoMama]

I see a conflict over the ticking clock. Although "too many choices" can be a problem for some children, and some are and some are not able to choose what to wear I don't think this is the real problem. It seems to me that kids resent it when they are going to get hustled out the door for someone else's appointment. Maybe there are things they still want to do where they are or they are just grooving on the atmosphere in their room. Or it's just mulishness. I don't know. But I do know that 6 y.o. kids are increasingly developing a sense of time and how it passes by. I don't know what is the best way to handle kids who "get stuck" and move everyone along smoothly, and since we are now a family of 5 I ought to be coming up with more workable plans. So if anyone else has suggestions I am all ears.

[One_Girl]

I go to my dd and make sure I have her attention first before telling her to do something so that I make sure she hears me and has a chance to give me her point of view or move (or both). I now know that she has some hearing loss, but I did this before when I just thought she was ignoring me because I felt better not giving her the chance to lie about hearing me. I tell dd she needs to respond to me or do what I ask her to do when she decides to ignore me even when I am right next to her talking to her.

The clothes thing seems like a little thing. I personally would have just brought clothes with me when we went out so that dd could change into them. A shirt for even a very tall six year old rolls up pretty well to be purse size. I have also had good luck having dd just go outside for a few minutes in the heat to see if her clothes will be just right for the weather. If there are more things that aren't really that big of a deal that you can let him live with a choice you wouldn't make then I think you should look at doing that. I also think that instead of moving him you should move the ball, the first time I would move it to the area where it can be while giving the explanation as to why the ball needs to be in the open area again and the second time I would put it away. I used to move dd when she was much younger, but I wouldn't ever do it without making sure that she heard me first and it was the only available option I saw I would tell her first that she could either move to where I wanted her to be or I would move her. I see moving kids as a safety precaution that should be used only for young kids in danger situations. In this case it seems extreme, but only you know whether it is right for your family or not.

[ewe+lamb]

I agree with the pps who say he's listening but not doing what you want - he needs more autonomy and laying his clothes out for him is not going to work.

My dd only went to school once in her pjs - she was 6 at the time!!! When I collected her in the afternoon she had as much of her coat as was possible covering her pjs - she's got ready and dressed every day since then all by herself, and yes sometimes the clothing isn't appropriate but hey - she's done it herself. It was really hard for me taking her like that (I really wanted to take her into her bedroom and force the clothes on her and it took ALL my will power not to do that) and I think she thought it was kind of funny but maybe not for the whole day!!

Your ds knows he has clothes, he's gone and got dressed for himself, if he says he doesn't have any clothes then you could just respond with a quick 'look in the drawer' or whatever, then when he comes in dressed to the kitchen you can describe his clothing and the like - it really does work, but sometimes it's hard to let go of that controlling aspect - hence my experience in the previous paragraph!! I would really like to recommend the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk - Faber Mazlish, and also by them Liberated Parents Liberated Children - they are oldies but real goodies on the library shelf and I think these books will give you the tools to move forward with this situation.

Best of luck - and if you need to take your ds out in his pjs the hardest part is walking out the door - lol, just a deep breath and off you go!

[mamaduck]

I would make it a habit to get his attention before giving him a direction, each time. With my kids, I say their name and then say, "Can I have your attention for a second?" We've had separate conversations about exactly what that means, and we've role played it (don't under-estimate the importance of role playing!) "Giving attention means stopping what you are doing, looking at me with your eyes, and listening to me with your ears." So the phrase, "Can I have your attention?" becomes a cue that they have learned to respond to. Then I follow with simple, clear directions. Its good to give a reason, just make sure that it is short.

[nina_yyc]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

I would make it a habit to get his attention before giving him a direction, each time. With my kids, I say their name and then say, "Can I have your attention for a second?" We've had separate conversations about exactly what that means, and we've role played it (don't under-estimate the importance of role playing!) "Giving attention means stopping what you are doing, looking at me with your eyes, and listening to me with your ears." So the phrase, "Can I have your attention?" becomes a cue that they have learned to respond to. Then I follow with simple, clear directions. Its good to give a reason, just make sure that it is short.

You are brilliant! I am totally going to try this.