did you grow up in a city? convince me it's OK to raise my kid in a city!

[indigosky]

DP and I spent 6 years together living in the suburbs before we had a kid. We hated it, so five years ago we moved to a small city and have been much, MUCH happier here.

But neither of us grew up in a city, and now we're raising our daughter (now 19 months) in one. As happy as we are here as adults, it makes us sad to think she may miss out on some of the things we enjoyed about our own suburban/small town childhoods: being able to go out and ride our bikes around the neighborhood by ourselves at elementary school age, being able to walk to school (there's a chance, but it's unlikely, that our daughter will live in walking distance from whatever school we ultimately choose for her), having easy access to woods (even teeny bits of woods) without having to drive there.

We're feeling really torn about this, and we thought it might be helpful to hear from some of you who grew up in cities. Did you like it? What were the best parts? Did you feel like you were missing out? Would you raise your own child in a city?

I'm not looking for a list of all the things that make urban living great -- I can tell you those myself! I guess I'm hoping to be convinced that children can enjoy growing up in cities, since when I try to imagine it I see a lot of losses. It's sort of depressing to think that the place that feels absolutely right for me may not be the place I feel best about raising my child.

[CatsCradle]

Hey OP...I think that if one has experienced a happy childhood, you naturally yearn for that same type of childhood for your own children. I am exactly in your shoes...grew up in a very rural area and now live in a big city. Being around a lot of people who grew up in or are growing up in the city, I don't think they feel they have suffered any "losses" for not growing up in suburbia or the countryside. You can't lose something you never had. I think these people view "home" and "childhood" very much the way you or I would. Perhaps some of them have moved to the country and wish that their children could experience the happiness and comradary that they experienced as a city kid. Perhaps one is not better than the other. The circumstances and dynamics are just different. I know there are a lot of things that DD won't experience that I did, but then again, she will have entirely different set of memories and experiences.

In my opinion, happy parents make happy kids. If you're happy in the city, your DD will remember that and her memories will be shaped by that, not by an experience that you didn't give her.

[jlobe]

Cities have communities and neighbourhoods that can feel as collective as any other community. We live in a neighbourhood near the downtown of a city of 700,000. I have gotten to know many parents in this community we see them at the stores in our neighbourhoods and playgrounds and wading pools. It feels much like where I was raised in a smaller town.

[kirstenb]

I grew up in a large city and I loved it! I always rode my bike around the neighborhood- by the time I was 12 I was riding it to friends' houses, the library, etc- easily 3+ miles away. I lived on my bike in the summer. I had a lot of freedom growing up to do that. It's a city filled with lakes, rivers, and creeks so I still had a lot of exposure to nature close by. I learned how to use public transit at a young age which is a benefit. I loved going to the local libraries and children's musuems. I would absolutely raise my kids in a city. I never felt like I was missing out on anything.

[sapphire_chan]

I grew up in PDX and in my neighborhood we did all those things you mention as did dh in Skokie (okay, it's a "suburb" of Chicago, but not exactly undeveloped). And there are quite a few neighborhoods here in Indy where I bet kids do the same thing.

Look around. A city will give you far more options of places to live.

[mommariffic]

I'm dealing with this now, kind of the opposite


DH wants to move to NY to be closer to his job [in Manhattan, we currently live 1+ hours in a kind of maybe more suburban/rural area] but I'm not sure I want to. Our house now is large, we have woods, a pool, and space space space galore for exploring. My daughter gets to head outside whenever to wander around, knows all about bugs, and lives a more slow paced life.

I'm scared that in the city we will be cutting back on so much more space, and have to frequent parks if we want nature...or at least drive somewhere. I'd love the culture, and food delivery [hello Fresh Direct and some decent Indian] but past that I can't see what else. Not driving? Awesome but it's not too much of a burden to me here.

I too, just remember my childhood of looking for fairies in the woods. I feel like kids in the city grow up so fast too.

[IntrovertExtrovert]

Hm...I can only speak to where I grew up, which was inside Chicago in a single family home neighborhood. So a very suburb-like area of the city. I loved it. I was able to ride my bike around the neighborhood, even though there were major streets within 2 blocks of my house in two directions. I was able to walk to the library, the convenience store, and school, but the neighborhood also had lots of parks, and I could walk to school. The forest preserve was 2 miles away. When I was a teenager I could bike there and bike up the forested trail all the way to the Botanic Gardens. I could walk 1 block and catch a bus to the L and get anywhere within the city quickly.

What are the things that you like best about living in the city? If you're specifically looking for a neighborhood with a single-family residential feel, there's a good chance that there are many of those within your city. Some of them will have better public transit and commercial districts than others. Some of them will have a more "suburban" feel than others. Some of them might have a specific demographic that you may want or may want to avoid (the particular neighborhood I grew up in is wonderful in most respects, but is known for being a more homogenous area. It's changing somewhat, but it's still a pretty racist neighborhood for various reasons.)

[katiesk]

i did not grow up in a city and have never really lived in any big city, but i cannot see why it would be problematic to raise a kid in one! i personally prefer small towns and living on the outskirts of them - but other people like cities and what they have to offer! and you know, we always make trips to the city, but if we lived in the city, i'm sure we would be making trips to the woods, you know?

[Snuzzmom]

??? Why would it NOT be okay? Millions of kids grow up in citites. It's as "okay" as growing up anywhere else. There is no idyllic place to grow up.

PROS
* Access to STUFF-- parks, museums, restaurants, city-run events. Here in SF there's a TON of stuff to do every week, much of it free, across all ages
* Broader range of cultures/ people
* Excitement of being in the heart of things, in the world and of the world
* Easier to find folks who share similar interests, specialty groups, etc.
* Depending on the city you're in, neighborhoods often function as small towns. This has definitely been the case for us in SF. And anyone SF is not that huge of a city to begin with.
* Usually better services available if your child has special needs
* Broader range of schooling options (public, charter, magnet, immersion, Democratic, arts-based, etc.)

CONS
* Less open space (usually)
* More exposure to the more unsavory elements of the world: homelessness, poverty, etc.
* More expensive
* You may have to work harder to get to know your neighbors
* Many would say you're not as safe in a city. Statistically that is true, but I haven't felt that my child is particularly unsafe, except that there is more traffic.

[GuildJenn]

I grew up in a city and rode my bike to libraries, school playgrounds, parks, shops, and various other places. We walked a lot (that's one of the points of living in a city if you ask me!) I did live far from my school so I took public transit, and now I feel pretty ok navigating transit systems wherever I go.

For woods we went camping in the summer. When we weren't at the HUGE PARKS my city has.

Is it possible you're overthinking this one a bit?

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by mommariffic

I too, just remember my childhood of looking for fairies in the woods. I feel like kids in the city grow up so fast too.

There are city fairies!

[Devaya]

I wouldn't worry - I know people who grew up in small towns who go on about how boring it was, and others who grew up in cities crave living in the country...whatever your experience, there are pro's and cons. Although I've wondered about this myself as we are raising DS in a city but often consider moving somewhere else. I grew up in a big, metropolitan city, and it was great - yes, it wasn't as safe (but this was in South Africa, anyway, so the issues are different), but the art and culture available, the different kinds of people and interests to pursue, all contributed to me having a broad mind and a lot of resourcefulness ( I think). ALso, the city where I live now has a lot of smaller 'communities', and people can be neighbourly - just b'/c it's a city doesn't mean it's atomised.

[nextcommercial]

I think it depends on the city.

I grew up in Saint Louis and Chicago.

I'd never go back to live in St Louis again. EVER.

But, I LOVED living in Chicago. I had miles and miles of the BEST places to go hang out, visit, experience. I had the perfect childhood, but I also had lots of freedom to explore.

[Litcrit]

Originally Posted by kirstenb

I grew up in a large city and I loved it! I always rode my bike around the neighborhood

I grew up in the center of a city with the population of 2 million and I loved it!

I rode my bike - everywhere, you learn to drive in traffic - and you can actually get places, real places, not just nature stuff (yes, I'm really a city girl ), but that too

It was easy to get to school, friends' places, the libraries, the theaters, any extracurricular activity I was into - I could easily walk on my own

So, lots of freedom, because you can walk anywhere or ride buses... Maybe not what you might like for your daughter, but I loved it!

You seem to be less concentrated on consuming - because you can take walks in places other than department stores and malls... parks, theaters, the rivers, events...

There's always stuff going on, and you're in the middle of it - whenever something was going on in my city, any important event, and I happened to be away, I ached to be home, because I felt I was missing out on real life...

When we got married, we lived in the sticks for 3 years - including the first 20 months of dd's life - and I hated it. Sure, the kiddo had grass aplenty, but that was it. I felt sorry for her - she didn't know what a busy, bustling crowd was, she'd never seen buses, tramlines, trolleybuses, big buildings!

I loved my childhood

[Sorin]

Another city kid here who will be raising her kids in the city. I'm from and currently live in Chicago. It is possible that you have misconceptions of city living. It is not all urban jungle, concrete, homeless folks, drug dealers, and prostitutes. I guarantee you that everything you and DH experienced as a child, I, my brother, my DH, his siblings, heck, my *mother* experienced growing up in Chicago. I'll even add this--I was raised in an apartment! *insert gasp here* That's right! A 6-flat (meaning there were six apartments in one building), and I have great memories of being fed fried green tomatoes by the lady who lived across the hall and sitting out on the porch, watching the clothes flutter on the clothesline, and smelling the bar-b-que in the air during the summertime. And we lived in the heart of the south side, so this was no suburban oasis.

DH and I now live in a condo (still on the south side) and plan on raising our baby(ies) here. When the kid gets old enough, there is a huge park in front of our building and another in back of our building for him/her to play in. If we get tired of that, we can ride our bikes to the lake and hang out at the beach. Or jump on the bus and have our pick or world-class museums and zoos. Or get in the car and get lost in a forest preserve. Or . . . (you get the picture). If you have not really experienced city living, it is easy to depend on media-driven stereotypes of what it is like. But for DH and me and millions of other people, we wouldn't have it any other way.

[Sorin]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I think it depends on the city.

I grew up in Saint Louis and Chicago.

I'd never go back to live in St Louis again. EVER.

But, I LOVED living in Chicago. I had miles and miles of the BEST places to go hang out, visit, experience. I had the perfect childhood, but I also had lots of freedom to explore.

Hey, Nextcommercial! I lived in STL for a couple of years. It was . . . um . . . not bad. Not Chicago (although, sadly, it tries to be), but not bad. I moved there from a much smaller town, so I was happy to be back in a city of sorts. I can't say that I shed a tear when driving back up 55 to my hometown, but it was pretty decent as far as midwest, former industrial, mid-sized cities go. Except . . . what's the deal with toasted ravioli and that stuff they call "pizza?"

[Cherie2]

i grew up for the most part in LA.. I came to live in the country in oregon at about 11 years old. i can tell you the country childhood was much more fun for me. but thats me so

[JudiAU]

It sounds like you know the advantages. Think about the specific things you might miss out and try and fill them in... I grow up in the suburban sprawl of Orange County, CA but spent a lot in rural Oregon with my family. It was a wonderful experience to understand the about gardening/wilderness/berry picking/pond swimming/alternative economics (finances were really really tight with my relatives), etc. I was always happy to go home though.

Do you hike/camp/find wilderness near you? We try and do ito give DS that experience even though I am really not at all outdoorsy.

[nina_yyc]

I know where you're coming from, OP. DH and both I grew up in the suburbs and I hated it. Some of my best memories of high school are skipping class and taking the bus downtown to where 'real' things were happening

I do have good memories of walking around the neighborhood on my own at the age of 8 or 10, and staying out all day on bikes, but it doesn't seem like even suburban parents here allow their children to do that as much as I did. So, I guess I was thinking that moving to the burbs wouldn't be enough...it doesn't make it the 80s again, so I may as well live where I want.

We live near downtown in a sprawling city of 1,000,000. It seemed like a natural choice for us since DH can walk to work and I drive in the opposite direction of rush hour traffic to my job in the burbs. It's close to everything, pedestrian and transit-friendly, affordable, and a park is a yard you don't have to mow, right?

Well it all sounded great until I realized that I am a FREAK OF NATURE in this city. Single family detached homes are very prevalent and apartments are considered to be for students and poor people. The families in my neighborhood are mostly recent immigrants who aren't used to the idea that urban living *isn't done* with children in this car-culture town (not speculation...I've gotten this from talking to people at the park), and the uber-rich, who populate the private schools. The closest library doesn't offer storytime due to lack of interest. The only neighborhood preschool is for English as a Second Language. There are no day homes and the one day care is ridiculously expensive with a huge wait list, so DD is in a day home close to my work and I have to handle all the dropoffs and pickups.

The jury is still out for me. There is an elementary school a block away from our home that's been under reno for a year. DD will go to kindy there in 2 years and if it's good, I probably will have no further reservations about the neighborhood. If it's as under-serviced as the rest of the child-related facilities near here, I am going to reconsider whether walking to get your groceries and mingling with diverse and vibrant people really is better than having your own backyard.

[MusicianDad]

I spent time growing up in cities, suburbs, towns... The only place I never lived was way out in the country.

When I was in the city for the second time, there were lots of things about the other places I missed. When I lived in the other places there were lots of things about the city I missed. For one thing, there was always something to do in the city. It was Vancouver too, so we had cultural, festive, and a million and one other types of events going on in or around the city we lived in and most of them were free. My favourite thing growing up was being able to go to the PNE every year with my dad. Mini-doughnuts ROCK!

DH and I chose the place we live because it's relatively easy to have access to city, suburbs and country from where we are. 30 minutes one way is downtown, 30 minutes the other way is farms and mountains as far as the eye can see. DD loves it downtown in our City and in Vacouver, so many people and so much activity. She thrives on that sort of thing.

The one thing about living in the city... camping. Yes you can do that where ever you live, but when the rest of the year you are surrounded by the concrete forest then packing the car and going camping is like driving into a completely different world.