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post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys!
post #2 of 10
It sounds like you have a really low opinion of yourself, too. :

Take a baby step towards counseling - gather some names. Then tomorrow take another baby step - make a phone call to one. Then another. Then make an appointment. Then keep the appointment.

You can take the first step. And each of the ones that comes after it. You really can. And you are worth it.
post #3 of 10
I think it's pretty easy to feel that way, just looking around society.

I agree counseling could help you. I'm not sure about book rec's. Perhaps you could visit the library and find self-help books about valuing yourself as a woman.

I have a general low opinion of men, too, but I don't have a problem with it. I would have a problem with it if I expected men to treat me poorly, though. That's why I second the counseling encouragement.

Good luck.
post #4 of 10
Thread Starter 
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post #5 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by princesstutu View Post

I have a general low opinion of men, too, but I don't have a problem with it. I would have a problem with it if I expected men to treat me poorly, though. That's why I second the counseling encouragement.

Good luck.
This,
I don't expect anyone to treat me poorly, but I have been in relationships where I don't feel confident enough that he won't at some point, I never married any on of those guys, My DH while is far from perfect (I'm not perfect either), always has and probably always will treat me with the respect I deserve.
post #6 of 10
Something else to think about: You owe it to your three sons to get the counseling...they are going to grow up to be men someday.

post #7 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by PajamaMama View Post
Something else to think about: You owe it to your three sons to get the counseling...they are going to grow up to be men someday.

Yes this is the main thing that sticks out to me.
post #8 of 10
I never really saw any healthy marriages either, my parents hate each other and for most of my childhood I thought that was normal. When I got married I thought my DH and I would wake up the next morning and hate each other. I knew it was irrational but that's really what I thought. I'm still amazed at how wonderful my DH is and how happy we are together, but it took a while for me to let myself be happy. One thing that helped me:
Every day I would either write down in my journal three things that I loved about my DH (mostly that related to that day) or I would tell him three things. It helped me focus on the good things instead of looking for every little excuse to prove my "hate" theory correct.
post #9 of 10
Hypnotherapy really helped me with issues much like what you describe. I found a really amazing practitioner who is sensitive to those who've experienced physical and/or sexual abuse, and makes certain that you are comfortable with her before you start getting into the heavier stuff. Hypnotherapy isn't necessarily like hypnosis...you're not "put under" to the point where you're not aware of what's going on. Every hypnotherapist is different, but those who want you to stay aware of the session while still being in a state of receptivity are the ones who are obviously more easy to trust. I just really felt drawn to this type of therapy because it helps to bypass the conscious mind, which often is a barrier to the trauma that lies in the subconscious. It also often helps you heal much quicker than traditional therapy since you're bypassing a lot of the thoughts and feelings that often keep you from getting to the core of the problem. I actually felt safer because it felt much less confrontational than a talk therapy session...you lie on a couch and the therapist helps put you into a light trance state (feels sort of like the state you get in before you fall asleep) with soothing words and then helps open up your imagination so that you can tap into the core issues. A good hypnotherapist will make sure YOU'RE the one leading, not the other way around because they want to make sure you feel safe. I highly recommend checking around in your area for hypnotherapists and then interviewing some and see if any of them calls to you. I understand getting to that place where you're willing to ask for help can be very challenging, though. For me, my depression got so bad that I simply couldn't take it any longer...no matter how scary it felt, I knew I needed to put down my defenses some and ask for help. Reading the book "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" by Susan Jeffers really helped me put fear into perspective as well
post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thanks zenful, I will look into what you described. You're right, it is hard to take that step and ask for help. I have thought many times that I would really benefit from talking to someone. After my divorce, after my mc, etc. Actually, I don't think I have dealt w/any of the issues in my past. I thought I had but maybe they are holding me back from living the best life I can. I've actually never thought of it like that before.

Why is it so hard? I have called for a referral for counseling (a few months ago) but never followed through. I can always come up w/a million excuses.

Thanks everyone, you have all been really helpful and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
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