AWKWARD!!! Immediate advice needed!!

[Just My Opinion]

Thanks for the advice, I think I was overreacting!!

[Inci]

How about calling and saying:
"We'd love to have D over from 3-5 today! [Or make up a time].
Oh and just to let you know, it's best if you call instead of coming to knock on our door - you know, in case I'm in the shower or we're napping or something! It's easier for me to schedule playdates a bit in advance."

[Just My Opinion]

I guess I am just having an issue with the whole, come-to-my-door-out-of-the-blue-asking-for-a-playdate-but-really-meaning-watch-your-kid-for-free-while-you-work dealie.

However, it was framed very vague, so while I think she was leading to that, I don't know for sure kwim?

I don't mean to sound petty or bitchy, as C is nice and all, but argh -- it is just awkward!!

Thanks for the advice though!

[limabean]

I would have the girl over to play a couple of times (scheduled, not just drop-ins like that) and see how it goes. Maybe her mom really did just want to let them play. Then, if it seems like she starts sending her DD over all the time you can handle it from there. I wouldn't assume anything just yet.

One good tip I've heard here on MDC for neighbors who tend to drop by all the time is to have some sort of signal outside when you're available to play, like a sign or a flag. Just say that your schedule is unpredictable, or you need the house to be quiet sometimes, or you've been enjoying lots of family time this summer, or whatever, and mention that the sign will be out when you're available to have friends over.

[seriosa]

Personally I would let it slide this first time and let D come over. Unless its really a bother of you to have her today, in which case I would honestly tell C so. If it happens a second time round, I would let her in again, but say in a friendly way "you know I would prefer we plan playdates in advance so I can organise my time". If you don't want your dd going over to their place unless C actually gives you an appointment "such and such a date & time" you can brush it off without actually refusing, until such a time as you feel comfortable - or are sure you are uncomfortable with doing it. I mean usually reciprocation starts with " well next time your dd can come over to our place" "why not", but the next time it comes up, re-offer your house with a motive. It sounds sly I know, but it can be a way of maintaining harmony and the relationship until you figure out what you really want to make of it.

[4evermom]

I'm guessing she doesn't have your number if you've been seeing each other around?

I'd bring her my number and tell her it is so she can call first next time so the girls won't have to be disappointed if it isn't a good time for a playdate.

Maybe if you go into this with set ending time, something you need to do in two hours so your free time isn't taken for granted, it will be clear you are happy to do this occasionally once in a while but not too often. Then just say "Sorry, today isn't good for me" if she starts to ask too often. It's only a problem if you feel obliged to say yes and don't make your limits clear (like only in the afternoons or whatever).

It would be great to have such nearby friends...

[Just My Opinion]

She has my number but she said she lost it (I thought she had programmed it in her phone but I guess I was wrong).

[Inci]

Hey, JMO, how did this go?

[Just My Opinion]

Well, I wasn't overreacting LOL

She came over, and I made it clear I expected her to stay (in a subtle way). The entire time she talked about how much work she had to do, all ((((sigh)))) and whatnot. It was very clear she expected me to say "Oh leave your dd here!" -- and ya' know what? Had she dropped the passive/aggression and hint-dropping and just asked, I may have (although we are barely aquaintances). Our visit was pleasant enough, but I do think she was upset that I didn't offer to babysit.

So anyway, I haven't heard from her since. She was clearly feeling me out for free babysitting. It's okay, I am sure we will see each other at the pool and stuff and be pleasant.

[Inci]

Ooh, that passive-agressive stuff drives me crazy, too! Good for you for standing your ground! And yeah, looks like your intuition was right!

[ernalala]

Originally Posted by Just My Opinion

Thanks for the advice, I think I was overreacting!!

Guess not! I have similar issues. With neighbours dropping grandchildren over our terrace's fence when on or both of my children are playing there, whether I am visible to them or they had talked to me or checked if it was ok or not, while am near by but often doing sth in the kitchen and/or elsewhere in the house. They sometimes seem to truly believe that I am prepared to be the convenient creche of the street I think, or at least our terrace/garden :-(. I woıuld expect that İF they do this at least they WATCH the children together from where they are (terrace, street) while 2m not visible (in the house) to them, but on several occasions I have found other kids playinmg there with my kids with NOONE supervising at the time (except me, from the house, but with only 'klnowing' that my own kid(s) is/are there and listeningchyecking if all is ok and KNOWİNG my W child, also more children together may fight or interact dangerously when 2m unaware of their presence and just having to 'find out'. Arg. drives me crazy. Neighbours are toxic here and turly do not SEE what's wrong with what they're sometimes doing, always crossing personal limits like that. One even dared to exclaim out to me 'WHO locked this gate?!?' when HER 2yo grandchild somehow was present on OUR (locked) terrace and then couldn't access it to feed him WHY do these people think I keep this gate LOCKED??? To make sure my children can safely play in our small yard (that directly accesses to a small road, no pavement) while I have things to do, or just when we prefer to be in the yard but not having a small child run off like that in the street or come and go, since only 3y4m!
Also had other (older) children climb over the fence to come and go, setting a freaky example for mine, while I explicitelt told them several times NEVER to do that, si,nce it' our property, şocked for a reason, and them setting dangerous examples (ones is enough unfortunately).

RAAAAAANT.

To the OP, GREAT how you dealt with it, she just didn't get the chance to impose HER way on you, and you clearly stated your limits without needing to say 'back off', very well done. I hope she'll get it now and that you'll both just get the opportunity to have pleasant social interactions without similar play-date issues.