Attention seeking misbehavior, very pregnant mommy going crazy

[Flower of Bliss]

I'm 34 weeks pregnant. Much of the standard advice of physically removing the child from the situation is getting nearly impossible for me. DD is 34 months. She is very verbal and expresses feeling very well for her age. We've been having lots of issues of power struggles, out right defiance, limit testing, and generally doing things that she knows she shouldn't seemingly just to get the reaction. I know all of this is very age appropriate, but I'm really struggling here.

There isn't one big specific incident, but I'll try to give some examples...

#1 DD starts jumping and running around on our bed while I'm getting dressed in the bathroom/bedroom. I remind her nicely "DD beds are for..." and she chimes in "sitting or lying on" I respond "Right, please sit or lie down on the bed. If you want to jump, you can jump on the floor" DD (while still on the bed) responds "Jump, jump, jump..." while jumping. Physically removing her from the bed is way easier said than done, and physically keeping her off of it is next to impossible. Leaving the bedroom sounds like a nice idea, but I need to finish getting dressed, and sending her out of the room ("It seems like you want to play, why don't you go play in your bedroom while I finish getting dressed" or "DD, I need a break from asking you to behave nicely, so I'd like you to go play in your room") results in her saying NO and if pushed screaming and sobbing at the door (and often peeing on the floor too and definitely doesn't help add calm or space to the situation for either one of us). Talking to her about how it makes me feel when she responds with defiance or simply why it's a bad idea to run and jump on the bed, etc does not seem to be helping much.

#2 At the table eating, DD (who has been using silverware correctly quite easily for nearly 2 years now) grips her fork with two hands and makes a messy ordeal of "trying" to get food on the fork. I remind her how to hold the fork showing her with mine. She plays along "like this?" "like this?" doing goofy things with the fork. Sometimes I respond positively with something like "no silly, you know how to hold a fork" Other times I respond not so well with "DD hold the fork right" and other times I start out with an irritated "Use your fork correctly" from the start. Then, once she's got food on her fork she "absentmindedly" puts the prongs in her hair Or she chews on the back end of the fork while holding it with two hands "trying" to get food on it. : I can't stand to eat with her when she's doing all of this. It's often done when DH and I are talking and she's trying to draw the attention towards herself. I don't want to take away her food (or utensils). Sitting her at her little table instead doesn't work - she won't stay there and then we're back to physically forcing/restraining. Sometimes I get up and eat elsewhere, but I don't think that's a great solution either.

I have a million more examples...

DD does get plenty of attention from both DH and me. She loves to read and we each read to her some each day (sometimes just 1-2 books at bedtime, other days we might spend an hour or more reading). I take her to the pool, the library, play groups, etc. When I take her on errands, I talk to her and involve her. We sing songs and recite nursery rhymes together while I'm in the shower or while we're in the car or whatever. DH often spends real time just playing in her playroom with her in the evening. She often "helps" DH cook dinner. She's not ignored.

However, DH and I have lots of decisions to make, projects to finish, and discussions to have as we lead up to the birth of #2. We need to be able to do this. DH works long hours and DD co-sleeps and goes to bed with us (not before us). DH doesn't have awake time at home that DD is asleep for short of his quick get ready and leave routine in the morning. We try to make the most of early weekend mornings and and weekend nap times, but still most of this needs to happen while DD is awake and present. I don't see a way around that.

It just feels like it's getting way out of control. I'm really worrying about the early postpartum time and DD. I assume I'll be even more incapable of physically removing/restraining her. And, I'll have a newborn to take care of ...

[Flower of Bliss]

I likely didn't do the best job writing this post, but we really could use some advice on handling attention seeking behavior, especially taking into account the limits of a very pregnant mama.

[sweetkid]

I am in the exact same condition as you...Pregnant(30 Weeks) and due with #2 just days after dd's 3rd birthday. we are not having the same troubles with our dd's but I have been getting help from Mary Kurcinka.

I HIGHLY recommend her book Kids, Parents and Power Struggles. It is fantastically easy to read and implement.

[peachopotamus]

I have an almost 4 year old and an almost one year old. I have BTDT.
I suggest picking your battles. I believe it is just a difficult transitional time that will pass. I wish I had better advice. Mostly pick your battles. I would focus on teaching gentleness and involving her in learning to "help" with her new little sibling. I recommend reading Mr. Rodger's book The New Baby and similar books.

[foreverinbluejeans]

Sometimes people trying to use gentle disciple will think it's about being calm and explaining things and being all nicey nicey. It sounds like the situation you are in you need to let your daughter know who is the leader of the pack and soon before there is another baby.

First you need to decide what the rules are. You may want to write them down to share with your husband and your daughter. The fewer the rules the better. As your daughter learns to comply with a few rules then she can learn more rules.

If she breaks a rule you have to be willing to follow up on that rule. If jumping on the bed is the rule then you must stop the behavior right away. No talking about what beds are for or counting. "I will not allow you to jump on beds."

As she sees that you mean what you say and say what you mean she will start following the rules for acting like a human child. Remember that she isn't 3 yet and 3 years old don't eat neatly and you may have some unrealistic expectations.

[BellaClaudia]

I would not bing artillery if not necessary but since you are preggo
and you can only do that much I probably would imply things
like ..

"I am counting to three and if not then.."
that somehow does miracle on my child in extreme situations
I don't know why she is even concern because I really don't know
what would come after three myself if she would not do this :
there must be something in the counting :-)..

other then that..
for most extremes situation I might say
"I asked you nicely 3 times to stop jumping, I am not going to
ask you anymore.. next time you jump the night light will be off "
(we cosleep in the same room and there is little ligth in the bathroom
always on and I did turn it off once fro a minute as she was impossible
kicking us both, screaming etc.. long ago at one of the silly phases..
and that worked miracle.. now I never have to say much more then
just that.. she really did not like darkness although of course
I slee right next to her..

I do not like to bring it but it is good for really extreme situations when I really need her to stop something that might hurt her as bedroom
has tons of things that are not safe .. like the jumping.. or running..
her two favorite things .. in the very tinny bedroom where this could be disastrous and no way to make it safer.

[peachopotamus]

Try silliness. Sometimes if DD isn't doing what I would like her to do I give inanimate objects a voice. For example, if DD isn't getting in her car seat the car seat might say "Katie, I miss you. Can I hug you?" I know it is silly but it has always work. Now, she talks to her car seat but whatever. I know that might not apply to your situations. My point is be creative. Use her imagination to your advantage.
Something I keep in mind is if I want DD to do something I ask her not to and vice versa. If I tell her straight out to not do something there is almost no chance she will be able to not do it. Sometimes I'll say "wow! look a bunny" and instead of doing the unwanted behavior she runs over to the window to look for a bunny. Then I start a conversation about bunnies and her mind is off the unwanted behavior. Focus on the behavior you want and don't give attention to the behavior you do not want.

[Norasmomma]

I'm there with ya mama. My DD is almost the same age and I am a pretty pregnant 27 weeks, so I totally can feel your pain. My DD is a pretty spirited little girl and we had an all out battle of wills yesterday. counting did not work, she was just in full on spazz mode. I probably shouldn't have taken her to the beach, but it was hot. She was in a terrible mood before we wnet I thought it would make her happier, it did but her defiance was just outright.

I have to say much of it is being 3, my DD is super at communicating, but there has been behavior recently that is definitely in reverse. She is wanting to do "baby" things, wear a bib, put on a diaper(she's been PLd for a year), crawl not walk. I know that she knows the baby is coming and so she is grabbing on that last little foothold of her being the baby. We've been reading I'm a BIG Sister often and that seems to help, she just has good days and weird days, but don't we all? I find there is some major developmental things going on right now too, she's just getting to be a big kid, but yet is still saying she's little. I think that's where much of the struggles are coming from for us.