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opinions wanted - Page 2

post #21 of 25
2XY if he lives in Virginia then yes their laws matter. He could file paperwork in that state and you could end up needing a lawyer there. Then it is up to the court to decide to throw it out or not. Your ex has things in his favor his military status and not a divorce paper work older than 3 years old.

Also, stop hinting at a raise in child support. This only discourages visitations and open communication. It makes him feel he is only valued for his money and I would say if he traveled that much he doesn't have parenting skills that you do. If he just got out of the military or has not had a change in rank he doesn't have the money. If has an increase in pay. Don't bug him make a statement then do. Also constantly brining up the subject gives a feel that money is tied to visitation. I know that is not what you intend but that is how it feels to him....and your kids if they happen to hear it.

Yes, you have a right to be annoyed. I think it is only natural and normal in this situation. Especially with him talking to the kids first.
post #22 of 25
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
2XY if he lives in Virginia then yes their laws matter. He could file paperwork in that state and you could end up needing a lawyer there.
File paperwork for what?

Quote:
Your ex has things in his favor his military status and not a divorce paper work older than 3 years old.
Military status doesn't benefit you in a civilian court. Divorce and child support are civil matters. I don't know what the second half of your sentence means.

Quote:
Also, stop hinting at a raise in child support. This only discourages visitations and open communication. It makes him feel he is only valued for his money and I would say if he traveled that much he doesn't have parenting skills that you do.
There has been no hinting. We went to court for a modification of the existing support order. He knows that I value much more than money; but money has been all he's willing to give over the past 18 months. If I had the means to raise the kids entirely on my own without any financial support from him, I'd do it. I hate needing anything from him. I wouldn't be asking for an increase if I didn't think it was fair and reasonable. Military members get raises every year. My own income has not increased.

As for parenting skills....he has a step-daughter. He left me for a woman with a toddler, so it's not like he's been childless for the past five years.

Quote:
Don't bug him make a statement then do. Also constantly brining up the subject gives a feel that money is tied to visitation. I know that is not what you intend but that is how it feels to him....and your kids if they happen to hear it.
I don't know where you got the idea that I pester him about this, or that I make a habit of speaking freely of it in front of my kids. I hardly talk to the man.
post #23 of 25
If he files in his own state for child support/visitation the recent discharge gives him an upper hand that his home state won't turn the case down. If you have an agreement over 3 years old he can take it to his home state pretty easy. If it is anew agreement/court order it will be harder for him.

As for why I thought you were pestering him In your first post you said
Quote:
I've been bugging him for a small increase in support, since he doesn't do anything else for them and we're kind of struggling. He's refused, and we're going to court for that in August. I explained to him in a somewhat pleasant way that if he's going to be an
I take bugging as mentioning more than once.
post #24 of 25
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
If he files in his own state for child support/visitation the recent discharge gives him an upper hand that his home state won't turn the case down. If you have an agreement over 3 years old he can take it to his home state pretty easy. If it is anew agreement/court order it will be harder for him.
What is your source for this?

I'm under the impression that the only way a Virginia court can modify our Rhode Island child support order is if the Rhode Island courts no longer have jurisdiction (i.e., we move to another state altogether).

That is according to the Full Faith and Credit for Child Support Orders Act.

I don't see how a court from another state can just barge in and change what the local court has determined for its citizens.

He couldn't even be bothered to get himself a divorce lawyer....he just let my lawyer arrange and decide everything....so I'm not worried about being taken to court, anyway.
post #25 of 25

re: which state has jurisdiction

It is true that federal law provides for jurisdiction of custody/child support to remain in the state where the CP/children live, after a divorce. Your ex could file copies of your Rhode Island orders with his local court, just to facilitate enforcing them there. But his state would not be authorized to modify those orders. The only way I can imagine it would benefit him to bother doing that would be if he imagined that during his parenting time you might report to his local police that he had kidnapped your kids - then it would behoove him to have copies of your custody orders already certified by his local court, to clarify his rights. But you don't sound that unreasonable.

Now, if he still lived in RI and you relocated out of state with the kids, he could keep jurisdiction in RI for however long there was an open appeal, but that's a whole separate issue from what you have.
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