"I want blue, no red, no blue, no red, noooooooo!" - Page 2

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by swd12422

Not to hijack, but I have a question for those who say to take away the choices: Does that mean that for those of us who aren't at this point yet (DS is only 18 months), we shouldn't even start with offering choices? Or offer them as long as they don't provoke a meltdown and then take them away?

Absolutely not.

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

In my opinion as a mother of one () - don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Often the choices are helpful or developmentally appropriate. Then they aren't. Then they can be again. We offer my son choices again now, although we have to be more sophisticated about them (like 'would you like red or blue PJs' has turned into 'hey pick your pjs'). Choice is a nice part of life. Unless you're around 3 and suddenly experiencing angst.

I think if you're tuned into your kid and can figure out what's stressful and what's helpful, you'll find the balance.

i agree. it depends on the kid, the stage they're in, and a million other things, whether choices are a good idea or not.

DD doesn't generally do well with choices. her typical response is to choose one, then choose the other, then refuse both, then want both--well, you get the idea

so i tend to say, "mama's going to make you some toast." and if she wants something different, she tells me. sometimes this still leads to the "want that, don't want that, want that, don't want that" routine--but not as often as giving her a choice does.

also, it could just be because she's a bit younger and less verbal than a 3 year old (she's 26 months), but sometimes if i say, "do you want x or y?"--she simply says "yes." which doesn't help

[CanBoo]

Oh my, thanks for this thread. This is so like my daughter (31 months).

We are still finding our way through this phase... I will try to offer less choices as suggested. But we are also figuring out what to do with her changing her mind after the fact (wanting toast once she has agreed to oatmeal and it is on the table ...). I think it is all part of the same developmental phase.

[academama]

My daughter is in this stage, too, and it's making me CRAZY. So I can empathize.

[jillmamma]

I saw the title of this thread, and my first reaction was I bet the child is 3! Both of mine have gone through this, and DD still occasionally does, although she is starting to get past it (she is almost 4). One thing that I have found that helps if they can't decide is to go with the one change of mind choice, and then reassure them that they can choose the other one tomorrow. Like if she wants to wear Tinkerbell, no pony underwear, no Tinkerbell, I say okay, lets wear Tinkerbell today and tomorrow you can wear the pony underwear. That helps relieve the "missing out" feeling for her because she knows she can still have that option the next time. Maybe something like that could help you too?

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by CanBoo

But we are also figuring out what to do with her changing her mind after the fact (wanting toast once she has agreed to oatmeal and it is on the table ...).

Sheer lazyness helped me figure this one out. Let's say I've put out the bowl of yogurt & berries for breakfast, like he asked.
DS:"Noooooo, I don't WANT yogurt!!!!" wail cry gnash teeth...
Me: "Oh. Okay." shrug walk away go get my own breakfast...

Almost every time (I hope I didn't just jinx myself) he plays for a while then comes and eats the yogurt as if nothing happened.

[LaLaLaLa]

Ah, we're living the nightmare as well with DS. Breakfast is especially nasty.

Me: "Okay, what shall we have for breakfast?"

DS: "Read me the things." (his version of "tell me my options.")

Me: Lists choices....

DS: "I don't know."

Me: "Okay, let me know when you decide what you'd like."

DS: "Noooooo! I'm huuuungryyyyy! Get me something!"

Me: "Sure, what do you want?"

DS: "You decide."

Me: "Ohhh-kaay. How about strawberries? Cottage cheese? Cheerios? Toast with peanut butter?"

DS: "Nooooo! I don't like ANY of those things! YOOOUUU deciiiiiide!"

Then my head explodes. Every morning. Three years old is difficult.