Can I Become a Catholic? - Page 2

[Lollybrat]

Originally Posted by springmama

I asked him if he would be willing to have our marriage blessed in the Church (a conversion story i read said that it is a quick ceremony done with the priest and a couple of witnesses) dh was NOT happy about that and said that he wouldn't even be a part of a group that denies the validity of our marriage. First time marriage for both of us. But I think he would do it.

You would not need to have your marriage blessed by the Church if you convert. You can certainly have it done if both you and your DH want, but it is not necessary. Since neither of you were previously married or were Catholic at the time of your wedding, the Catholic Church already considers your marriage valid. It will still be valid if you convert. If both you and your DH have been baptised (which sounds unlikely, since he was raised agnostic), you have a valid sacramental marriage. If only one of you is baptised or if neither of you are, you have a valid natural marriage. This is another area that a discussion with a priest can help clarify.

[shelbean91]

In talking to multiple people who teach RCIA- I'm trying to remember what i've been told. There were people who had been married who were going through RCIA- because they hadn't been married in the church, they were not considered married by the church. They went through RCIA- took the sacraments of baptism, reconciliation, communion, confirmation, then retook their vows. While going through RCIA- they were supposed to remain celebate, because they weren't 'married'. Of course, this is second hand and it may be different if only one person is converting, or even parish by parish, but this is what I was told by very experienced people (as I remember the conversation).

My brother is catholic, married in a lutheran church. He was unable to be a godparent to my kids because his marriage isn't 'valid'- he's a witness, but not a godparent.

Obviously, there are differing opinions on this, so I would talk to the priest directly to make sure.

[ledzepplon]

Originally Posted by Lollybrat

You would not need to have your marriage blessed by the Church if you convert. You can certainly have it done if both you and your DH want, but it is not necessary. Since neither of you were previously married or were Catholic at the time of your wedding, the Catholic Church already considers your marriage valid. It will still be valid if you convert. If both you and your DH have been baptised (which sounds unlikely, since he was raised agnostic), you have a valid sacramental marriage. If only one of you is baptised or if neither of you are, you have a valid natural marriage. This is another area that a discussion with a priest can help clarify.

:

[Lollybrat]

Originally Posted by shelbean91

In talking to multiple people who teach RCIA- I'm trying to remember what i've been told. There were people who had been married who were going through RCIA- because they hadn't been married in the church, they were not considered married by the church. They went through RCIA- took the sacraments of baptism, reconciliation, communion, confirmation, then retook their vows. While going through RCIA- they were supposed to remain celebate, because they weren't 'married'. Of course, this is second hand and it may be different if only one person is converting, or even parish by parish, but this is what I was told by very experienced people (as I remember the conversation).

My brother is catholic, married in a lutheran church. He was unable to be a godparent to my kids because his marriage isn't 'valid'- he's a witness, but not a godparent.

Obviously, there are differing opinions on this, so I would talk to the priest directly to make sure.

It depends on the circumstances of each couple. If one spouse is Catholic and the marriage did not take place in the Catholic Church (and there was no dispensation for this), then the marriage needs to be validated.

If one or both of the spouses was previously married and that married has not been anulled, then the anullmnet process needs to be done and then marriage needs to be validated.

Ther Catholic Church recognizes the validity of first marriages between non-Catholics. The validity does not change because one spouse (or even both) later convert to Catholicism. A Catholic wedding is only required when one or both of the spouses are members of the Catholic Church at the time of the wedding.

[shelbean91]

Interesting. Thanks. I think the priest is making his own rules then at the parish I'm thinking about.

[springmama]

Well I was feeling so great about things. I inquired about the RCIA and decided that I would start going to Mass on Sundays and maybe one day during the week.

Well dh found out about my inquiry to the Catholic Church and we had an argument about it. I just can't understand why he wants to ruin this for me. I am in tears because I was so happy and now he just rained all over it for me.

Am I supposed to stop following my faith because my dh doesn't like it. Is it ok for him to take back the promise of letting me raise the kids with religion because he disdains it? Why should he be the one who decides on which denomination I belong to just because it is all just a "fabrication" to him?

I am so sad.

[shelbean91]

That is one of the difficult things. My dh isn't religious at all. I did convince him to get married in the church b/c that was important to me. But, religous ed and upbringing for the kids rests squarely on my shoulders. It's very, very hard. Sometiems I don't do a great job. But I do my best. you do what you need to do- he'll come around.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by springmama

Well I was feeling so great about things. I inquired about the RCIA and decided that I would start going to Mass on Sundays and maybe one day during the week.

Well dh found out about my inquiry to the Catholic Church and we had an argument about it. I just can't understand why he wants to ruin this for me. I am in tears because I was so happy and now he just rained all over it for me.

Am I supposed to stop following my faith because my dh doesn't like it. Is it ok for him to take back the promise of letting me raise the kids with religion because he disdains it? Why should he be the one who decides on which denomination I belong to just because it is all just a "fabrication" to him?

I am so sad.

i have been there. my xh was completely uninterested in God or church or the children or their up bringing...until I showed an interest in the Orthodox church. then suddenly he was some kind of spiritual head of our family and was putting his foot down. he still didn't seem to care about god or church or the kids. but he certainly wasn't going to let me get away with this. :

anyway, pray and pray and pray. this will not be a battle easily won and make nbo mistake about it. this is not between you and your husband. this is a spiritual battle. Just trust that in Gods time he will bring you where he wants you.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by springmama

Well I was feeling so great about things. I inquired about the RCIA and decided that I would start going to Mass on Sundays and maybe one day during the week.

Well dh found out about my inquiry to the Catholic Church and we had an argument about it. I just can't understand why he wants to ruin this for me. I am in tears because I was so happy and now he just rained all over it for me.

Am I supposed to stop following my faith because my dh doesn't like it. Is it ok for him to take back the promise of letting me raise the kids with religion because he disdains it? Why should he be the one who decides on which denomination I belong to just because it is all just a "fabrication" to him?

I am so sad.

THis is too bad, and I understand why you feel so let down. I'm sure your dh is afraid, and very perplexed. He's asking himself. why does this seem credible to you when it is so clearly silly to him? Are you going to ask him to do things he won't be comfortable with, or start going and doing strange things yourself? Will religion come between him and you, or him and the kids? Are you going to put a Jesus bumper sticker on the car? And when people are confused and afraid, they often get angry.

Perhaps you might suggest that you wait until you finish RCIA before you start taking the kids. He might feel at this point that you may really not know what you are getting into, and that it is wrong to drag the kids into it. That might be a reasonable compromise, if that is part of what is bothering him. And I think you need to assure him that you are not going to tell/let the kids think that he is immoral or stupid because he is not a Christian.

In any case, you need to show him that church is going to be a positive thing for you and your relationship. It musn't impact badly on the two of you, or it will make him balk even more. You need to be a kind of icon of grace for him. You might want to read a bit about St Monica, who had a major jerk for a husband. And what St Paul said,

If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

[BMG580]

A book that has helped me a lot is When Only One Converts by Lynn Nordhagen. It has several conversion accounts specifically in the circumstance of one spouse converting to Catholicism and the other not (some eventually convert as well but not all).

I'm so sorry this is going to be a struggle in your family. :

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

One thing I would suggest is that you shouldn't expect to go into it understanding/agreeing with every point of doctrine. It can take years to get to a point where you even feel you understand why the Church feels like it does. (and generally, within Catholicism and Orthodoxy there is always a reason.)

ITA. When I returnmed to the Church 10 years ago I disn't know much of anything and did not believe in everything. It took time, understanding, learning and acceptance. What a blessing it was.

I returned w/ my three children and expecting. Dh was not on board. I prayed and prayed. He started coming and did not convert until 6 years later, long story