"there is no try"

[galincognito]

i overheard a woman saying to a preschool aged child "there is no try; you do or you don't do."

i'm just curious what others think of this statement. while i can see it applying in certain circumstances (ie. an obediance situation where the child says they are "trying" to follow the rule but they "forgot"), i'm not sure about the statement as a life philosophy sort of thing. to me it seems rather discouraging; if i can't do it then i might as well not do it since trying doesn't matter.

i'm just interested in what others think when they hear this statement.

[jojojojojo]

Is the child a Star Wars fan? Sounds like the mom was just saying what Yoda said to Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back.

[Oriole]

Originally Posted by jojojojojo

Is the child a Star Wars fan? Sounds like the mom was just saying what Yoda said to Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back.

:
We all say it once in a while. We also throw out quotes from Star Trek and Pride and Prejudice on a daily basis. :

[NewDirections]

Originally Posted by jojojojojo

Is the child a Star Wars fan? Sounds like the mom was just saying what Yoda said to Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back.

I was just going to ask that

I say that quote to my husband all the time. He hates it

[Oriole]

I had to add, DP actually does Yoda voice when he says that particular phrase.

[GuildJenn]

"Do, or do not. There is no try." I think it's funny. Although I kind of hope the preschooler didn't watch Empire Strikes Back him or herself.

The whole point of the quote is that often we mentally block ourselves thinking that we can't do things, when really we could if we'd stop dithering about it. It's very much about staying in touch with one's power as an individual. Not something most preschoolers need to hear! I'm guessing she was kind of making a joke out of it (at least to herself).

[NewMama2007]

All I hear is Yoda..."Do or do not, there is no try"... DH is a Star Wars geek.

Anyway, I find it to be an empowering statement - do it all the way or don't do it at all. When I was training for my first 5k (which I ran the day before my + pg test with DD2 - LOL), that helped get me through long runs, dorky as that sounds.

[MeepyCat]

ITA with the Star Wars geek diagnosis, but also with the feeling that it's not actually a useful thing to tell a little kid. Sometimes the way we go from not doing to doing is to try and fail a whole lot.

[Slabobbin]

I have never seen Star Wars (I know, I know...) but I have said something simialr to my seven year old. I agree that if I were to really think it through, it probably isn't the best encouragement of trying to do new things...but when I have said it I have been really frustrated with him and/or his behavior.

[MusicianDad]

Personally I don't see what good can come from a statement like that. If you can either do it or not do, instead of try to do it and accept failure as a possible outcome then what is the use of doing something you don't know if you can do?

I didn't just sit down at the piano one day and start playing. I tried and failed many times. What kept me at it was knowing that the more I try, even if I fail, the better I will get and eventually I will be able to do it.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

ITA with the Star Wars geek diagnosis, but also with the feeling that it's not actually a useful thing to tell a little kid. Sometimes the way we go from not doing to doing is to try and fail a whole lot.

Oh true.

I came back to this thread because I'm still laughing.

My second round of thought is basically that we don't have to turn everything we say to our preschoolers into a life philosophy.

I do quote to my son inappropriately (or over-appropriately!) sometimes. Example: he is locked in a battle of wills with me. My husband enters and everything is suddenly roses. "Now is the winter of our discontent // Made glorious summer by this son of York."

ETA: I'm laughing more. Maybe you have to have been a Star Wars geek to get it - but Yoda is definitely not anti-trying. He's actually anti-WHINING.

The whole thing is that Luke is whining that Yoda wants him to do something IMPOSSIBLE, boo hoo (Luke is prone to whining) and also something that he thinks is beyond his potential. Yoda's point is that it's not impossible. Actually the more I'm analysing this the more I think maybe it is appropriate for a preschooler.

Then, or a bit later (I forget the sequence) Yoda does the "impossible" and Luke says "I don't believe it" and then Yoda says "That is why you fail."

[SunshineSwirl]

My mother tried saying this to me recently, but she wasn't quoting Star Wars. She learned it in this self help thing called LandMark. It infuriated me, because it was about changing my attiude, and she used a story of the lady said something about trying and the woman on the stage said "try" to take a tissue from this tissue box. The woman did. The lady on stage told her no, "try." Obviously in this circumstance you either do or don't, and when I tried explaning to my mother that some circumstances are do or don't, there are also others like changing attitude that will take removing the old habit and replacing it with new, thus trying, since habits are inbedded in us till repeatedly broken. My mother didn't like my response and continued with do or don't. You should find out if the teacher has taken LandMark classes, because my mother is always thinking it's okay to pull LandMark stuff on my children to 'start them in the right direction early.'

[LiamnEmma]

It might be said in Kung Fu Panda too.

But I might be remembering incorrectly.

[VisionaryMom]

My mom had lots of sayings like this, though she didn't get them from Star Wars.

She said, "either you do it or you don't. Trying doesn't matter." "If you're going to do something, then do it right or don't do it at all." "Don't do a half-a^% job." or the variant "If you're going to half-a#$ it, then don't do it at all." Though that might be appropriate for an adult in a frustrating moment, I remember her saying that to me at 8 because I couldn't properly iron pleats in my skirt.

I don't know how the mom you saw said it, so I don't know if it was a joke or frustrating or mean. I felt crummy about it as a child, though consequently my sister and I were really good at everything we did. Once I became an adult, though, I fell apart because I never had any real concept of what I liked because there'd been so.much.pressure to be the best at everything.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by SunshineSwirl

My mother tried saying this to me recently, but she wasn't quoting Star Wars. She learned it in this self help thing called LandMark. It infuriated me, because it was about changing my attiude, and she used a story of the lady said something about trying and the woman on the stage said "try" to take a tissue from this tissue box. The woman did. The lady on stage told her no, "try." Obviously in this circumstance you either do or don't, and when I tried explaning to my mother that some circumstances are do or don't, there are also others like changing attitude that will take removing the old habit and replacing it with new, thus trying, since habits are inbedded in us till repeatedly broken. My mother didn't like my response and continued with do or don't. You should find out if the teacher has taken LandMark classes, because my mother is always thinking it's okay to pull LandMark stuff on my children to 'start them in the right direction early.'

If someone used to tissue thing with me, I would just tell them to go out and bring me a car sized bolder barehanded.

I'd like to see a "do" for that one.

[trancechylde]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Personally I don't see what good can come from a statement like that. If you can either do it or not do, instead of try to do it and accept failure as a possible outcome then what is the use of doing something you don't know if you can do?

I didn't just sit down at the piano one day and start playing. I tried and failed many times. What kept me at it was knowing that the more I try, even if I fail, the better I will get and eventually I will be able to do it.

Yes, this.

I get the whole philosophy behind the statement, but it's a little heavy for a preschooler isn't it?

[sewchris2642]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

ITA with the Star Wars geek diagnosis, but also with the feeling that it's not actually a useful thing to tell a little kid. Sometimes the way we go from not doing to doing is to try and fail a whole lot.

That's the "do not" of the phrase. You are to do until you are successful. Every time you do not (i.e. fail), you are to do again. And keep doing until you do it. That's the part that Luke didn't get. Everything up to that moment that Yoda told him to do, he did it. Now Yoda told him to do something that Luke "knew" was impossible. So he really didn't try at all. There is no way to really comment on the use of the phrase in the op. There is not enough information to get the context of the phrase.

[EdnaMarie]

I also thought of Star Wars.

It could be approrpriate in some cases, but overall, I think it misses the point of why we do "try" even though we might not be able to do something perfectly.

I also agree that it is going to be lost on the majority of preschoolers! Even if the child responds to a request- say, "You need to respect [child] and what she asks, please," with "I'll try," a better response would be, "Do you think it's going to be hard? Will you need help?" etc.

[greenmamapagan]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Personally I don't see what good can come from a statement like that. If you can either do it or not do, instead of try to do it and accept failure as a possible outcome then what is the use of doing something you don't know if you can do?

I didn't just sit down at the piano one day and start playing. I tried and failed many times. What kept me at it was knowing that the more I try, even if I fail, the better I will get and eventually I will be able to do it.

Yep.

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades

My mom had lots of sayings like this, though she didn't get them from Star Wars.

She said, "either you do it or you don't. Trying doesn't matter." "If you're going to do something, then do it right or don't do it at all." "Don't do a half-a^% job." or the variant "If you're going to half-a#$ it, then don't do it at all." Though that might be appropriate for an adult in a frustrating moment, I remember her saying that to me at 8 because I couldn't properly iron pleats in my skirt.

I don't know how the mom you saw said it, so I don't know if it was a joke or frustrating or mean. I felt crummy about it as a child, though consequently my sister and I were really good at everything we did. Once I became an adult, though, I fell apart because I never had any real concept of what I liked because there'd been so.much.pressure to be the best at everything.

My mother also had a lot of similar things to say and yep, I felt pretty crummy about them too.

[Isamama]

Originally Posted by trancechylde

Yes, this.

I get the whole philosophy behind the statement, but it's a little heavy for a preschooler isn't it?

Yes, this!! ITA