Surviving another cesarean birth

[sunshinegal]

I am currently pregnant with our 5th child and this will be my second cesarean. I am less than four weeks away from my scheduled date and I have been having a hard time accepting the fact that I am having another cesarean birth.

I am not particularly worried about the doc's respecting my birth plan wishes, or even how long the baby will be away from me. Fortunately, I have a wonderful doc that has been with me and supported me through much of my birthing history and I know she will take care of me. Also, I had no problem bonding with my baby last time even though I only saw here for a few minutes right after she came out and had to wait another 50 minutes to see her again. I talked with her about it while she was still inside my belly so she knew what to expect.

The problem I have is more along the lines of anxiety. Of laying there on the table and feeling instinctively like getting up and running away. It was very scary last time (which was also planned) with all the prep work, getting the needle, laying on the table and just laying there the whole time . It was very hard for me to surrender- key word there- to what was going on. It was particularly difficult because of everything I felt physically- lots of pulling, pushing, tugging, twisting. Every time some part of me moved, I felt it. It wasn't painful at all. Just, well disturbing.

I was hoping that some of you mamas might have some ideas of coming to terms/ making peace with my anxiety. My usual methods for dealing with being nervous are deep breathing and concentrating on one particular object in front of me. Sometimes I will close my eyes and chant something along the lines of "you are in the hands of the universe, you are loved and you are safe". But the amount of anxiety I feel is much higher during the surgery and I can't hold my concentration for very long. I have also been trying to visualize myself being at peace and calmly accepting before and during the surgery, but I can't even do that without my heart racing.

The doctor suggested that I speak with the anesthesiologist about taking something for the anxiety once the baby is out. The downfall to that is I may end up groggy or even sleeping, which will delay me seeing the baby for an unknown amount of time.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Stacey

[guestmama9916]

Could you have possibly had a reaction to one of the meds they gave you before/during the c-section that caused the anxiety? I had that reaction when I was given Reglan in the ER once for a migraine. I didn't understand why I would feel so panicky all the sudden - I was really close to ripping the IV out and running for the door. I later read that one of the side effects of Reglan is panic/anxiety. The other suggestion I have is to work with a counselor over the next 4 weeks and develop deeper relaxation skills. Talking to a professional who can help you develop a coping plan (visualization, positive thoughts, etc) might be the best way to go. I love my therapist and I know if I were in your shoes, I would be working with her to overcome my anxiety.

[annekh23]

I had my first c-section after two vaginal births nearly 6 weeks ago. Unfortunately I became depressed during the pregnancy, so when it came to delivery I wanted to be as relaxed as possible. I had a small dose of something in the prep room, I think I had some more at some point before the delivery too, after the delivery, I then asked for more, at which point the anethestist said I wouldn't remember things, but I figured I'd seen the birth and I didn't want to remember what followed. It's true my memories are hazy, but my husband and others took lots of photos and I'm cuddling the baby loads, by looking at the photos what I have are pleasant, painfree memories of the few hours after the birth.

If it hadn't have been for that 3rd dose I'd have been way more alert and I think most people wouldn't need that 3rd dose, but in general I'm pretty squeamish and the idea of being awake in the OR was freaking me out and because of the depression I had less resources to rely on.

I'd definitely ask about reglan though as I've also had a very bad reaction to that, it was obvious that the sudden change in my behaviour in the ER was drug related, but if the reaction had been milder and in a situation that might have been causing anxiety, it might go unnoticed as a drug side effect.

[mamatolevi]

come visit ICAN. www.ican-online.org Folks there get it when it comes to c/s and choosing a rpt c/s when VBAc isn't an option for some reason. There are moms there than can give you tips on dealing iwth the anxiety of your upcoming birth.

However... It sounds to me like you really don't want a c/s to begin with. So, why are you having one? You've had previous vaginal births, barring any contraindications, you'd likely be a good candidate for a TOL.

[sunshinegal]

Thanks for the replies!

I hadn't considered the anxiety as a possible side affect from medication before. Mostly because I was a nervous wreck the night before and wasn't able to relax until after it was all over and I was in my room with my new baby and family. It just seemed that the anxiety peaked when I was on the table and having the physical sensations on my abdomen. What exactly is Reglan for? It is something I will investigate further.

It is also good to know that the anti-anxiety medication that the anesthesiologist may have won't necessarily knock me out completely. Perhaps I should talk to one prior to the day of surgery.

I have checked out ICAN and will do again, thanks for the recommendation. After my second vaginal birth I ran into some complications which left me needing to get reconstructive surgery to my perineum/anus. It was recommended that if I have another child I should have a cesarean. I waited 7 years for another child and decided to go au natural thinking, hoping, and praying, that I wouldn't tear, but I did. So along comes immediate reconstructive surgery #2. You would think I might stop having kids or something by this point, but I am a slow learner So when #4 came along, I went with the cesarean. The worst part was the surgery and accompanying anxiety. I rolled with everything else and so did my babe and family.

Now as I am coming upon this next cesarean I am just trying to deal with the terrible emotions that come when I think of the birth.

Not where I want to be when I am bringing another beautiful life into this world.

I appreciate your kind words.
Stacey

[shanniesue2]

do you have a Birthing From Within mentor in your area? Birthing From Within has a variety of really great coping strategies. There are some coping practices that are more helpful in intense stress/pain. Or if you don't have a mentor nearby, you could get the book and do some of the exercises.

[Peppermint]

I am not sure I have anything useful to add, but I wanted to let you know that I will be having my 5th c-section in Sept, and I felt the same way you did going into my second. I don't know if it is just because then you *really* know how things are/will be (which you don't when you head in the first time), or if, for me, it was because it was the wrong choice. I can say that I didn't have that anxiety again with #3 or #4.

I hope you find some way to work through the anxiety

[tatima]

I think it's very reasonable to have anxiety in this situation. We kind of have to suspend our instincts to allow a cesarean, because our animal brain and body wants to fight and stop someone cutting us, but our learned brains know that it's for the best. I find surgery when I am awake the most difficult, even if it's just dental surgery, so I really understand. (In this regard, I consider myself fortunate to have been knocked out for my cesarean.) If I were facing awake surgery again, I would certainly consider drugs. That's just me.

I think it's really important to work on this now, and find whatever path that will help you have as non-stressful an experience as possible. And therapy, visualization, affirmation, camaraderie, or drugs can be on that path. You know that once it's over, it's over -- you'll be fine, and you'll have a beautiful baby and the support of your family. I wish you all the best in working through this. You have a little time to deal with it, and that's good. And then you'll have this beautiful new life in your arms!

[gemasita]

Since you have some time to prepare, maybe you could try a hypnosis or meditation CD specific to surgery or cesearean birth. Hypnobabies has a good one: MY Cesearean Birthing CD Set. I have used hypnosis and relaxation to prepare for surgeries and medical procedures and I couldn't believe what a difference it made. Especially in helping me not DREAD the surgery beforehand.

[sunshinegal]

It has been reassuring reading all the responses and support. I have the Birthing from within book and I am rereading it today! I will also look into the Hypnobabies CD for cesarean. I have done a little work with hypnosis and it helped before. I just didn't know they had anything for cesarean births-Thank you all!
I know the answers are here, but the walls of fear and denial have been difficult to get through.
Most of my friends haven't experienced a c-section so they don't really understand, while others can't quite understand why I have such a problem and don't know how to react since I am usually the "strong" one.

[majormajor]

my second c/s was much easier than my first, but my first was an emergency, so that's a whole different thing. but i still had anxiety about it--to a much lesser degree than you, but a bit. in a way, i had less anxiety because i didn't really know what to expect. my first c/s was less than 4 minutes from incision to baby out, and i was sobbing with worry the whole time, so it was a blur. DD2's birth was so peaceful, but the sensations of the surgery (not pain, just the tugging and pushing like you mentioned) were surprising. interestingly, i had a dream last night that i was having baby #3 and needed a c/s, and my dream self was really anxious and upset about it. that surprised me because DD2's birth was so lovely.

i'm rambling (tired!! DD2 not sleeping well). i wanted to echo the others and encourage you to talk with someone or do some birth prep work to give yourself tools to handle the anxiety. talking to the anesthesiologist is a great idea, as is talking to your OB. i felt more relaxed when my OB was talking with me and DH (just little chit-chat stuff), maybe that would help you too? maybe you could also look online for positive c/s birth stories? my DD2's birth was just so wonderful, maybe reading stories that really focus on the positive can help you get past the anxiety.

best of luck! there's really no easy way to give birth, but of course the kiddos are worth it!

[sunshinegal]

Thank you all for the support. It is helping me come to terms with my fears.

I purchased the suggested Birthing CD and so far it has been wonderful. I didn't realize how much tension I was carrying around until I started. It has been very beneficial and I feel like I can fully breath again.

Thanks again :

[veryhappydog]

I'd also recommend that you find a therapist who uses EMDR, which is when the therapist leads you through a really easy set of eye movements while you concentrate on different thoughts. It can help you replace anxiety with calm, and work through traumas really thoroughly without having to talk them through and think it out all over again.

My only other suggestion would be to see if the OR team would let you bring in a doula who does massage and have her give you a face, shoulder and head massage the whole time you are in the OR. Touch is proven to be calming, and it may be distracting enough to have a trained birth attendant talking you through your anxiety while you have a different physical sensation to concentrate on.

[BetsyS]

With my second c-section, I was pretty nervous. My first hadn't been scheduled (my second was), so I didn't have time to worry. With the second one I did.

I am a Christian, so I relied on praying in the delivery room, as well as reciting some verses that I had memorized just for the birth.

Strangely, as soon as the baby was out (so long before surgery was over), the anxiety was gone. Absolutely, 100% gone. It was one of the oddest parts of the birth.