Another locker room vent

[aran]

OK, I have the opposite problem from the one expressed in the recent thread on boys in women's locker rooms...

Background:
The place where we swim has a policy that children over 36 months old cannot enter the locker room of the opposite sex, so my almost 5 yo DS1 cannot come with me into the women's locker room. However, there is a women's family locker room, where mothers/female carers can take their boys over age 3. (There is also a men's family locker room where fathers/male carers can take their girls over 3).

The facility is very large, and the regular locker rooms are accordingly very large, but the family locker rooms are quite small.

Problem:
Moms with all girls, and some with only older girls (7-8 years old) are always using the women's family locker room. They have the choice of using the big, roomy, posh women's locker room but instead, they constantly crowd into the only space I can use with my boys. OK, that is slightly irritating, but then yesterday, a mom was waiting on a bench for her kid to shower. That was the only other family in the room at that time. DS1, DS2 and I went into a shower for a quick rinse before swimming, and when we came out, that kid who had been showering (a girl about 8 yo, I would guess) was standing, facing us fully nude, apparently just talking to her mom. I know from experience that DS1 would *just gawk* in a really curious and intense way that would in all likelihood freak this girl and her mother out (DS1 is nearly 5 but looks older). So I slapped my hand over DS1's eyes until the girl got dressed. He kept asking "Why are you covering my eyes?" and I never answered... I felt really awkward... like we were intruding on this family, even though they didn't need to be in the area where all the little boys are with their moms.

ACK. I suppose I just need to talk more with DS1 about locker room etiquette. I know it will be hard for him not to stare though... And I would feel weird telling people that they can use the women's locker room with their girls... I have gotten the sense it could be offensive to these moms.

Don't know what I am looking for here... just a vent I guess. But any observations or advice are welcome, anyhow

[anywaybecause]

I would approach the management, and ask them to post a sign reminding parents that the family locker rooms are for parents who have children of both genders with them.

[Bluegoat]

Well, he way those locker romms are set up is really odd to me. I would honestly have expected to see kids of both genders in both - many families have boys and girls.

I think you should just tell your son that it isn't polite to stare in the locker room - if my daughter was the little girl, I wouldn't be offended by his staring, I know kids aren't all up on the social etiquette yet. But I'm sure some moms might not like it, and kids do need to learn these things sometimes.

[aran]

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

Well, he way those locker romms are set up is really odd to me. I would honestly have expected to see kids of both genders in both - many families have boys and girls.

Well, yeah - of course there will be girls in the family locker room because many families have kids of both genders, so those families need to use the family locker rooms. My gripe is with the single sex families that choose not to use the locker room of that sex.

But yes, it's definitely true that DS1 needs to learn locker room etiquette, because there will be girls in the family locker room. I was surprised to see such an old-looking girl standing buck naked in there though given that there are three private dressing stalls that could have been used. This swim club is new to us, and I haven't had to deal with this before now.

[amandaleigh37]

It sounds like your DS was just doing what any kid would do... I would hope the other parent would pick up on it and use the other locker room if it made the girl uncomfortable.

Otherwise, just distracting him & getting out of there as quick as you can is about all you can do. :dunno:

[RunnerDuck]

Originally Posted by amandaleigh37

It sounds like your DS was just doing what any kid would do... I would hope the other parent would pick up on it and use the other locker room if it made the girl uncomfortable.

Yeah... it was normal behavior on his part -as well as part and parcel of why there is an option for parents with different sex children! I wash my kids all at once in the tub and my son will check out the girls. Not in a pervert sort of way, just in a "Wow, that looks so different than what I have" way. We talk about the differences - his curiosity is normal IMO.

But I could see it maybe weirding out another mom if my son was eyeballing her girl.

But - if the mom in the OPs post was offended in any way, she needs to get back over to the girls side where she belongs.

I think asking the pool for a signage is a good idea. "This locker room is for ..." Which is no guarantee people will pay attention

Some people just want the extra space and privacy and don't care who it inconveniences.

Like when a single person will use the family bathroom to poop.

eta - by single I mean "shopping without small children" not unmarried.

[bit123]

I remember back when i was a kid taking swimming lessons around age 6 everyone would go to the family changing room (there was only one big one at the time). I would see members of the opposite sex and in my swim class nude and sometimes they would see me. The kids that were more modest would just change under a towel.

I remember alll the mothers would tell their kids not to stare, including my mom. At those young ages there was nothing sexual about it. We all just knew that boys have penises and girls have vaginas

[LiamnEmma]

I don't think I have anything constructive to say, so much as I'm responding to your vent--I totally get what you're saying. I'd be somewhat irritated too. Having one of each, I get the intense curiosity as well as the need to have safe place for both to be with me when I'm alone (well, not so much anymore, ds is 10 now and can essentially handle himself and we're not in those situations anyway). It does suck.

Mostly just wanting to let you know I hear you.

[One_Girl]

I think you should bring this concern up to the staff. If you aren't nervous about him seeing the difference between girls and boys then I also think you shouldn't worry if he stares and asks embarassing questions. Small children stare and it is his place to be not these girls place to be. If someone says something then you can politely point out where the girls locker room is.

[camracrazy]

We use the family locker rooms sometimes if it is just my dd's and I. The reason is that in our gym, the locker room that is for women and child doesn't have a seperate changing room. The family locker rooms there have several changing stalls with an actual door that closes. It is much easier to keep all my kids corraled while we get changed (esp. the two youngest).

[aran]

Hey bit123...

Thanks for the sympathy LiamnEmma

DS1 does know the difference between male and female bodies. He sees me nude regularly. However, I think it's complicated in my mind because he has started developing crushes on little girls he knows, and he acts very shy around any little girl he thinks is cute. I think, in my mind, that complicates things a little but I suppose it shouldn't.

I think I was taken by surprise, and maybe next time can handle it more smoothly - like One Girl and other posters suggested.

camracrazy - I can totally see why you'd use the family locker room in that situation. At this club though, there are private, curtained stalls for changing in both the women's and family locker rooms.

[camracrazy]

Now what I really wish is that a staff member would periodically walk through the family dressing rooms checking for unaccompanied teens and pre-teens that are using the locked changing rooms for "unintended purposes" if you get my drift.

[aran]

Originally Posted by camracrazy

Now what I really wish is that a staff member would periodically walk through the family dressing rooms checking for unaccompanied teens and pre-teens that are using the locked changing rooms for "unintended purposes" if you get my drift.

Yikes! I haven't run across that yet. I was noticing all the private areas in the women's locker room, though, and strangely, wondering if I would be tempted to use them that way if I had a same sex partner. There are lots of private showers, changing cubbies, deserted sauna and steam room.