Sorry about he rant/vent, but I have to get this off my chest.
My niece's kids are staying with us for a few days. This would be my oldest sister's grandkids. My niece has what most here would consider a very mainstream way of raising them. She spanks, they cried it out when they were babies, formula fed, first foods were french fries (at 3 months for the oldest girl), lots of Disney, Barbie, toy guns, video games, hours of TV/day, free reign of the internet. The kids are 8(b), 8(g) and 9(g) now. My dd is 7.
Every time we have the kids visiting it reminds me so much that we are truly different in the way we are raising dd, but this time really hit home more than ever. For example, I made pancakes yesterday. As a treat, I told dd she could have Nutella (the chocolate hazelnut spread) on her pancake and asked if the others wanted it. Nope, they didn't like it. Had they ever tried it? No, but they don't like it. Dd said, "Boy are you missing out." Then I said, "O.K., well, I have peanut butter, jam, or syrup for the pancakes." They decided peanut butter... why? Because my syrup was REAL maple syrup and not the high fructose fake crap. They don't like real maple syrup... but of course, they've never tried it. Then the boy says, "If you don't finish your food, your mommy will spank you." Dd looked at him like he was crazy and said, "No, mommy says that your tummy tells you when to stop. And she would never spank me. She loves me." The boy looked equally surprised. Dd went on to say, "In this house we have a rule. No hitting for any reason." The older girl says, "I wish I could live here."
It makes me cry that they live in fear of being spanked for not cleaning their plates. That's a disaster waiting to happen. Especially for the oldest girl. The oldest girl is a complete sweetheart. She has a weight problem and is really tall for her age, but she has the kindest spirit of any child I've ever seen. She is practically ostracized in favor of the younger, slimmer, cuter dd who is a lying, stealing and manipulative little brat (she threw a temper tantrum because the others told her to quit cheating at some card game they were playing). The older dd has become so depressed at times that she has said that she wants to die. And they ignore it!
The foods they eat are atrocious. McDonald's every.single.day. All the food is processed and has so much trans fats, HFCS, artificial everything, and preservatives, that I know *I* would feel sick all the time eating it. The younger girl did say she is a vegetarian. When I asked her what vegetables she likes, it turns out she doesn't like vegetables, it's just that the only meat she'll eat is hot dog. The boy is on ADHD medicine and TBH, every time I'd ever been around him, he just seemed to act like a rambunctious boy. Not over the top, but he could try to settle down some. I wouldn't have said he has ADHD. I tried telling my niece that his diet is likely to blame and she should look to change that first as it would be an easy solution if so. No go... let's dope him up. And on his medication he just sits in a chair and stares off into space. Doesn't even want to play or eat. It makes me want to cry.
Dd was excited to tell them that she has met not 1, but 2 goals so far this summer at the summer reading program at the library. I asked the kids if they were participating in theirs. Turns out their mother told them that the program was only for certain "good" kids that the library hand-picked to participate and they weren't good enough. I called their library and got them signed up anyway... then asked their mom if it was O.K. Of course, it was fine with her, she didn't realize it started already! (Riiiiiiiight! 
) These kids need the encouragement of a reward-based program like this. The 8 yo boy can barely read, the 8 yo girl is a little better, but even the 9 yo is having trouble. Dd, at 7, is years above these kids. According to the kids, they have no books, don't go to the library, and nobody in their home reads... even to them. I sat down with the boy for a little while and we just took turns reading to each other. Even that little bit of attention helped. I can't imagine what a few minutes a day would help! He said, "I wish my mom would do this with me at bedtime."
There are just so many things that I guess I thought was the norm and not necessarily AP, but is not for this part of my family. Taking an interest in healthy food, empowering each child according to their strengths, discouraging poor decisions like lying and stealing, spending time together to read and learn things, etc. No matter your style of parenting, I thought these were pretty basic tenets of child rearing. We made our own individual pizzas last night and they were just astonished that I made my pizza dough from scratch. They didn't even realize that you could make your own pizza... they thought it came from a box or the pizzaria. It's like outside of the world of Disney and video games and fast-food, they have no frame of reference for anything real.
:
I just never realized how incredibly different we might parent from others. Yes, I'm making a judgment. I'm an AP mom... we all think that our way is better or we wouldn't do it. But I hate seeing these kids' spirits broken already at this young of an age. The oldest girl is so sweet, but is almost always depressed from staying in the shadow of her manipulative sister and the boy is just drugged and unhappy. Well, they seem happier here after a few days.
Rant/vent over. I'm glad I'm an AP mommy. Donning my fireproof suit because I know some will have some comments about my being judgmental. Yeah, I know it is. It feels good to vent about it.
My niece's kids are staying with us for a few days. This would be my oldest sister's grandkids. My niece has what most here would consider a very mainstream way of raising them. She spanks, they cried it out when they were babies, formula fed, first foods were french fries (at 3 months for the oldest girl), lots of Disney, Barbie, toy guns, video games, hours of TV/day, free reign of the internet. The kids are 8(b), 8(g) and 9(g) now. My dd is 7.
Every time we have the kids visiting it reminds me so much that we are truly different in the way we are raising dd, but this time really hit home more than ever. For example, I made pancakes yesterday. As a treat, I told dd she could have Nutella (the chocolate hazelnut spread) on her pancake and asked if the others wanted it. Nope, they didn't like it. Had they ever tried it? No, but they don't like it. Dd said, "Boy are you missing out." Then I said, "O.K., well, I have peanut butter, jam, or syrup for the pancakes." They decided peanut butter... why? Because my syrup was REAL maple syrup and not the high fructose fake crap. They don't like real maple syrup... but of course, they've never tried it. Then the boy says, "If you don't finish your food, your mommy will spank you." Dd looked at him like he was crazy and said, "No, mommy says that your tummy tells you when to stop. And she would never spank me. She loves me." The boy looked equally surprised. Dd went on to say, "In this house we have a rule. No hitting for any reason." The older girl says, "I wish I could live here."
It makes me cry that they live in fear of being spanked for not cleaning their plates. That's a disaster waiting to happen. Especially for the oldest girl. The oldest girl is a complete sweetheart. She has a weight problem and is really tall for her age, but she has the kindest spirit of any child I've ever seen. She is practically ostracized in favor of the younger, slimmer, cuter dd who is a lying, stealing and manipulative little brat (she threw a temper tantrum because the others told her to quit cheating at some card game they were playing). The older dd has become so depressed at times that she has said that she wants to die. And they ignore it!
The foods they eat are atrocious. McDonald's every.single.day. All the food is processed and has so much trans fats, HFCS, artificial everything, and preservatives, that I know *I* would feel sick all the time eating it. The younger girl did say she is a vegetarian. When I asked her what vegetables she likes, it turns out she doesn't like vegetables, it's just that the only meat she'll eat is hot dog. The boy is on ADHD medicine and TBH, every time I'd ever been around him, he just seemed to act like a rambunctious boy. Not over the top, but he could try to settle down some. I wouldn't have said he has ADHD. I tried telling my niece that his diet is likely to blame and she should look to change that first as it would be an easy solution if so. No go... let's dope him up. And on his medication he just sits in a chair and stares off into space. Doesn't even want to play or eat. It makes me want to cry.
Dd was excited to tell them that she has met not 1, but 2 goals so far this summer at the summer reading program at the library. I asked the kids if they were participating in theirs. Turns out their mother told them that the program was only for certain "good" kids that the library hand-picked to participate and they weren't good enough.
I called their library and got them signed up anyway... then asked their mom if it was O.K. Of course, it was fine with her, she didn't realize it started already! (Riiiiiiiight! ) These kids need the encouragement of a reward-based program like this. The 8 yo boy can barely read, the 8 yo girl is a little better, but even the 9 yo is having trouble. Dd, at 7, is years above these kids. According to the kids, they have no books, don't go to the library, and nobody in their home reads... even to them. I sat down with the boy for a little while and we just took turns reading to each other. Even that little bit of attention helped. I can't imagine what a few minutes a day would help! He said, "I wish my mom would do this with me at bedtime." There are just so many things that I guess I thought was the norm and not necessarily AP, but is not for this part of my family. Taking an interest in healthy food, empowering each child according to their strengths, discouraging poor decisions like lying and stealing, spending time together to read and learn things, etc. No matter your style of parenting, I thought these were pretty basic tenets of child rearing. We made our own individual pizzas last night and they were just astonished that I made my pizza dough from scratch. They didn't even realize that you could make your own pizza... they thought it came from a box or the pizzaria. It's like outside of the world of Disney and video games and fast-food, they have no frame of reference for anything real.
:I just never realized how incredibly different we might parent from others. Yes, I'm making a judgment. I'm an AP mom... we all think that our way is better or we wouldn't do it. But I hate seeing these kids' spirits broken already at this young of an age. The oldest girl is so sweet, but is almost always depressed from staying in the shadow of her manipulative sister and the boy is just drugged and unhappy. Well, they seem happier here after a few days.
Rant/vent over. I'm glad I'm an AP mommy. Donning my fireproof suit because I know some will have some comments about my being judgmental. Yeah, I know it is. It feels good to vent about it.
