is it BAD to teach kids about nipples?

[MommyHawk]

I'm coming across some heavy opposition to teaching - informing - my children that some day they will have pubic hair like adults and that women's nipples are for feeding her babies... I mentioned that IF I had the money, I'd like to get a family of those Amamatta dolls, which are real-life accurate dolls...now I have people saying that I'm trying to permanently damage my children, that EVERY playing moment with such dolls or anything after learning what their bodies do/will do, will be sex education lessons...

here's one quote from the opposition... "My idea is that you could have your kid open them as a present on Christmas morning, and then, with the entire family there (aunts, uncles, and everyone), initiate a frank discussion about genitals and the process of birth. The kid would never be the same"

...honestly...as if anyone would do this... : an example of what OTHERS are saying that are opposed to children knowing what a nipple is...or what it's for...

am I wrong? Am I ruining my children from giving them age-appropriate HONEST responses to questions? It's not like every moment of the day is dedicated to this...in reality, nothing is dedicated to this topic. If a question comes up, we answer it, and they are on their merry little ways...

:

[Tigerchild]

We have a very similar approach to sexuality/physiology discussions in our house.

But...maybe I'm parsing something wrong but you're expecting your entire extended family to sit around Christmas morning and talk about it? I dunno, if they WANT to that is one thing, and really cool. But I think that would be really uncomfortable for most people.

We have also had to teach our kids that while we are happy to answer any questions they have as soon as they have them, other people sometimes feel shy or embarassed talking about it, and they need to respect that. So if a playmate or grandma says they don't want to talk about it, then they move on and ask us.

I wouldn't think of an auntie or friend who felt uncomfortable talking about genitals or breasts as weird--depending on the generation and how they were raised I'd consider it not out of the ordinary. If this is your expectation, and people are getting upset, they may actually be upset that it's implied that they should have to participate if they don't want to, rather than you teaching your kids about it.

[chipper26]

I don't understad the quote, is that your quote or someone elses?

I've struggled a bit with this topic. I want to be honest and forthright, but at the same time, age appropriate.

I don't really get where the sexual part even plays into it, though, when they are so young. It's just matter of fact. Kids don't yet know about sex, so how could/would they associate these things with something sexual?

[princesstutu]

Speaking to the topic in general: No, it's not bad. And, people get pubic hair and have nipples whether or not they ever have sex. There's nothing inherently sexual about pubic hair and/or nipples. My daughter has both and she's only 9. I'm very sure she's not having sex.

Sex-phobes are dangerous. Stay away from them.

[frontierpsych]

Um, I knew how babies were born when I was one and a half. My mom was pregnant with my brother at the time. One day a friend of hers was over and I sat behind her on the couch with my legs on either side and pretended to push. I said "Mom! Cindy's my BABY!"

a few more from me around that age:
"... my peegina stinks"
"Daddy has BIG penis and testicles, [DB] has LITTLE penis and testicles!"

lol! So no, not scarred for life, at all! Just keep in mind that LO's don't have the greatest filters, so be prepared for the possibility that they will bring these things up to family, friends, and complete strangers. It's hard not having their support with it, and I hope they never say anything to make your child feel ashamed of their body parts. I think THAT is where the damage comes in. People who are uncomfortable discussing these things with kids generally respond by making the child feel ashamed for bringing the subject up.

[papayapetunia]

OK, so I was excited to click on your "nipples" link, only to find that it...nevermind.

Do you have to have a discussion to accompany the dolls? Do the dolls come with clothes on? I always initiated questions when I saw that the dolls I had *didn't* have parts. How do you explain that one as a parent? I can't imagine having any questions if the parts were accurate.

My daughter and her friend used to giggle over their dolls' penises, but that's just completely normal for 5yos. Although, I recently found out my daughter is "fast" so you may not want to take my advice. (You can generally tell that a girl is fast if they like Hannah Montana.)

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by MommyHawk

am I wrong? Am I ruining my children from giving them age-appropriate HONEST responses to questions? It's not like every moment of the day is dedicated to this...in reality, nothing is dedicated to this topic. If a question comes up, we answer it, and they are on their merry little ways...

:

Whatever board that was, don't go back. You already got great instincts and don't need whatever they have to offer.

[marybethorama]

The dolls are amazing. I love them.

ETA: I reread the OP. That person is beyond silly.

I'm not sure I'd get into a whole discussion of human reproduction when opening them on Christmas morning though. I wasn't clear on your OP. Is someone speculating that that's what will happen? If so, that seems kind of silly.

There's a mommy and daddy doll. The mommy doll can have a baby and nurse it. Many kids play nursing and birth with dolls anyway. I don't think that it will necessarily lead to a detailed discussion of the all the doll's characteristics. I'd picture the kids just liking the dolls because they are really cool and adorable.

[LuxPerpetua]

Well, I think it's important (and easier) to discuss these kinds of things with young children when they are trying to figure out their world (as in, "Mommy, why doesn't Barbie have nipples?" "That IS weird, isn't it, honey? Why don't we draw some on her so she'll look right."). I personally would not discuss the deeper reasons behind our culture's weirdness regarding women's bodies/breasts/sexuality until children are much older, but rather just address their specific issue at hand. I think the best way to teach kids about any part of adult-looking bodies is to let them see your own in just everday living. DD is 3.5 and knows all about pubic hair, breasts/nipples, menstruation, and penises and vulvas because we've just lived our lives around her and answered her questions when she was curious. I remember being traumatized when I started growing pubic hair and menstruating because my parents never prepared me for them--I had no idea what my body was doing--and then my parents sat me down and had some sort of weird, humiliating discussion that I don't even remember to explain things. I'm not doing that to dd. I personally thing it's easier to discuss things like bodies, birth, and sexuality with little kids because they don't get embarrassed as easily as older ones. My hope is to start off slowly on these types of discussions so that by the time dd is an adolescent we will have already covered the most uncomfortable topics.

If it's any consolation, I'm still livid at my mother who asked my dd to feed her baby doll a bottle when her baby was "hungry," even though my mother knows full well that dd has never had a bottle herself and still nurses at 3.5 years old! My dad will not say "breastmilk" but calls it "formula." Older people just have so much weirdness when it comes to women's breasts, especially. I've found that in my generation, though, most people do not cringe at the words "breastmilk" or "breastfeeding." Perhaps there is hope . . .

[rhubarbarin]

I totally don't understand where the people criticizing you are coming from. Personally I don't think naked bodies, pubic hair, or nipples are inherently sexual so I wouldn't consider frank discussion of them 'sex education' at all. I don't think children should be kept 'innocent' or are totally asexual (obviously they are not sexually active nor should they be, but they have sexual feelings practically from infancy) and I think it's important to inform them about the real world and answer their questions honestly.

I knew all about bodies and sex (both how babies came from it and that it felt good) by the time I was 6 and not only was I absolutely non-traumatized but I chose to be sexually inactive until I was 19.

My daughter and her friend used to giggle over their dolls' penises, but that's just completely normal for 5yos. Although, I recently found out my daughter is "fast" so you may not want to take my advice. (You can generally tell that a girl is fast if they like Hannah Montana.)

I'm LOL.. but. Who called your 5-year-old 'fast'? I hope they were joking.

[princesstutu]

Originally Posted by papayapetunia

Although, I recently found out my daughter is "fast" so you may not want to take my advice. (You can generally tell that a girl is fast if they like Hannah Montana.)

That made me laugh out loud.

[zinemama]

Huh? Who are these people who don't think kids should understand about their own bodies?

Not a thing wrong with age-appropriate, honest responses to questions.

I wouldn't buy the dolls because personally I think they are quite ugly and rather creepy looking in a Frankenstein-corpselike way (not talking about their anatomically correct features, just the faces and limbs). And also, my kids aren't very interested in dolls and they have their very own anotomical selves to explore - which they certainly do...

I like the book It's So Amazing, myself.

[sewchris2642]

It worked for me. And, besides, how could I not answer questions when Joy could see me nursing Erica? When Dylan sees his sisters nursing their babies? When older siblings see diaper changes? Bathe with younger siblings?

As for the dolls, I haven't seen them so I have no opinion one way or another. Except that I'm not sure that they are necessary when life presents so many opportunities for natural questions.

[Keria]

I wouldn't get the dolls unless a child of mine was particularly interestd in an anatomically correct doll, when I played with barbies I was not interested in her genitlas at all, It was all about her being a teacher, going to a fancy party or to a pool party in her corvette, my point it we should be honest and open about sexuality but following the kids lead. I wouldn't be overly concerned with teaching my kids about nipples or pubic hair unless they ask.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I really don't think that a lot of actual "education" is needed. Kids are really good at asking questions....and personally, I believe that "Age appropriate" is the age at which they ask the question...unless they have heard something they shouldn't have from an adult somewhere or whatever, in which case, a limited answer is better than "well, I guess if she's asking, she's old enough to know what an orgy is!" - you know? But, like, "What is that hair on your vagina" - if she's three when she asks...she's ready to hear it. If she's five...that is the right time for her, you know? I think you should be honest when they ask a question...no need to get super general and make it overwhelming...but like a question about your moon time, or whatever it is in your house, should be answered...there is something about honoring our natural bodies, which is honoring our natural selves...and you really can't go wrong with a kid who is all about knowing, honoring and respecting her natural self/body.

I hate hate hate....hearing about poor little girls who don't know what their period is supposed to be, because no one knows how to talk to them about it. How is she supposed to know how magical it is, how beautiful and how much a part of her womanhood it is, if everyone around her is too ashamed to tell her about it? That's one thing I can't WAIT for, with my own DD. I can't wait to tell her about her magical connection with the earth and moon...about how special it is to be female...not more so than it is to be a man....but specifically, WHY she is special as a woman. I mean....whether or not you have children....the female body is still impressive, the reproductive cycle is still a very magical thing. I can't wait to make that a more positive and meaningful topic for her, than it was for me. My mother wasn't really intersted in that with me...I was excited, I felt grown up...I ran to her and showed her my undies...and she didn't care....I was embarassed then. Without her to talk about it with me...I turned to, wherelse, the school yard. A friend of mine had already had her first cycle...and her mother called it the "cursed time" and let her stay home from school because she said it was too painful and too much a PITA to be out of hte house....so that was my intial exposure to the idea...that it was an unfortunate burden, that us women had to bear...that it hurt and that it was basically meaningless. I just want it to be so different for my own DD...I want her to feel amazing in her becoming a woman...connected to other women, amazed at her body. Connected to the moon...special. I want her to feel SPECIAL for her moon time. I don't even care that my DH calls me a hippy when I say that...I think it sounds cool. I wouldn't mind "hippy" anyway, I guess!

ANyway...I'm rambling now....but I think proper relationship with ones body, lays the groundwork for a healthier understanding of and regard for sex and sexual relationships later on, when it's appropriate. So....I think if you are like, making grown up bodies a focus...you are doing your kids a diservice...but if you are just living your life and not sheilding them, nor really calling attention to, differences in bodies and pubic hair, etc...then they will ask questions...and those questions should be answered.

I think I like the dolls.....but I don't like the dolls as necessarily "educational"...so much as, just dolls which are correctly decorated and depict real bodies...instead of like, the impossible Barbie coke bottle figure, with pronounced breasts.....and no descernable sexual markings other than that....if that's not a messed up testiment to the completely crazy relationship that people in our culture tend to have with sex and bodies...I don't know what IS.

UGH! So....yeah. I'm too hot these days to be much but naked when it's just me and the little one around...so she is around nakedness. We don't try to hide normal, everyday nudity. If it's no bid deal...it's no big deal. HIDING it, makes it a big deal....and is repressive....and we all know how backfiring repression of such things can be.

[MusicianDad]

Teaching your kids about their body won't scar them for life. I'm pretty sure about that.

On another note: The dolls I will admit look creepy. I think it's the realistic drawing of a face on a flat facial structure combined with clothes that are about two sizes too big.

[mamazee]

I agree with Musician Dad. There's absolutely nothing wrong with those discussions or anatomically correct dolls. But those dolls do look creepy - and not because they're anatomically correct. Though they look more anatomically stylized to me than correct, though I admit I didn't look that thoroughly. I will guess as to why Barbie doesn't have nipples. She isn't wearing a bra because her bra and/or straps would show in too many clothes. And if she had nipples, the censorship brigade would flip out. So she doesn't have either.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I agree with Musician Dad. There's absolutely nothing wrong with those discussions or anatomically correct dolls. But those dolls do look creepy - and not because they're anatomically correct. Though they look more anatomically stylized to me than correct, though I admit I didn't look that thoroughly. I will guess as to why Barbie doesn't have nipples. She isn't wearing a bra because her bra and/or straps would show in too many clothes. And if she had nipples, the censorship brigade would flip out. So she doesn't have either.

Like Ken and his smooth area which confused the heck out of be as a kid.

I kept asking my mom why he had a boy top and girl bottom...

[barefootmama0709]

I don't see anything wrong with teaching your children about anatomy. I only have boys and they're very young, so no questions have come up but I do use the correct terms when referring to things (as in earlier today..."don't pinch your penis!" lol). My children see myself and DH in the nude when we're getting dressed or showering and they go naked often-bodies are natural and nothing to be hidden!

[Dahlea]

I don't think so at all. I think it's important for kids to learn about their bodies, without shame. Those dolls are awesome!