Reason #10974624 that i hate working in a bar.

[tinyblackdot]

I work part time at a local dive bar. I do it 3 nights a week so that i can be a sahm with my dd. ......im rambling. Anyways, a regular there told me a few years ago that her and her DH where desperately TTC. So fast forward to 4 weeks ago....she tells me that she is pregnant! I was so excited for them. I asked how far along she thought she was, and she wasn't sure because she has very irregular periods. I asked her when her last period was, and she tells me in August (yeah its May)! So....i take her word for it that she is about 6 weeks. They go to the Dr and she gets a due date of July 30th! 2009! WTH! She is up there drinking and smoking just about every day. She drinks like 6 rum and cokes just at the bar, and i know she drinks at home too....and smokes A LOT of pot! So anyways, last Saturday her DH stopped up at the bar, and i asked how "sally" was doing. He said that she hadn't been feeling well for the last few days and was having stomach cramps. I flipped, and asked him if he was sure she wasnt in labor! He was shocked and baffeled at how i could even think that, "her due date isnt until July 30!" I calmly explaind that its really hard to get an exact due date with her being as far along as she was. And that it could happen any time.

Anyways.....so she was totally in labor! They rushed her to the hospital the next day, and she had the baby within 20 minutes of getting there!

So then today i find out that CPS is involved because both the mother and the baby's THC levels where outrageous (apparently she had been lying in bed for 3 days prior smoking pot all day!) and that the baby is in the NICU because he water had been leaking for the 3 days she was in "labor" and there was an infection. And to make things worse the baby is still in the hospital and she has been up at the bar partying for the last 2 days! OMG!

I can not believe that people can be so freaking HORRIBLE! What are they thinking!

I hate that i have to even know people like this! UGH! It makes me hate human kind!

[fresh_veggie]

I'm sorry mama! That's so terrible. I feel so sad for this new little baby

[themamamama]

Wow, that is a really sad story. Poor baby. I'm sorry you have to live/work with such ugliness.

[kay4]

i'm so sorry. that would be really hard to deal with

[tinyblackdot]

I know! I dont know what to do! I dont know if i a going to be able to keep my mouth shut. If she come in, i dont know how i am going to handle it.

Pluss everything is just second hand info. I dont know anything for sure except that she ws in labor for 3 days, and CPS is involved and the baby is in the NICU and she is out.

Oh and get this, yesterday i overheard some of the regulars talking about how the parents where going to go stay with with the baby the nigh the hospital was going to release him, and how the father was really upset that it was the same night of some big nas car race, and he was going to have to miss it!

I cant imagine someone not seeing their beautiful baby and stepping up to the plate!

[flapjack]

[Vermillion]

It’s things like this that cause me to have a VERY hard time not being bitter about why some people are blessed with the ability to conceive and carry a baby while others lose or can't have much wanted little ones :

That sweet little baby is in my thoughts : Also hoping that the parents get it together, like, now! : Or that something happens quickly so the baby can get the love and caring that he deserves. *sigh*

[tinyblackdot]

Originally Posted by Vermillion

It’s things like this that cause me to have a VERY hard time not being bitter about why some people are blessed with the ability to conceive and carry a baby while others lose or can't have much wanted little ones :

That sweet little baby is in my thoughts : Also hoping that the parents get it together, like, now! : Or that something happens quickly so the baby can get the love and caring that it deserves. *sigh*

I know!

At the end of my life, after i die, i really hope that there are explanations to all of the things that happen in life..........because if there are not, im going to be really pissed.

[candiecotton]

at least they caught her in hospital. she will be watched very close &cps will make sure everythings safe for the baby .
i hope he will be ok . i worked with a prenatal group years ago & one of the girls there was an addict . & she tried her best to stay clean , her sister is G's god mom so we all kept an eye on her . one night she was overwhelmed & had a drink . of course her sister told me & so i told the nurse who was ding all the pre natal . so all of a sudden the nurse made up a drug awareness day & we did the effects.
she didnt drink anything else after that & when we went to see them in hopsital ( both as a friend & as part of the prenatal group) she sat there & cried , she said that she is very lucky that he came out perfect & thankd us for letting her see what she could of done to her baby . hes 12 now & she is still sober .

i often see women come to the bar as well . the guy on the door when he knows someones expecting will call the bartender & tell him so & so can not drink because shes pregnant & the bartender will not serv e them not even water ..

but lets hope the little angel will be ok . & lets hope the parents straighten up a little. but if they dont the baby will be another child lost in the system

[mommy2two babes]

Originally Posted by candiecotton

at least they caught her in hospital. she will be watched very close &cps will make sure everythings safe for the baby .
i hope he will be ok . i worked with a prenatal group years ago & one of the girls there was an addict . & she tried her best to stay clean , her sister is G's god mom so we all kept an eye on her . one night she was overwhelmed & had a drink . of course her sister told me & so i told the nurse who was ding all the pre natal . so all of a sudden the nurse made up a drug awareness day & we did the effects.
she didnt drink anything else after that & when we went to see them in hopsital ( both as a friend & as part of the prenatal group) she sat there & cried , she said that she is very lucky that he came out perfect & thankd us for letting her see what she could of done to her baby . hes 12 now & she is still sober .

i often see women come to the bar as well . the guy on the door when he knows someones expecting will call the bartender & tell him so & so can not drink because shes pregnant & the bartender will not serv e them not even water ..

but lets hope the little angel will be ok . & lets hope the parents straighten up a little. but if they dont the baby will be another child lost in the system

This is a very sad situation. I know of one Mom who smoked pot and drank all the way through her pregnancy. Luckily her baby didn't have any major problems, CAS did become involved a year later after she locked her DD in a closet during ahouse party to keep her "safe"


Just curious why a bar would not serve a pregnant woman water?

My DH had friends from out of town a few weeks ago that went out and I was thier DD for the evening. I drank water and gingerale at every place we went.

[savannah smiles]

That's just horrible and sad all around.

[candiecotton]

we dont serve thenm water becaause its easy to pour a drink in a water bottle
we had a guy who used to drink his vodka in a water bottle .. to keep his partner from finding out he was drinking . hs partner used to cut him off & so he would get his drink put in a water bottle .
i think his partner knew what he ws doing though because after he passed away we were @ the bar & he had water & he rememberd how josh ysed to have the vodka in the water bottle

[spicyrock]

Interestingly, it is illegal to deny a woman bar service (or any service) on the basis of pregnancy.



ETA: I don't think that drinking during pregnancy is a good idea, or anything. Some people have a glass of wine or beer here and there, which I'm sure is fine, but I knew during my own pregnancy that I would be too anxious to enjoy alcohol... dp and I have some acquaintances who carried on with a party lifestyle during pregnancy (I'm not sure they skipped a beat at all, and they were hard partying people) and they are still in nicu with their two month old having surgeries and being hooked up to breathing machines. A lot of people are placing harsh, harsh judgments on them, which I understand, but honestly, I feel pretty badly for them. They are paying a very hefty price, and so is their lo.

A person can't behave that way and still be sane, right? These parents must be mentally unwell, diseased, whatever you want to call it. Right? I don't want to think that people could be so inhuman without having something seriously be wrong in their heads.

[Lindsay1234]

Originally Posted by Vermillion

It’s things like this that cause me to have a VERY hard time not being bitter about why some people are blessed with the ability to conceive and carry a baby while others lose or can't have much wanted little ones :

As the mom of 2 with my newborn currently in the NICU since birth, stories like this make me crazy!!!

[mommy2two babes]

Originally Posted by candiecotton

we dont serve thenm water becaause its easy to pour a drink in a water bottle
we had a guy who used to drink his vodka in a water bottle .. to keep his partner from finding out he was drinking . hs partner used to cut him off & so he would get his drink put in a water bottle .
i think his partner knew what he ws doing though because after he passed away we were @ the bar & he had water & he rememberd how josh ysed to have the vodka in the water bottle

Is this only regulars that you know?
At the bars here they serve non-alcholic drinks in different cups.
I just don't see how that would work or that a bar would be within thier rights to do that. Where in Canada are you?
I like the sentiment of not serving booze to pregnant women but not the water thing. Unfortunatly you can't protect an adult from themselves, even more unfortunate if they have an innocent life inside of them.
Obvoiusly if someone wants to drink large ammounts during pregnancy they don't have to do it at a bar. I am sure that the liquor stores around you don't deny sales to anyone visably pregnant right?

[tinyblackdot]

Originally Posted by spicyrock

Interestingly, it is illegal to deny a woman bar service (or any service) on the basis of pregnancy.



ETA: I don't think that drinking during pregnancy is a good idea, or anything. Some people have a glass of wine or beer here and there, which I'm sure is fine, but I knew during my own pregnancy that I would be too anxious to enjoy alcohol... dp and I have some acquaintances who carried on with a party lifestyle during pregnancy (I'm not sure they skipped a beat at all, and they were hard partying people) and they are still in nicu with their two month old having surgeries and being hooked up to breathing machines. A lot of people are placing harsh, harsh judgments on them, which I understand, but honestly, I feel pretty badly for them. They are paying a very hefty price, and so is their lo.

A person can't behave that way and still be sane, right? These parents must be mentally unwell, diseased, whatever you want to call it. Right? I don't want to think that people could be so inhuman without having something seriously be wrong in their heads.

We have pregnant women in the bar all of the time. Usually as the DD for a bday for bachelorette party or whatever, and there is a regular that is pregnant that will come in for a cider every once in a while. I NEVER drank while i was pregnant, but my mw always told me when my braxton hix where getting bad to go have a glass of wine of a unfiltered beer. So i see no big deal with it at all. ( we are talking 1 beer drank over a long extended time)

I try really hard not to judge people, i know that i have made decisions in my past that where scrutinized and judged. I dont want to do that to anyone else BUT i cant not stick up for that little baby, maybe someone needs to give her a huge slap in the face! I think im going to just wait and see, and when i see her ill play dumb and let her tell me whats going on. ANd then call her out on it and be really honest about the situation.

As for something bein wrong with them, i guess. I dont know....they seemed like 100% normal people, and i never thought in a million years that this would be the outcome fo their situation. It just so shocking and depressing.

[chipper26]

I know. I worked in a bar like that. Many people would come in every night and stay for most of their evening. One "regular" brought his son in, who was about 7, and sat him at the bar beside him one afternoon. I couldn't even look at them, it really upset me. Nice "activity" you are doing with your kid. I didn't think the owners should have allowed it.

Anyway, not nearly as bad as what you described, but...

[spicyrock]

Originally Posted by tinyblackdot

We have pregnant women in the bar all of the time. Usually as the DD for a bday for bachelorette party or whatever, and there is a regular that is pregnant that will come in for a cider every once in a while. I NEVER drank while i was pregnant, but my mw always told me when my braxton hix where getting bad to go have a glass of wine of a unfiltered beer. So i see no big deal with it at all. ( we are talking 1 beer drank over a long extended time)

My comment about it being illegal to deny a pregnant woman service (even alcohol) was directed to the person above me who said that at her bar, they won't even give pregnant women water for fear they might re-use the cups. I worked in a bar/restaurant until I was 37 weeks pregnant.

I also tend to think that people having a drink here or there during pregnancy is okay, and totally a decision to be left up to the mom. But while I was pregnant, the thought of drinking often made me feel physically ill.

Anyway, op, I'm angry at these people, too. I just cannot believe that someone would knowingly cross the line like that.

[princesstutu]

Originally Posted by chipper26

I know. I worked in a bar like that. Many people would come in every night and stay for most of their evening. One "regular" brought his son in, who was about 7, and sat him at the bar beside him one afternoon. I couldn't even look at them, it really upset me. Nice "activity" you are doing with your kid. I didn't think the owners should have allowed it.

Anyway, not nearly as bad as what you described, but...

My dad told me that when he was a kid, kids went in bars and hung around all the time. He thinks life was better for kids back then. No one served the kids alcohol, so he doesn't see the big deal of kids being in bars. I see his point. People are sitting around drinking and talking...like they'd do at home, around their kids. *shrug*

Everyone handles pregnancy and motherhood differently. Hopefully, the new mom in the OP will get it together. I think the alcohol is more dangerous than the marijuana and alcohol is perfectly legal. As are cigarettes, which I also think are more dangerous than marijuana. Sounds like she just has issues, period, regardless of whether or not she has a child and I hope she finds the resources and strength to address those issues.

That doesn't mean "mental health problems". It means she's been socialized well and is need of some help.

[shanniesue2]

Originally Posted by chipper26

I know. I worked in a bar like that. Many people would come in every night and stay for most of their evening. One "regular" brought his son in, who was about 7, and sat him at the bar beside him one afternoon. I couldn't even look at them, it really upset me. Nice "activity" you are doing with your kid. I didn't think the owners should have allowed it.

Anyway, not nearly as bad as what you described, but...

Here, you are absolutely not allowed in a bar or liquor store until you're 21. Retaurants have their bar areas roped off and you're not allowed past the rope if you're under age. I know a woman who owns a liquor store with her husband and they're legally not even allowed to bring their baby into the store. Although, I think they have from time to time... they avoid letting customers see their baby though, and they know that if they have a police officer or business licensing person come in that they will probably be asked to take her out of the store...