Hi! I'm going to a memorial service tomorrow at my old church. I confess to feeling somewhat uncomfortable. Actually, though, there will be many people at that service who used to go to that church who no longer do. A whole hoarde of people left some years ago when the pastor got a divorce. I am going because I really like the man whose wife died, and I really liked the woman who died, and of course "it's not about me". I am just tired of people always asking me if everything is ok. It's frustrating. On one level, yeah, things are ok and have never been better. On another level, things are not ok. So how do you answer? 
I have a tiny bit of resentment towards some of the folks at my church. When I was pregnant, they threw me this awesome baby shower and said over and over how they were supportive of me. (Single mama here.) Well, when the baby came about four or five people brought me dinner, which was great, but then that was it! I needed way more help than that!!! Each Sunday (while making fun of me for wearing my baby, source of resentment number two) they would offer help, and I'd say, "Yes, please come over and hold the baby while I catch up on some things, or take a shower" and no one ever did! I'm also bugged at the pastor who, when I met with him to talk about my baby's dedication, started talking to me about the "shame I must feel." This was when my baby was three months old. Shame? Was I not forgiven? I actually was pretty proud of myself for not letting Christian dogma keep me from my dream of becoming a mother. And the pastor also told me that the dedication alone wouldn't "save" my daughter. In other words, what he told me was that there is a possibility that my daughter might go to hell. Not without me!!!! So, I have no respect for the god that they worship at that church.
OK, thanks for listening to me vent.
I have a tiny bit of resentment towards some of the folks at my church. When I was pregnant, they threw me this awesome baby shower and said over and over how they were supportive of me. (Single mama here.) Well, when the baby came about four or five people brought me dinner, which was great, but then that was it! I needed way more help than that!!! Each Sunday (while making fun of me for wearing my baby, source of resentment number two) they would offer help, and I'd say, "Yes, please come over and hold the baby while I catch up on some things, or take a shower" and no one ever did! I'm also bugged at the pastor who, when I met with him to talk about my baby's dedication, started talking to me about the "shame I must feel." This was when my baby was three months old. Shame? Was I not forgiven? I actually was pretty proud of myself for not letting Christian dogma keep me from my dream of becoming a mother. And the pastor also told me that the dedication alone wouldn't "save" my daughter. In other words, what he told me was that there is a possibility that my daughter might go to hell. Not without me!!!! So, I have no respect for the god that they worship at that church.OK, thanks for listening to me vent.
). It was nice but I still want to find an actual church of some sort to be a part of especially since we homeschool and I think the community would be nice.
