Did parenting come hard or easy for you? what has been your biggest...

[lovebug]

i have lots of questions...


i would love to know has parenting been easier then you thought or harder? what has been your biggest challenge? what has come easier then you thought? did you have any 'big plans' that you thought you would be/do as a mama or papa that have just not panned out? what were some of the things you never expected that happened? did things or are things going as you 'thought'?

overall what are the big pros and cons of becoming a parent? i know the obvious ones, but what are the off the wall, wow this is not what i thought, how crazy, this is great things?

give me all the dirt mamas!

[Surfacing]

Parenting is the very sweetest best thing in the world - at the best of times there's no topping the love and wonder! : :

But it is also the hardest thing you'll ever do, it takes you to your darkest edge. I was not expecting to have my rough edges be thrust so harshly into the spotlight. It's a terribly humbling experience, being a parent. It has forced me to improve, change, develop and mature. Not always willingly.

[Storm Bride]

hmm...tough question...

DS1: Parenting was about what I expected. Actually, it was a bit easier. I hated having to go to work, as I'd intended to stay home. I had marital issues, which made things difficult in other ways, but parenting was a snap. It all just came so naturally. I remember the Home Health Nurse assuming that I must have done a "ton" of babysitting, and I really hadn't done any...

DD: I waited 10 years for dd...fertility issues, and 3 m/c. I wanted her so badly. And...it was hard. She was colicky, and I was having issues over having another c-section and my recovery was painful. She cried for 3, sometimes 4, hours every night for the first few months. It was absolutely brutal, and nothing that came naturally to me worked. She didn't want to be rocked, nurses, sung to, cuddled - nothing.

DS2: It got easy again. My instincts were all on track for him - lots of love and cuddles and songs, and he was happy. He's become a little more difficult since, though.


Overall, things aren't going quite like I expected, but that's mixed up with a lot of other stuff. DS1's dad and I split up when ds1 was 7. I never expected to have all my children by c-section. I never expected to lose 4 of them. I never expected to be experiencing "young couple starting out" finances when I was 40 and had a teenager (this is a hangover from my first marriage).

Honestly, my biggest challenge has been trying to find the patience to deal with kids when I need alone time to process my own emotional crap. I never expected to be trying to cope with active, curious, demanding children, while grieving a death, for instance. Children need so much from us, and it's hard to provide that when you're not even sure you have enough for yourself. That's been the biggest con (that and a ton of never fully resolved birth trauma).

Pros? TONS.
Feeling a baby fall asleep against me at night. Breastfeeding, once it gets going (I tend to have some trouble in the early days). Having a 3, 4, 6 or 10 year old spontaneously say, "I love you, mom(my)" and give me a hug. Having my kids ask me to sing to them at bedtime, because that's become so important to them. Watching them figure out the world around them, and put all the pieces together. Having another parent or a teacher seek me out and say, "you're [ds1]'s mom, right? He's such a great kid - I really enjoy having him in my class/over to visit". Having my son encourage me to join a choir when I was nervous. Realizing that, even though I've never had any self-confidence to speak of, I've managed to gift my son with a ton of it. Seeing my oldest snuggle up to his siblings, so that they'll take a nap. Asking dh what he thinks of my new two-piece swimsuit, even though it doesn't look that great (I bought it so I could swim during this last little bit of pregnancy, as my usual suit won't go over my belly)...and having ds2 say, "you look beautiful, mommy". And, realizing that they really believe I'm beautiful, no matter what. Knowing that they trust me, absolutely - always. It's all just...amazing.

[michellemomx3]

So. much. harder.

*whew* I always adored kids and wanted them so badly and then we had our first child and it was so much harder than I thought in so many ways.

Just my confession. I adore my kids but being a mother is hard sometimes. I never thought it would be this hard. Then again I never knew I could love little people so much til it feels like my chest will pop open!

[MusicianDad]

Parenting is easier then I thought it would be.

Before I got involved with Dh I had already decided I wouldn't have kids. I had very little exposure to them and they were completely foriegn to me. First time I met DD, dh handed her to me and give him this look and asked "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" I seriously had no clue.

At one point Dh needed an emergency babysitter and I was litterally the only person available. One and a half hours, and what ended up happening is I sat down to watch TV and she climbed into my lap and fell asleep. At that point I came to the realization that small humans were not so scary.

I think because my initial idea of children and taking care of them was skewed to the negative, I found actually being a parent was a quite a bit easier then I expect. Not easy per se, just easier.

[ann_of_loxley]

I don't think I really thought that 'parenting' would be easy or hard tbh! lol... I did not really think much about it in that way. I thought more about all the practical stuff (like, how you change a nappy and how you bathe a baby and what to 'expect' at certain ages...you know, all the sleepness nights, etc!)...At the time I just simply enjoyed being pregnant and took every day on a day by day basis.

If I could go back in time, the only thing I would change is knowing what I know now - then lmao... And I am talking about parenting parenting...the stuff that really matters. What some people call 'discipline' because 'discipline' means to teach and it starts from birth (and I am not talking about what most people mean by discipline, I am not talking about punishments and how to make a child 'good' - I am talking about real discipline and believe it or not, it starts with birth and includes breastfeeding and babywearing, etc)...

I wish I would have found a website like MDC before/whilst I was pregnant with DS. The support and advice would have been wonderful. I think I started in the right place but was no where near fully where I am now as a parent. You know, I had cloth nappies - a co sleeper cot, I was gonna breastfeed (at least for a year - my view on that has changed greatly by the way! lol) etc...

I guess I never expected to feel so strongly about things. I don't think this is a bad thing. I know where I stand, I know where to go for support and advice, tc. I have done a lot of reading (which I also wish I would/could have done before DS entered the world instead of stumbling along the way! lol) - so my views I do not feel are ignorant as I am well read on both sides (from Gina Ford to Alfie Kohn). I had some ideas before I had my DS but they were things I would not encounter for years so they were just 'ideas' of things I had seen (and things that don't really matter that much tbh lol) - Like thinking about 'potty learning' and 'time outs' and when he would go to school, etc.... And look at me now! - We ended up doing EC, I am against time outs (and any form of punishment/maniplative 'discipline') and we have decided to home educate and not just home educate - but unschool! lmao I never expected to be here. But this is exactly where I should be - this is right.

I was not prepared enough for child birth. I was too calm and relaxed!...Not that I should have been otherwise but I just put all my trust in our health care system and figured everything would turn out wonderfully - I then had a 10.5lbs baby that was breech and required a C-section...not my 'dream' birth and I do feel it has affected DS in many ways and it took me years to recover from (in more ways than one). I am much much much more informed on childbirth now...so much so I, at the moment, feel 80% comfortable with the idea of going UBAC next time around. I should have felt that way before...I should have been more informed (I thought I was but I really wasn't) - I should have felt some concernes and been able to voice them and get answers and be a bit pushy if need be. I am actually considering an independent midwife next time around...

I was not prepared for tongue tie! I also wish I was more informed on breastfeeding things. I thought I was. In fact, I can breastfeed other babies just fine! lol...But tongue tie was something even many of those well informed on breastfeeding are not aware of - the complications it can cause. Now I know that both DH and I were born tongue tied - the complications DS's tongue tie has caused our BF relationship - so am much better prepared for the fact our next will also be born tongue tied and what to do about that so its not an 'issue' next time.

I was not prepared for the stigma and how 'different' I feel and do things. Despite the fact that how I choose to 'parent' often makes me feel very alone in the parenting world - I wouldn't change that.

At the end of it all - I dont think parenting is hard. But maybe thats my personality. I happily 'nanny' five children during the week and most people think I am crazy to do that! lol I actually never wanted children and it was only when I met DH and after we decided to get married that I figured maybe one child sometime in the future - then DS happened on us by accident and I just feel in love...motherhood hit me hard and fast and good and it is wonderful. I never expected that! lol I would say before DS I was borderline a child hater lol - smelly noisy creatures....But now...well I surround myselfs by them - I cant get enough! hehe So maybe because I had a negative view of it to begin with, is why I really enjoy it now and find it easy (for the most part! hehe)

If I had any advice for couples thinking about having children it would be to think about the things that matter - I feel so often the woman is prepared but then the man is not on the same page and this can cause conflict. You may find out that only once you have children that you are very gentle discipline but that your other half feels the need to include something like spanking into how you raise your child. etc....

One thing is for sure. With all the advice, I am not sure anyone can really prepare you for having your first child. I think hormones and experience can be very individual and no matter how much advice you get - you will not be perpared for that personal inner-self change you experience when having a child. Because it really is life changing. I think you get to know yourself much more than you ever thought you did before.

[velochic]

At first it was a lot harder. As a baby, dd wanted to be held 24/7 and it just made doing anything difficult, including bathing, cooking, sleeping.

But as we went through toddlerhood, I expected the tantrums and grabbing off of shelves, and making messes that everyone talked about and... it just never happened with dd. I guess my biggest surprise is how logical she became. I'd give her a good reason for something and she accepted it without protest. Things like "We have to leave the playground in 5 minutes to go home and start supper" were met with no resistance. In fact dd has never had a tantrum and she's 7.5. She's just a pleasant person to be around. I guess that's the biggest "pro" so far... that I've grown to really like her as a person beyond the amazing love we have between us and I enjoy her company. Because of my own childhood, I never considered how important mutual respect between parents and children can be.

She has always been a poor sleeper. I never knew I could function as a sleep-deprived mother for over 7 years. I haven't had a full night of sleep in that long. That was something I didn't expect and is by far the biggest "con" of parenting my own dd.

Different aspects of parenting have been difficult and easy. I think it's different for every parent and for every child. I had no real preconceived notions other than I wanted to do my best at this role in my life because it has the most profound impact I will leave behind when I'm gone.

[Learning_Mum]

So hard! I've discovered that I find it really hard having someone needing something from me all. the. time. I also get really touched out. Sometimes it uses everything I've got just to get through the day.

BUT! It's amazing to cuddle up to your child in bed, or hearing them call you Mama, or BF your baby and watching them fall asleep on you, or when they learn something new, or someone tells you how amazing they are.

There are lots of wonderful things about being a parent but honestly I sometimes wonder if I'm cut out for being a mother and if I should have had kids. I'm hoping it gets better as they get older.

[1xmom]

When I was 21 I had a miscarriage, at that time in my life, I was kind of relieved b/c I was trying to get away from the baby's father and knew I was in no way, ready for a child. I didn't realize how much I would grieve that loss (the baby) until years later when I was in a new relationship and was pregnant again. The child I have know as truly filled the void. She has been a true blessing in every sense of the word. Although I am a single mom, the father and I are great friends and she has a very strong relationship w/him.
Has times been hard, definately. Within days of coming home from the hosptial I would sometimes look at her sleeping and wonder what in the world I am going to do. I was never that big on kids although I loved my nieces and nephews dearly. I just never really had that motherly feel. After awhile, my dd really grew on me and I knew that I could handle it. I just took one day at a time and let things flow. Bfing was a challenge at first, but I was determined to follow it through (18 mos.). I have really cherished each stage of my dd's growth and now she is 9 and I can truly say I have enjoyed being a mother. I really take my role as a mother very seriously and I think the rewards are endless.

[SandraS]

I'm very fortunate - it's genes and family history, I guess. Parenting (starting with pregnancy, then childbirth, to breastfeeding) came incredibly easy and natural for me. I didn't have any issues with pregnancy, childbirth was easier and less painful than stubbing a toe, breastfeeding was the most normal thing in the world... I was born to have babies, born to have a house full of kids.

I can't say there are cons. I can't imagine life without children, without chaos, without noise. Pros? The list is endless.

I wish I had started sooner and had four more. I would've loved six or eight children. What a gift from God.

[vixnix]

It is doing it without enough sleep that is the tipper for me. And that started on the second night of M's life. Suddenly, we just couldn't sleep when we wanted and NEEDED to. It is an exquisite torture.

The rest of it, the patience I needed, the frustration and despair I felt, paled in comparison to the simple lack of sleep.

It is not possible to experience the level of sleep deprivation that all parents live with, until one becomes a parent. And for me it came like an almighty smack in the face and it still smarts.

Having said all of that, I assumed that M would be in daycare from around 5 months so I could go back to university, and by that stage we were co-sleeping, exclusively breastfeeding, slinging, EC-ing, cloth diapering, no-TVing, and I couldn't spend more than 30 mins away from him. And now that he's 4 I'm still at home full time and I love him so much I could burst, and am thinking about homeschooling purely so that nobody else can enjoy him and all his incredible genius discoveries all day except me. And the love and fulfillment that he has brought to my life, and the purpose and bond that he has brought to my relationship with dh, is like coming into colour vision from black and white, it is the single most amazing thing that has happened in my life here on earth. Totally transforming.

[MamaStarbird]

For me the absolute hardest thing was figuring out what being parents meant for my and DH's relationship. The first maybe six months were incredibly challenging for me b/c it didn't look anything like what I thought it would. He understood intellectually what parenthood would require but just wasn't ready emotionally to get to that place and it took months of conflict and unhappiness and discussion to get there. I thought having a baby would instantly deepen our connection and make us love and appreciate each other so much more. Instead he felt overwhelmed and useless and I felt abandoned and unloved.

[The story that sums it up: I went into labor at 9 pm so DH and I were up all night and the next day until I gave birth at 2:30 in the afternoon. That night and the next in the hospital DH went to bed when he got tired and slept straight through until morning. I stayed awake all night both nights with a wide awake and often crying baby, totally unsupported as nurses came in every half hour trying to convince me to let them take her away to the nursery . All DH had to say for himself was, "Well, I had to stay up all night while you were in labor. I was tired."]

That said, parenting itself came incredibly easy and although I often use the Peace Corps slogan "The toughest job you'll ever love" to describe being a SAHM, parenting has been incredibly joyful and fulfilling and only gets better as DD grows.

[Caneel]

Until very recently, parenting has been much easier than I thought it would be. Why? Because DS was such a happy go lucky baby and toddler, it was an absolute joy to care for him.

Biggest challenge? After DS turned 3 and his personality seemed to explode, I find myself short on patience.

Big plans that have not panned out? I thought I would never be too tired to play. I envisioned evenings filled with crafts, activities and reading. Presently, I am too tired at the end of the day to do much but get dinner on the table and keep on top of laundry.

I never expected that any child of mine would not be potty-using by 2 years old. DS is 3.5 and only 25% on the potty.

So far, we haven't experienced any cons. We did a lot of living prior to DS so neither DH or I feel like our lifestyle is missing adult things.

Having a child totally rocked our world in the best possible way.

My wow this is not what I thought? Sleep but not in the way most parents experience.

I doubt I slept more than 4-5 hours a night the last half of my pregnancy. Some nights, it was 2-3 hours. I simply could not sleep. A lot of it was tied to anxiety.

After DS was born, it was bliss because I could actually SLEEP!

I breast feed him and nursing made me feel like I was melting into a puddle, in a good way.

He would get up every 2-3 hours but as soon as I was done nursing, I slipped right back to sleep and slept so deeply and soundly, it was like I was on a wonderful drug.

[savannah smiles]

For me, the hardest thing was the loss of autonomy. Even now, almost 8 years into the whole mommy gig, I get frustrated at how little I can do alone and the way I want to.

[LionessMom]

my biggest hurdle has been my OCD. kids dont follow my OCD routine. lol. they dont know how to put stuff exactly where it belongs or that it even belongs there. my kids have been slowly curing my OCD for years.

[GuildJenn]

I think the two things I have found hardest have been 1) the way life gets so complicated in some ways - how do I remain myself and still be present for my child and all those things and 2) the relentlessness of it.

The things that surprised me on the upside were: The sleeplessness was awful, but I never felt mad at my son about it; the way he is so much a person and how great it is to have that person in our family.

The big plans - yeah, we've compromised a lot. I think I originally thought my goal was to be an ideal mother and provide a great environment - basically rainbows and unicorns every day. Now I have come to believe my role is to live life in alignment with my values as much as possible, but also to be the very real and imperfect family that we are - not try to create a rarified atmosphere.

The biggest change for me was to allow other people to care for my son in various ways - strong relationships to extended family, daycare, and other things. I always thought that by default I could or at least would want to be well - maybe not "everything" but certainly quite a lot. Instead I've refocused on wanting to give my son the world, not keeping him from it.

[Daffodil]

Pregnancy was different from what I expected. I had thought I would enjoy the feeling of nurturing a new life as it grew inside me, but it turned out to be more like a parasitic infection or a long illness. It wasn't all bad, but it was more bad, and more debilitating, than I had expected. And I didn't even get very sick, compared to a lot of other people. I never even threw up. (The second pregnancy was a bit easier.)

My daughter's baby stage turned out to be much more enjoyable than I had expected. I was never really a baby person, and I thought I'd love my own baby, but would find it kind of hard dealing with all the pee and poop and spit-up, and would be impatient for her to be able to talk and walk and really be a person. But it turns out that if it's your own baby, you don't even care about pee and poop and spit-up and drool. It's not gross; it's nothing. And I loved the feel of her weight snuggled against me, her sweet toothless smile, her smell. (With my second baby, I found I was a little more impatient for him to get older.)

I didn't expect to do AP. I thought babies could be just as content to sleep by themselves as with their parents, as long as that was what they were used to. I wanted to breastfeed until about a year, but it seemed kind of weird to go much longer than that. Then I found out that babies aren't just lumps who are content wherever you put them, and that if you nurse till they're a year old you can't just stop then, because they're too dependent on it. So both my babies ended up sleeping with me, and nursing until they were almost 3. I also ended up doing EC and deciding against using punishment or rewards.

One of the hardest things about being a parent, something that I didn't expect, is how much it limits your ability to move around freely. It's not just that you can't go on a long hike or a road trip whenever you want - sometimes you can't even go upstairs or into the next room without your toddler screaming about being left behind. I expected my kids would be more content to play with toys or toddle around doing their own thing while I worked nearby. But as 1-year-olds, my kids weren't content to sit on the floor and play while I worked in the kitchen, even if they were right next to me. They would cling to my legs and fuss to be picked up. As 2-year-olds, they tended to cry if I walked too far away from them when we were out in the yard. They wouldn't just run after me, even though they were perfectly capable of it - they'd cry for me to come back and pick them up and carry them. That kind of thing would just drive me nuts. I just wanted to be able to take a few minutes to run upstairs to get something, or walk over to the edge of the yard to look at something, without having to lug my kid with me or listen to her scream about being left behind.

However, both my kids, especially DD, turned out to be more compliant than I expected. I thought all toddlers did that thing where you tell them not to do something and then they do it and laugh, over and over again. Not mine.

Overall, it probably hasn't been much harder or easier than I expected. Different in some ways, but not drastically different.

[mistymama]

I think parenting has come pretty naturally to me - and thank goodness because ds is an Aspie and has not been the easiest, most laid back child. The toddler years were pretty rough (meltdowns, no speech, etc) but I think I took it pretty much in stride.

I have really let go of some of my "ideals" I had - they just didn't fit ds and to me, being a good parent means following his lead in what is best for him. Like I really wanted to send him to Waldorf school - but after a year of preschool is was obvious that it wasn't a good fit and I had to give that up. I've relaxed big time on media/video games and have actually found ds is able to self regulate very well. But at one time I thought we would be nearly tv free, etc.

I think overall parenting has been wonderful and challenging - right now we are working with the school and doctors to get the best plan possible for ds and it's making me really advocate strongly for him - but I think it's challenging me in a very good way, to expand and grow.

Lucikly, patience and parenting style has come pretty naturally for me - I have not had to struggle to do GD, etc. So I'm thankful for that.

I do not know if I could handle another childe AND ds though. So he very well may be our one and only.

[sewchris2642]

Raising Joy and Angela was easy. Raising Erica was hard. Raising Dylan is both easy and hard. Keeping in mind the long term goal in the midist of short term crises was hard. Juggling 6 different personalities with 6 different needs was hard. Learning when to back off and when to push. Some things were easy: breastfeeding, what diaper to use, co-sleeping (or not), making baby food, etc. Those were no brainer, non decisions with very little lasting consequences. Balancing one child's need over another child's opposite need was harder. Comforting the child when kissing the booboo was no longer the bandaid to life's hard knocks is hard. Standing back and watching them made decisions that you wouldn't can be hard.

[katiesk]

parenting has been easy for me. i think that having this one baby, who is very chilled out, sweet, adorable and fun - is easy for me. i'm pretty sure that with another, i would be overwhelmed, stressed out and exhausted.

i'm quite surprised how little my lifestyle has changed.

more than feeling like a 'parent' i feel like i have this tiny new friend who loves to hang out with me all the time. and i love to hang out with her!

dd is only 14 months now, and i'm sure things will progress in all sorts of different ways as we go along. so far though, i feel that i have such a strong sense of self but also am very entwined with dd. i'm so pleased about that, as it was something that i feared a bit - losing my own identity in my childs'. yikes.

i think we also have a pretty easy life right now. i have a great part time job that i love, that i have been able to bring dd along with me to work. it is fulfilling and worthwhile and also makes us the extra money we need.

breast feeding was hard. we did not really get it down until she was three months old. but i had a lot of support, so it worked eventually.