I think I need a toddler refresher course!

[MissRubyandKen]

My youngest dd is 16 months old. My older two are ds 7 and dd 9, so its been awhile since I've disciplined a toddler. I know there were a couple of books I'd read that helped, but I can't remember what they were called. The little one has started to experiment with a bit of hitting and hair pulling. Mostly doing these things to older dd, whose reaction varies from laughter to yelping loudly. I've given dd a couple of suggestions- to stay calm and say gentle touches while showing her gentle touches, make kissing noises or some other alternative way to get attention like peekaboo motions (to show the lo what else to do), move away and tell her she doesn't want hit. I'm not sure what else to do. I do intervene as well and help with more of the same to model it. I'm sure I'm not remembering everything I could be doing though. All suggestions welcome!

[kiwiva]

With those sorts of behaviors, I went with no attention whatsoever. I'd calmly remind DD "we don't x, gently touch" or whatever with no emotion in my voice and then put DD down if she did it again and continue along as if nothing had happened. I'd pick her right back up again if she wanted but would repeat if it continued.

I think it is key to NOT give an interesting response. And stern tone or any other unnatural reaction is very interesting. So I probably would not try to distract with kissing noises or whatever, unless it is a case where you can see it coming before it happens and distract to prevent, yk?

[DevaMajka]

My FAVORITE toddler book is Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. Definitely see if you can check that out at the library!!

[crazycandigirl]

We use the positive redirection method. It is the one I learned to use while working in daycare. When DD2 (21 months) hits, bites or pulls hair, I say "ouch!" (I try to not be too loud- but being very pregnant I have become very sensitive and I really can't help yelping or making a noise), and then I show and explain a proper behavior.

So- If she hits me, I say "Ouch!", then I take her hand and gently pat or stroke my arm and say "Soft touches to Mommy". She then tends to smile at me and mimic my touches. If she bites me, I yelp, then I give her a kiss and say "Sweet kisses to Mommy". If she pulls the cats hair, I say "OH!" and help her to pet gently and say "soft touches to Kitty".

I am not perfect, and I still have time where I scold "NO- we do not hit mommy!", but I really try to stay with the positive reenforcement. It seems to work really well.

DD1 (who is 9- almost 10) tries to do this as well, but it more likely to scream out of pain and get frustrated and scold. She has trouble understanding that her sister is going to need to grow quite a bit more before she has better impulse control. After all- we have been teaching her soft touches for months- she should get it by now- It is a preteen logic thing. She does really well most of the time though. And DD1 has learned that if she stands up- the her little sister can not reach her hair to pull it.

Wish you the best!

[MissRubyandKen]

Originally Posted by DevaMajka

My FAVORITE toddler book is Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. Definitely see if you can check that out at the library!!

Thanks! That was the one I was trying to remember.

[MissRubyandKen]

Originally Posted by kiwiva

So I probably would not try to distract with kissing noises or whatever, unless it is a case where you can see it coming before it happens and distract to prevent, yk?

Yeah, I tell her to do those things as prevention when we see it coming on. It works pretty good. Thanks for the other suggestions.

[MissRubyandKen]

The lo rarely hits or pulls on anyone else. I'm definitely thinking it is because she wants dd's attention and her big reaction. I can stay calm myself, but can't do it for older dd, kwim? I'm trying to help and give her suggestions, but she almost always reacts big, and will even do it sometimes because lo is near her and she sort of expects it even when lo isn't doing anything but touching her lightly or standing closely. Her reaction sometimes prompts lo to action, so to speak. So this is challenging for me.