mamas who don't shave~ what will you tell your dd and will you/do you allow shaving? - Page 5

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by 1littlebit

so sort of on topic... i didn't know until i was in college that some guys shaved their genitals... i mean obviously it doesn't come up much in conversation but i was totally shocked that this was not unusual... i mean i really only did it b/c i didn't want it coming out of my bathing suit.. and when i was older b/c ... well.. for slightly less modest reasons. but anyways since guys don't have the bathing suit problem i could never figure out why they would shave

Various reasons. The first one that comes to mind is probably a UAV, though.

[1littlebit]

o man... i can usually guess what people don't say... but i am totally at a loss here.

[fork]

Originally Posted by 1littlebit

but anyways since guys don't have the bathing suit problem i could never figure out why they would shave

For the same reasons many women shave. They find it more comfortable, they like the way it looks/feels, and erm... ease of use during intercourse.

[1littlebit]

i do shave but i don't wear makeup really... want to know something sort of weird? when i wear contacts i am way more likely to wear make up then when i am wearing my glasses.. same with earrings... since i don't have contacts right now i almost never wear earrings or make up.

[1littlebit]

Originally Posted by fork

For the same reasons many women shave. They find it more comfortable, they like the way it looks/feels, and erm... ease of use during intercourse.

wow ... i have no idea how that would make a difference. now i want to know.. oooo DPPPPPP once he finished laughing he would go hide the razors.

i wonder if a guy who wanted to shave his arm pits would get the same negative reactions as a woman who didn't shave hers.

[Hesperia]

Some normal and hairy support! :

I think it is important to share with your children (male and female) why you choose to do something, or not, and why. We can only hope that we pass along some of what we feel so passionately about. I feel really strongly about showing my body in a natural and normal way for ME. Not because I think this is the only way, but the right way for me.

My mother tried to get my not to shave my legs when I was a teen. I started shaving super early at 10 or 11. I felt huge pressure to. And, huge pressure from my mom to NOT. It was gross to feel both ways to me. My mother would point out any time I plucked the brows. She nows flips out that my lovely normal armpits - but thinks that the legs are fine *shrug*

Now, I don't shave or remove any hair (eye brows are all there, nose hair, and toe hair). I do trim my pit hair every few months since it grows like a weed!

I want my children to feel unpressed to make the choices that a right for them, with a critical mind. I hope to encourage this, but don't feel in any way we can control it. It will usually just blow up in your face

[purplemoon]

I don't have a dog in this fight. But, I did learn in sociology class that the pinking of lips and rouge was to make oneself appear younger/aka more fertile. I have noticed now that I have kids how cool it is that they do have cherry lips and natural glows. The eyes? No idea why we do that (though that is the only thing I do since I am blond everywhere but my head which is just weird to me).

The only thing I don't like is full shaved genitals because to me I look like my 12 year old self and gross myself out, and a partner better not be shaved because I am just not that into pre-pubescent males. trimming is just to keep things neat. I don't think trimming is anything but a personal choice.

Hair or no hair, I think SO much of what we do is to be attractive to partners on a subconcious level. If I was living in a commune of all women I wouldn't wear make-up, die my hair, wear tight clothing and would still trim. I would most definately wear my armpit hair long.

But, I am here in society and while not so concerned about fitting in or being attractive to the opposite sex (as in I don't do a lot of things that women do) I can't say I don't do things to fit in. I shave. I wear mascara and some days I even muster the strength to care what my clothes look like.

I take it as "it is what it is". Nobody has to do what they don't want to do. I know I should style my hair according to some, but don't feel like it. I shave, but for some they just don't feel like it. Cool. I always say take what you want from society and reject what you don't. To each of us what we reject and what we accept are very different.

And to me....most of what we do looks wise isn't for ourselves. It is for ourselves through the eyes of others. That just is. We are social beings and don't think that it is weird to do it. (Not all things of course! Some just is done to feel more comfortable physically!).

[Amberoxy]

This has been an interesting thread to read! I love all the different opinions...

I am a shaver myself (when I have the time ). I plan to let my children make their own choices about shaving and when to start. I think I look nicer shaved and I think my husband looks nicer when he shaves his face. If he got his back waxed, even better I don't think shaving is about making someone look younger - just smoother and less hairy. An old person can shave all they want but, they are still going to look old if that is the type of skin they have. It's just one of those things, I've never liked a hairy guy face but I certainly find nothing sexually attractive about a young boy who has not yet started to grow facial hair. I don't think my legs look younger without hair - just prettier I think men prefer a waxed / shaved genital area so that oral sex is more pleasing to give. I know I am glad that penises don't have hair. (hope I'm not violating anything here - just trying to respond to different points I've seen raised.)

Anyway - to tie this all into the original post - I will not attempt to tell my daughter that there is anything wrong with shaving or not shaving. I will not attempt to tell her that either is the right thing to do either. I will say it is a matter of personal preferance as far as looks and comfort go and that I think she is beautiful whatever she chooses. I honestly think that to make anything more out of the decision to shave or not shave is just attaching too much meaning to a simple physical preferance.

[spicyrock]

Ironically, as I am reading this thread ads for laser hair removal keep appearing in the margins...

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Originally Posted by MamieCole

So I am genuinely curious...

Do those of you who feel that shaving for women is conforming to male ideals of beauty and infantilizing, oppressive, etc, how do you feel about other grooming issues that can be lumped into the "beautification for others, not ones self" category?

Do you feel the same way about trimming fingernails? Painting fingernails? Removing ear wax? Cutting hair on your head into a style or trimming it at all for that matter? Coloring your hair? Wearing clothing? Wearing deodorant?

Do those of you who do not shave do any of the above? If so, how is it different?

All of those things are "changing" the natural way our bodies look or smell. Where is the line between shaving vs. other grooming?


Sincerely just curious.

ok i'll bite!

i don't shave
I do not wear makeup
I rarely wear deodorant (only when I haven't showered in several days or a week and need to be around folks who would notice I smelled, which is not the majority of the folks I choose to hang out with)
I do not paint my nails
I trim my nails them for hygiene and safe sex reasons
i have short hair because I do not want to spend anytime hairstyling
I used to color my hair but only "crazy" colors to subvert the dominant paradigm
I wear clothes because it illegal for me to leave my house without clothes on and because i do not like the way it feels when "things" touch my skin. also the weather is a factor is clothes wearing
I don't "tan" on purpose only from being outside
My clothing is practical, mostly from thrift stores, and not "fashionable"

[1littlebit]

the first time i ever dyed my hair it was hott pink... my mom helped me do it!

[Cherry Alive]

I leave my legs alone. However, I shave my armpits, bc I tend to get more body odor there. My DH also shaves his armpits for the same reason.

I trim/shave my bikini line, bc pubic hairs drive me crazy. They get itchy and caught in the legs of my underwear.

I will not push my DD to do things one way or another. It's her choice. I don't think television will influence her as much as her peers, and I have no intention of sheltering her from either.

[holyhelianthus]

All this talk about shaving being a way for women to look like children and that men are just deep down pedophiles (pretty much) has me And this applies to the voluptuous breast, flat tummy, round bum love how? And if "they" wanted us to look like little girls wouldn't chubby thighs and cheeks be ok and not put down?

No I think as far as society goes shaving is about hygiene. Not to say women aren't doing it because "it's just what is done" but I know when I someone chooses not to shave it is viewed as "not caring for themselves" "gross" and unhygienic.

I remember when I was in 7th grade Paula Cole sang at the Grammy's and when she lifted up her arm she had underarm hair. I thought it was so cool but my friends commented on how dirty it was not to shave, how she must spell, they wondered if she even bathed. I have heard the same sort of stigma towards men with "unkempt" facial hair or even longer hair so no it's not just towards women.

My aunt gags when she cleans stray hair off the floor and counter tops. Really hair just grosses people out, folks. It doesn't have to be about anything more than the "ick" factor. And this is not a new thing. As a PP said ancient Egypt had the same mindset.

[thismama]

Shaving is not about mere hygiene or men would be the ones to shave their bodies. They make more hair generally and have a stronger smell. Not buying the hygiene argument!

[holyhelianthus]

The only thing I don't like is full shaved genitals because to me I look like my 12 year old self and gross myself out,

This is so flipping me out! By 12 I had forgotten what I looked like without pubic hair. :

But yeah I do feel like a child when I shave down there. It also isn't comfortable to me. I do keep it well trimmed though. Though honestly the women I know who shave down below whom I have asked all said it was gross not to to them what with everything else going on down there.

[seaheroine]

Originally Posted by sisteeesmama

And I also in my heart don't believe that any woman truely shaves only for her own self, that is my true belief, whether they think they do or not. (Flame if you like, but this is supposed to be a support only thread.)

I think that's a little judgemental. I like to shave. Perhaps it's living in southern California with no airconditioning, when it can be over 100 in the house, or maybe the fact I just find it cleaner...but I shave for myself, including trimming and/or shaving nearly my entire body. It has nothing to do with desiring an infantile appearance or what my DH thinks. In fact, he shaves quite a bit, too. It's HOT here and it feels better...and I just plain like my legs shaven. If it's been a few days, I have no problem leaving the house unshaven.

I also find myself stronger smelling when I don't keep things neat, particularly like now during pregnancy. The heat only exacerbates that and makes me feel like I want to shower multiple times per day. I have a personal need to feel clean, and for ME, that means I enjoy lathering up and shaving down.

To insinuate that all women who shave are insecure and simply perpetuating a man's "desire" is pretty offensive. I'm sure there are plenty of other women (and MEN) whose shaving is not related to what the general public is thinking or the most recent Playboy trend. I don't judge women who don't shave at all; why judge women who do as ignorant?

To echo others, I'll let DD choose for herself whether she wants to shave or not. I don't think shaving is anti-woman - I've known plenty of women who don't shave and plenty of men who don't care. If she chooses to shave for personal comfort or other reasons, that is her agenda and I'll provide her razors if and when she asks.

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by thismama

Shaving is not about mere hygiene or men would be the ones to shave their bodies. They make more hair generally and have a stronger smell. Not buying the hygiene argument!

Not selling it. I am simply saying that in society body hair= gross. And even men are catching on. It's not body hair= "too old for me"

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by Hesperia

Some normal and hairy support! :

I think it is important to share with your children (male and female) why you choose to do something, or not, and why. We can only hope that we pass along some of what we feel so passionately about. I feel really strongly about showing my body in a natural and normal way for ME. Not because I think this is the only way, but the right way for me.

I want my children to feel unpressed to make the choices that a right for them, with a critical mind. I hope to encourage this, but don't feel in any way we can control it. It will usually just blow up in your face

I agree, Hesperia.

Originally Posted by purplemoon

I don't have a dog in this fight. But, I did learn in sociology class that the pinking of lips and rouge was to make oneself appear younger/aka more fertile..

I know this is slightly off topic, but....

A long while ago I watched a show on Discovery channel hosted by John Clease (I hope I spelled his name right). That show was about the human body, sexual attraction, biological reasons behind social connections/mating, and attraction to others. Well, the red lips (makeup, lipstick) and flushed cheeks (from blush/rouge) was attributed to simulating how blood flows to a woman's face making her flushed during orgasm/sexual arousal. Therefore, if a woman puts on makeup, she will appear in a constant state of arousal. (or at least until she washes the makeup off). Nothing about red lips implied youth on this discovery show.

I just thought I'd throw that interesting tidbit into the discussion. Carry on.

[holyhelianthus]

And again I really take issue with body hair= all grown up. Not every man or woman has noticeable body hair. What does that say about them? Men who don't grow much or any facial hair get enough flack for not being "manly" from society, IMO. I'd rather not add to it by insisting body hair is an indicator of woman/manliness.

[thismama]

Originally Posted by magstphil

Not selling it. I am simply saying that in society body hair= gross. And even men are catching on. It's not body hair= "too old for me"

It simply isn't true that body hair = gross in our society. Women are the ones who shave underarms and legs, not men. It is highly gendered.

And I wouldn't worry about some sort of discrimination against people who happen to be hairless originating from those of us who don't shave our pits.