Social needs of 2-year-olds?

[Zenful]

I know every 2-year-old is different, but I'd like to get a general take on how other parents view their child's social needs at this age. My son is often scared of other kids who act unpredictably, but the quiet ones he often will sit and watch for awhile. I'm not all that interested in taking him to playgroups or other social activities like this, and I'm having a difficult time figuring out if I should try to get him used to being around other kids his age. His only interaction is with kids at the playground, which, as I just described, isn't what I'd call interaction. He likes to say hi to other kids sometimes, but that's about it. How are other 2-year-olds in this realm? Is he going to be "set back" in any way if I don't help him socialize?

[Tigerchild]

With some exceptions, most toddlers I have observed, including my own, don't really have a whole lot of use for other toddlers. They are fascinated with bigger kids, as long as they're treated kindly.

If your child seems content to do their thing at the playground, even if it's not "socializing" with other kids, I would recommend not interfering. Just let them play how they prefer. They're not going to be "behind", and forcing toddlers to "socialize" when they don't wish to is IME an exercise in futility and frustration.

My MZ (identical) twins didn't really care too much to interact or socialize with each other as toddlers, even though they are extremely close now. They much preferred to watch their sister at her play (she is 17 months older) or older kids.

I have seen some older almost-3 toddlers become obsessed with babies, which is pretty cute (if a little scary for the mamas of stranger babies).

[LittleMonkey]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild

I have seen some older almost-3 toddlers become obsessed with babies, which is pretty cute (if a little scary for the mamas of stranger babies).

A bit OT, but I am so happy to see you say this. DS is obsessed with babies big time. Oy!

Anyway, I agree not to worry too much. I've started taking DS to a regular playgroup and he is interested in the toys and the babies. So far the other kiddos don't do much for him! Seems normal to me.

[NiteNicole]

I have a lot of guilt about not finding friends for my three year old. She has been interested in other kids pretty much forever...babies, kids her age, adults who are particularly short, she does not care. It really started in big time around 20 - 24 months because she could TELL me, "I want kids, I want friends." She is DESPERATE for friends now.

We live in a very small town (400 people) where the only activities center around church (we don't go to church). All of the classes she could take are for kids who are potty trained. She's not. All of my friends with kids live in other towns and have kids who are in school and activites ALL the time so they have zero time for us.

Of all the choices I've made since having a child, the one I regret most is jumping into this move that put us in the middle of nowhere. I really really think *MY* child suffers from lack of friends and until she potty trains, I can see no way of helping her meet other kids (and even then, I will have to do a lot of driving for things like dance classes, swim lessons, etc). There are no parks, there are no play groups, the library is one room with no windows by the railroad tracks and no, there's no story time. There is really just no way for her to meet other kids.

When we ARE around other kids, she's just so eager it comes across as a bit socially awkward. She announces that any child in the area is her "friend" or "sister" or cousin or whatever she can think of. She can't really relax for being SO excited and worked up because there's another kid around. She just doesn't seem to get how other kids act with each other. I really really think I've done her a huge disservice but I've been trying to think of ANYTHING to get her around more kids and there's just nothing. I'm afraid her first year at school is going to be very strained because she hasn't learned how to be around other kids.

I can not bring myself to start with churches because it's very conservative around here AND there's a lot of "just let them cry, it's only an hour" going on in the nurseries.

She will start school in fall of 2010 and though I hate it and would much rather have her home with me, I think it's best for her to go.

I can't speak for what other kids need, but mine really really really needs and wants to be around other children. If I had it to do over again, we never would have bought this house and we'd have chosen a town based on activites aimed at kids.

The last two years when her birthday has rolled around and she's asked for "a party with KIDS" I just have to go somewhere and cry. I'm very social myself and this level of...just not having anyone AROUND...it's hard for me too and I feel like I'm failing her and not giving her something big she needs.

[Bug-a-Boo's Mama]

I've been in a mother's group since K was a bit older than six months old. I am not a stay at home person, I have to get out-so that way in general K gets lots of socializing. But we also do lots with the group. K will not be going to school until VPK next year (2010) so for me it is important for him to play with other children. But he LOVES it. He asks daily if he will be playing with his friends. We also do two nature classes weekly/bi-weekly.

Will your child attend school? If not, then it probably is more important to get out a bit. Even if your DC will, it still wouldn't hurt to do things a bit so he gets used to being around other children and other personalities.

[My3guys]

I just don't think there is an answer for this question. Every kid and every family situation is so different and unique you really need to tailor a solution that works for your dynamic and yours only. For instance, we had three kids VERY close together (within the same year). We found that our twins were "dumbing down" their older brother. He was regressing towards their level and so we aggressively moved to make sure he had time, several times a week if not more, with other kids his age. Our needs were very specific in this instance and you really can't extrapolate that our experience makes sense for anyone else.

[Tigerchild]

Originally Posted by LittleMonkey

A bit OT, but I am so happy to see you say this. DS is obsessed with babies big time. Oy!

My DSes are still obsessed with babies (though theirs started when they were about 4 and a half, not as toddlers). Not DD, I think she got her fill with twin little brothers!

[EVC]

Every chlild has different social needs. Some are more introverted (as yours seems to be) and there's nothing wrong with that. And I don't think children need to be PUSHED into social situations they aren't ready for or just aren't intrested in.

Some kids are born extroverts. My dd LOVES playing with other kids and goes NUTS if she doesn't have regular interaction with kids her age. That's just the way she is and always has been. And in a case like hers, then I do think it would be wrong to deny her the social interaction she craves and she would suffer without it.

So I would just follow his cues. Take him to playgrounds and other places where kids his age congregate and let him decide for himself whether he is interested in interaction. He may just not be ready for it yet, or he may just be a natural introvert who prefers observing and reflecting. Give him the opportunities without making it into some kind of "issue" of what you think he "needs." He's two. It's fine for him to define his own social needs at this age. If he wants it, great, and it not, there's nothing wrong with that.

[Zenful]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I have a lot of guilt about not finding friends for my three year old. She has been interested in other kids pretty much forever...babies, kids her age, adults who are particularly short, she does not care. It really started in big time around 20 - 24 months because she could TELL me, "I want kids, I want friends." She is DESPERATE for friends now.

We live in a very small town (400 people) where the only activities center around church (we don't go to church). All of the classes she could take are for kids who are potty trained. She's not. All of my friends with kids live in other towns and have kids who are in school and activites ALL the time so they have zero time for us.

Of all the choices I've made since having a child, the one I regret most is jumping into this move that put us in the middle of nowhere. I really really think *MY* child suffers from lack of friends and until she potty trains, I can see no way of helping her meet other kids (and even then, I will have to do a lot of driving for things like dance classes, swim lessons, etc). There are no parks, there are no play groups, the library is one room with no windows by the railroad tracks and no, there's no story time. There is really just no way for her to meet other kids.

When we ARE around other kids, she's just so eager it comes across as a bit socially awkward. She announces that any child in the area is her "friend" or "sister" or cousin or whatever she can think of. She can't really relax for being SO excited and worked up because there's another kid around. She just doesn't seem to get how other kids act with each other. I really really think I've done her a huge disservice but I've been trying to think of ANYTHING to get her around more kids and there's just nothing. I'm afraid her first year at school is going to be very strained because she hasn't learned how to be around other kids.

I can not bring myself to start with churches because it's very conservative around here AND there's a lot of "just let them cry, it's only an hour" going on in the nurseries.

She will start school in fall of 2010 and though I hate it and would much rather have her home with me, I think it's best for her to go.

I can't speak for what other kids need, but mine really really really needs and wants to be around other children. If I had it to do over again, we never would have bought this house and we'd have chosen a town based on activites aimed at kids.

The last two years when her birthday has rolled around and she's asked for "a party with KIDS" I just have to go somewhere and cry. I'm very social myself and this level of...just not having anyone AROUND...it's hard for me too and I feel like I'm failing her and not giving her something big she needs.

Why don't you move again?

[Zenful]

Originally Posted by EVC

Give him the opportunities without making it into some kind of "issue" of what you think he "needs." He's two. It's fine for him to define his own social needs at this age. If he wants it, great, and it not, there's nothing wrong with that.

The way you put this made me aware of how much I've been conditioned by society to look at "social needs" as being something that starts at a young age (the younger the better, it seems, in a lot of people's eyes). And if you don't start them young and get them involved in lots of activities then they'll become "socially retarded" or whatever. I know not everyone in our society sees it this way, but there seems to be a general consensus that kids "need" socialization and it should start young. I remember my MIL asking me (I was 7 weeks pregnant with him at the time) how he was going to be able to socialize right after I said I planned on homeschooling him. That's the first thing that popped in her head...it's just so ingrained in our society. Anywho, thanks for pointing that out for me

[kirstenb]

DS really doesn't like to play with other toddlers he isn't familiar with. He'll play around them, or right next to them, but not with them. He might watch them but will rarely go join them.

At daycare he loves to play with his friends. He spends all day with them so he is comfortable with them and loves to play and interact with them. Likewise, I have a very close friend with a son a few months younger than DS. They have grown up together and are very excited whenever they get to see each other and play.

At this age I really just let DS figure out what he needs. I don't want to force him to play with other kids he isn't comfortable with. I know when he is gets used to them he will want to play with them, and that's fine.

[pianojazzgirl]

ETA - meant to quote the mama living in the small town with not a lot of chances for her dd to play with other kids. This is for you:

<<Hugs!>>

You say that any activities you could sign her up for require that she be potty trained. I wonder if you could speak to the (hopefully sympathetic!) teacher to ask if she could attend if you went with her (or were in an adjoining room/lobby/nearby) to change her dipe if she needed it.

As for the OP... sounds pretty much like my dd's life at that age. We didn't do any specific playgroups or classes or anything. She would watch and play near other kids at the park, and sometimes play with friends' kids. Sounds like your ds is doing just fine.

[NiteNicole]

You say that any activities you could sign her up for require that she be potty trained. I wonder if you could speak to the (hopefully sympathetic!) teacher to ask if she could attend if you went with her (or were in an adjoining room/lobby/nearby) to change her dipe if she needed it.

Thanks for the idea. If this non-potty business continues, I'm going to make some more calls and see if anyone will go for it but there's been a little progress on the potty front this week so, fingers crossed.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I have a lot of guilt about not finding friends for my three year old. She has been interested in other kids pretty much forever...babies, kids her age, adults who are particularly short, she does not care. It really started in big time around 20 - 24 months because she could TELL me, "I want kids, I want friends." She is DESPERATE for friends now.

We live in a very small town (400 people) where the only activities center around church (we don't go to church). All of the classes she could take are for kids who are potty trained. She's not. All of my friends with kids live in other towns and have kids who are in school and activites ALL the time so they have zero time for us.

Of all the choices I've made since having a child, the one I regret most is jumping into this move that put us in the middle of nowhere. I really really think *MY* child suffers from lack of friends and until she potty trains, I can see no way of helping her meet other kids (and even then, I will have to do a lot of driving for things like dance classes, swim lessons, etc). There are no parks, there are no play groups, the library is one room with no windows by the railroad tracks and no, there's no story time. There is really just no way for her to meet other kids.

When we ARE around other kids, she's just so eager it comes across as a bit socially awkward. She announces that any child in the area is her "friend" or "sister" or cousin or whatever she can think of. She can't really relax for being SO excited and worked up because there's another kid around. She just doesn't seem to get how other kids act with each other. I really really think I've done her a huge disservice but I've been trying to think of ANYTHING to get her around more kids and there's just nothing. I'm afraid her first year at school is going to be very strained because she hasn't learned how to be around other kids.

I can not bring myself to start with churches because it's very conservative around here AND there's a lot of "just let them cry, it's only an hour" going on in the nurseries.

She will start school in fall of 2010 and though I hate it and would much rather have her home with me, I think it's best for her to go.

I can't speak for what other kids need, but mine really really really needs and wants to be around other children. If I had it to do over again, we never would have bought this house and we'd have chosen a town based on activites aimed at kids.

The last two years when her birthday has rolled around and she's asked for "a party with KIDS" I just have to go somewhere and cry. I'm very social myself and this level of...just not having anyone AROUND...it's hard for me too and I feel like I'm failing her and not giving her something big she needs.

We moved from an area where we were pretty isolated, and my dd was much like yours - a little overwhelming when she had social contact. But it went away quite quickly.

I think most two-year olds don't require a lot of social time, though some enjoy it. Once you get on to about three, they start to need some - but for more introverted kids maybe only one or two other children, that they see regularly, in a quiet setting. They will usually get more comfortable with more kids or unfamiliar settings as time goes on.

Some kids enjoy lots of kids, all the time, and lots of excitement. I don't think that means it's good for them though - I'm inclined to think it's actually detrimental. Alone time and time with adults is important, even for the extroverts of the world.