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July Dating Thread: Looking for Fireworks!! - Page 5

post #81 of 225

So I think I might start dating again

I've never posted on this forum yet alone this thread so heres some background info to get ya started. My dd is 22 mo and her dad and I are still friends but we've been broken up since just before she was born. We had been together since I was 18. He cheated on me and took his new girlfriend to visit his parents, his mom told me about this. SO when he got back I said it was over but we've remained good friends.
There's nothing sexual between us but we still share a house (he lives up stairs and i live downstairs). I'd say we mostly live together for convenience were both in college and can't afford seperate houses and the landlord lets us rent with our large dogs (we each have 2 dogs). He's had a few other girl friends over the past two years but never brings them to our house. One of his friends even tells peopel there roomates. I haven't bothered to start dating again. I am totally over him but I guess I'm too busy being a mom to care about my social life. I haven't even had a girls night out with any of my friends since my dd was born.
Anyways, there's this guy I've was friends with for a few years but we haven't seen each other since my baby's daddy and I split up. We were never super close but we hung out a lot in groups and were buddies. I always thought he was hot and never hung out with just him intentionally ykwim? Well we started talking again a couple of months ago and last week I told him I used to have a crush on him...luckily for me he said the same thing.
I just don't really know how to explain to him that I still live with my ex because I don't want him to get the wrong idea or think I care about someone else. It's been so long since I've been in a real realtionship I'm just kind of clueless where to start. Wow thanks for reading this if you've made it this far. I'd appreciate any advice even if it is just common sense of follow your heart
post #82 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugareemoma View Post
last week I told him I used to have a crush on him...luckily for me he said the same thing.
: : : :

So cool & exciting!


Quote:
Originally Posted by sugareemoma View Post
I just don't really know how to explain to him that I still live with my ex because I don't want him to get the wrong idea or think I care about someone else. It's been so long since I've been in a real realtionship I'm just kind of clueless where to start.

Use humor, and don't roll it out there to him like you have leukemia. Either mention it in an offhand way, in passing referring to your ex by name and refer to him as "My roommate, Joe" or whatever. OR, and I like plan two better, btw, make a joke. Say, "Ahhh, the joy of being a poor student single parent--I get to rent part of the same house that my ex lives in, I know you're jealous and wish you lived in the same building as the someone *you* dated two years ago! "
Then drop the cheesey comedian tone and explain seriously, "Well it's working for everyone right now, even the women he dates, somehow. Splitting rent right now while we are both studying, and being able to tag-team kiddo duty with our daughter while she's still so young, amongst other reasons, made becoming housemates seem like a situation worth the weirdness, for now. "
post #83 of 225
So, I have a question for those who are on PoF. I had someone message me and quite frankly he wasn't my type so I just deleted it. He messaged me again and blasted me for deleting his message and "not giving him a chance". How is it that he knew I deleted his message? Also, do you think it's bad "ettiquette" to just delete a message and not tell them "no thanks"?
post #84 of 225
Thread Starter 
I am not on PoF, but on the other sites, no he wouldn't know for sure that you deleted his message -- probably just made the assumtion based on no response.

And, I don't think you are obligated to respond to everyone, every wink, every message, whatever.

For me, once I've met someone in person is when "real life" manners will kick in -- before that, whatever, life's short, my time is precious, and there is no way to convince me that I won't like you like sending me harrassing emails when I don't respond fast enough!
post #85 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post

For me, once I've met someone in person is when "real life" manners will kick in -- before that, whatever, life's short, my time is precious, and there is no way to convince me that I won't like you like sending me harrassing emails when I don't respond fast enough!
Me too!!!! Although I guess he was assuming that since I deleted his message it wouldnt matter anyway, but it just reinforces the idea that he REALLY wasn't my type.
post #86 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
: : : :
Use humor, and don't roll it out there to him like you have leukemia. Either mention it in an offhand way, in passing referring to your ex by name and refer to him as "My roommate, Joe" or whatever. OR, and I like plan two better, btw, make a joke. Say, "Ahhh, the joy of being a poor student single parent--I get to rent part of the same house that my ex lives in, I know you're jealous and wish you lived in the same building as the someone *you* dated two years ago! "
Then drop the cheesey comedian tone and explain seriously, "Well it's working for everyone right now, even the women he dates, somehow. Splitting rent right now while we are both studying, and being able to tag-team kiddo duty with our daughter while she's still so young, amongst other reasons, made becoming housemates seem like a situation worth the weirdness, for now. "
Butterfly mom you are a genius. I'm going to recite your post several times to get the gist of it. I agree refereeing to him by name other than 'ex' or 'ass' would be a great idea. Thanks for the feedback, I'll steer clear from making my ex seem like leukemia!
post #87 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by wytchywoman View Post
Me too!!!! Although I guess he was assuming that since I deleted his message it wouldnt matter anyway, but it just reinforces the idea that he REALLY wasn't my type.
There is almost certainly a way to block him. E-mail tech support if you can't figure it out on your own. In fact, I've seen folks on OKCupid float the idea of just blocking someone when you don't want to return their message, even if they're not harassing. I haven't had anyone contact me again after I ignored them, but that strategy would prevent you from having to deal with anything of the sort again.
post #88 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugareemoma View Post
Butterfly mom you are a genius.
Glad I could help, ma'am!
post #89 of 225
Hollycrand and sugarmoon, we want ladies' night out details!!! :

I've been having a great weekend with the kids.

As for my upcoming week I have a few nibbles from fb's ayi app, but I'm not holding my breath that any of it will come to anything. There's a swedish guy and an english guy and.... : a couple of typical locals. I'm starting to fatigue from dating and I spend most of my 'nights out' with a couple of tried & true hilarious/dependable guy friends, and/or with girlfriends. Friday night I'm going to go see Erykah Badu with one of my most fun/sweet male friends, and yesterday the other one who I'll call My Best Friend took me and the kids to see Ice Age 3 3-D and he was so sweet to help out chauffering and running around picking up a pack of diapers for us, etc.... I love good friends.
post #90 of 225
Thread Starter 


The updates will trickle in, as we sober up.

But here are the highlights:

very cute, newly single bartender.
(holly says: swoon)
lots of free drinks given to us, mostly me
Christopher
absinthe
tennessee girl totally flirting with me before riding off on the back of her ugly redneck boyfriends motorcycle
me so drunk that I was randomly asking people to kiss me
strange dude in tux who did end up kissing me.
he said "that was a great kiss" I said "I wasn't even participating. It would have been a whole lot better if I actually wanted to kiss you"
me tasting random stranger's drinks, and smoking people's cigarettes.
Holly smoking as well
holly drinking tequila shots on the back deck with previously mentioned cute bartender
me *not* doing body shots off of sexy Christopher, but only because I was too drunk to pay attention long enough to realize that it was really being offered to me.

Holly says next time she'll demonstrate the body shots for me, as long as Christopher is there.

We ran into another friend of mine, who had a lot of interesting stories about one of the cooks at the restaurant, who has sizeable dancing equipment. She mentioned this, loudly, many times, prompting other men at the bar to discuss their dancing skills and equipment.

Ummmm....good lord, I'm sure there is more.

I didn't get my babysitter back to her house until 4 am. I hope her mom ever lets her sit for me again.

Oh, and Holly got to meet Scrabble guy this morning, has met Jester's brother and son, but not Jester himself.
post #91 of 225
Thread Starter 
A few to add:

ORIGINALLY we had just planned on having ONE drink at the bar, then moseying over to the dirty hippy bar to hear live hippy music. But bartender charmed the socks off of us so much, we decided to stay. In spite of the live musician at that particular bar being really bad

Red-haired redneck (tennessee girl's BF) scatting or howling into the mike with the awful musician...(Michael Jackson's Billy Jean just doesn't work on an accoutical guitar)

Bartender ending knowing lots of the same people as sugarmoon (it really IS a small town here....) - including having intimate knowledge of Complications and Complications's ex married girlfriend

Bartender talking about his 26 year old GF with three women ranging from slightly drunk to REALLY drunk ( but I will make myslf available for any rebound or extracurricular dancing he may want to do)

Sugarmoon telling everyone in the bar every five minutes how drunk she was, how she has four kids, and how she hoped her babysitter would be allowed to sit again after the evening was through

Sugarmoon THEN trying to convince everyone in the bar that she REALLY IS a normal person when sober

The tragedy of not having a camera to take pictures, because of an earlier incident of sugarmoon having to jump into the lake tosave her son....with the camera in the back pocket - we DID get a couple of before pictures all dolled up though

I was initially pursued by tuxedo guy (who wanted to tell me how worldy he is by detailing all the places he'd lived) who said he is a 46 year old grandfather...gave him my leery sceptical look several times, and managed to escape him after he tried to convince me to diss sugarmoon and come back to his place....ummmmm... NO
He then moved onto sugarmoon on the balcony....

The spanking behind the bar (sugarmoon didn't remember this - I had to remind her....my alcohol tolerance being a bit higher...or Bartender J not giving me as many free drinks....or maybe I just passed them all over to sugarmoon). Sugarmoon went behind the bar to 'play' bartender while Bartender J was changing the canned music (mostly ABBA) and when he told her to leave, she wouldn<t, so then he said he 'had' to spank her. She totally enjoyed it.

Me surprisingly not being drunk in spite of the VERY strong whiskey cocktail I had, the tequila shots, the strawberry daquiri, and the Kamakaze

Me breaking a glass (with half a drink still inside it) while leaning across the bar to tuck a dollar tip into Bartenders trousers....

Me constantly breaking or tipping over glasses/drinks the entire evening...mostly ending up on my green shirt

Bartender J convincing sugarmoon to remove her bra while in the bathroom, not succeeding with me (I was NOT going to take off my push up bra...had lots of great cleavage showing)

Everyone in the bar shocking me by leaving their purses and belongings around....saying...'This is a small town...you have nothing to worry about'
And I didn't
I don't even have to worry about running into any of these people in the next few weeks...unlike sugarmoon...but I don't think that's a bad thing

HER task will be to photograph any and all players in the posts above and post them on FB...
If we can get her camera to work. We're putting it into a bag of rice as I write this.
post #92 of 225
Thread Starter 
That post above is from Hollycrand, not me She didn't sign out of my computer.
post #93 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugareemoma View Post
I just don't really know how to explain to him that I still live with my ex because I don't want him to get the wrong idea or think I care about someone else. It's been so long since I've been in a real realtionship I'm just kind of clueless where to start. Wow thanks for reading this if you've made it this far. I'd appreciate any advice even if it is just common sense of follow your heart
I was in this situation as well, when I met my boyfriend. I just told him the truth, and he trusted me, likely because I was open and honest about it from the beginning. That's usually the best way to go about things like this in my experience.
post #94 of 225
I was hoping for details and SO NOT DISAPPOINTED with them! So entertaining!!!


I had a lame date this evening. He was sweet, fine, whatever. But all hippie new-agey and wanted to know how I feel about 'me' and if I think about yoga much. On an initial meeting? seriously? He wants to know my soul? :Puke
post #95 of 225
You'll get the full detailed, unedited version on FB (though you know most of the highlights already)
post #96 of 225
Sorry I have been MIA on the dating thread. Promise I will try to be better but soooo much activity is going on in this thread it's hard to keep up....

First I am excited to see so many new mamas joining in on the world of dating as a single parent. In addition to the adult conversation and potential affection dating for me was a step toward reclaiming a little bit of myself that is often given up or put on hold for others (such as our children and our ex's).

An update on my dating world....

StableGuy - Has really been trying to up his position in my world by offering to be a "shoulder" and a "friend" he has been thru the nasty custody thing and wants to "be here for me"...... in short he is offering to be the knight in shinning armor. Too bad I don't believe in fairy tales....

Well when he first said this my response was to please help me find a great job that met my needs / desires of course he response was along the lines of he would take care of any needs I had so no need for me to work....

So after putting my resume out there and realizing I am overqualified for several opportunities I am still under budget pretty significantly this month (thanks to dd's dad not paying several items for almost a year and me just finding out about them) so I sent StableGuy and email giving him the option of helping. YES I put him on the spot and we will see IF his actions will match his words! (I am not banking on it though)

2ndHusband - Well things are pretty good actually quite good but there are a couple complications on my end, mostly a lack of time but some other too personal for MDC items that at least for me are putting a pause until I can handle a more serious and time intensive thing..... until then we are HAPPILY moving slow on the relationship front.

Gangster - No news on him he is still in the background, we occasionally chat on the phone or go to lunch but nothing beyond that.

So that is all update wise. I am hoping to catch up on what all of you have going on in the next day or two!
post #97 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveOhm View Post

2ndHusband - Well things are pretty good actually quite good but there are a couple complications on my end, mostly a lack of time but some other too personal for MDC items that at least for me are putting a pause until I can handle a more serious and time intensive thing !
I wish I would have been online to chat that time you needed an ear! I want the details! Try to find me on fb soon....
post #98 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
I wish I would have been online to chat that time you needed an ear! I want the details! Try to find me on fb soon....
I know it was odd I REALLY needed to reach out but don't want those IRL to know the details...... We will catch up on FB soon.
post #99 of 225
Thread Starter 
Loveohm, thanks for the update. I'm curious to see what stableguy will do. If he helps you out financially, will he really be doing it without thinking there are strings attached? I hope so, but I'd be wary.

Scrabble guy is coming over tommorrow morning for coffee and a playdate (he has his 2 boys all week, they're about the same age as my boys). I know I've been dissing him all over the place, and I still don't think there is any relationship potential there, but as we're getting to know each other he has gradually dropped the really smarmy touchy-feely thing that was so ick, and we've had some fun conversations lately.

Anyway, he heard the tidbits about my night out with Holly, and so he's coming over for the full story...

My profiles are all still down. Not sure what I'm doing in the dating arena right now. But I'm moving at the end of the month and need to spend all my free time packing anyway....
post #100 of 225
:::

Just wanted to report that I'm currently dating a guy I met at work last week. I haven't dated in 2 years since my divorce. I'm very excited about getting my feet wet again and I feel like a woman for the first time in years. Any suggestions on how slow or fast I should take this?? We have went on 2 dates so far and have actually ended up in his bedroom . Thats where the true woman feelings come back to me. But seriously is that toooo fast???

It truly feels wonderful to feel alive again. ::::

A little scared about giving all the juicy details on here, but maybe another time.

DD to 3 year old Alexis::
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