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Anyone let their toddler run around in stores? - Page 7

post #121 of 182
I dont let mine run around. If I take him out of the cart, I put this little backpack harness thingy on him and then he can only go a few feet away from me. but i rarely even do that. I don't think its very safe, and he could grab things off shelves and break them, or he could ruin floor displays... I just like to make shopping trips as smooth as possible. usually I give him some apple slices and that pretty much keeps him happy, although he's only fifteen months
post #122 of 182
Well, I let my toddler walk in stores, and we often hold hands, but when the situation warrants it (like we are in an empty aisle), sometimes I just walk with her. I am always very aware of our surroundings, any approaching people, if there are glass bottles down low on the shelves, etc. But DD is incredibly good at being careful and sticking close to me, and asking before touching anything. I feel she's ready to be at this point. We talk about when it's a good time to go slowly and when, occasionally, we can go "fast" (which is still just the pace of me walking quickly), which I think is helping her figure out normal safe and acceptable behavior in stores. Today at the drug store, she danced around an empty aisle while I picked out something. She was within ten feet of me the whole time and was calm, not zooming about. I think it just depends on the surroundings and the kids.
post #123 of 182
I absoluetly do not allow running in the store. That is behavior that is not allowed. My younger children are riding in the cart and my older children walk with me in the store. This is a non issue. My children are taught respect from an early age and running in a store is not respecting, the store, the other shoppers etc... running can potentially break/damage merchandise...

So no running is not something we allow inside stores.
post #124 of 182
Quote:
I *just* started letting my youngest walk in the store instead of riding in the cart. She just turned 5 LOL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

We actually saw a girl about 5 or 6 in a cart recently, and DD (who's 2) said, "ahhh, a baby." The girl said, "hey I'm not a baby. You're little." DS said, "well you're in the cart," and the girl glared at her mom. It was pretty funny, and I guess that's how I view the situation for "big kids" in carts.

I suppose we're really more consensual than I imagine when I think of CL because I realize when reading/witnessing other people's parenting that we don't force much on the kiddos. I don't expect them to sit in the cart while I shop for groceries unless they want to. If we're crunched for time, I really try to make it more of a game. "Who can find the carrots?" and that sort of thing.

She never gave me a hard time. It was only recently that she started being uncomfortable (as in her legs hurting) when she sat in the cart, so she walks beside now. She does still ride in the 'spaceship' and 'car' ones
post #125 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have a hard time understanding when parents say things like this. I can imagine even my DD, who is very laid back, giving me a hard time about being required to be in a cart at 5! There's no way DS would've done that without really being ticked off about it.

We actually saw a girl about 5 or 6 in a cart recently, and DD (who's 2) said, "ahhh, a baby." The girl said, "hey I'm not a baby. You're little." DS said, "well you're in the cart," and the girl glared at her mom. It was pretty funny, and I guess that's how I view the situation for "big kids" in carts.

I suppose we're really more consensual than I imagine when I think of CL because I realize when reading/witnessing other people's parenting that we don't force much on the kiddos. I don't expect them to sit in the cart while I shop for groceries unless they want to. If we're crunched for time, I really try to make it more of a game. "Who can find the carrots?" and that sort of thing.
I could go shopping or browse in the library with all three girls. Not with Dylan. He wouldn't stay with me. He would be the kid who was knocking things over, climbing the shelves to see what was on the top shelf or in the next aisle. He had to investigate everything. Nothing wrong with him being curious but he was a danger not just to himself but to everyone else in the store/library. So I didn't take him anywhere unless one (or more) person went with us until he was 5. And he was taught that if he was separated from us, to find the cash registers (we would point out the store employees--vests, shirts, etc.--and stay there. He was told to tell the employee our name, not his. That we would never leave the store without him so don't believe anyone who told him that we were waiting outside. The few times that he did get lost in a store, he followed the teaching and we would find him at the check out.
post #126 of 182
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Originally Posted by suebee79 View Post
Just playing devil's advocate here, I am NOT advocating letting child do these things, but again don't misplaced and damaged items happen with adults as well? I know I've freqently seen someone carry something around the store and decide they don;t want it and just plop it on a shelf somewhere. I've also seen adults break things, shattering a pickle jar was a most recent scene in aisle 4.
Which is why we start when they are toddlers teaching them how to behave in stores.
post #127 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by averlee View Post
You know, I do let my daughter run wild in stores. We go to the same stores all the time and people know us. Our bookstore for example, I used to let her crawl around there, a few paces behind her, let her go around corners & peek at me, shriek & giggle. Once I let her take every bottle of elmer's glue off a shelf at a party & craft store, she lined them all up on the floor, then we put them back. But, when we seem to be bothering people, or things are getting too much for me to keep up with, I scoop her up and carry her. If she won't be carried nicely, I sometimes end up shopping quickly with a tantruming kid under my arm. (I do this as cheerfully as possible while pretending everything is perfectly normal.)
Here's the thing, though. You probably are bothering people, but they are just too polite to say anything.

To the OP, no, I don't let my kids run around. I have three, and when we go shopping together, I set my expectations BEFORE we enter the store. I tell them how they WILL act and how they WILL behave. And if they don't, I tell them what I WILL do. Dillan the Devil ran around a couple of weeks ago, and it was a fantastic learning experience for her.





She learned how quickly Daddy would scoop her up and carry her out to the van.
post #128 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandraS View Post
I don't let them run "around", but they don't have to be confined either. They can walk along with me, ahead of me, behind me, or linger in an aisle and catch up with me. I don't worry one iota about their safety, no one is going to take them, they'll be just fine.

That being said, my three older ones that were/are allowed to do this were always very well behaved. I didn't have to worry about them being loud or destructive. I could give them the freedom to roam without worry. We'll see how #4 goes when it's time!
Behind you??? In another aisle?? No way. It only takes a second.
post #129 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
Behind you??? In another aisle?? No way. It only takes a second.
A second for what? I indicated "well behaved" in my post, so they're not breaking anything - if I had one that couldn't handle themselves, then no, they wouldn't able to linger. Since I know there aren't child molesters and abductors hanging out at the grocery store (or anywhere else for that matter), that's a moot point.

It's sad - the odds are like 1 in 1.5 million that my child would be harmed by someone (and the odds of that are with Uncle Bob, not the stranger in the grocery store!) - but the odds are 1 in 4 that they will be depressed at some point in their lives. I personally think misplaced fearmongering by the media, blurring the lines between CSI and real life, contributes to that. I could set my child in the front yard and statistically speaking it would take 200,000 years before someone would abduct them.

But again, that's me. I know they're safe, that's my comfort level, that's my choice as their mom. It's up to each parent. You do what you want. And like someone said, how do they learn responsiblity if they're never given any?

JMO. Not gonna debate it, I don't fear strangers PERIOD and don't teach my children to either. It would be a more wonderful world if everyone said "hello" to they old man on the street, who's probably someone's grandpa that reads his grandkids a story before bed, instead of thinking he's the creepy flasher that your mom said she saw on Without a Trace two weeks ago, KWIM? Eh. To each their own.
post #130 of 182
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Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
His new game is to actually help other people shop - its hilarious and they don't seem to mind! lol We probably shouldn't laugh about it though lol! (as in, he just watches them and pickes up something he thinks they will like and puts it in their trolley - and you should see his face, he really does think he is helping them - bless!)
Sorry, your son's "game" would annoy me. I would imagine that other people do mind, but they're trying to be polite and continue on with their shopping without much fuss. I know for me, I'm just trying to stick my list and get my shopping done, so I can get back home to my family as quickly as possible. It's not a fun outing and I don't go to grocery stores to play games.
post #131 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandraS View Post
A second for what? I indicated "well behaved" in my post, so they're not breaking anything - if I had one that couldn't handle themselves, then no, they wouldn't able to linger. Since I know there aren't child molesters and abductors hanging out at the grocery store (or anywhere else for that matter), that's a moot point.

It's sad - the odds are like 1 in 1.5 million that my child would be harmed by someone (and the odds of that are with Uncle Bob, not the stranger in the grocery store!) - but the odds are 1 in 4 that they will be depressed at some point in their lives. I personally think misplaced fearmongering by the media, blurring the lines between CSI and real life, contributes to that. I could set my child in the front yard and statistically speaking it would take 200,000 years before someone would abduct them.

But again, that's me. I know they're safe, that's my comfort level, that's my choice as their mom. It's up to each parent. You do what you want. And like someone said, how do they learn responsiblity if they're never given any?

JMO. Not gonna debate it, I don't fear strangers PERIOD and don't teach my children to either. It would be a more wonderful world if everyone said "hello" to they old man on the street, who's probably someone's grandpa that reads his grandkids a story before bed, instead of thinking he's the creepy flasher that your mom said she saw on Without a Trace two weeks ago, KWIM? Eh. To each their own.
How do you know this?

And I don't want to get too far off from the OP, but if they are an aisle over from you, yes, they could be abducted. But like you said, if their distance is within your comfort level, you're fine, I guess.
post #132 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
How do you know this?
Frankly, because it's true.

I will not get up every day and live in fear. I will NOT teach my children to do the same. I will not spend my life looking up in case an airplane is about to crash. We choose to live our lives. It's a matter of calculated risk. The risk of any harm is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too teeny for me not to let my children have fun standing in the toy aisle and look at the wares for a few minutes while I move on. My kids lick the beaters with cake better/raw eggs because it's a 1 in 50 million chance they'll get sick, and that's a risk I'm willing to take, because it's fun and what I consider a rite of childhood. Calculated risk. And yes, I'm fine with it.

ETA: Before someone says, "but it's a risk you don't even have to take" - well, everything in life is. Throw away the car keys - the chances are about 1 in 8 you'll get in a wreck. The chances are about 1 in 600 you could walk across the kitchen floor and fall down, injuring yourself bad enough to warrant a trip to the doctor. The odds are there that you will slip in the tub and give yourself a concussion. I know someone who broke their ankle simply getting out of bed in the morning and "landing" wrong. All of these things could've been prevented. But where is living at????
post #133 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by sewchris2642 View Post
Which is why we start when they are toddlers teaching them how to behave in stores.
Ok, let me get this straight. The lady who dropped the pickles was just not taught as a toddler how to behave in the store? Really?
post #134 of 182
Nope, only because my youngest breaks everything he touches, he's got some sticky fingers too...
post #135 of 182
I agree with not living in fear but then there are still things that we should be mindful of. Not living in fear does not mean sticking your kid in a shark tank with a blood piece of meat strapped to their chest. Extreme example, yes, but there is not living in fear and then there is just ignoring reality.

And it does only take a second. It only take a second for (general "your child" not meaning anyone specifically)...

- Someone not see your child and hit them with a cart, trip over them, etc.

- Your child to climb (even just stepping on the first shelf) onto something unstable and have it fall on them.

- Your child to pull something down on themselves.

- Your child to be abducted or accosted in any way.

- Your child to misjudge your speed and get lost.

and so on...

I agree that children need to learn and that getting hurt isn't the end of the world (though children do die in shopping accidents) but there is a time and a place. A store just isn't one of them.
post #136 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by suebee79 View Post
Ok, let me get this straight. The lady who dropped the pickles was just not taught as a toddler how to behave in the store? Really?
post #137 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandraS View Post
Frankly, because it's true.

I will not get up every day and live in fear. I will NOT teach my children to do the same. I will not spend my life looking up in case an airplane is about to crash. We choose to live our lives. It's a matter of calculated risk. The risk of any harm is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too teeny for me not to let my children have fun standing in the toy aisle and look at the wares for a few minutes while I move on. My kids lick the beaters with cake better/raw eggs because it's a 1 in 50 million chance they'll get sick, and that's a risk I'm willing to take, because it's fun and what I consider a rite of childhood. Calculated risk. And yes, I'm fine with it.

ETA: Before someone says, "but it's a risk you don't even have to take" - well, everything in life is. Throw away the car keys - the chances are about 1 in 8 you'll get in a wreck. The chances are about 1 in 600 you could walk across the kitchen floor and fall down, injuring yourself bad enough to warrant a trip to the doctor. The odds are there that you will slip in the tub and give yourself a concussion. I know someone who broke their ankle simply getting out of bed in the morning and "landing" wrong. All of these things could've been prevented. But where is living at????
Frankly, you have no way of knowing that.

And while I agree that we take calculated risks every day, we need to weigh the benefits to the risks, and frankly, I see no benefit in letting my two daughters shop an aisle away from me where I can neither see nor hear them. That is not is my comfort zone and as far as I am concerned, there is no benefit that would outweigh any risk.

Keeping an eye on them while shopping is not synonymous with living in fear.
post #138 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sierra View Post
I just don't relate at all to the "what's wrong with kids doing ____[fill in the blank]____?" when it comes to the response of, "they could get hurt, that's what!" As if "being hurt" is the worst thing in the world. Hurt comes in degrees, and we have to weigh benefits and risks throughout our lives to manage those degrees.

Our kids experience safety risks *everywhere.* I personally don't mind my kids getting *minor* injuries if the benefit outweighs the risk. e-all, end-all. It's one facet of the issue, and it is as nuanced as any other.
I agree that the risk to a child is a matter of personal decision. However, we are talking about a *public* place and parents don't have the right to weight the risk to *other* people in this decision. They can decide that they can live with injuries to their kids as a result of "running" around. However, there is also the risk to the elderly lady who they run into or the disabled man they run in front of and cause to trip.

There is also a property risk here, and again, parents either don't have the right to decide that this is a risk the store should take, or they have to be willing to take the responsibility to pay for any damage that is done. Sadly, there are lots of parents out there who won't take that responsibility. Worse, there are parents who won't take responsibility for the injury their child suffers and turns around and sues the store.
post #139 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandraS View Post
Frankly, because it's true.

I will not get up every day and live in fear. I will NOT teach my children to do the same. I will not spend my life looking up in case an airplane is about to crash. We choose to live our lives. It's a matter of calculated risk. The risk of any harm is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too teeny for me not to let my children have fun standing in the toy aisle and look at the wares for a few minutes while I move on. My kids lick the beaters with cake better/raw eggs because it's a 1 in 50 million chance they'll get sick, and that's a risk I'm willing to take, because it's fun and what I consider a rite of childhood. Calculated risk. And yes, I'm fine with it.

ETA: Before someone says, "but it's a risk you don't even have to take" - well, everything in life is. Throw away the car keys - the chances are about 1 in 8 you'll get in a wreck. The chances are about 1 in 600 you could walk across the kitchen floor and fall down, injuring yourself bad enough to warrant a trip to the doctor. The odds are there that you will slip in the tub and give yourself a concussion. I know someone who broke their ankle simply getting out of bed in the morning and "landing" wrong. All of these things could've been prevented. But where is living at????
There will be and too a point there has been the day where I trust my child to have enough skills that I both pray danger wont come her way and that she will know how to react if it does. I don't live in fear and I'm aware accidents can happen no matter what. WHen my DD was three she was playing ball with DH in the front grassy area of our apartment she went to pick up the ball and a man grabbed her. He let go when a bunch of people yelled at him and it turned out he had some mental issues... but it was a split second where we realized not only could it have gone much worse but at 3 and for our verbal delayed and stranger trusting DD she saw NO danger in this... Now am I saying its horrible to allow your kids in diffrent issles? nope I also see you have older kids so you have several sets of eyes. I alos wont live in fear but I wont just assume nothing could eaither.

Deanna
post #140 of 182
I'll just add myself to the group that prefers my child stays near me in a store.
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