is this worth making a fuss over?

[spughy]

At the playgroup we go to, at a local community centre, they've put together some "pre-literacy" bags that contain books, toys and learning materials (cds etc.) on a theme. (Dinosaurs, transportation, sports, princesses, nature, etc.) Today my DD and I decided to take the "baby" themed bag home, and to my surprise the doll inside came with a bottle.

I was surprised because our playgroup is VERY pro-bf'ing, nearly all the mamas who go there breastfeed (or did breastfeed), and the woman who runs the playgroup supported her DIL through her struggle with low supply with a preemie (successfully, I might add.) Also, the bag came with a really excellent "new baby" book for children that showed a baby breastfeeding and said that breasts create the perfect food for babies.

So my initial response was to approach the director and say "look, I don't think a bottle is appropriate, a lot of these kids have never seen a baby fed by a bottle and it's just going to normalize bottlefeeding." BUT my own daughter, while breastfed until she was 3, loves bottles (she still insists on one every night, even though she's perfectly capable of drinking out of a glass.) I had supply issues in the beginning, which she might well have forgotten - but I went back to work at a year and with all the stress and whatnot it was just easier for her to drink EBM out of a bottle.

I guess my question really is, is a bottle necessarily anti-breastfeeding? So far DD has been alternating between "feeding" the baby with the bottle and pretending to breastfeed it - and giving it to me to breastfeed. I used to be pretty militant about this but now I think it more kind of accurately reflects an experience many of us have, y'know? Thoughts?

[KimberlyD0]

Honestly I think its making a mountain out of a mole hill.

After all you even said that there was a book there that advocates BF.

If there is an issue with a child having a doll with a bottle, simply remove the bottle before giving them a doll.

DD#1 has never seen me use a bottle for DD#2, yet she still loves her bottles for her babies. Mind you, even though they never get juice, I noticed its always "juice" or "water" in the bottle not milk. That she said is what boobies are for :

[kijip]

Originally Posted by KimberlyD0

Honestly I think its making a mountain out of a mole hill.

After all you even said that there was a book there that advocates BF.

If there is an issue with a child having a doll with a bottle, simply remove the bottle before giving them a doll.

I agree. I don't think bottle=anti-breastfeeding. Especially in light of the pro-bf message in the pre-literacy packets. My son takes a bottle while I work pt, so my older son sees mom breastfeeding and my dad or husband giving the bottle. My older son still knows that breastfeeding is the normal way for babies to eat.

[G8P4]

I see the problem with it. I think that normalizing bottle feeding is antibreastfeeding.

[kijip]

Originally Posted by G8P4

I see the problem with it. I think that normalizing bottle feeding is antibreastfeeding.

More than 1/2 of mothers in the United States are working outside the home by the time their baby is 6 months old. If we want to advocate for extending the nursing relationship past the first few months/weeks and the benefits of breastmilk to the majority of babies in the USA, we need to factor in that for many of them that will include a bottle. I work very part-time. I choose to do this and would do it as a volunteer for my sanity. A bottle once a day 3-4 days a week is totally necessary part of my feeding my son. When my older son was a new infant, I had to work nearly fulltime for money. Bottles for many families in the USA must be part of their feeding their children. That is not anti-breastfeeding, it is realism about the economic and other realities families face.

[G8P4]

Bottles for many families in the USA must be part of their feeding their children

A culture that makes bottles for many families in the USA a necessity for feeding their children, is antibreastfeeding too.

[Rivka5]

Originally Posted by G8P4

A culture that makes bottles for many families in the USA a necessity for feeding their children, is antibreastfeeding too.

If we say that it is "antibreastfeeding" to ever be apart from your child except for short periods between feedings, for the whole first year, then we give the impression that breastfeeding is an "extreme" choice that most people will not measure up to.

[Dame]

Originally Posted by G8P4

A culture that makes bottles for many families in the USA a necessity for feeding their children, is antibreastfeeding too.

But what about for women who WANT to work outside the home, such as myself? How is my choice to bottlefeed my daughter breast milk "anti-breastfeeding"? She still received breast milk as I pumped. Is that not "breastfeeding"?

[kriket]

Originally Posted by Dame

But what about for women who WANT to work outside the home, such as myself? How is my choice to bottlefeed my daughter breast milk "anti-breastfeeding"? She still received breast milk as I pumped. Is that not "breastfeeding"?

DH was reading over my shoulder and mumbled something about how he would be up sh!t creek while I am at work and he is home with DS

[kijip]

Originally Posted by G8P4

A culture that makes bottles for many families in the USA a necessity for feeding their children, is antibreastfeeding too.

I see your point and I agree. I would like to see long paid maternity leaves, an economic environment where people can choose to be out of the workforce or work part-time etc.

However a movement that would marginalize bottles or those that use them is one that IMO is anti-woman and not very realistic about the culture we live in. Quite apart from economics, I love to work pt for example. Also, when having issues with PPD and sexual abuse history, a bottle here and there gave me much needed breathing space.

The OP's own daughter uses bottles, past an age most children do (my son was done at 11 months with bottles). I don't think making a fuss over this, especially since it has a genuine pro-bf message too is worth it. It seems vaguely hypocritical to me.

[GoodNamesGone]

I'm a step-mom and about to be a bio mom any day now.

In my experiance (however limited) these situations are always great opportunities to teach children.

DD gets a bottle with her new baby doll- here's an opportunity to teach her that a bottle is a tool that has it's uses, but breast is best.

If they are too young to teach advanced concepts, then I'd just remove the bottle, toss it out, and be ready should it happen again later.

If ALL the kids in the group are too young to understand that bottles are tools and not the normal way, then I'd talk to the person who puts the bags together. I'd joke about it and be light-hearted as possible- from your previous statement, I would think this person agrees about BFing and there's no reason to make her feel bad.

Chances are that most inexspensive baby dolls come with a bottle, OR they didn't even think about it. I've rarely seen dolls that do not come with a bottle.

[kay4]

Originally Posted by G8P4

I see the problem with it. I think that normalizing bottle feeding is antibreastfeeding.

I agree

[tinyblackdot]

Originally Posted by kijip

More than 1/2 of mothers in the United States are working outside the home by the time their baby is 6 months old. If we want to advocate for extending the nursing relationship past the first few months/weeks and the benefits of breastmilk to the majority of babies in the USA, we need to factor in that for many of them that will include a bottle. I work very part-time. I choose to do this and would do it as a volunteer for my sanity. A bottle once a day 3-4 days a week is totally necessary part of my feeding my son. When my older son was a new infant, I had to work nearly fulltime for money. Bottles for many families in the USA must be part of their feeding their children. That is not anti-breastfeeding, it is realism about the economic and other realities families face.

[JMJ]

To some extent, it's not a big deal. Bottles are something that a lot of people need or choose to use for various legitimate reasons. I would also say, though, that a lot of people need or choose to take some kind of pills regularly for various legitimate reasons, but I would be quite upset if somebody gave my child a play food set that contained a fake bottle of pills. I would love to see our society move more toward breast feeding as the normal way to feed a baby, teach that to our children, and have their toys and books express that. I think that bottles are something that we can explain to our children as being (like pills) for people with special situations, even if you have the special situation.

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by kijip

I see your point and I agree. I would like to see long paid maternity leaves, an economic environment where people can choose to be out of the workforce or work part-time etc.

However a movement that would marginalize bottles or those that use them is one that IMO is anti-woman and not very realistic about the culture we live in. Quite apart from economics, I love to work pt for example. Also, when having issues with PPD and sexual abuse history, a bottle here and there gave me much needed breathing space.

The OP's own daughter uses bottles, past an age most children do (my son was done at 11 months with bottles). I don't think making a fuss over this, especially since it has a genuine pro-bf message too is worth it. It seems vaguely hypocritical to me.

Originally Posted by GoodNamesGone

I'm a step-mom and about to be a bio mom any day now.

In my experiance (however limited) these situations are always great opportunities to teach children.

DD gets a bottle with her new baby doll- here's an opportunity to teach her that a bottle is a tool that has it's uses, but breast is best.

If they are too young to teach advanced concepts, then I'd just remove the bottle, toss it out, and be ready should it happen again later.

If ALL the kids in the group are too young to understand that bottles are tools and not the normal way, then I'd talk to the person who puts the bags together. I'd joke about it and be light-hearted as possible- from your previous statement, I would think this person agrees about BFing and there's no reason to make her feel bad.

Chances are that most inexspensive baby dolls come with a bottle, OR they didn't even think about it. I've rarely seen dolls that do not come with a bottle.

[CEVmommy]

Originally Posted by G8P4

I see the problem with it. I think that normalizing bottle feeding is antibreastfeeding.

I agree. And I do work outside the home and therefore we do use bottles. But I like the approach that is in the Dr. Sears book What Baby Needs: "Or, when Baby is older, Baby might be fed Mommy's milk from a bottle if Mommy has to be away." We acknowledge the presence of bottles as a way to feed babies, BUT we say that bottles are for when other people feed the baby. I do not feed my baby with bottles - only Daddy, Grandma, or the daycare provider do. And when my daughter is playing with dolls, she is pretending to be the mommy, not the daycare provider. Therefore, I would be upset if she were given a doll with a bottle, and in fact this has come up in our home and I have explained this position to relatives. If I had a son, I might feel differently since he would be playing Daddy, but I don't have a son, so that doesn't come up in our house.

[Jamie19]

Originally Posted by Dame

But what about for women who WANT to work outside the home, such as myself? How is my choice to bottlefeed my daughter breast milk "anti-breastfeeding"? She still received breast milk as I pumped. Is that not "breastfeeding"?

No that's bottlefeeding...

[Jamie19]

I see a problem with it.

My youngest has had a bottle a handful of time (less than 10) we own ONE bottle, and still my middle kiddo (who btw has NEVER had a bottle) says "my sister eats those too" when she sees someone bottlefeeding. She's just stopped BFing in the last week! So its not like she's forgotten being bfing, or doesn't see me doing so daily. yet bottlefeeding is so common she's already normalized it at THREE!

Now would I make a big deal? No. Especially considering your DD does take a bottle. I'd probably just tell her its for when mommy isn't home.

[Ruthla]

I think that it IS a problem that so many baby dolls come with bottles today. It's a sign of how "normalized" bottlefeeding is in this culture.

However, in this specific context, I'm not sure it's a problem. There's enough "breastfeeding is normal" stuff along with the doll.

[Sanveann]

It wouldn't bother me, at least not in this context.

DS1 had nursing issues, and I ended up EPing for him. He ONLY had breastmilk, but it always came out of a bottle.

DS2 nurses like a champ, but I had to go back to work (part time) when he was 6 weeks old, and he obviously drinks his milk (again, breastmilk only) out of a bottle when we're apart -- either when I'm working or he's just with Grandma and Grandpa.

As previous posters have said, making bottles out to be "bad" creates the implication that breastfeeding mothers should never be apart from their children for a single second for at LEAST a year. That's not something that's going to encourage the average woman to breastfeed! Even for those who are willing and able to be SAHMs, there are probably going to be times when you are going to need or want to be apart from baby (romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant with your DH, visit to the dentist, etc.).