Can I Become a Catholic?

[springmama]

I've posted on here before about recently accepting Jesus into my life again. I have been attending an Episcopal Church for the past few months. My only prior church experience was Baptist. Now I am thinking about the Catholic Church. I have heard a lot of bad stuff about the Church which I know may or may not all be true. I am mostly concerned with how strict the church seems to be about certain things. But as I'm reading more about it, it seems to me that this is the Church Christ founded.

My dh is agnostic and had a fit over me going to church and is now comfortable with me going to the Episcopal Church. I know that if I convert to being Catholic he will flip and probably will make me stop taking the kids with me.

I don't want to have any more children, I'm central on issues like homosexuality, I'm more pro-life than pro-choice. I am against all forms of hormonal b/c for moral and health reasons. I don't necessarily take everything the bible says literally. I believe in faith , tradition and reason. I understand that a person changes a lot over the course of their life but I'm wondering with these views am I just not even fit to consider being Catholic - especially with the upheaval it could cause in my marriage?

I appreciate any feedback. Thanks!

[sweetsunshine85]

I have been Catholic all my life and I can tell you that anyone can become Catholic. It can be hard to live the life, but when you believe in it, it makes it easier. Just my two cents!

[Natsuki]

You may want to look into Eastern Orthodoxy as well. Also, I would consult with your local priest about converting, especially as you consider how to approach it in a way that does not divide your marriage unnecessarily.

[lilyka]

of cpourse you can become catholic. anyone can so long as they can commit to the church.

but since you are looking might I suggest the Eastern Orthodox church. feel free to PM me with any questions if you would like to know where to find more information.

[miss_sonja]

Well, to be honest, there are all types of Catholics. Some of us adhere strictly to all Church doctrine and all Papal decrees, others (often called 'cafeteria' or 'buffet' Catholics) adhere to some but not all. Huge debate available on that if you want to go there! :-)

The Catholic church's outreach organizations are the largest NGO in the world and do amazing things all over the world and ask nothing in return. Social justice is huge in the Catholic church, as is acceptance and love of others.

I think you need go where you feel accepted and worship in a place where you feel those with you are "in communion" with you in terms of how you view the world, the divine and your fellow humans.

I'd say, go to a mass at your parish church. Go on your own, go early and tell the usher who greets you that you're visiting. Before you go, take a look at this site or one similar so you know what to expect: http://catholic-resources.org/ChurchDocs/Mass.htm There's a lot that happens that isn't in the worship aid (unlike some Protestant churches, where every word is in the program!).

[Savoir Faire]

As you grew up Baptist (I've been both baptist and catholic), are you capable of confessing your sins to a priest and to the sort of hierarchy there is in the church? If you're okay with that, then yes, you can join

[Bluegoat]

One thing I would suggest is that you shouldn't expect to go into it understanding/agreeing with every point of doctrine. It can take years to get to a point where you even feel you understand why the Church feels like it does. (and generally, within Catholicism and Orthodoxy there is always a reason.)

I would say in general, you sound like your ideas would fit in well, just be open to the possibilities on the other things.

I would suggest talking to a priest about the situation with your Dh. But if you start going with the idea that you are no yet making a commitment, he might be more comfortable.

One thing I have noticed about converts, especially Protestant ones, to Catholicism and Orthodoxy (and I belong to neither) is that a big hurdle can be obedience to authority with the. I would say it is something that is worth learning about and praying about.

[AllyRae]

You can join, but it's not an instantaneous thing. You would have to go through 9ish months of RCIA (Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults) classes in preparation to enter the Church as a full member the next Easter. So, you would be able to attend mass and activities during RCIA, but your communion participation wouldn't happen until you had your confirmation and first communion during the Easter Vigil.

[Peppermint]

Go to Mass, pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit, and then make an appt. to speak to a priest. Do you have any local friends who are Catholic who could be of help to you?

[springmama]

I do have some Catholic friends who are being supportive of my inquiry. I have so much respect for the Catholic faith and looking in from the outside it seems like something I want to be a part of. But then I have these beliefs that I don't think will fit with the faith and they are things that I don't really feel I can or want to change about myself. Plus no offense but I have heard a lot of really bad things about the Church from anti-Catholic people (like my protestant family and ex-Catholics), which I know may not be true, so that kind of scares me a bit. But on the other hand I can't help but be intrigued by the faith.

I'm embarrassed to go talk to the parish priest because I have a lot of personal questions that I don't feel comfortable asking but I know that I need to get over that and just do it. Does anyone know of any resource where I can get more info on the Church? Thanks!

[Peppermint]

You could post any questions you have on the Catholic Mamas threads in this forum, we'd be happy to help you find your answers .

[MysteryMama]

Originally Posted by Natsuki

You may want to look into Eastern Orthodoxy as well. Also, I would consult with your local priest about converting, especially as you consider how to approach it in a way that does not divide your marriage unnecessarily.

I was thinking this exactly.

[Tradd]

Originally Posted by springmama

I'm embarrassed to go talk to the parish priest because I have a lot of personal questions that I don't feel comfortable asking but I know that I need to get over that and just do it. Does anyone know of any resource where I can get more info on the Church? Thanks!

Just go talk to the priest. You might ask if there is a female catechist. Note, though, talking about personal issues is what happens in Confession.

Also, if your DH is going to be very upset about this, you really do need to talk to the priest right at the beginning. I'm an Orthodox convert, and I've known several couples where one spouse was almost violently opposed to the other spouse converting to Orthodoxy. In both cases, they eventually came around, but it took years.

I don't know if you or your DH has been married before, but from what I've read here, that can create some sticky issues with conversion.

AYP=Ask Your Priest!

[springmama]

I've been doing a lot of research and finding a lot of answers. I have learned some great things about the Church and I look forward to learning more. I do have two really big questions.

1. If I were to convert would my marriage be valid? My dh would not be converting with me (although it's a long-shot, I hope he would someday) Would I be able to fully convert and receive the Eucharist? This is very confusing to me and I'm having trouble finding the answer.

2. We feel that we are done having children and I would be ok with using NFP but my dh would probably want to continue with our current method of NFP & using withdrawal or condom during fertile times rather than abstinence. Or he would get a vasectomy. What would be the Church's position on this?

I really appreciate the help here - I'm still way too intimidated to talk to a priest about these personal issues. Thanks!

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by springmama

I've been doing a lot of research and finding a lot of answers. I have learned some great things about the Church and I look forward to learning more. I do have two really big questions.

1. If I were to convert would my marriage be valid? My dh would not be converting with me (although it's a long-shot, I hope he would someday) Would I be able to fully convert and receive the Eucharist? This is very confusing to me and I'm having trouble finding the answer.

I'm assuming neither of you has been married and divorced? Has your dh ever been baptized as a Christian, and of what kind? If so, you will have no problems at all. Even if he has not been baptized, or is a member of another religion, that will not be a problem for you, though it may have some technical issues on whether your marriage is seen as sacramental or natural. Either way, it is a "real" marriage. A divorce would be the only really complicated issue.

2. We feel that we are done having children and I would be ok with using NFP but my dh would probably want to continue with our current method of NFP & using withdrawal or condom during fertile times rather than abstinence. Or he would get a vasectomy. What would be the Church's position on this?

This would not be considered acceptable. There would be two issues. The first is that you might need to reassess your decision about more children based on the Church's teaching about this. It's not a black and white issue, essentially you need to be making the decision seriously, for the spiritual and practical good of the whole family.

The second is that using condoms or the withdrawal method are not considered to be licit. If you have made the decision to not have more children according to the guidelines, it is perfectly acceptable to either abstain from sex totally, or to abstain when you are fertile. But having sex, and preventing conception when you are in fact fertile is not allowed - it's rather like having a big meal, then vomiting it up to avoid the calories. Better to eat reasonably in the first place, or you risk developing an unhealthy attitude about food.

If you don't mind answering, are you/your dh worried about an unplanned pregnancy, or the affects of abstinence? If the first, the stats for NFP are actually quite good compared to other birth control methods.

[shelbean91]

NFP is ok- vas is not. However, you are not responsible for your husband's actions. If you are against something and he does it anyway, you aren't 'punished', kwim? The nice thing about confession, is if you make a mistake- you are forgiven.

I think you'd need to at least have your marriage blessed in the church before fully completing RCIA.

[BMG580]

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

One thing I would suggest is that you shouldn't expect to go into it understanding/agreeing with every point of doctrine. It can take years to get to a point where you even feel you understand why the Church feels like it does. (and generally, within Catholicism and Orthodoxy there is always a reason.)

One thing I have noticed about converts, especially Protestant ones, to Catholicism and Orthodoxy (and I belong to neither) is that a big hurdle can be obedience to authority with the. I would say it is something that is worth learning about and praying about.

First, I am a new convert to Catholicism. I was an active non-denominational Protestant then became agnostic in my early 20s and came back to Christianity and the Church in the last year and a half. It isn't an easy transition and my husband is still a very content agnostic. He was perplexed and confused by my interest and eventual conversion but on the whole he has been supportive, our children were baptized in the Church, we had our marriage convalidated in the Church and we practice NFP. It is possible to have your husband's support even if it seems impossible at the outset.

I quoted Bluegoat because she touched on two important things. First, I think it is OK for you to not know right now if you want to be Catholic - RCIA and a TON of reading moved me in that direction but I still have so many unanswered questions and points of doctrine that I am working my way through. For me, the best path was to remain open but also not want it so much on an emotional level of wanting to belong to a group because feeling a sense belonging can be very seductive and it is vastly more important to truly believe what the Church teaches before committing and converting. I hope I am making sense here! I crossed that hurdle sometime in the very late winter and up to that point I was not 100% certain I was going to enter the Church or not at the scheduled time during Easter. Some people go through the RCIA process many times before they convert, if they ever do. I became Catholic because I believe in the true apostolic succession of the Church, I believe in the primacy of the Bishop of Rome (the Pope), and I believe in the Real Presence in the Eucharist. I also found the doctrines relating to Justification/Sanctification made more sense to me than most Protestant interpretations.

Authority is not a problem for me. A big reason why I converted is because I accept the Church's authority. Confession is a very odd experience for me still as it is so foreign to tell another person that I am not particularly emotionally close to terrible things that I've done BUT it holds me accountable and keeps me tethered to the Church body, as it is supposed to do.

If you have any questions about the actual conversion process I would call a couple parishes that are close to you and ask to speak to the director of adult formation. I originally found a parish that was far more liberal than I was comfortable with and transferred into an RCIA program at a more conservative parish and I was much happier. Even though I wasn't sure at the time I was going to convert I figured it made sense to learn and be catechized on what the Church actually teaches, not on someone's opinion about what the Church teaches.

PM me if you want to know anything more specific! www.conversiondiary.com is a great blog written by an atheist to Catholic convert. She covers a lot of the "big" issues there very well.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by springmama

2. We feel that we are done having children and I would be ok with using NFP but my dh would probably want to continue with our current method of NFP & using withdrawal or condom during fertile times rather than abstinence. Or he would get a vasectomy. What would be the Church's position on this?

i cannot answer for the church but this is where God led me when we were in this position. My dh opted to get a vasectomy. in the end I decided it was his choice and his sin and none of the consequences would fall on me. there was nothing I could do to stop it and there was no guilt on my part. In the mean time i felt it was only fair for me not to hold back from him. i mean thats kinda a crappy thing to do to a person. I was still open to life (and conception after a vas is still possible) and so I was fine in that area. my priest was also very gracious as I was converting and was well aware there are sometimes hinderances when one person converts and the other doesn't. but at the same time did not want to keep me from the church or keep drive a wedge into my already frail family. there was a lot of grace there. i think you may be suprised.

[springmama]

Thanks so much for all of the replies. To answer a couple of questions that were asked. My dh was raised agnostic and still is staunchly agnostic. He says that he is non convertible to any form of organized religion. I asked him if he would be willing to have our marriage blessed in the Church (a conversion story i read said that it is a quick ceremony done with the priest and a couple of witnesses) dh was NOT happy about that and said that he wouldn't even be a part of a group that denies the validity of our marriage. First time marriage for both of us. But I think he would do it.

NFP does give us some reason to worry about a surprise baby even though the stats are good for is efficiency. And I know that dh would not be ok with the periodic abstinence. If I convert I assume he will get the V - since it has been our plan for the past two years and he has just never done it.

I really need to go talk to some one in the parish. I finally attended Mass for the first time though and I plan to go back this week too.

[shelbean91]

I'd keep attending mass a while, talk to the RE director, maybe enroll in RCIA before making a firm decision. I was born and raised Catholic and tehre are still thing I dont' know. Of course, I had lapsed for quite a while- just didn't seem important. Then it did. Dh isn't catholic, will never be catholic. Our kids are.