why kids?

[galincognito]

what made you decide that you wanted to have kids?

sorry, i know this is kind of vague but i'm just curious about other people's motivations. i think it could be kind of fun.

i'll post my reply soon; it's something that i'm processing right now.

[aprons_and_acorns]

I was sort of on the fence about having children until my mid-twenties. Then a few months after I got married I was pregnant unexpectedly, and was scared and upset at first but soon was really happy about it. Then I miscarried that pregnancy which was sad, but over the next few months all I could think about was being pregnant again, and about six months later it happened. So I guess I didn't really know I wanted kids until it surprised me like that. I'm so glad it did, though. I love being a mom and if anything I wish I wouldn't have waited so long to do it. I would probably have had more children if I started earlier.

[ann_of_loxley]

I didn't decide. Well - I guess in a way I did. I don't want to offend anyone as I know this is a sensitive subject...My DS was conceived (we were not trying) and it was quite a surprise to us! It was a life in side of me and I could and would not end that (despite it totally not being the right time for so many reasons including financial).

I am pretty thankful for it actually! I sometimes wonder where we would be in the 'family' department if DS did not give us a surprise!...I always figured I would wait until I was about 25 to have a child - if I ever did have one. I was never 'into' children. I never thought about having them but once I met my DH and we decided to get married, I did sometimes think that having one child might be nice.

Now - I wouldn't mind three! - Though we are struggling just to have two.
My main reason to have another child, besides my own simple desires (I love children, I enjoy the process from pregnancy to watching them grow, etc) - is to give my DS a sibling. I can not picture him alone in the world. One day my DH and I will be gone - and I do not want him alone. They don't have to be best of friends, they don't have to play together, they don't even have to have a good relationship - but when it all comes down to it, nothing beats blood.

DH still can't stand children though lol - So I don't see us having more than two. But I would also like to adopt and I see this being a more realistic situation to meet all our family needs. I sometimes think it would be nice to have two of my own and then when they are much older - like 10-15 years of age - to adopt two children. I was adopted myself and adopting another child is something that is close to my heart. I know how the 'stytem' can me - and I wouldn't want to adopt a baby and when you get past a certain age, you know no one wants you and that you are 'unadoptable' (I know thats how I felt, I know thats how many children in foster care feel) - I would love to offer to a child what was offered me and give them a loving family and home.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I will be perfectly honest here. I never intended to have kids. When I met dh I was 21 and when we got engaged we decided that we would wait a minimum of 5years before having kids. At the time I had every intention of putting it off for another 5 years once we hit that mark.

I was 25 when I decided that I couldnt stand not knowing what it was like to be pg. It may seem odd but I wanted to be pg not have a kid necessarily but you really cant have one without the other

I am all done having kids but I will always miss being pg. But no desire to have more babies. Though I LOVE the newborn stage other than the sleep deprivation. Raising kids is hard work I knew it would be before having kids but I dont regret having them.

[AllisonR]

I decided to have kids just like deciding to have a new car, or get a new job or try jogging instead of biking. .... OK - yes, this is a joke.

I was married many years ago, and wanted a child on some basic level, but realized the man I was married to would not be an appropriate father - for multiple reasons. I divorced and never found the right person. Until I gave up looking. Then of course I found the right person, and I wanted a child, his child. And I did, at 37. And then I was so in love with my DS that I wanted a brother or sister for him. So I had DD, at 39. And here we are.

[YesandNo]

Honestly I think it was instinct. Not a life-long dream or well-thought out plan. I was 32, we were looking for a new car, DH wanted a coupe and I said "not a good idea, you know, I'm getting older....." Less than one year later I was holding DD in my arms.

[nerdymom]

I think there was something in me that knew I needed the painful yet healing journey of motherhood. I have some very real wounds that somehow, this beautiful boy, this flesh of my flesh, is helping me face. He gives me the courage to face my past, accept it, and let it go. Motherhood wasn't something I asked for, but it was something I needed.

[UhOhWhatNow]

I didn't. We NEVER wanted kids. Oops!

Once I got pregnant by accident, I knew I would NOT have an abortion, even though it was suggested/assumed that I would.

I'm so glad- best thing that ever happened to us!!! And now DH is snipped

[Quinalla]

I've always known I wanted to be a mom. I always enjoyed being around kids (ok a few were really annoying, but 95% of them) and was sort of a natural with most kids and always pictured myself getting married and having kids when I grew up. I am just the type where everyone assumes you are going to have kids, so I actually didn't get bugged too much even though DH and I waited until we were married 7.5 years to start trying (original plan was 5 but we pushed it back a bit).

I'm sure this kid will come and it will be so different from any other experience with kids I have had, but I am really, really looking forward to it except for the lack of sleep! That's going to hurt.

[FLmommyathome]

I never wanted kids and neither did DH. That was one of the things that attracted me to him. We got married when I was 21 and we were happy being DINKS (dual income no kids) for a couple years and then one night we were hanging out at home and he says to me, "Doesn't it feel like we are supposed to be doing something else right now?" I said like changing diapers and taking pictures of a little one?" We just smiled and then got to work. After a few years of fertility issues and treatments without success, we were heartbroken. So we looked into adoption and after 17 days on the list we found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. I thought I had the flu!!!! Now we have our 8 month old peanut and we already talk about trying for another that we refer to as the bug. I wouldn't trade my life now for all the diamonds and money inthe world!!!

[nina_yyc]

We got married and we knew we both wanted kids so we just stopped using birth control. That was about it. We didn't put too much thought into it, we just wanted to share our love with someone else. Even before we conceived DD we knew we were going to have at least two...DH said "no freaky only children"...I guess he must really have a problem with that since I'M an only child (freakiness is subjective.) I have always wanted a house full of kids so we are going to discuss a third after #2 is no longer a baby.

[mamadelbosque]

We didn't. DS was a total, complete and utter "oops!" - I was home working for the summer at a YMCA camp with DH (we'd been bf/gf for the previous 2.5 yrs though I'd been in spain for the previous 9 months and hadn't seen him much) when I got pregnant.. I was supposed to go back to Spain in the fall (to the point that some of my stuff was still there and my roomates had to ship it back!!) and DH was going to come with me... obviously none of that happend.

I'm pregnant again, and this time I definetly *wanted* to get pregnant (I didn't want DS to be an only child, nor did I want there to be a huge age gap between them), but it still wasn't exactly 'planned' per se...

[funkymamajoy]

DH and I just really wanted kids. It didn't feel rational and we couldn't really explain it.

[seriosa]

DH wanted one kid. I didn't want any. He said he could live with it. But at a certain point in my mid thirties, and DH's early 40's I figured - hey, I've done most of the big things on my list, life is pretty smooth, there is space for a child! We tried, got preggo 6 months later. After the first bout of joy, panic! Oh no, what have I done, it was perfect, why did I decide to change the status quo. But that passed as the pregnancy progressed. Fell in love with my son. Fell in love with motherhood. When DS was about 5 months old I started asking DH to try for #2. His reaction: "What?!?!? Babies are such HARD WORK! No way we could ever handle 2!" He still feels that way. Now I am over 40 and DH close to 50, so I feel its too late though I will always miss #2. But I am happy that I got a number of major personal satisfactions out of the way before dedicating (most of) my life to my LO.

[Girlprof]

I've always wanted kids. I really like kids. I like my own, adore them, of course, but I also like other people's kids.

DH was more a take-it-or-leave-it kind of guy but he said he could definitely see having kids with me.

[Pirate Nicole]

I was never getting married or having kids. DH and I had been dating for about 4 months when we got pregnant with our oldest. By that point we were already engaged. I had just quit my job 2 weeks before we found out we were preggo, and he was only working pt. lol. We had just turned 21 when she was born. Now, we have 3 great kids, and I secretly want more. :X He is done though. Our oldest and youngest were both suprises. lol. Wouldn't change it for the world though.

[Devaya]

Originally Posted by nerdymom

I think there was something in me that knew I needed the painful yet healing journey of motherhood. I have some very real wounds that somehow, this beautiful boy, this flesh of my flesh, is helping me face. He gives me the courage to face my past, accept it, and let it go. Motherhood wasn't something I asked for, but it was something I needed.

What a beautiful post. I feel much the same. DS wasn't planned as such but I'd always known I would feel something was missing from life if I didn't have a child. I just hadn't planned on having one yet, in a relationship I wasn't sure about, and in a precarious financial position. I'd never change it, though.

[Shahbazin]

I was sort of on the fence about having kids until my late 30's! By 37, I'd done a lot of the things I wanted to do; I was teaching, & sometimes one of my 7th graders would call me "mom" & I got to thinking about how I'd like to have a child of my own; the last of my grandparents had passed away the year before, & I wanted to have more family connections, ie a younger generation. DH hadn't pushed one way or the other, just that if we did have kids, he'd like more than one. I went off BC pills, & got pregnant right away! So, at 42 & 54, we a have a 2 year old, a 3 year old, & are done! Two is just right for our family, although I'm thinking we might have tried for a larger family if we'd started younger & been able to space them out more.

Secretly, I also hope that my kids are attracted to a rural lifestyle, like me, & will help garden, shear sheep & muck out barns! Not DH's thing at all, alas. So far, they really like planting seeds, digging in dirt, & messing with the chickens!

[CatsCradle]

I didn't decide (neither did DH). DD decided to "be." DD made her unplanned and unscripted debut when I was 42 and DH was 56. No regrets here. DD was strong-willed about coming into "being" and she's strong-willed now. Oh happy day!

[berry987]

Great thread! Honestly, we didn't really think it over much. We were married for 3 years and I kind of woke up on day and thought "I'd like to have a baby." DH agreed and we had our first about a year later. Once we had one, we knew we wanted him to have siblings close in age, so we had another. And then another.

Our lifestyle was pretty laid back before kids (we worked on our house and in the yard, had friends over for dinner, etc.) so having kids didn't change that much and I think we knew it wouldn't.

I guess it was partially instinctual and the timing just felt right.