Did parenting come hard or easy for you? what has been your biggest... - Page 2

[lovebug]

Oh this is so awesome! i love that i get to learn and grow with you mamas/papas as my teachers! THANK YOU and keep it coming!

[Amber Lion]

It's easy because you don't have a choice, you just have to do it. It's hard because you don't have a choice, you just have to do it.

Every day I am amazed by my own strength. Sleep deprivation, being touched out, constantly responding to someone else's needs instead of your own, etc. etc. are always pushing my limits beyond what I would have ever dreamed I'd be able to endure. I like what a pp said about it's exquisite torture.

It's also incredibly humbling. I have been pushed to my very edge, my breaking point, and I've seen my very worst attributes staring back at me in the eyes of my daughter who doesn't understand where her loving, caring Momma went... and through force of will alone crossed back into love. There's no hiding from yourself anymore.

What I knew in theory but could never have really known until DD was here? That all those cheesy, sappy, things about the love between parent and child are more true than you can ever imagine. The words just don't convey the feeling that I have for every single part of my DD and never will. I love my DD so. much. more. than I love my Dh, and it's the same for him, and we are both astonished by how that's even possible and how ok we are with that.

Navigating the relationship between Dh and I has been harder than I expected. I'd never come right out and say it to him, but I think I'm stronger (of character/physically) than he is. I see him lapse into selfishness and exhaustion that I never get the opportunity to do and sometimes I get resentful of it. It's a very weird feeling to know that you've delved to your core and found strength that your partner hasn't. That may sound rather arrogant, and maybe it is, but that's where I'm at. He hasn't taken on parenting responsibilities the way I thought he would, either. I have to ask every. single. time. I want him to do something and that gets old. He's more than willing to play and enjoy the good parts of his DD, but the actual taking care of her gets left to me. Which I think is partly my fault for not being able to communicate my expectations well enough and party natural for the stage we're at where she's nursing so often and I'm SAH and Dh is working.

I was unprepared for the feeling of rightness I now feel in the world in my role as Mother. My self-confidence has soared. I might continue to be shy in my own right, but if it's anything to do with DD I am a mighty Momma Bear! Which is so cool! Things that used to be overwhelmingly important - like how my outfit looked or if someone liked me or not - are no longer important. At all. I've never cared so little about my appearance and yet felt so beautiful. It's hard to explain.

Oh, I could go on and on. You just can't be prepared for becoming a parent. It's just beyond imagining.

[crabbyowl]

It now amuses me that before I became a mother the biggest thing on my mind was that, oh my goodness, I'd actually have to change poopy diapers and actually deal with POOP! Of course, changing diapers is one of the easiest parts of being a mother, at least so far!

Pregnancy was pretty easy (except for morning sickness), the birth was very intense but only 7 hours and I had a wonderful homebirth. The hardest part by far has been figuring out the best way to get her to sleep and dealing with much less sleep than I was used to before. The lack of alone time has also been hard. Dealing with DH has been a real challenge too, since he hasn't really taken on any parenting responsibilities - he plays with her for a little while each day, but that's it. His life has essentially stayed the same when mine has totally changed, and that's been really hard to deal with.

But really, it hasn't been as difficult overall as I thought it would be. I'm sure it doesn't hurt that Eleanor is a very laid-back, cheerful baby. :

[JamieCatheryn]

Baby care, with the exception of the first couple weeks of nursing DS1, came easy. Loving them came easy. Connecting with them and seeing their point of view, usually easy. Discipline issues, keeping calm and deciding what to do when faced with disobedience, not that easy.

[mommysarah5]

in some ways it has been easier and some ways it has been harder?
my biggest challenge has been keeping a clean house and finding some me time, and getting enough sleep. It was so easy when they were babies, but as they get older it gets harder
pregnancy and birth were easier then I would have though, and having a newborn was easier then I would have thought. I think the hardest part for me is not yelling, but I finally got past that (I think) and now I would just say that keeping the house clean with kids is tough. Oh, and the sibling rivalry. Yea, that one tops it all, hardest part hands down.
My plans all worked out, but I didnt have a lot of plans. Before I became pregnant my only plans were not to use spanking for discipline. While I was pregnant I decided to use natural birth and breastfeed. There was a struggle with the breastfeeding with my first, but we made it past a year, and I would say that as far as what I had planned it was not difficult, its what I didnt anticipate needing a plan for that was hard.
I never expected to experience so many dangers with medical interventions. It's like anytime we go near a dr. we have problems, but as long as we stay away we are all happy and healthy.
I didn't really think, so its hard to say if things are going as I thought or not. I think part of the reason parenting wasn't so "hard" for me is because I didn't hype myself up one way or the other.
I love being a parent and everything is a bonus to me - except the dirty house and lack of sleep. My children inspire me, and they show a bigger purpose in life.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by JamieCatheryn

Baby care, with the exception of the first couple weeks of nursing DS1, came easy. Loving them came easy. Connecting with them and seeing their point of view, usually easy. Discipline issues, keeping calm and deciding what to do when faced with disobedience, not that easy.

Well said (although dd wasn't easy, even as a baby). While I knew intellectually that I'd be dealing with things like crayons on the wall, and dumping toys everywhere, I underestimated how difficult it would be stay calm when I'm already trying to do dishes and deal with 2-3 other messes, and ds2 looks straight at me and pees on the carpet...

[YouKnowMe]

In 2000 I was hit by a red light runner, my 17month old son was killed. I was in a coma for a week, then had no short term memory, had to be taught how to walk and write again and spent four months in rehab learning to deal with my brain injury.

These past four years of parenting my subsequent son have been the hardest years of my life. I have collapsed to the floor several times wondering WTH am I doing wrong. I had a tubal after my first son died and had a reversal in order to have the children I have now. I can remember honeslt ywondering what was I thinking for having another child.

I have never struggled so much and felt so hopeless and helpless. He had sensory issues and was diagnosed with Autism while I was pg with DD. He is recovered now and the tide is really changing.

I've always loved him fiercely and I know he is here to teach me valuable lessons.

The hardest past has been being forgiving myself. I can forgive him anything. I have learned to stay in the moment. I have to with three under the age of 4.

Life is good these days though. My daughter was a blessing in that she showed up a sweet cuddly, loving baby - what I didn't get with my oldest son.

I also learned to let go of attachments. "This too shall pass" is my daily motto.

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by YouKnowMe

In 2000 I was hit by a red light runner, my 17month old son was killed. I was in a coma for a week, then had no short term memory, had to be taught how to walk and write again and spent four months in rehab learning to deal with my brain injury.

These past four years of parenting my subsequent son have been the hardest years of my life. I have collapsed to the floor several times wondering WTH am I doing wrong. I had a tubal after my first son died and had a reversal in order to have the children I have now. I can remember honeslt ywondering what was I thinking for having another child.

I have never struggled so much and felt so hopeless and helpless. He had sensory issues and was diagnosed with Autism while I was pg with DD. He is recovered now and the tide is really changing.

I've always loved him fiercely and I know he is here to teach me valuable lessons.

The hardest past has been being forgiving myself. I can forgive him anything. I have learned to stay in the moment. I have to with three under the age of 4.

Life is good these days though. My daughter was a blessing in that she showed up a sweet cuddly, loving baby - what I didn't get with my oldest son.

I also learned to let go of attachments. "This too shall pass" is my daily motto.

s mama you have such amazing strength! Along with all the other mamas/papas post, each have a valuable lesson to learn. Yours speaks so true for the ‘live everyday to the fullest! s again!

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by YouKnowMe

In 2000 I was hit by a red light runner, my 17month old son was killed. I was in a coma for a week, then had no short term memory, had to be taught how to walk and write again and spent four months in rehab learning to deal with my brain injury.

These past four years of parenting my subsequent son have been the hardest years of my life. I have collapsed to the floor several times wondering WTH am I doing wrong. I had a tubal after my first son died and had a reversal in order to have the children I have now. I can remember honeslt ywondering what was I thinking for having another child.

I have never struggled so much and felt so hopeless and helpless. He had sensory issues and was diagnosed with Autism while I was pg with DD. He is recovered now and the tide is really changing.

I've always loved him fiercely and I know he is here to teach me valuable lessons.

The hardest past has been being forgiving myself. I can forgive him anything. I have learned to stay in the moment. I have to with three under the age of 4.

Life is good these days though. My daughter was a blessing in that she showed up a sweet cuddly, loving baby - what I didn't get with my oldest son.

I also learned to let go of attachments. "This too shall pass" is my daily motto.

In the best possible way, your post is going to be an inspiration for me when things might get a little tough (I hate to even type it because my tough is insignifigant compared to your tough) Thank you for sharing and providing grounding food for thought. Bless you.

[newmainer]

I can relate to a lot of these... (except for YouKnowMe, that is an amazing story. Wow.)

But for the most part- much, much harder. I really didn't understand how much i need personal time and space and how hard it would be to have children and deal with the loss of that. And, it appears, i have some control issues , and i am a pretty loose mom!!
I have thought that if i knew how hard it was, i might have thought twice about having kids. But i am soooooo thankful that i didn't know. I loved pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding. My children amaze me and i am bowled over by the intensity of loving them. I wish that i had the capacity to have more... I always wanted 3 (well, my mom would tell you that i wanted 6!!) but 2 is the limit, for both dh and i. I'm glad we stopped, because we can handle our kids and enjoy them and grow as people and parents. I think another would have tipped us over the edge.

It's amazing, and worth it, and your journey will be your own. Good luck!!

[transylvania_mom]

It was very, very hard for me. I grew up with my mom telling me not to have more than one child and to let my child stay with her until he turns 3 or 4 so I can have more fun... just as she did with us, kids. I was planning to follow her advice. Little did I know...
I also started my PhD program 2 months before giving birth and returned to school two weeks after birth... just like nothing happened. Needless to say, my optimism and energy didn't last too long. After a year of sleepless nights and terrible school work I had to drop out of the program, a decision I never regretted. I never regretted not sending ds live with my mom, as she wanted me to, I nursed him for 4 years and although it was really hard work, I don't regret one moment.
Parenting was for me a humbling experience. I realized very soon (and it was shocking for me) that ds had a mind of his own, his own interests and personality, and I couldn't just do what I wanted with him. Instead of enjoying quiet activities, like coloring or playing on the floor, he's constantly on the move, jumping and running even when he watches tv and chatting all the time. I just had to learn to enjoy him and his personality and I wouldn't change it for the world.

[marispel]

The beginning was rough, rough, rough...We had just sold our house & building a new house in another state. We were temporarily moving into an apartment for 2 months. I was 37 wks pregnant and 4 days before moving, DS decided it was time to meet the world. There we were in the hospital 2 days before the move. I was pretty much in charge of the move & was taken off that project leaving it all to DH. Wow. It was rough! We were tired, had a big move with unpacking and still building another house - and brand new parents. We hated it! I had PPD, I own my own business & so I just couldn't stop working. We didn't know what we were doing. I was so prepared for birth, but had no idea what to expect with a baby.

Everyone says that it changes your world and it's the hardest job you'll ever do, but you just can't appreciate that until you're a parent.

As time went on, we moved into the new house surrounded by a ton of family. DS was an easy, patient baby. I fall in love with him a little more each day.

I just love to watch him grow & learn new things. I love to hear him giggle & I love to hear him moan when he is falling to sleep in my arms. I love to see him sleep with his rear in the air and I love when he wakes up & smiles with his two teeth.

It's the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world.

I just can't wait to see what's next!