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Anyone let their toddler run around in stores? - Page 6

post #101 of 182
I don't allow DS (23 mos) to run around, but I do allow him to walk next to the cart or stroller, holding on. Then, when we approach an item we need, I send him on an errand to get it if it's at his level (ie. "Can you get mommy a carton of milk?" That type of thing.) If he starts running off, he goes back into the cart or stroller, but usually if I keep him busy with little errands he's OK.

At 17 months he would not have been able to stay close, so at that age I kept him in the cart, stroller or carrier. I think I started having him walk around 20ish months.
post #102 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Absolutely not. At that age, IF dh was with us I would let her walk- but she had to WALK and had to stay by daddy or hold his hand.

-Angela
This. I think it is really inconsiderate to other shoppers.
post #103 of 182
Slightly OT- I addressed the original post a few pages back...

I don't really see how kids can learn proper store etiquette if they are never allowed to partake in the shopping experience. Knowing the maturity level of your child is instrumental in deciding to allow him or her to help get groceries on a short trip. My six year old has been able to do major shopping with me out of the cart and actually be incredibly helpful since about the age of three. My almost three year old- she can do a short trip with her won little cart or a run-in/run-out trip but she rarely makes it through an entire trip without attempting to dive out of the cart. Once she hits the ground she's pulling things off shelves and trying to lose us. It's a teaching experience but not good for the nerves so I just try to avoid bringing her to the store whenever possible.
post #104 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evergreen View Post
Slightly OT- I addressed the original post a few pages back...

I don't really see how kids can learn proper store etiquette if they are never allowed to partake in the shopping experience. Knowing the maturity level of your child is instrumental in deciding to allow him or her to help get groceries on a short trip. My six year old has been able to do major shopping with me out of the cart and actually be incredibly helpful since about the age of three. My almost three year old- she can do a short trip with her won little cart or a run-in/run-out trip but she rarely makes it through an entire trip without attempting to dive out of the cart. Once she hits the ground she's pulling things off shelves and trying to lose us. It's a teaching experience but not good for the nerves so I just try to avoid bringing her to the store whenever possible.
Well my son's been a part of our shopping experience in various ways forever, mostly because we had the time and energy. But honestly I don't think the shopping etiquette is so complex that if your kid doesn't do X,Y, Z, of shopping to start with he or she will be ruined. I think it would be perfectly possible to plop a 12 year old in a grocery store who had never been to one and explain it to her and it would be fine.

Different kids have different experiences at different ages and that is truly okay. We don't need that kind of guilt in our lives as parents.
post #105 of 182
[QUOTE][His new game is to actually help other people shop - its hilarious and they don't seem to mind! lol We probably shouldn't laugh about it though lol! (as in, he just watches them and pickes up something he thinks they will like and puts it in their trolley - and you should see his face, he really does think he is helping them - bless!)
/QUOTE]

That is cute and all...but honestly it would really annoy me if I had some strange child putting stuff in my cart.

I don't let my kids wander around the store. Once they are old enough to be trustworthy and stay by me (usually around 3.5)..I will let them walk or ride in the cart.

In our family, shopping is a necessary errand...NOT a recreational activity, We don't " go shopping" just to have an activity to do...we don't go to stores to walk around or play or to just look around. We go because we need to buy something....and we do so as quickly and efficiently as possible.
post #106 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.
While I have allowed my kids to walk and help shop for quite some time now, at times both my 6 YO and 9 YO still want to ride in the cart (the actual basket, not the seats). On occasion my 6 YO still climbs into the seat! She's still within the weight limit, but boy do her long legs look funny.
post #107 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evergreen View Post
Slightly OT- I addressed the original post a few pages back...

I don't really see how kids can learn proper store etiquette if they are never allowed to partake in the shopping experience. Knowing the maturity level of your child is instrumental in deciding to allow him or her to help get groceries on a short trip. My six year old has been able to do major shopping with me out of the cart and actually be incredibly helpful since about the age of three. My almost three year old- she can do a short trip with her won little cart or a run-in/run-out trip but she rarely makes it through an entire trip without attempting to dive out of the cart. Once she hits the ground she's pulling things off shelves and trying to lose us. It's a teaching experience but not good for the nerves so I just try to avoid bringing her to the store whenever possible.
I'm not really sure what you're saying, since you started with how kids need to be allowed to participate but then ended saying you avoid letting your daughter participate.

But.

My kids definitely participate in the shopping experience. But I can't let my boys run around (or walk around, meander, whatever) and follow them, even if I didn't need to get anything done. I think it's very age appropriate for all of them to be in the cart/holding onto the cart. I ask my older boys to grab stuff off the lower shelves so I don't have to squat down (and risk getting stuck down there with 50 extra pounds strapped to me ) All of my kids go to the grocery store (or wherever) almost 100% of the time these days.

Something I noticed is that most of the posters that allow their children to "run around" (however they define it) have one maybe two small children. And often have a partner that joins them on shopping trips.
post #108 of 182
being allowed to participate is one thing. but alloiwing kids to walk or run around too far from you (more than arms length) is just dangerous. they don't have to running wild. no matter how careful they are they are still likely shorter than a packed cart and likely no more aware than the distracted shopper behind the cart. people simple can not see them. and really, it doen't take wildness to knock over an end cap (seriously, shoppers should protest the silly heights these things have reached.), break something or get run over. My children all walk in a store and have for some time. they can go into the store with a list and do the shopping. but they do not run around. they know shopping manners and "traffic" rules. the know to look both ways before crossing an isle and to look before turning corners. they know that this is a business and that when ytou are in someones business you treat it with the same respect as someones home.

and also remember this is someones business. it is not a play ground. as a business owner nothing peeved me more than kids running around and touching stuff and rearranging stuff. this was stuff that belonged to me. and every time your child moved something it cost me money. not to mention stuff that got lost or broken or damaged some other way. if your child needs to run or move around take them to a park. not a business.
post #109 of 182
My DH lets our daughter run around nearly every time he takes her shopping unless he is getting a lot of things. She is 26 months old now. I have tried this occasionally, but she goes right for the glass vases in the floral department or something like that, and I can't control that and shop on my own. If we are together DH usually watches her while I shop. I think it's because she will refuse to get into the cart and my DH isn't sure what to do about that and he thinks it's good for her to get to run around and look at things. I don't argue with it if he is going to watch her. She does enjoy it a lot. My biggest concern is her running in front of people. I do let her run around in department and toy stores in certain areas. Once out of the cart she often refuse to get back in so I time the cart exit for when we are close to leaving. And I always always have her put everything back where she got it and watch to make sure she is careful with things.
post #110 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
being allowed to participate is one thing. but alloiwing kids to walk or run around too far from you (more than arms length) is just dangerous. they don't have to running wild. no matter how careful they are they are still likely shorter than a packed cart and likely no more aware than the distracted shopper behind the cart. people simple can not see them. and really, it doen't take wildness to knock over an end cap (seriously, shoppers should protest the silly heights these things have reached.), break something or get run over. My children all walk in a store and have for some time. they can go into the store with a list and do the shopping. but they do not run around. they know shopping manners and "traffic" rules. the know to look both ways before crossing an isle and to look before turning corners. they know that this is a business and that when ytou are in someones business you treat it with the same respect as someones home.

and also remember this is someones business. it is not a play ground. as a business owner nothing peeved me more than kids running around and touching stuff and rearranging stuff. this was stuff that belonged to me. and every time your child moved something it cost me money. not to mention stuff that got lost or broken or damaged some other way. if your child needs to run or move around take them to a park. not a business.
Just playing devil's advocate here, I am NOT advocating letting child do these things, but again don't misplaced and damaged items happen with adults as well? I know I've freqently seen someone carry something around the store and decide they don;t want it and just plop it on a shelf somewhere. I've also seen adults break things, shattering a pickle jar was a most recent scene in aisle 4.
post #111 of 182
I don't let them run "around", but they don't have to be confined either. They can walk along with me, ahead of me, behind me, or linger in an aisle and catch up with me. I don't worry one iota about their safety, no one is going to take them, they'll be just fine.

That being said, my three older ones that were/are allowed to do this were always very well behaved. I didn't have to worry about them being loud or destructive. I could give them the freedom to roam without worry. We'll see how #4 goes when it's time!
post #112 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

We actually saw a girl about 5 or 6 in a cart recently, and DD (who's 2) said, "ahhh, a baby." The girl said, "hey I'm not a baby. You're little." DS said, "well you're in the cart," and the girl glared at her mom. It was pretty funny, and I guess that's how I view the situation for "big kids" in carts.

I suppose we're really more consensual than I imagine when I think of CL because I realize when reading/witnessing other people's parenting that we don't force much on the kiddos. I don't expect them to sit in the cart while I shop for groceries unless they want to. If we're crunched for time, I really try to make it more of a game. "Who can find the carrots?" and that sort of thing.
I have "allowed" my DD to walk with me pretty much since she first learned how I walked my 9 month old through plenty of stores... But we still at 6 do a lot of riding in the cart. DD knows the rules they are shes eaither walks with me she gets distrated easily and while shes is not destructive shes will bang into people knock thigns down because she goes into her own world and doesn't pay attention so we taught her to listen to her body if shes more into "talking/singing" then please sit in the cart and you can talk sing all you want (she is like that person that can't chew gum and walk at the same time ) If she is prepared to walk listen and not drop 15 things she is welcomed to. She spends a LOT of time riding in the cart . However its very rare I insist she does its deffiently her choice.

Deanna
post #113 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by kiwiva View Post
I don't let DD run around. I don't really think it's safe. They can so quickly dart and get into something they shouldn't or have someone crash into them with a cart or whatever.
Yea, I have actually knocked over a toddler with a cart before...they came out of nowhere and I didn't see them till it was too late and I'd already ran into them. I do not let Travis run around the store, but I do let him out of the cart if he will hold someones hand and stay with us...if he doesn't, he knows he has to get back into the cart.
post #114 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
her daddy pretend to be chasing her. She could not would not get away from us and my husband would not allow her to get in other people's way any more than anyone else does at the grocery store.
but I think there is a difference here. If an adult gets in my way at the grocery store I can easily see them and stop and not run them over with a shopping cart. But with a sling on, a toddler in the seat part of the cart, two kids holding on to either side of the cart, and a couple large items in the cart there is no way I'd see a toddler getting in my way. I think until you are tall enough for your head to be well over the top of the cart you shouldn't be allowed to wander for that reason alone...
post #115 of 182
Hold on.

Are we talking about letting a child lead the way and enjoy the store while the parent supervises the exploration (and presumably is done shopping, hasn't started, or is taking a break), or not supervising your kids when you shop?

We do the first, not the second.
post #116 of 182
This is JME of course, but I think my friends who say they're all about freedom and experiences just don't want to deal w/ a tantrum. It's easier to let LO run around or have Daddy chase them than to teach them proper behavior in a store. But eventually, it'll have to be taught. They're just putting it off. Well and good for them, but I don't think they take into consideration the inconvenience and irritation it causes others.

Yes, certainly at some point children will realize that life involves errands and tasks that are boring, you aren't supposed to run around stores, yell, tantrum, put things in people's carts, etc, but why not do everyone a favor and start teaching it now?
post #117 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.
DD1 still stays in the cart most of the time. I'll work on easing her out of it when I'm shopping again.

She and ds2 have just been impossible in stores. I've been pregnant for 18 of the last 30 months, and recovering from a c-section for another month or two (and am doing so again). For the recoveries, I can't take them shopping - in fact, I'm not doing the shopping right now. When I'm pregnant, I'm way too tired to deal with the nonsense if they're out of the cart. So...they stay in. DS2 will be four soon, and dd is six. She'll probably be allowed out of the cart when I go back to the store, but ds2 will want out, as well. So...we'll see how it goes. Neither one of them cooperates worth crap once they've reached a certain point, and I simply haven't been able to deal with it.
post #118 of 182
Regarding the safety concerns, I think everyone has a different level of comfort with risk and kids. I see the list of safety issues lilyka made, for example, and see a few items that I think, "yep, that's a big issue and definitely needs to be used for proper limit setting," but most of the items are like, "eh, that's life."

I just don't relate at all to the "what's wrong with kids doing ____[fill in the blank]____?" when it comes to the response of, "they could get hurt, that's what!" As if "being hurt" is the worst thing in the world. Hurt comes in degrees, and we have to weigh benefits and risks throughout our lives to manage those degrees.

Our kids experience safety risks *everywhere.* I personally don't mind my kids getting *minor* injuries if the benefit outweighs the risk. I do realize that in a minority of cases, minor injuries can result in major crap. Yes, a piece of glass getting in a kids hand could result in an infection, but for the vast, vast majority of such injuries, the glass is safely removed and the child has learned to watch more carefully where s/he is putting his/her hands. Does that mean I want my kids to get hurt? No of course not! We work at prevention, but no matter who you are, prevention will involve weighing risks and benefits of different actions.

Clearly, we are all going to weigh those things slightly differently, and when it comes to minor injury risks, I think that is okay, good, right, and necessary. Most of us probably balance these issues with relevant consideration of what we know about our children, ourselves as supervisors, etc. etc.

I am, for example, all for seat belt laws that require use of proper car restraints for kids...and for severe penalties for those who don't follow those laws. The risk of major injury or death due to lack of proper vehicle restraints is HUGE, and I don't think anybody should be able to just disregard those risks. I even support helmet laws when it comes to bike riding and roller blading. But the risks involved in how high a child can climb on a playground, or where a child can walk holding a hand vs. not holding a hand, and what a child can do in a store is probably best handled on the family level, by people who know the child and the other factors involved.

I am not saying the benefits of being out of the cart are always and necessarily higher than being in. But I am saying, let's not pull out the "but the kid could get hurt" argument as if it is a be-all, end-all. It's one facet of the issue, and it is as nuanced as any other.
post #119 of 182
My hurt is injury to others which at the least is just unecessary but we also live in a big time retirment area so it could be injury to older people who can't recover from a little bump and bruise so easily. And injury to property. I don't need her dropping fruit and ruining them cartons of eggs knocking down displays....

Deanna
post #120 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by EVC View Post
She disappeared literally in a matter of SECONDS. I shudder to think what could have happened to her. ANYTHING could have happened to her.
This is why I don't let my DS wander if I'm trying to shop, more than any other reason. I can't concentrate on what I need to buy and watch him at the same time. If it's a situation I can hold his hand (just browsing in a store) or if DH is with us, then it's ok. But anything that requires both of my hands and my concentration (grocery or serious clothes shopping) DS is in a cart or instructed to stay right by me, usually touching me.

Someone made the comment that the crime rate is lower than ever. Even so, imagine if your child wandered outside trying to find you and was hit in the parking lot. That scenario doesn't require any "evildoers" to perpetrate a crime. Maybe I'm paranoid, so be it.
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