What's My Tribe?

[Fuzzy Bunny]

**warning long navel gazing post**
Hello everyone,
I'm pretty new here and glad I found this place. I am getting so frustrated with everyone else telling me my parenting choices are weird. This seems like a place where I just may fit in.
For example, at my 3 month old's well visit today, the doctor said to let her cry it out and that "she needs to learn to sleep on her own, you have to train her".
He then said that she doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night, she can go hungry, he said, "I'm hungry at 3:00 a.m. and I don't eat"!
A friend thinks I'm crazy for giving up a prime teaching job to stay home with my daughter for a year and I keep getting pressure to go back to work right away.
My pastor said "It's good for her to be with other people besides you and your husband"
Family friends tell me I'm spoiling her, that she's going to be a brat.
And on and on and on.

I find it almost physically impossible to ignore my crying daughter, to not cuddle her and kiss her and respond to her verbal cues besides crying, I can't just put her in a big room by herself and let her tough it out; I can't just put her in a swing and ignore her during the day.
She goes with me everywhere, she's with me while I fold laundry and we have "conversations", she's with me when I empty the dishwasher.
And when she's not with me, she's with my husband, bonding in the same ways or with my mom or dad bonding with her grandparents.

Does this make me an attachment parent? Is this my tribe? I also believe in feeding my child healthy, whole, organic, vegan food once she starts solids; in authentic "old school" toys that use imagination instead of plastic, electronic junk that does the thinking for you; I believe in taking care of animals and the earth and being kind to all people. I believe in not raising my voice to my child, even when she hits the toddler years; I believe in gentle, rational discipline that meets her developmental needs; I believe in not ignoring my daughter in company (some have commented to me, "you don't have to talk to her while we eat dinner, she's fine just sitting there"). I believe in getting my kid out in nature and "dirty" as much as possible.

I believe in raising my daughter with wonder and joy, love and peace, kindness and gentleness, respect and tolerance.
Does this make me crunchy? Attachment-y?

And then....there are ares I may not fit in with crunchy/attachment parents.
For example, while I am all of the above things, I am also:
Republican, conservative, evangelical Christian; I do believe in limits and boundaries when my daughter is old enough to understand them.

Does that exclude me from fitting in with this tribe?

Where is my tribe?

[Pogo0685]

Hello, First I would like to say, you need to find a new ped. second I would like to say welcome to mothering! I myself love this place, and even if I don't completely fit in I love everyone on this site and they give the best advice ever. It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job with your lo! Keep up the good work with your baby and pm me if you ever need anything!

[almadianna]

This is better served in parenting so I am moving it there.

[kiwiva]

You sound like a great mama to me. You've found the right place and yes you can be politically conservative and crunchy at the same time!

Find a new pedi or just be vague and don't discuss parenting stuff (nod and smile and say "she sleeps fine, she eats fine, no problems" where applicable). Practice what I call the "three heads look." When someone says something obsurd like your 3 mo old will be a spoiled brat because you actually attend to her needs don't reply, just stare at them like they have 3 heads.

And if you don't know anyone who shares your parenting views IRL try find a local AP group or LLL to meet some like-minded mamas. It definitely helps.

[SandraS]

Get rid of your ped. He is, by every definition, WRONG.

And welcome aboard! You've found your home here, I assure you!

Edited to add: I am also a very conservative Republican - we may only differ because I am very laid back with free-range kids who have very few boundaries... but it works for us!

[staceychev]

I run into a lot of conservative Christian moms on this board! You're definitely not alone here. Welcome!

[spicyrock]

Oh my goodness. I cannot believe your pediatrician told you that your 3 month old doesn't need to eat at night. I'm so sorry you've had a hard time figuring out where to fit in. Get a new doctor for your baby, if at all possible!

There are plenty of conservative Christians around here, I think. I myself am neither conservative nor religious, but I do not think that belief systems necessarily determine parenting skills. My dp's mom is a very conservative church lady. She's one of the best moms I know, in spite of our differences...

You sound like a fantastic mother. Keep responding to what your baby cues you to do; you guys will work out your own system and it will work better for you two than anyone else's.

Welcome to MDC

[holyhelianthus]

Crunchiness has nothing to do with religion or political affiliation.

[syn_ack89]

Originally Posted by magstphil

Crunchiness has nothing to do with religion or political affiliation.

There are many who would argue that. But I get your point.

But I think that a conservative Christian Republican can be crunchy...

[chipper26]

You'll fit right in here. Welcome. :

[tjlucca]

Welcome Mama. Happy to have you here.

[bethanyclaire]

Welcome, Mama. I'm glad you found us! I know when I found this place a number of years ago it was like coming home. Yes, you do fit in. We all care about and respond to our babies when and how they need us. That is what brings us all together. I don't think political or religious preference/belief has anything to do with what makes this place so wonderful! I know when I first came here it was like there was finally a group of people who DIDN'T think I was crazy. Some days, I feel like stopping by here saves my sanity when everyone has has spent 12 hours telling me how WRONG I am.

Sit down, get comfy and stay a while. I think you'll like it. Lots of different views and opinions and there is always something to learn! It sounds like you are following your instincts and doing the right thing for you and for your babe... she is a lucky little girl.

[elfimka]

Hi mama, I think you found your tribe here at MDC! : It sounds like you don't fit in with mainstream parents and you follow your intuition and maternal instinct about what's right for your child. Your baby is very lucky to have you as a mama!

Originally Posted by Fuzzy Bunny

For example, at my 3 month old's well visit today, the doctor said to let her cry it out and that "she needs to learn to sleep on her own, you have to train her".
He then said that she doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night, she can go hungry, he said, "I'm hungry at 3:00 a.m. and I don't eat"!

So sorry you had to hear this from a "professional." Our first pediatrician was Ari Brown (the author of the famous "Baby 411" book) At 4 month she told me that I needed to "cut the cord", let my daughter sleep alone and cry her out. We fired her the same day.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by Fuzzy Bunny

**warning long navel gazing post**
Hello everyone,
I'm pretty new here and glad I found this place. I am getting so frustrated with everyone else telling me my parenting choices are weird. This seems like a place where I just may fit in.
For example, at my 3 month old's well visit today, the doctor said to let her cry it out and that "she needs to learn to sleep on her own, you have to train her".
He then said that she doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night, she can go hungry, he said, "I'm hungry at 3:00 a.m. and I don't eat"!
A friend thinks I'm crazy for giving up a prime teaching job to stay home with my daughter for a year and I keep getting pressure to go back to work right away.
My pastor said "It's good for her to be with other people besides you and your husband"
Family friends tell me I'm spoiling her, that she's going to be a brat.
And on and on and on.

I find it almost physically impossible to ignore my crying daughter, to not cuddle her and kiss her and respond to her verbal cues besides crying, I can't just put her in a big room by herself and let her tough it out; I can't just put her in a swing and ignore her during the day.
She goes with me everywhere, she's with me while I fold laundry and we have "conversations", she's with me when I empty the dishwasher.
And when she's not with me, she's with my husband, bonding in the same ways or with my mom or dad bonding with her grandparents.

Does this make me an attachment parent? Is this my tribe? I also believe in feeding my child healthy, whole, organic, vegan food once she starts solids; in authentic "old school" toys that use imagination instead of plastic, electronic junk that does the thinking for you; I believe in taking care of animals and the earth and being kind to all people. I believe in not raising my voice to my child, even when she hits the toddler years; I believe in gentle, rational discipline that meets her developmental needs; I believe in not ignoring my daughter in company (some have commented to me, "you don't have to talk to her while we eat dinner, she's fine just sitting there"). I believe in getting my kid out in nature and "dirty" as much as possible.

I believe in raising my daughter with wonder and joy, love and peace, kindness and gentleness, respect and tolerance.
Does this make me crunchy? Attachment-y?

And then....there are ares I may not fit in with crunchy/attachment parents.
For example, while I am all of the above things, I am also:
Republican, conservative, evangelical Christian; I do believe in limits and boundaries when my daughter is old enough to understand them.

Does that exclude me from fitting in with this tribe?

Where is my tribe?

Welcome.

You are not the only conservative Christian here, though most of the political ones as far as I can see, are libertarian or something else entirely.

Attachment parenting knows no political boundaries. I am a liberal and a Christian, but I consider my beloved aunt a great attachment parent, and she is a Republican conservative Christian.

There are a lot of things I do that many here do not do (we immunise, for one, and my husband is a Muslim, so we would circumcise future boys, though not as infants) but I still prefer this forum as a place where people generally agree on the most basic things.

I'm so glad to hear you are listening to your instincts about feeding your baby. : God gave us these babies to love and cuddle, not ignore!

There are also groups of gentle Christian mamas that meet here- you can find others on the web.

[Fuzzy Bunny]

wow and thanks!

I really appreciate (and need) the support I'm getting here. Maybe MDC is a place where I can come and let my mommy "weirdness" hang out!

Annie

[barefootmama0709]

I have to say that your pediatrician sounds like a tool. A 3-month-old most definitely needs to eat at night! You sound pretty AP to me but I don't think it's really necessary to find a label for yourself; I call us "semi-AP" because we co-sleep, babywear, selfwean, but right now YDS is asleep in his beloved battery-powered swing. We are also "semi-crunchy" because we don't circ, CD, selective vax, try to delay solids (my ODS started solids at 4 months because he just couldn't nurse enough to fill him up...he now eats as much as I do!) and eat organic and natural as much as possible. Really, parenting your children from your gut is more important than labeling what your gut tells you to do!

[DoulaVallere]

Hello and welcome! I'm a Christian, conservative, Republican, crunchy mom We don't circ, don't vax, extended breastfeed, co-sleep, babywear, cloth diaper, eat as naturally as possible (though we are omnivours, but we try to buy free range meats)....I think you'll fit in here fine!

I absolutely believe that being Christian should enhance (not exclude) a person's crunchiness...God gave us the job of being stewards of this world and our children, so cloth diapering and breastfeeding, and providing loving guidance to our children seems like the natural logical progression of that task.

Again, Welcome!

[shrmom]

: Slightly crunchy, independent evangelical Christian here!

I firmly believe that the world is made to sustain our population and the children people have, since children are a blessing. However, it can't sustain those people living today's American lifestyle.

[Evergreen]

You should fit in well here.

I also am concerned about your ped, though. even the big cry it out proponents say not to do it til 6 mos. A 3 month old certainly needs to eat at night. It is sad that he is giving this advice to others who may not know as much as you.