Happening again

[jspring0308]

So despite good efforts ( vit.B, dark chocolate, exercise, lots of help, meditation) my little black cloud is making its appearance and seems to want to hang out regularly. Happened with 1st DD about the same time but it took me awhile to realize that I wasn't just sleep-deprived, which I was, but also depressed.

I took Wellbutrin (sp) which helped. I was also diagnosed with Type II bi-polar (years earlier and had been medicated a couple of times for that) so after I stopped nursing I took Lamictal & Lexapro for years which helped tremendously. Stopped those to TTC and have successfully been off meds for 2 years. But I'm starting to have all the symptoms of ppd that I had 6 years ago. GRRRRR! So frustrating. I so wish I didn't have to deal with this!

I know what I have/need to do but so don't want to put the effort out (which I realize is a sign. I'm just so very sad that I probably will have to deal with depression/bi-polar on and off for my whole life. And I'm so feeling sorry for myself and my girls and my dh cause they have to deal with me and sad that my girls might very well have to deal with their own depression some day. I just wish and wish things were easier in my brain!

[sheandaru]

I'm so sorry mama. Things have been heading that way for me, too and I hate thinking that I'll always be a burden on my family.

[mom0810]

I just have to stop you here, because first of all, if you take care of yourself and are on the meds that keep you healthy, you are not a burden to anyone and you are able to be a wonderful mother to your kids. They will only suffer if you do not take the meds and you try to go it on your own, which means that you will not be well and you will not be able to care for them.

I know how hard it is to resign yourself to the meds sometimes. But it's NOT a sign of weakness. It's NOT giving in to anything. It's accepting that you were born with a brain chemistry that requires some balancing.

Have you ever heard a diabetic say, "oh I just wish I was strong enough not to need the meds?" No. It's their body chemistry that needs adjusting, just like brain chemistry sometimes does. There is no shame in it, and it's perfectly fine to take meds, if you need to, for your whole life.

I'm proud of you for seeing it, and I am happy for you if you start doing what you need to. It's great that you recognize it.